• Published 23rd Jun 2019
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Sunset's Isekai - Wanderer D

Somewhere, out there, there's a bar with a familiar ying-yang sun on the door.

  • ...

Space-Time and Sensibility (Good Trooper Gilda - Post Fic)

Sunset's Isekai
By Wanderer D
Chapter 5

"And then I saw this," Gilda said, motioning with a claw at the door with a stone arch that suddenly was inside her ship.

Gleaming Shield studied the door for a moment, noticing the sign next to it, before Gilda simply stepped in.

"Welcome to Sunset's—"

"I don't believe I have ever been in this part of the ship before," Gilda said, trotting into the bar, and thoroughly ignoring the bartender's greeting. The griffon studied the room, then walked further in to take a look around the corner. Her eyes widened in awe at the gleaming, clean restroom visible from where she stood.

"Major, this bar is longer than the entire gondola. There should have been three cannons where the little mares' room is. There's a little mare's room. We've been using buckets for three weeks! Ever since that ramming attack stove in the old head!" She looked at the whole selection of alcohol on the shelves. "Major, you have to see this. The amount of grog here could keep me in this bar for the next three weeks!"

"Harmony forfend, Gilda." Gleaming Shield sighed, following the sergeant into the bar. "You're too young to be debauching in a place of ill repute."

Sunset started at the voice. It couldn't be…

A uniformed, unicorn version of Twilight Sparkle trotted into the bar, also smelling like she'd forgotten what the meaning of the word "soap" was. Unlike Gilda, however, she did notice Sunset. "By the grace of Her Immortal Majesty, what manner of creature are you?"

Upon hearing Twilight's question, Gilda trotted back to her and turned to face Sunset, studying her quietly for a moment, before giving a firm nod. "They look like someone plucked a schooner full of Parrots, Major."

Sunset's eyebrow twitched.

"Or ran amuck with a straight-razor in a Diamond Dog town, Gilda," Twilight replied, narrowing her eyes and studying Sunset's face.

"Could it be a stallion?"

Twilight hummed. "Hard to tell with all the clothes. Did we accidentally walk into a dressage stable?"

Sunset slammed her fist on the bar. "I'm a human, you idiots!"

To her credit, Twilight seemed unimpressed. "I say! The service here seems a tad rude."

"Unacceptable from a lowly bartender, that is, Major."

"Quite right." Twilight coughed into her hoof. "Tell me, my good monkey, how is it that you found your way into my bar?"

"Your bar?" Sunset asked, incredulous, completely forgetting her anger at the monkey remark. "This is my bar!"

"It's inside my gondola, which belongs to Her Majesty's very own Crystal Guards Flotilla. By military and naval Equestrian law, that makes it my bar."

Sunset growled, ignoring Gilda who presently seemed to be distracted by the pictures. "By multiverse law, which encompasses your universe, which encompasses your galaxy, which encompasses your solar system, which encompasses your world, which encompasses your country, which encompasses your thrice-damned military and naval laws, this bar belongs to me, Twilight."

Twilight stopped cold and glared at Sunset with such sheer anger that the latter silently questioned whether this was really Twilight Sparkle at all. "That's Major Gleaming Shield, soldier, and don't you forget it! And the laws you are quoting are questionable at best. You should feel honored to support Her Immortal Majesty's Equestrian Dominion's officers."

Sunset crossed her arms and glared right back. "That sounds as appealing as sticking my hand into the blender and having the resulting mess served to me as supper, only to discover it comes attached with a gas bill." She sniffed in disgust. "And I am neither a monkey nor a soldier. My name is Sunset Shimmer."

Twilight studied her for a moment. "Are you quite sure?" Before Sunset could answer, she approached the bar in an almost casual manner. "Sunset Shimmer? Really. Does the name Sol Invictus mean anything to you?"

Sunset blinked, taken aback by the slight threatening undertone in Twilight's voice despite her casual manner. "Not really? I think it means 'Invincible Sun'?"

