The One and Only
“Scootaloo, wait up!” Applebloom hollered at the small, orange filly. Her pegasus friend was viciously chasing a taxi that had just passed by the trio, barking at it maniacally. The driver glanced at her with a sudden bizarre look plastered on his face, and he began running at double the speed in hopes of outrunning the quick and agile pegasus.
“What’s up with Scootaloo?” Sweetie Belle asked, giving chase along with Applebloom by her side.
“I dunno, but she sure is actin’ crazy like!” Applebloom replied, running as fast as her short legs could carry her. “Do ya think ya try some of yer fancy unicorn magic to try and stop her?”
“You know I’m not old enough to do magic,” Sweetie said bluntly, sidestepping around a passing pony.
“I know that, but Scoots ain’t listenin’ to words or reason. No matter how hard we try, we just can’t get her to calm down. And there’s no way we can catch up to her, since we both know that Scootaloo is almost more athletic than all of Ms. Cheerilee’s class put together! It’s the only we’re gonna stop her,” Applebloom explained, hopping over an empty wooden crate that somepony left out in the middle of the road. The gap between them was widening at an alarming rate.
Sweetie groaned, rolling her eyes. Applebloom was right. The only way to stop the crazy filly would be for her to use magic. She knew a few spells, but was far from even getting a single one close to perfection. She’d have to try though, it was the only way. She concentrated on the target, her mind shuffling through her memory banks to remember how to correctly perform the spell. She then focused her concentration to her horn, a small aura emanating from it. A few seconds later, a beam shot from her horn, heading directly towards Scootaloo.
“I did it! I can’t believe I actually got it right this time!” Sweetie Belle squeaked in triumph, hopping up and down in place.
“You just vaporized the left wheel on the taxi!” Applebloom said, quickly destroying Sweetie’s ego. “Who knows what that spell coulda done if it hit Scootaloo!”
“Wait, what?!” Sweetie said, confused. She looked ahead of her, and sure enough, the left wheel to the taxi they had been chasing was obliterated. Several ponies were scattered across the ground as the sudden distribution of weight must have launched them all from their seats. Scootaloo had by now caught up to them, and was barking at Berry Punch from only a few inches away from her face.
Sweetie faked a laugh. “Ha ha… whoops.”
“Never mind that, let’s just go.”
A few moments later, both Applebloom and Sweetie Belle had made it to the crash site. Berry Punch and Carrot Top had both regained their footing. Carrot Top was rubbing a newly formed bruise on her right foreleg while Berry Punch was constantly pushing Scootaloo away from her. “What do you want, you crazy kid?” she asked, a clear tone of annoyance in her voice.
Scootaloo responded by biting her flank, several inches away from her Cutie Mark.
“Ouch! That really hurts!” Berry Punch yelped, bucking her hind legs to get the rid of the pegasus that was trying to make a snack out of her. Scootaloo was launched a few meters, landing right beside her fellow crusaders. She did not growl in pain, she did not yell angrily at Berry Punch, and she did not acknowledge her two friends at all. What did she do? She picked herself right back up and began barking at Berry Punch… again.
“Hey! You three!” the taxi driver yelled. “This is the second cab you’ve destroyed this week!”
“It wasn’t our fault you decided to leave your taxi unattended!” Sweetie shouted back.
“So you’re saying that was my fault?” the driver rhetorically asked in disbelief. “You fillies blew it up for Celestia’s sake!”
“Yeah, maybe tryin’ to get our Cutie Marks in dynamite makin’ wasn’t exactly the best decision after all,” Applebloom whispered in Sweetie’s ear.
“Hey, it was your idea to test the explosives on his taxi,” Sweetie shot back, bringing her voice down to a loud whisper.
“I thought it was abandoned and no pony was usin’ it anymore,” Applebloom said in defense of herself.
“I hate to interrupt your little conversation,” the cab driver interjected, “but I’ll be letting you know that I’ll be in contact with your parents to let them know what you have three done. Destroying Ponyville property and assaulting other ponies? Are there any laws you kids haven’t broken?”
