• Member Since 17th Jul, 2015
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Jaded Hearts

Pretend I'm mysterious and deep please. DERPI-LINKVALIDATION-B16675D885


This story is a sequel to Available at the Library

This story is a direct sequel to Available at the Library, that short story should be read first. Narcotics and self harm tags are for one scene near the end that can be skimmed over.

Sleep. A fleeting goal in the hot nights of Summer, out of reach, fitful when it does come. The university is closed, the library is near empty. Wiser ponies retreat to cottages on the mountain, or away from Canterlot altogether. Those that remain in the magic city lie in bed, and dream of strange things shimmering in the heat.

Floating in the dreamscape, those strange things watch and begin to file their teeth in anticipation of the coming hunting season.

EDIT: Grammar update on the advice of EqD.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 9 )

Ya know, I like it.

Stream of consciousness narration really suits this story. The illogic of the dream world really shines here due to that.

I am intrigued now, which is saying something since I typically do not seek out horror. I look forward to the next installment.

These are some pretty cool stories. I'd say you've really captured the unnerving allure of the dream world, and the malleable-yet-unwavering sense of self required to navigate it.

It's quite interesting to see the comparisons between this story and its inspiration. It seems like they both share aspects and presumably some of their history, but the differences are also very obvious-- I wonder just how much a pony mind has influenced it compared to a human's?

I'm quite interested to see what happens next. Like, eventually, if you ever feel like continuing. I totally understand if you're not feeling it, though.

Stream-of-consciousness writing is way out of my league, even more so if it's under horror. However, I've read Available at the Library a long time ago, so reading this has been way overdue, even if it's at least to just tie up the loose end of "Hey, that fic I read a long time ago had a sequel; I should get going."

And it was very good. It's my first time reading a stream-of-consciousness story like this, and I agree with Supermarine_Spitfire that it fits really well with the dream/nightmare theme there.

See, another concern I had is that, if it's stream-of-consciousness, there'll be hits and misses because... well, the stream of consciousness is not exactly as well structured as the thoughts and words of characters in ordinary stories. However, you manage to make a seemingly chaotic mess more than just readable, serviceable to a story, but you also make it fun to read.

Sunlight. Daylight. Deadlight. I squeeze my eyes shut but I can still see him. Lying on the street in a lake of red, the drunken light of the pub dancing over his broken form. His skin-clad wings that had always fascinated me as a foal were in tatters, one of his fangs had rolled down the street. Mother and I flew him to the hospital, but we were too late. They never found who killed him, but I saw the guilty party just a moment ago. The spider of brown glass. I recognized its name, Sweet Ale by the Pint, All Night Long.

If I squint closely, it appears that you alliterate (starting with L before switching to F, dropping off toward the end). You pace your sentences in your humongous paragraphs well enough that I don't feel irked at their length, and you provide a great distilled (if surreal) example of a writing principle I should keep sharing: motivation-reaction units: pretty much making sure sentences/paragraphs/actions/thoughts follow a cause-and-effect progression. I've got no idea if it's a principle in stream-of-consciousness writing, but it seems to be key here when you have to figure out what would make someone think the thought after this thought...

But I'm rambling now. Other than that, you manage to make it just lucid enough that the reader knows what's going on... and little else. A sense of dread/suspense... and something to hook him with for the next story you write in this universe you made.

You've got a pretty good story here. Thanks for it!

Bold of you to assume I know what I'm doing.

What do you think is actually happening, and what will happen next?

Writing by the seat of your pants doesn't mean that the world/lore/characters aren't deep. I could say that it's Bottom-Up writing to the extreme: You've got a story without a planned future... but what prompts/inspiration can you get from it? And if you can stretch it to a whole saga, then that's a testament to how you can think ideas up on the fly and making the best out of what materials you have.

As for what's happening and what may happen next: Simply put, Vesperal's exploring the occultic dream world and ways to interact with it. When she discovers influences, she wants to get one. However, she's then infected with a bad influence, and she has to confront it. It turns out that it's the same influence that led to her father's death, which enrages Vesperal... but the only way to defeat it is to make it her own. So she makes the influence her own. [Though, Cinderheart does make an appearance. I can't infer much from that alone, though.]

After that, well... the question is what's to be found further in the dreamscape. Magical curiosity alone is not enough to fuel a series/saga—though at least you give that curiosity focus (making it personal) by having revelations about her father and, back in the prequel, having that curiosity's broad scope be about the world's/universe's hidden history. Thus, with the power of her new influence, she'd at least try to figure out something related to her father; whether it's a dead end or not, that's up to you. Beyond that, I'm not sure: cosmic horror isn't a genre I'm familiar with, save for the occasional SCP trip. Does information want to be free? Maybe it's about whether to reveal all those hidden truths about Equestria and beyond and make sure everyone's equipped to face them—a Broken Masquerade scenario. But I'm already going here and there, shooting the breeze.

This was a really great story. I've not really seen much done with the dreamscape and the battle of repressed memories. It was nice to see Vesperal defeat her demons, though it sounds like she'll need a hospital visit soon.

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