"Have you ever been to Gould's Jetty? Or the Dragonstones?"

"I try to avoid Goa'ulds as a general rule, they're kind of pushy, and I have no need for three wishes right now."

"I have no idea what that means."

"Then, for once since this encounter started, we seem to have something in common," Sunset said, smiling brightly, "because I have no idea what you are talking about either."

"There's a bench warrant out on a unicorn named Sunset Shimmer for privateering without a letter of marque, waging private war, multiple counts of murder and mass kidnapping."


"...or possibly slavery, we haven't found out where her victims dissapeared to, yet." Twilight hummed. "But I don't see any horn on you, and there aren't any accounts of Captain Shimmer being a shapeshifter."

Her horn glowed and Sunset felt a slight tingle around her. "Did you just scan me without consent?"

"Hrm. Negative result. Must be an odd coincidence," Twilight mused.

Twilight took that in stride. "In any case, Miss Shimmer, I am willing to grant that your bar seems to be a subspace bubble that found itself attached to my ship, in which case, I am in full rights to requisition as much as I need from your storage."

Sunset leaned forward. "You think I'm just going to let you pillage my bar?"

Twilight huffed in contempt. "Tell me, Miss Shimmer, if you were me, and every single race you knew of with a bipedal gait was an enemy of Her Immortal Majesty's Equestrian Dominion, would you take the sudden parasitization of your highly advanced aerial warship by an establishment run by bipedal apes with any sort of equanimity? Or would you occupy the carbuncle with every armed pony and griffon at your disposal? The only reason I am not doing that right now is for fear that my entire complement of Guards would promptly drink themselves under your admittedly sturdy-looking tables."

"You understand, Sparkle, that it is within my capabilities to displace you and Gilda from your gondola and drop the both of you within the halls of a Tartarus run by none other than Pinkie Pie?"

That seemed to give pause to Twilight for just a second, before she slowly smiled. "Why this is Tartarus, Miss Shimmer, nor am I ever out of it. And there is nopony of that name anywhere in this bar, unless you have a Twilight Sparkle hidden in your apron pocket?"

"Gilda, is there any chance you could knock some sense into Twilight?"

The griffon guffawed, "If it were that easy—" She stopped mid-sentence and cleared her throat. "I'm afraid there's no one of that name that I am aware of in this gondola."

Sunset rolled her eyes. "Regardless, I refuse to let you pillage my bar."

"Well, I was about to pillage your fair bar, so I thought I ought to bring up the subject first," Twilight said, shrugging. "My dear monkey—"


Twilight continued as if she hadn't been interrupted. "...you know what port bars say about sailors?" She motioned towards the door. "I've got sixty ravening tars outside those doors looking to enact a perpetual Fleet Week on your lovely little establishment, which has been so unfortunate as to establish its metaphysical cotermination within our hull, for however long you remain. I suggest you allow us to exert our requisitions in exchange for my Guard barring entry to the crew. Who have been nursing a collective professional grudge ever since Celestia ended the rum ration about ten years back. They so rarely get the chance to enhance their limes with proper shipboard alcohol anymore."

Sunset tapped her fingers on the bar. "Fine."

Twilight and Gilda both seemed surprised. "Fine?"

"Fine. Fine." Sunset waved her arms. "Fine. Anything to get you both out of here. But if you're doing this, we're doing it by the rules or I won't get any of my stuff back from the providers. I'll need signed and stamped requisition orders."

After a brief moment, Twilight nodded, looking at her warily. "You seem oddly compliant now."

Sunset crossed her arms and shrugged. "I rather like my bar in one piece as it is. If all it takes is losing a few bottles, then that's what I'll do."

"Gilda, keep the monkey company," Twilight said turning—rather eagerly one might say—to head out the door. "Don't let any sailor in here until I have brought the paperwork."