“Well, we haven’t—” Applebloom began before Sweetie shoved a hoof into her mouth.
“It would be best if we just kept that to ourselves,” Sweetie said in a low tone, staring directly into Applebloom’s eyes as if trying to suck the soul right of her. Applebloom nodded her head in acknowledgement. Sweetie proceeded to remove her hoof away from the yellow filly, a string of saliva dangling towards the ground.
“Ewww,” Sweetie coughed, completely grossed out.
“Oh, don’t be such a baby,” Applebloom mocked, batting away at the saliva.
“Grrrrr! Bark! Bark! Bark!” Scootaloo now had her attention directed at the cab driver. She was jumping up and down, her eyes glaring with the intent to kill. The two crusaders glanced at each other, than back at their friend. They both swiftly rushed over to her, grabbed her by her tail and began dragging her away.
“We’re real sorry ‘bout yer taxi!” Applebloom apologized, momentarily spitting Scootaloo’s purple tail out of her mouth. “And we’ll make it up to ya somehow, but right now we’ve got a bigger problem on our hooves!”
“Mark my words, the next time I see you three even fifty feet near me, I’ll call the Royal Guards and issue a complaint!” the cab driver threatened, shaking a hoof menacingly in the air. The trio of fillies could only hear glimpses of what he just said as they were already half way across the town square. Scootaloo continue to bark and growl, but did not attempt to escape from the clutches of her two friends.
The number of eyes staring at the fillies was rapidly growing as they dragged the pegasus around town, though the crusaders didn’t mind. They’ve caused so many incidents around Ponyville, there would always be at least two or three ponies who would watch them just to make sure they weren’t getting into any additional trouble. What good that did them.
But what was causing Scootaloo to act like this? Did Twilight perform some sort of freak experimental spell on her? Did she consume a poison from Zecora’s hut? Maybe she caught Super Cutie Pox and she would start acting crazy and insane! Whatever the case was, the two would have to figure out what was going on soon before Scootaloo could notice another moving vehicle, because then there’d be absolutely no way of stopping her.
Twenty minutes later, they arrived at Carousel Boutique, Ponyville’s go-to place for any form of clothing.
“I’ll bet Rarity can figure out what’s wrong with Scootaloo,” Sweetie Belle said, opening the front door to her sister’s store and home. Applebloom tried to reply, but all that came out of her mouth was incomprehensible gibberish. Applebloom wished she could say something, but she knew the second she let go of Scootaloo, she would sprint off in some random direction for no reason whatsoever. “C’mon, Applebloom, bring her inside.”
Applebloom immediately complied, hauling the orange pegasus inside the spotless house. The moment they were all inside, Sweetie slammed the door shut to insure that Scootaloo would not be able to escape from their clutches. Applebloom opened her mouth, letting go of the dog-pony. Scootaloo took this opportunity to begin chasing her tail around the lobby, barking at it as if it were an outsider approaching on her territory.
“Rarity!” Sweetie Belle called. “Can you come downstairs for a moment?!”
“Of course, dear! I’ll be down in just a moment!” Rarity replied. The older unicorn sounded stressed and very tired, like she hadn’t slept in days.
Opalescence, Rarity’s cat, then entered the room, strutting around as if she owned the place. Scootaloo’s head instantly perked up as her nose began sniffing the air around her. Her gaze turned towards the pristine, white cat, and she darted headfirst towards her. Opal gazed at the pony with a look of annoyance apparent in her eyes. And instead of running away, she crouched into her battle stance and waited for the enemy to come to her.
Scootaloo’s brain began to malfunction. Opal was a cat. Cats were supposed to run away at the sight of dogs. Cats were the prey, not the predator. Scootaloo stopped dead in her tracks, glaring her pearly-white teeth at Opal in attempt to scare her. The cat did not budge an inch as she stood her ground. Their eyes latched onto each other like a set of chains as they both began to circle around the room like boxers at the beginning of a match, waiting for the other to make the first move.
