“Good morning, everyone! I made pancakes!”
“Gah…”
“Ugh…”
“Butter! It’s four-thirty in the morning! It’s way too early for this!”
“I think this is a record for him.”
“Nah. There was that one time he cooked breakfast at two in the morning.”
“Bleh. Don’t remind me.”
“Oops. Sorry, I just wanted to let everyone know the food is nice and hot.”
“Which we never get to enjoy because you always cook it so darn early!”
“Yeah!”
“Seriously.”
“You really need to stop, Butter.”
“Wait a minute, how come mom never punishes him for waking us all up so early?”
“Because she’s practically disguised as a rock when she sleeps?”
“Eh, she’s a rock all the time. You can just tell because of how boring she...”
“Shut up, Twitch!”
“Ah… today’s going to be a great day, I can feel it!”
“Of course you do, Beetle. It’s Saturday. Any day we don’t have school is a good day.”
“Says you. I can think of several hundred examples of why Saturdays are rarely good days.”
“Scootaloo, yours don’t count. A Ponyville Saturday is a completely different story than… well, pretty much an ‘anywhere else’ Saturday.”
“Yeah. Bet you twenty bits that something’s going to happen to her in less than an hour.”
“No deal. It’s way too obvious.”
“Yeah.”
“Agreed.”
“She’s doomed.”
“I’d be offended, but even I have to admit you’re probably right. But maybe this week the disaster won’t happen to me.”
“Maybe, if you hadn’t just jinxed it. Today is sure to give the rest of us quite the show.”
“I’ll start the popcorn.”
“Ugh… and you changelings wonder why I left the hive…”
“Check it out! Scootaloo’s fallen down a well!”
“Wait, what? How?”
“I watched the whole thing, and I have no idea. Something about a wagon, I think.”
“Nah. It was that lawyer creep. She walked right past him a minute ago and didn’t even notice.”
“Oh. Guess she has no one to blame but herself, then.”
“Wow, guys. You’re all so supportive. I bet you’re all just running to Ponyville to help pull me out.”
“Eh, I’m not worried. I’m certain a dog will show up to help you in no time.”
“Really, Twitch? You’re seriously going with such a painfully overused joke?”
“If I didn’t somepony else would. I can’t let any of you steal my thunder.”
“That’s… kind of ominous...”
“Gah! Mom! Twitch put some kind of gunk on my chair!”
“Ew. It looks like toothpaste.”
“Pff. As if I’d resort to such a pedestrian substance.”
“Then what the buck did I just sit in? Vanilla pudding? It doesn't smell like it.”
“Uh… Poppy? I think you’ll want to get out of that chair. Like, right now.”
“Well, I wasn’t planning on staying on it and… wait, I’m stuck! Is this glue?!”
“Quick drying. He he he…”
“Sigh… I’ll get the crowbar.”
“Twitch, I swear, one day I’m going to find a way to kill you that won’t get me arrested…”
“Uh… who left this box out in the tunnel?”
“Whoops. Sorry, Uno. That’d be mine. I was wondering why the weight was suddenly a lot lighter.”
“Ugh, Lynx, what are you doing this time? This thing is almost as big as you are!”
“Exactly. I wanted to do some strength building, so I was carrying that thing around for hours.”
“She’s not lying. She really has carried that thing around the hive. I don’t know how you didn’t notice sooner.”
“Because despite the name, Uno ain’t number one.”
“...”
“...”
“You know, I’m not even angry. That was pretty good, Dove.”
“I try. Unlike certain other changelings.”
“Oh, goodie! I have my next target.”
“Oh! Oh oh oh! I just had an idea!”
“Sigh… what is it this time, Goose?
“What if we set up some ramps, run them through the steeper tunnels, and have a go-kart…”
“No.”
“No.”
“Nope.”
“Uh-uh.”
“No chance.”
“Goose, did you forget what happened last time we tried that?”
“Wait, we already tried that?”
“Yes. And less than two minutes into the race there was a crash that ended it.”
