Halcor

After a creature, long since forgotten, is captured by Princess Celestia's royal guards, the Princess has issued orders for Twilight Sparkle to research the animal. While the creature is in Twilight's care, she learns that this animal isn't just some feral beast.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 11 )

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jmlop0

jmlop0 #1 · Aug 11th, 2012 · · ·

Its captured not capture in the description.

Shadow Wolf

Shadow Wolf #2 · Aug 11th, 2012 · · ·

1068199
Oops, Thank you for letting me know that.

jmlop0

jmlop0 #3 · Aug 11th, 2012 · · ·

Also in the description as well,i think it should be 'the Princess issues orders'

bronys unite

bronys unite #4 · Aug 14th, 2012 · · ·

Is it a manticore no wait chimera I get the two names mixed up but if it is then why devil horns or never mind mythology often describes them differantly and also doesn't the goat cast magic.

Shadow Wolf

Shadow Wolf #5 · Aug 14th, 2012 · · ·

1085615
If we go into the modern term for chimera, then a manticore would be classified as a chimera since it is a combination of various animals. But because this story and MLP's use of the creatures root to the Greek mythology version, the two are separate entities. The horns Halcor had was to represent the goat addition (left out the third head, because I didn't want to complicate the split personality part.) As for the goat being able to cast magic, that part I don't know. Hope this clears up any confusion you had with the creature.

bronys unite

bronys unite #6 · Aug 15th, 2012 · · ·

Okay thank you

Obalie

Obalie #7 · Aug 21st, 2012 · · ·

Great story.

whatmustido

whatmustido #8 · Apr 24th, 2013 · · ·

I started proofing, but stopped a few hundred words in. This is what I found before I stopped(original is on top, fixed is below it):
friends; my best
friends. My best

I’m made
I’ve made

friend, Spike and
friend, Spike, and

now.” Spike
now,” Spike

minutes pass the
minutes past the

The Princess’s
The princess’s

armor donned
armored

mammal has a
You’re changing your tenses left and right. You started in present tense, then went to past tense for most of it, and now you’re back in present. You need to pick one and stick with it.

cat like
cat-like

serpentine like
serpentine-like

Celestia order a
Celestia ordered a

The sudden consternation filled
Consternation suddenly filled

castle.” I
castle,” I

it.” The
it,” the

late then
late, then

well since
well, since

the Princess’s
the princess’s

incapacitated.” The
incapacitated,” the

answered.
“So
Need a space in there.

That's where I stopped proofing. Most of your dialogue is done incorrectly. I detail how to do it properly here: http://pastebin.com/bnMmZ2T3
Nice vocabulary. I learned a new word from the first paragraph. I'll keep on reading after this, ignoring all the mistake as I go; I don't like copying and pasting every single line I find into word, after all.

whatmustido

whatmustido #9 · Apr 24th, 2013 · · ·

Ton of mistakes, but an interesting storyline overall. Clichéd as all hell, but clichés exist for a reason.

Starlight Nova

Starlight Nova #10 · Dec 1st, 2014 · · ·

Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here. Shouldn't this have a tragedy tag? It sounds like it needs one.

Ziper Ace