Both Applebloom and Sweetie Belle stood back at a distance in the corner of the room with no intent of interfering. They understood that if any pony got in Opalescence’s way, she would be very happy to murder them with her sharp claws made of pure steel.
Scootaloo attacked first as she lunged at Opal. The cat merely backed out of her way and sliced at her face, her claws making contact with her right cheek. The orange pegasus yelped in pain and quickly backed away. The battle was over before it had even begun. Scootaloo started to whimper, but she didn’t cry or even shout “ouch” like the normal reaction would be. Opal licked the back of her paws for several seconds, continuing to then march out of the room like royalty. The second the cat was out of sight, both Applebloom and Sweetie rushed over to Scootaloo’s side.
“Are ya alright?” Applebloom asked worryingly.
“That really looked like it hurt,” Sweetie said, trying to get closer to Scootaloo. The pegasus barked at her every time she tried to get near her, using her hoof to slap her away.
“Scoots, yer bleedin’. We need to get ya some bandages fast!” Applebloom exclaimed, her eyes darting around the room, trying to spot anything that would cover up Scootaloo’s scratches.
“It’s alright, I’ve got some right here,” Rarity said, telekinetically holding a first-aid kit in mid-air. “I saw the whole thing unfold and I immediately snatched the first-aid kit. Opal is such a hoofful, I tell you.”
“What’s up with you, sister?” Sweetie asked, astonished by her sister’s appearance. Her eyes were completely bloodshot and her mane and tail were completely ragged and messed up. There were even a few scraps of small strips of fabrics dangling from her uncurled mane. This was oddly unlike her sister, as she was always one to make sure her she looked at her absolute best at all times, even when she was alone.
“Oh, I have just been bombarded with orders for dresses these past few days, and I am just trying my dandiest to get them finished as soon as possible,” Rarity explained, unzipping the first-aid kit and applying a large bandage on Scootaloo’s cheek. Surprisingly, Scootaloo did nothing to object to it. She simply let the older unicorn place the bandage on her without a fuss, which was a warm welcome after her constant barking at every single thing that got even remotely close to her.
“When’s the last time you’ve gotten some sleep?” Sweetie questioned, examining her sister in close detail.
“Yeah, it looks like you’ve been hit by a tornado,” Applebloom added.
“I’ve been up for the last… hmm… forty-eight hours,” Rarity pondered, still not satisfied with her answer.
“Two whole days?!” Applebloom said in amazement.
“Caffeine does wonders, darling,” Rarity happily said.
“You mean that stuff you said would melt my internal organs into piles of goo?” Sweetie asked, raising an eyebrow.
“I had to come up with something to keep you from drinking coffee since you pestered me about it so often, Sweetie. Caffeine is not good for you at such an age, and it’s not like you need the extra energy anyways,” Rarity said, walking over to the opposite side of the room and placing the first-aid kit on a circular table. As she was cantering back to where she originally was, she accidently tripped over herself, landing face first onto the polished tile floor.
“Rarity!” Sweetie Belle shouted, dashing over to her sister. She offered a hoof to Rarity, who gladly accepted it.
“Of course, caffeine is only a temporary alternative. A good night’s sleep is most certainly a better solution than relying on coffee to keep you awake. I am feeling rather sleepy right now…” Rarity yawned, looking as if she was about to collapse again. “But sleep can come at a later time. What’s this dilemma you’ve been having with Scootaloo? She seems to be acting rather strange if you ask me.”
“She’s actin’ like a dog,” Applebloom replied. The three shifted their gazes towards the orange filly, who was once again chasing her tail and snarling at it.
“I can see that,” Rarity observed, puzzled at the sight before her. “But why?”
“That’s what we’d like to know,” Applebloom said, scratching the back of her head.
“So when did this all start?” Rarity asked, twirling her hoof in the air. “The whole… well whatever this thing is that she’s doing at the moment.”