“The final score was twenty changelings in the nearest medical chamber, twelve platforms destroyed that needed to be rebuilt, and an entire chamber full of changelings trapped for eight hours after the cave-in.”
“Which was especially impressive considering that said chamber had six connected tunnels!”
“Though, to be fair, it was mostly Beetle’s fault. If those wheels hadn’t fallen off when Poppy reached that one turn…”
“One time! That was one time, dang it! Everypony else’s karts were fine!”
“Gah! What’s that smell?!”
“What are you talking about… Bleh! What the buck?!”
“Quick, disguise as something with a terrible sense of smell!”
“Whew. That’s much better. Now what the hay was that?”
“I think it was this ugly thing. Hm… yep. Something nasty’s there.”
“I’m not touching it.”
“Me neither. I’m calling a janitor and getting the heck out of here. This has Twitch written all over… GAH!”
“EEEEWWWW! Twitch! What the buck did you do?!”
“A little trick called a distraction. You really shouldn’t let your guard down like that.”
“Bathroom! Bathroom now!”
“Oh, you are so getting it once we’ve cleaned up, Twitch!”
“Hey guys, check it out! Scootaloo crashed through a window and landed in a toilet!”
“I landed ON the toilet! The lid was down! Would you guys just leave me alone already?!”
“Oof. She’s really mad now. Her situation must really stink.”
“Yeah. sounds like you’re having a really crappy day, Scoots.”
“Uh-huh. Sometimes it feels like the world is just dumping on you.”
“Toilet humor?! Really, guys?! Even Twitch wouldn’t stoop that low!”
“I dunno. Maybe if I’m in an extra ******y mood.”
…
“I hate all of you.”
“Oh crud, look out!”
…
“Whew. No one was hurt.”
“Again, Beetle? Seriously, this has to be the twentieth time one of your elevators collapsed this week!”
“Third time this month. If you’re going to mock me, at least do it accurately.”
“She’s right, though. You really need to rework these things.”
“I agree. Beetle, we’re not scheduled for any guests for the next few days. Please take the time to fix these things. We’ve been lucky so far, but one accident while a pony is using the elevator…”
“Right. I’ll get right on it, mom. It’s not like anypony else in this entire hive knows how to use a hammer…”
“What are you talking about, Beetle? You volunteered to build the darn things.”
“I never said I wanted to do the entire job by myself!”
“…”
“…”
“He has a point.”
“So… is this a fail on his end or mom’s?
“Both.”
“Yeah, both.”
“Lunch is ready!”
“Oh, thank the All-Mother. I’m starving!”
“Nice to meet you, starving. Have you met my brother, Uno?”
“Wow. Just wow. Aren’t you a little young for dad jokes?”
“What the heck even is a dad joke? How is it any different from a typical, cheesy, bad one?”
“It’s the kind of joke a dad would make.”
“Which means what exactly? None of us really have dads...”
“Well, technically, when mom…”
“Twitch! Shut up before I run to the other end of the hive and knock all your teeth out!”
“I agree. That is not a subject you should be talking about, Twitch.”
“Yeah. I thought even you disliked thinking about it.”
“I do. I just wanted the topic to come up right before lunch.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“All of you better still eat this. I spent hours cooking it.”
“Hey, check it out! Scootaloo’s stuck in a tree!”
“I am not! I’m just resting while I wait for my friends.”
“Resting while dangling from one leg trapped between branches?”
“Yeah. I’m trying to relax the thestral way.”
“I think that’s just a myth.”
“I dunno. The thestrals lived in caves. Who’s to say they didn’t sleep hanging from the ceiling?”
“Because they were only half-bat? And all the blood would have rushed to their brains? There’s no evidence they did it, Goose.”
“Well, there’s no evidence they didn't do it, either.”
“Are we really arguing over this? Shouldn’t we be focusing on Scootaloo?”
“Nope. You’re supposed to be good and distracted so I don’t have to put up with you until I get down.”
