• Member Since 7th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 12th, 2014

NatureSpark


T
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Written and Illustrated by: NatureSpark - Deviantart
(My first story ever, yay!)

Fifty years after the end of Discord's War, relations between Equestria and the Crystal Empire are breaking down. When the Crystal Empress is abducted from her castle, the blame falls on Princess Luna and it threatens to spark a war between the two great pony nations.
Meanwhile in Dodge, Nature Spark (a unicorn burnout) learns of the events taking place in the government. Joined by Downpour, Backdraft (two pegasus brothers), Discipula Star (Luna's faithful student) and other friends, they will attempt to prevent another war from consuming the world. Someone else has a much darker plan however and behind every turn lurk unfathomable dangers that will put Spark, his friends and anyone close to them in terrible peril...
(Don't start reading unless you are prepared for a LONG epic.)

Rated T for Language, Violence, Drug Use and Mild Sexual Themes
*Please let me know if I should up the content rating.*

My Little Pony © Hasbro
FIM Characters © Lauren Faust and DHX Media

Chapters (49)
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Comments ( 40 )

Please feel free to leave constructive criticism or comments of any kind, after all I can't get better at writing without some help.

Hmm pretty good:ajsmug:! I like it but was quite a bit shocked to hear them use swear words in Equestria lol:rainbowderp:, but then again they're in the olden days, so it must've been used commonly then:derpytongue2:(besides its your story, so whatever you like goes). Though there were little bits of error here and there, but not too evident. I think this could be going somewhere good so I'll stick around. I hope you will continue to edit and improve your stories, and remember to make your story unique, nobody likes to see the same story concept more than once, so make sure your story has something that will make it stand out! Good job so far and keep up the good work:twilightsmile:.

1056947
Thanks for your feedback. I'll do my best to keep the swearing to a minimum from now on.:twilightblush: I can see how it may offend some readers. As the story progresses I hope you'll find that my writing does improve and the story evolves organically into something uniquely engaging. :twilightsmile:

Going back and re-reading this.. I like to think I've improved quite a bit in these couple of months. Something about the first few chapters is a little, meh. I'll refrain from rewrites though, because then it'll be a never ending cycle.

Comment posted by NatureSpark deleted Dec 12th, 2012

1730264
Pretty good chapter and I really like the picture :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by NatureSpark deleted Dec 11th, 2012
Comment posted by NatureSpark deleted Dec 22nd, 2012
Comment posted by NatureSpark deleted Dec 27th, 2012
Comment posted by NatureSpark deleted Dec 31st, 2012

Mother of god so many chapters well better start reading

1879264
Haha, yeah it's a pretty long story, but I hope you still enjoy!

i will i skimmed a little bit and liked it :pinkiehappy:

“I’m pretty sure, just give it a bit. Draft, can we have a countdown please?”:rainbowlaugh:
Hilarious

2246129
Glad you thought so, even going back while I was editing the chapter, that line made me laugh again.

I feel bad, this is such a good story yet no one is commenting on it or anything. :ajsleepy:

2252173
Well, thanks for the compliment. I'm not sure why nobody else comments, since that's the only thing I really care about anyway, but I suppose they just don't have much to say. I'm not really sure if it's good or bad. :unsuresweetie:

I'm sorry, but why does this have so few views? The writing style is gripping and the story itself is grand. Seriously, why the lack of attention?

2355792
Haha, thanks for the confidence booster. :pinkiehappy: I wish I knew.

2355808 No problem, the story is looking pretty good so far.

PRINCESS LUNA IS GONNA USE THE ALICORN AMULET AND IT'S GONNA TURN HER INTO NIGHTMARE MOON!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO MY PRECIOUS LUNA!!!!

yup....i officially hate Princess Celestia is in this book....although i always did imagine her as the bitchy type lol

2386553
Yeah, I tried to make her likable at first, but whenever my pen touches paper, she just comes out a bit bitchy, lol..

2386123
You may be on to something, but I don't plan on tackling that in this trilogy, though I've thought about writing another story dealing with Luna's corruption, as well as one for Discord's war. We'll just have to see though.. :twilightsheepish:

Alright getting back to a crystal war book and from now on I will voice everything I have to say about every chapter god or bad I seem to be getting better at it anyway time to voice.
For right now I can't give a proper opinion because I was a bit lost at first and I just got back to this after two maybe three months of waiting and I read this over a period of six hours so yeah right now all I can really say is it was good and you really caught me by surprise with the enchantment on the chest so cudos to you. I should also say whenever I really get I to it I can really really tangent.