“It was just earlier today,” Sweetie explained. “We got together at the clubhouse to try and find our Cutie Marks, and she just started acting all… dog-ish. It’s like she’s not even a pony anymore. Every time we try and get her to stop barking, she acts up and runs away. It’s like she’s got unlimited energy and she just keeps going and going and going!”
“Hmm…” Rarity lifted her hoof up to her chin, stroking it. Her eyes squinted and she looked like she was in deep thought.
“Do ya have any idea what’s goin’ on?” Applebloom asked in hopes she would have an answer.
“Shush, dear, I’m thinking,” Rarity sharply snapped. The two fillies cautiously backed away a few paces.
“Note to self,” Applebloom whispered, pretending to write on an invisible piece of paper. “Do not bother Rarity while she’s in thinkin’ mode.”
“Don’t worry, I learned that lesson years ago,” Sweetie whispered back.
A minute passed, then two. Rarity stood absolutely motionless, her breathing very deep and rhythmic. The patience of the two fillies was quickly running out. As Sweetie was about say something to her sister, the impossible happened:
Rarity snored.
The two friends stood in sheer awe, both of their mouths wide enough for a cart to pass through with no problems whatsoever.
“Is she sleepin’… with her eyes… open?” Applebloom asked, her pupils doubling in size.
“Now that’s something that even I didn’t know,” Sweetie said in bewilderment. She quietly walked over to her sister, making sure that her hooves barely made any noise as they touched the ground. She waved a hoof in front of her face, and sure enough, her older sister made no reaction and didn’t flinch at all.
“What do ya think we should do?” Applebloom asked in a hushed tone, gesturing a hoof towards Rarity.
“We can’t just leave her like this,” Sweetie said, her voice the same volume as Applebloom’s.
“Well, what do ya suggest we do, then?”
“I don’t really know. I don’t want to wake her up either. Trust me, if you wake Rarity from one of her ‘beauty sleeps’, she will unleash Tartarus on you. And a lecture from Rarity is twenty times worse than one from Ms. Cheerilee. No, scratch that, fifty times worse.”
“Ah get the point. Should we just put some blankets on her and call it good?”
“That would totally be like the un-sisterly thing to do. We need to figure out some way to get her to her room without waking her up.”
“Ah have no clue how we’re gonna do that. Ah would ask if ya have any more magic tricks up yer sleeve, but after yer little performance back there with the taxi…”
“Shut up.”
“Ah’m just sayin’.”
“Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!” Scootaloo had noticed that Opalescene had once again entered the lobby, and she commenced her instinctive barking and chasing routine that she did every time a cat entered her line of sight. It didn’t matter to her that this particular one had beaten her just a few minutes prior. That was all in the past, and Scootaloo had to send the message that she was the top dog.
This time, Opal was not fast enough to deflect her incoming attacker. Scootaloo swatted at the cat with both of her hooves, sending the cat flying towards the end of the room.
“Bark! Bark! Bark! Bark!”
“Shh! Scootaloo, be quiet!” Sweetie loudly whispered. “You’re going to wake Rarity up!”
The pegasus ignored her, continuing with her ongoing pursuit. Now that Opal was fully aware what her predator was capable of, she began to run, her survival instincts kicking in.
If it wasn’t for Scootaloo’s wings, Opal would have outmaneuvered her all day long. Her wings kept her balanced and allowed her to make sharper turns when needed. The two dashed across the lobby, knocking down ponnequins, dress supplies, and clothes racks, making the room a complete and total disaster.
“Knock it off, you two! Knock it off!” Sweetie growled, unaware that her voice was much louder than a whisper. Again, her words had fallen on deaf ears. They were going to wake Rarity up for sure. Then she would blame it on Sweetie, like all of her problems. Then the two were going argue. Then they wouldn’t be sisters any more. And then—
“Sweetie Belle!” Applebloom said, breaking Sweetie’s train of thought. “Yer sister’s still asleep.”