“Oh. That makes sense!”
“Goose, I swear…”
“No.”
“Uh… no what?”
“No, I’m not going in there.”
“Uh… why?”
“My Twitch Sense is tingling. I can tell that he’s been here recently, and I want nothing to do with it.”
“You have a Twitch Sense?”
“Where do I get one?”
“I’d give you my life savings for it.”
“You spend all your bits the moment you get them, Beetle. And besides, by this point all of us should have one. You can only suffer this torment for so long before you start building up resistances to it.”
“Uh… Dove? You might want to look behind you.”
“... Nothing. What are you… Ah!”
“Gah!”
“Ew!”
“Seriously?!”
“Welp, looks like the Twitch Sense of yours needs tuning, Dove. Clearly, it’s nowhere near strong enough to stop me.”
“That’s not something to take pride in, Twitch.”
“Says you. Now have fun scrubbing that out of your chitin.”
“Mom! Twitch locked the bathroom door shut again!”
“Stop it, Twitch! My plushies do not belong on a dart board!”
“Twitch! What the buck did you do to my favorite vase?!”
“Actually, that one was me. Sorry, I lost my balance at the worst possible moment. I’m getting the glue right now.”
“You know, as much as I’d hate to admit it, I am not responsible for everything that goes wrong in the hive. And I am not the sort to take undeserved credit.”
“Oh. Well, I’d apologize, but I don’t think you deserve it, Twitch. Or even want it. Wait, how would glue help this mess?”
“Well, how else are we going to put it back together?”
“But it’s not just broken. It’s covered in this pink gunk.”
“What? I didn’t do that. All I did was break it.”
“Then why…”
“I do, however, take all the credit for that one. Might want to do something about the bubble gum before it hardens.”
“I… you… ugh, Twitch! I swear to the All-Mother…”
“Hey! Scootaloo just ate half her body weight in cotton candy!”
“Ugh… my stomach…”
“Really, what were you expecting, taking a bet like that? If you’re going to do something that stupid, at least make sure you get a decent number of bits out of it.”
“Yeah. And leave the binge eating to the robot. At least she doesn’t end up sick because of it. Which is completely unfair, by the way.”
“Or the ghoul. Then again, it would probably hurt, but it wouldn’t kill her.”
“Hm… you know, there might be some value to that idea. If we’re doing an interrogation…”
“None of that now. You’re far too young to be thinking of such things. And no, we are not designing a torture system based on excessive sugar. There are some lines that should never be crossed.”
“Fine, mom. I’m just saying Scootaloo seems to be in a lot of pain right now. She’s probably going to start puking any second now.”
“Shut… up…”
“Any second…”
“Uh… guys? I’m lost.”
“Again?”
“Really, Goose?”
“You’ve been living in the hive for your entire life. How the buck can you still struggle to get around?”
“I’m sorry! But I just don’t recognize this tunnel at all!”
“Sigh… let me take a look and… wait, what? Where is this?”
“Wait a minute… this isn’t our hive. I think it’s the Manehattan one. Goose, how the buck did you make it to the Manehattan hive without anyone noticing?!”
“I don’t know.”
…
…
“Mom, you might want to let the other hive know about this.”
“Oh, yes. Of course. But honestly, how in Equestria did this happen?”
“Mom, we’re out of bandages in this medical chamber.”
“Really? I could have sworn we resupplied only yesterday…”
“I think I know what happened to them. You might want to look at this.”
“Look at… by the All-Mother, what is THAT?!”
“Like it? I believe I have created a masterpiece of our generation. I call: “Fields of Agony.”
“...”
“...”
“I’m especially proud of the shades of blood. It took me ages to mix the paint right.”
“Right. Twitch, you’re grounded. Again. I’ve come to accept a great deal of your antics, and that preventing them is a struggle I will never win, but I will not tolerate wasting valuable medical supplies for a joke. Especially one so crude.”
“Alas, I am unappreciated in my time.”