2532930
Well, welcome back. :pinkiehappy: Glad you're enjoying the story so far.

Ok this chapter was pretty good, not as fast paste at first but that is hardly a bad thing. I was wondering when the weight of killing would finally start to get to one of them, and I would say you pulled it off nicely. And then the twist with the windigos, the last time I had heard anything about windigos was in a different story with the play again. And you have written this in just the perfect way that it actually does what most stories should, feel real. Whenever I read I feel like I could almost be experiencing it myself.

2546244
I'm glad you thought so. It's certainly interesting trying to find the right balance between internal conflict that a character experiences without going completely repetitive angst. :twilightsheepish:I tried my best.

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: You really caught me off guard with that ending. :rainbowlaugh: But anyway I really like Ursa I've seen characters like him around and I've always really enjoyed them. All in all the only thing I could say is, awkward.

2551242
Haha, yeah.. sometimes you just have to drop the unexpected on people. :pinkiehappy:

This story has been reviewed by The Equestrian Critics Society.

Story Title: The Crystal War Book 1: A Spark to Light the Dark.

Author: NatureSpark.

Reviewed by: MrAlbum321.

Summary: When someone starts reading this piece, the pace is slow, facts and details are thrown about, the run-on sentences and awkwardly formatted dialogue make one cringe, misspelled/misplaced words will urge one to face-palm, and the characters are interesting in concept but not yet proven beyond their initial impression. As one reads the story, the pace is luxurious, facts and details are naturally woven into the narrative, sentences are no longer run-on, the dialogue is mostly okay, there are fewer misspelled/misplaced words, and the characters have grown from their start into engrossing, complex individuals that are immensely entertaining to read about. Reading this story feels like starting a mining business by hand, by yourself. There's gold at the end of that shaft; you just have to dig for it.

Full review.

Score: 6.5/10

Reviewer Recommendations: The earlier chapters could use some serious proofreading and cleaning up. In fact, a dedicated proofreader or two would greatly benefit the story as a whole. There is only so much that an author can do to clean up their creations, after all. Yes, it is busy work and no writer likes to slog through their text to find errors, but if it isn't done at some point, then it does take away from the story.

2783839
Thank you so much for reading my story and especially for the review. I'm glad to see that my later chapters did improve and it isn't just me who thinks so. If I cannot find people to help fix the earlier chapters than I will most likely do so on my own, once I've finished the trilogy. It means so much that you would take the time (and I imagine it took quite a bit) to read and critique my work.

2784012

You're welcome, and yes it was quite the challenge! It took me almost 3 days of solid reading before I was finished, and then I had to write the review and get it finalized! I appreciate your thanks, and would like to thank you in turn for letting TECS review your story!

On a personal note, I will say that, at least for me, when it comes to revising my own text for an unfinished story I'm working on, I absolutely need a second or third pair of eyes just to catch errors that I would otherwise miss. It is frustruating, because I know what the errors are, but for some reason I kept missing them over and over again when I would go back and attempt to self-edit.

It's a really weird phenomenon, and I would like for you to be wary of it as well. Hence why I suggested a proofreader/editor. They are guaranteed to catch problems that you might otherwise miss, even if it's as simple as a misspelled word or as complex as a plot hole that completely undermines the story, just as a general example that isn't connected with your story in any way, shape or form.

If you're worried about other folks trying to hijack your original creative vision, then I would recommend gently and respectfully asserting your authority over that vision. In short, they are free to suggest a different plot point or a change in character development, but you are the writer, and you have the final say in the matter. Showing respect for their efforts and taking the time to listen to their suggestions does help keep things civil as well, along with apologizing when things get a little heated. After all, their suggestions might actually be useful, and it takes patience and careful, rational thought to judge the good suggestions from the bad ones....

Sheesh, I must be tired tonight; it's almost 12:30 AM here in Alaska, and I'm already rambling :pinkiecrazy: Make of my bleary-eyed thoughts however you will :twilightblush:

Good luck with the trilogy! And good luck on the edits!

Sincerely,

Mr. Album

“Night, Spark,” Downpour said sleepily.

Isn't Downpour with that griffin? :rainbowhuh:

3130023
Good catch. Have you ever thought about editing? Heh heh :twilightblush:

3137383 In the words of the great and powerful Big Mac, eeyup.

3137388
Well I could always use an editor for future chapters of 'Heart of an Empire'.. if you would be interested. Of course it will be a little bit before I have time to write regularly again.

3137410
Awesome. :pinkiehappy: Well I will let you know when I have the next chapter ready then.

this is kinda late but i do have to say when star got"blazed"it was the funniest thing i've read in awihle

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