“She really is?” Sweetie asked. To her amazement, her sister was still soundly asleep. Without two full days of sleep, Rarity would be out like a light, with no way of returning to the real world until her mind and body were fully recharged. Sweetie wiped away the sweat now trickling down her forehead, and then turned to Applebloom. “Let’s get her up to her room.”
“And how do ya plan goin’ on about that?” Applebloom inquired, trotting around Rarity in circles. It was clear that neither of the fillies were strong enough to lift the fully-grown mare.
Sweetie lifted a hoof to her chin. “Hmm, I’m not quite sure,” she said, poking at her sister’s flank several times. “Maybe we could—”
“Bark! Bark! Bark!”
“What I was trying to say, is that we might be able to—”
“Bark! Bark! Bark!”
Sweetie quickly made eye contact with Scootaloo. If looks could kill, they would already have to be digging their friend’s grave by now. For a few precious moments, Scootaloo had finally quelled her yapping.
“Okay, now that she’s quieted down, I can tell you how—”
“Bark! Bark! Bark!”
“I have had it!” Sweetie erupted, stomping her way across the room. The sounds of her hooves echoed throughout the house, making it obvious that she had snapped. She rolled up one of Rarity’s fashion magazines (that she knew her sister adored) and placed it into her mouth. She turned her crosshairs on Scootaloo, who was frozen still as a statue. The orange filly knew what was coming to her, but was too scared to run away.
“I hope yer not gonna do what I think yer gonna do,” Applebloom said.
“No! Bad Scootaloo!” Sweetie angrily shouted, smacking her friend multiple times on the head. “You do not bark while I am talking, is that clear?”
Scootaloo whimpered, ducking her head in shame and making her way to the corner of the lobby.
“Eeyup, ya did it,” Applebloom said, her distaste in how Sweetie Belle handled things clearly showing.
“Sorry, I know I shouldn’t have done that,” Sweetie said, discarding the magazine onto the floor, adding another item to the overall destruction of Hurricane Scootaloo.
“It’s alright. Ah think Ah might’ve done the same thing if she kept up her constant yelpin’.”
“See? Now you see why I had to do that. Now I’ve figured out how we’re going to get Rarity to her bedroom.”
“How?”
“Well, first we’re going—”
“Oh, Fancy Pants, of course I would absolutely love to see the inside of your bedroom,” Rarity giggled. She must’ve been in some sort of dream state and have accidentally spoken aloud.
“Now why would she wanna see Fancy Pants’ bedroom?” Applebloom asked, one eyebrow raised.
“Who knows? Maybe she just really likes pillows.”
“And this has been going on all day?” Twilight asked, observing the orange filly as she dashed around the main room of the library.
“I understand that it sounds completely crazy, but you’ve got to help us!” Sweetie Belle begged, grasping onto Twilight’s left foreleg. She put on her best puppy-dog eyes, hoping to make an impression on the book worm.
“We’re beggin’ you, please stop this madness!” Applebloom pleaded, holding tightly onto the other.
“All right, girls, I’ll figure this out,” Twilight promised. “Now please, for the love of Celestia, let go of my legs.”
The two fillies complied, sliding off Twilight’s legs and allowing her enough room to blow another personal bubble since they had so easily popped her previous one.
“But of course, now I’ll just have to find time to plan my costume for Nightmare Night at a later date,” Twilight said to herself, levitating a quill in the air and making notes on a calendar that was hung up on a wall.
“But Twi’, Nightmare Night’s not fer another six months,” Applebloom pointed out. “Isn’t it a little early to be plannin’ this far ahead?”
Twilight’s necked craned towards her friend’s younger sister, her eye twitching. “Too early?” she rhetorically asked, teleporting across the room and into Applebloom’s personal space. “It. Is. Never. Too. Early!”
“Ah get the point,” Applebloom said. “Now will ya stop breathin’ down my neck?”
“Right, sorry,” Twilight apologized, taking several steps backwards. “I’ve been tied up with planning a lot of different events as of late, and as you can see, it’s really been putting me on edge. I mean, just yesterday I planned a picnic with Fluttershy, the Princess’ visit to Ponyville next week, and Spike’s birthday.”