Once the door closed Gilda and Sunset looked at each other with something akin to uncomfortable silence. Truth be told, Gilda could use the break from the constant bickering between her fellow soldiers and the ship's crew, who were not too happy about having their ship taken over, even if it was under Her Majesty's orders.

That, and the idea that they'd have a LOT of alcohol soon enough, was also appealing. Kinda sucked that the monkey would lose some of her stock, but all things considered, she was getting away easy.

"Gilda," Sunset said, clearing her throat. "I've met you in… other places, so I'm willing to ignore the crazy in favor of a more… amiable discussion. You said earlier you hadn't used a proper bathroom in a long time correct? I hate to say this but I can really tell. How about you take advantage that Major Sparkle is not here and use it first? I'll pour you a drink in the meantime."

Gilda narrowed her eyes. Pretty much since leaving port, she had been deprived of a good toilet, having to make due with buckets, and occasionally—as long as nogriff was around—the edge of the ship. Needless to say, the promise of a nice, clean toilet was a very, very good incentive. But it was clear this not-pirate, not-unicorn, so-called Sunset Shimmer was planning something.

Gilda was no fool. "Are you trying to bribe me with a shower and beer?"


"Fair enough," Gilda said, nodding in understanding. She glanced at the door, trotting over there to lock it before she came back in. At least this Sunset Shimmer knew better than to lie outright. "But I expect no less than a full pint of your best grog, Miss Shimmer."

"Far be it from me to deny a friend a good drink."

Gilda snorted and started walking towards the little fillies room. "You said you knew me from other places?" she asked, stopping on the way, glancing over to the bartender, wondering what her other self would have been doing. Had she stayed in Griffonstone? "Pray tell, what do I—this other me do?"

Sunset Shimmer shrugged. "Nothing much, as far as I know," she said, "I only know she's engaged…" She gave Gilda an odd look. "To a mutual acquaintance."

Gilda snorted. "Sure. Anyway, I'll be right back. Better have that ready for me."

Sunset Shimmer replied by lifting a rather large tankard and waving it at her.

Nodding, Gilda pushed the fillies room door open and stepped through… suddenly finding herself standing on the deck of the gondola. Behind her the door swung closed. Slowly, comprehension seeped into her and she opened the door, revealing only a ladder going further into the ship. "Bugger me."

"Sergeant!" Major Gleaming Shield called, stomping onto the deck, her eyes narrowed. "What are you doing out here? You were supposed to be on guard!"

Gilda gulped. "She tricked me, she did!" she said quickly, then, realizing this didn't put her in a good light, she cleared her throat. "She kept looking at the restrooms. I asked her if there was anygriff back there. She said no. I knew she was lying, so I went to check. Couldn't risk there being other monkeys in there, ma'am. In order to secure the premises, I had to check. Turns out she was lying about there actually being a toilet behind the door, damn her."

"Tsk." Gleaming Shield rolled her eyes. "And I had all the paperwork done. It's a good thing that I anticipated the honorless ape would do something like this, so I procured one of the bottles while using my shapeshifting-scan spell to mask it." She levitated a glass bottle decorated with three green apples and some sort of old ape depicted on the sticker.

Gilda narrowed her eyes as she read the label. "What in Hades is Scumble?"

"Don't know, don't care," Gleaming Shield said. "This will certainly be a worthy reward for our inconvenience. The bottle alone shows how much work went into it."

"Considering that it is reinforced with steel, I can't argue with that."

"Well then, let's go have a drink."

"In the middle of the day, ma'am?" Gilda asked rhetorically, following Gleaming Shield into the ship anyway.

"Shouldn't be too bad. We can always dilute it with some water."

Author's Note:

Good Trooper Gilda

Thanks to MitchH for letting me mess around with these two! If you haven't read GTG, you definitely should!

(Mini-reminder as well that Gunsmoke Pre-orders are on! Don't miss your chance for the pre-order-only extras!)

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