“Why isn’t he permanently grounded yet?”
“Because if we lock him in his room for too long, he breaks out and gets even worse. You know this, Uno.”
“I wasn’t talking about his room.”
…
“I don’t have an answer for that one.”
“Wow! Guys, look at how badly Scootaloo botched her disguise.”
“Oof. Yeah, the scales can be really tricky. I’m still struggling to get it right myself.”
“Seriously. Why are fish so hard? We’ve been spending months just learning how to make gills.”
“The trick is that you need to keep the image of how each scale looks, but not focus on each individual scale coating your body.”
“... huh. That worked. Thanks for the tip, Beetle.”
“My pleasure, Scoots.”
…
“But seriously, that was hideous. You officially win the ‘worst attempt at a fish disguise’ award.”
“Gee, thanks, Beetle. All my dreams are being realized. I feel so proud right now.”
“Wow, Scoots. I never would have thought you were so ambitious. Truly, you are destined for great things.”
“The sarcasm is strong with these two...”
“I… legitimately can’t tell if Twitch is being insulting or not.”
“Then my work here is done.”
“Hey, I think I feel a Heart Song coming on!”
“Quick! Someone tackle her!”
Oh, calm down, Uno. What’s wrong with a little music in our lives?”
“Remember what happened last time Lynx started a Heart Song? About pushing limits?”
“Oh… right. Yeah, someone stop her before we all end up with sprained limbs again!”
“Bunch of wimps. Can’t handle a little exercise?”
“Exercise, yes. Five hour workout sessions, not so much. And I seem to recall your legs being the most damaged, Lynx.”
…
“Buck it. Doing it anywa- ow!”
“By doctor’s orders, this event has been cancelled.”
“Nice one, Poppy.”
“The tackle or the one-liner?”
“The tackle. The line was cliche and boring.”
“You know, I could just let her start singing…”
“Whew, what a day. Night, everyone.”
“Good night.”
“Night.”
“See you in the morning.”
…
…
…
“Hey, Beetle.”
…
“Beetle.”
…
“Baby bug.”
“What, Twitch? What the buck do you want?”
“Did you notice the little present I left in your bed?”
“Yes. And I took care of it before getting in. Good night, you disgrace.”
…
...
“Hey, Uno…”
“Shut it, Twitch. I got rid of mine, too.”
…
“Hey, Goose…”
“Twitch, even I know better than to get in bed without checking for any surprises first.”
“Face it, Twitch. You’re not getting anyone tonight.”
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that.”
…
“Twitch, would you care to explain why your aunts are currently covered in syrup and yelling at me?”
“I think you can work that out for yourself, mom.”
“Sigh… Twitch, one of these days…”
Goose, this is why you don't follow around the black piglet wearing a yellow bandana. Trust me on this one!
alternative title:
Twitch Chapter.
I thought I’d never read a chapter on this site written all in BOLD.
Well, at least, they never get bored.
rolling on the floor dying of laughter.
How has Twitch not been exiled or beheaded yet?
The girls wanted to know what it was like being conected to the hive all the time, so twilight used a spell to play back the intrahive comunications that scootaloo had been receiving the previous day.
AB and Sweetie both agreed, of the 3 of them scootaloo had the worst curse of all, and that curse was named twitch.
Next on URBC: Twitch Plays Pokémon Green!
With these many daily incidents, I wonder how can this hive manage their financial status.
Uhhh trust me I thought he'd kill someone by now lol.
10227275
Pre-invasion, letting him out of the hive would have spelled doom to all changelings. And shapeshifters are notoriously resistant to anatomy-based methods of execution.
You know it's bad when Scootaloo isn't the most daring sibling.
And seriously, how has Twitch not gotten stuffed in a crate in that warehouse where Daring Do stores all her recovered artifacts?
Oh. right. Because he might break out.
10227238
"How'd the piglet even get here?"
"Bwee!" (Don't ask me, I was looking for Rivendell.)