“And I swear, if you get me another book, I will personally send your ‘secret dairy’ to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna,” Spike called from the second story of the library. “I’m sure they’ll get a kick out of your recent crush. What was his name? Oh that’s right, it’s—”
“That’s enough, Spike!” Twilight interjected. “Don’t mind him, girls. He didn’t get a good sleep last night and he’s not thinking straight. I’m sure he’s just making all that stuff up to blackmail me into getting him something really nice this year.”
“Thursday, April sixteenth: Today I saw him at the market purchasing grapes! I can’t believe he likes grapes, since I like grapes as well. I can’t believe we have so much in common—”
“Very funny, Spike!” Twilight interrupted. “Anyways, the book for personality disorders is just right over here and I’m sure that it’ll be in… there…” She trailed off, watching as Scootaloo lifted one hind leg up into the air.
“Scoots, what’re ya doin’?” Applebloom asked. “Oh wait… now I see. Well, I guess we’re not gonna get any information from that particular book Ah suppose.”
“Spike, we’re going to need a mop down here ASAP!” Twilight shouted, turning her head away in disgust.
“Yeah, yeah, just give me a minute!” Spike called back. “I’m reading, here!”
All of a sudden, fits of laughter came from the orange filly. She was on the ground, rolling back and forth, chuckling uncontrollably. Sweetie and Applebloom looked at each other, then back to their fellow crusader.
“What’s goin’ on?” Applebloom asked, trotting over to the laughing dog-pony.
“I can’t… I can’t take it anymore!” Scootaloo chortled, her laughs now becoming infectious. Before the other fillies knew, they were laughing right alongside their dearest friend. Twilight even soon began to join the crowd, giggling like a little schoolfilly. Several minutes passed, and eventually they all started to run out of breath. They then picked themselves off the floor, dusting their coats clean.
“So do ya mind tellin’ us what got ya so riled up today?” Applebloom asked, hugging her friend in appreciation that she was back.
“I thought I might try getting a Cutie Mark in acting,” Scootaloo said, returning the hug.
“But I don’t understand, I thought we always would try to earn our Cutie Marks together,” Sweetie Belle stated, joining the hug.
“I know, I know. I figured I would try this out on my own and see how it went. By the looks of things, I think I did a pretty good job,” Scootaloo smiled, breaking the group hug.
“Ya really had us all worried, Scoots. We actually thought that you had swapped brains with a dog or somethin’,” Applebloom said.
“Then that means I succeeded!” Scootaloo said, pumping a hoof into the air. “Do I have my Cutie Mark now?”
The two fillies turned their heads to check Scootaloo’s flank… only to find that it was still blank.
“Anything?” Scootaloo asked excitedly. Her friends shook their heads. “Darn it.”
“Look on the bright side,” Twilight said. “You three still have around three hours before sunset. I’m sure you girls can do plenty of crusading until then.”
“Great!” Sweetie Belle said. “What should we do next?”
“Actually, I was hoping that we could still try acting,” Scootaloo said, scratching the back of her neck.
“So what do ya wanna try to act as, then?” Applebloom asked.
“You know, I do have many plays, epics, and sonatas here in the library,” Twilight informed. “I’m sure you three are bound to find something that you might like.”
“I was hoping to try and be a chicken next!” Scootaloo admitted.
They all then facehoofed.
The End
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loved the story keep it up
What is this, I don't even...actually, it was quite funny. Maybe next you should have Sweetish Bell acting like a cat.
Wow, that's hilarious. First she's a chicken, now she's a dog. Lol.
*cough* Only male dogs have to lift their hind leg up when they need to water the lillies.
...
Don't mind me.
Love it!
That was impressive on Scootaloo's part.
Poor book dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Mr_Cake.png
The chicken joke? Really?
Oh how original. It's only been done THIS many times.
It was funny the very, very, VERY first time it was ever mentioned. But now, I can't stand it. It's basically got "arrow in the knee" status, as in it got really old, really fast.
Well played.
WELL PLAYED INDEED.
some how i knew this was all some kind of joke from scootaloo, dont know why i saw it coming xD.
btw i am with
1086490
only male dogs raise his leg to pee
Hello! I'm here to help. I like this story, and want to make it even better.
I am currently trapped in a tiny room with an orangutan that is threatening to slap me if I try to leave through the only door. There is nothing else in this room except a laptop with the internet browser locked on this one, single webpage. Therefore I have absolutely nothing better to do than carefully look through your story, trying to pick out as many mistakes as I possibly can because I am so ridiculously bored.
I don't mean any offense by pointing out your errors. I am only trying to help, so I apologize in advance if you find this insulting or demeaning in any way. I also would not mind at all if you choose to completely ignore this comment, so feel free to not change anything.
Now, here I go with the list.
"It’s the only
wewe’re gonna stop her"I believe that should be "It's the only way we're gonna stop her"
Sweetie Bell says, "You know I’m not old enough to do magic," and this, in my opinion, makes it seem like she is completely incapable of performing magic.
Then, a couple paragraphs later it is explained that "She knew a few spells, but was far from even getting a single one close to perfection," which seems to contradict what Sweetie said.
"to let them know what you’ve three done."
That means, "to let them know what you have three done," which doesn't make any sense.
I think it's supposed to be "to let them know what you three have done."
"We’re real sorry ‘bout yer taxi!"
The apostrophe in to indicate the missing "a" in "about" is facing the wrong way.
"though crusaders didn’t mind"
should be, "though the crusaders didn't mind"
"They’ve caused so many incidents around Ponyville"
The tense indicated by "They've" or "They have" doesn't match with the rest of the story.
It probably should be "They'd" or "They had"
"glaring her pearly-white teeth at Opal in attempt to scare her"
I think it should be "glaring her pearly-white teeth at Opal in an attempt to scare her"
"The battle was over before it even had begun"
IMO, sounds better as "The battle was over before it had even begun"
"but she didn’t cry or didn’t even shout 'ouch'"
There are two different options here.
You could go with "but she didn't cry and didn't even shout 'ouch'"
or "but she didn't even cry or shout 'ouch'"
there are also a few more variations, but using "or" indicates two different actions, and when you use "didn't" on both actions it makes them, grammatically, kind of the same action.
"This was oddly unlike her sister, as she was always the one to make sure her she looked at her absolute best at all times, even when she was alone."
The way you say "she was THE ONE to make she looked at her absolute best" seems to me like it implies that she is the only pony in all of existence who does such a thing.
I think it's better if you drop the "the"
"She quietly cantered over to her sister, making sure that her hooves barely made any noise as they touched the ground."
A canter is a relatively fast movement, between trotting and galloping. It you're going to emphasize the fact that she was trying to be very, very quiet, you should probably have Sweetie Bell move with a more careful pace. You could just say "walked" because that is the technical term used to describe a pony's normal, slow rate of movement.
"'Sweetie Belle!' Applebloom said, breaking Sweetie’s train of thought. 'Yer sister’s still asleep.'"
'She’s not?'
I'm having trouble understanding why Sweetie Bell would reply this way. Did you mean to have her ask, "She's not awake?" or something like that?
“'And how do ya plan goin’ on about that?'”
"goin' on" about something usually means that you won't stop talking about it. Since they're trying to perform a certain action, it would work better as "And how do ya plan on goin' about doing that?" or something like that.
“'What I was trying to say, is that we might be to—'”
Now this could very well be a mistake since I can't be absolutely sure where she was going with her sentence. But I can guess that she was about to suggest something that they'd be able to do, so it would work better as "What I was trying to say, is that we might be able to--"
"She rolled up one of Rarity’s fashion magazines (that she knew her sister adored) and placed into her mouth"
Should that be "and place it into her mouth"?
“Now why would she wanna see Fancy Pants’ bedroom?”
Should be "Fancy Pants's"
"Sweetie Belle begged; grasping onto Twilight’s left foreleg."
That is not a place for a semicolon. Semicolons separate two independent clauses. "grasping onto Twilight's left foreleg." is not an independent clause, it's a phrase.
That semicolon should be replaced by a comma.
"I’ll just have to find time to plan my costume for Nightmare Night at later date"
I think it should be "at a later date"
"the Princess’ visit to Ponyville next week"
Same problem you had with Fancy Pants. It should be "the Princess's visit"
And that is all! I'm really sorry if you think I'm being mean or insulting your writing ability. Truth be told, there are a lot, and I mean a LOT, of stories out there with grammar worse than yours. In fact, I wouldn't say that your grammar is bad at all, you're probably even above average. Heck, I know you had less mistakes than anything I've ever written.
Anyway, no offense, there's just not much else for me to do in my current situation. I hope I helped.
1086928 Oh God, how did I make that many mistakes? In no way am I offended by you correcting my grammar. Why should I be? I'm actually happy that you took time out of your life to find all these mistakes.
Thanks for the help!
Hmm, not the strongest ending, but most of it was pretty amusing. Scoota-chicken jokes can be funny sometimes, but I'm not sure Scootaloo herself would go along with the idea. I realize, though, that there's also a joke in there about how she seems to think acting is nothing but pretending to be random animals, so that part works at least. I suppose, however, considering her last act as a dog especially, she wasn't all that concerned about her dignity, so maybe she'd be okay with the chicken thing. I was kind of expecting it to end with Twilight telling them they'd better get that mop from Spike and try being CMC janitors before they left, though.
Anyway, that's just the ending; the rest was funny. The end as it is isn't really that bad either, so I don't know why I went on for so long about it. Also, it's interesting that Twilight apparently doesn't care in the slightest that Spike was very obviously reading her diary. She just doesn't want anyone else to know what's in there.
1086411 Thanks! It is marked "complete" however, so there's not going to be anymore added.
1086437 I'm glad you liked it. I might do another story along the same lines, but who knows?
1086463 I'm pretty sure at this point, the Crusaders will try absolutely anything to get their Cutie Marks, even if it is something incredibly stupid or ridiculous.
1086521 People like you make me happy.
1086490 Getting a comment from you, even if it is one correcting my story, is awesome. I loved The Sweetest Gem by the way.
1086524 The book shall be forever mourned by every pony in Equestria.
1086538 I know it's been done over 9000 times, that's exactly why I put it in there regardless of the reaction. I knew some people would think, "Haha, that's funny!" or "Oh my god, are you serious?" That's the whole point of cliche jokes.
1086544
1086794 I don't own a dog and I never have. Everything that Scootaloo did was based from stuff I saw on TV or dogs at friend's/family's houses. So basically that means, that yeah, somethings are going to be off.
1087243 Again, like I said with another comment, I'm sure at this point, they will do anything to get their Cutie Marks. You've already seen them do stupid stuff in the show, and I'm sure it'll be the same in fanfiction. I guess that I could've let Applebloom and Sweetie Belle into it from the start, but I found more comedic value in it if they were completely clueless as to why Scootaloo was acting in this manner.
Weak ending? I couldn't agree with you more. I used a cliche and overused joke to end it, so yeah it's gonna be weak. Why did I write that down in the first place though? Because I found it funny.
1087373
Yes, the rest of the story is definitely funnier with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle not knowing why Scootaloo was acting that way, so all of that was fine. I was just thinking that the chicken joke is largely a fandom thing, and it annoyed her the one time it came up in the show, so I found it unlikely Scootaloo herself would suggest the idea. But eh, that's really just a minor quibble, since the story was pretty entertaining.
A superbly twisted little story - very Scoots!
1087373
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Soarin_dayum.png
I was not expecting a response, none-the-less
Good think it wasn't Twi's favorite one
1087373
Why thank you.
This has been on my read later list for awhile, and I'm glad I finally read it.
LIKE
1122226 I'm glad you liked it. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Lyra_dealwithit.png
this was so Funny