10227332
break out steal the stuff sell it on the black market prank the hives start a criminal empire and be grpunded by lunchtime you mean
just offering my anti twitch services one day with me he will be less twitchy or banned ftom hell heres my card
For some reason, reading this chapter evoked within me an earworm playing 'The World Revolving' from deltarune.
Especially whenever Twitch was up to something.
10227332
No, because he'd destroy Equestria with everything in there.
This chapter seems like a typical Twitch's chat
Twitch should probably be Discord's apprentice, since he causes so much chaos with his jokes and pranks.
10227238
I was thinking more ‘GlaDos’ doing stuff in Equestria.
I mean, I've had VERY early breakfasts before, but that's because I had to catch a plane, not out of choice.
That's a sucker bet.
... Not sure how I feel about that.
Goddammit Twitch.
Eh, 5/10
... Your life is weird.
What is WRONG with you?
What if their bodies adapted so that doesn't happen, genius?
Why don't you kick him out? He's a nuisance, nobody likes him and he only ever makes things actively worse.
Yeah, you, didn't think this through.
I'd like to know that myself.
Twitch...
I wonder that myself.
Huh. That's, actually useful advice.
And it works like a charm.
And that is a normal typical calm day in the hive... When Scootaloo get a accident around four or five times... How exactly are they still alive and in one piece?
P.S:
The same way Ryoga from Ranma 1/2 try to get to the empty space behind his house and end doing a world tour in four days or Zoro from One piece try to follow a line in the ship and end in Raftel
Damit now I want to see twitch’s “Fields of Agony”. Hacksaw ridge is about the only thing that comes to mind
10227275
I second this notion. If not killed, exiled, or pinned to a note card, maybe have the Mane Six or The Princesses try to put the fear of ponies (or one way tickets to the sun/moon) in him.
...
Better yet, have him have counseling sessions with a certain butter yellow pegasus, who even he wouldn't dare prank...not if he knew what was good for him anyway.
10227275
Because he might come back
Alright ways to get rid off Twitch:
1) Kick him out and make sure he won't come back.
2) Put him into artificial coma.
3) Like one of siblings suggested, find a way to legally kill him.
My hooves for the second variant.
Twitch is Carl. You know which one.
10228248
My plan for getting rid of Twitch:
1. Detain a cockatrice (Put the cockatrice in a bag to hide it)
2. Head back to the hive with the bagged cockatrice
3. Turning Twitch to stone using the cockatrice
4. Head back to where you caught the cockatrice
5. Release the cockatrice (Flee if the cockatrice doesn't run off)
6. Profit
10229192
Also a nice plan.
Twitch is a little shit, and needs a few smacks from either their siblings or life itself. Seriously, this is beyond a few pranks, or even loving pranks, and outright being a tiny bully saboteur of an idiot shithead.
Honestly, by the end of this chapter I was scowling, flashing back to some of the worst dregs of childhood immaturity I suffered in school. And those I got to go home from!
I'm honestly shocked the queen hasn't thrown him out for being a threat to all her other children, honestly. That sort of behavior slash constant drain on morale can NOT be healthy for... well, a hive-mind of emotion eaters.
(Amazingly well written mini-antagonist of the hate-sink varity, though, just to be clear. Really one of those pricks you just loathe and want to see suffer, for the record. Well done!)
Yes, quite typical. Twitch is getting to be predictable. Wonder if Discord can help with that?
Could you color coordinate the dialogue? Just a suggestion.
Okay, for real, why isn't Twitch dead yet?! With all this nonsense, somebody should have put him in a shallow grave by now.
10232635
Or at least attracted one Lord of Chaos' attention to be a protege.
10232839
TRUE!!
10227243
Oh no, this is just the teaser. Twitch will get his own proper turn in the spotlight in due time.
10227285
"Hey, a shiny mewtwo! Welp, time to kill it in front of the viewers."
10228382
That's not entirely fair. At least Twitch doesn't eat hands. At least, not actual hands. There was that one time he faked it with a bunch of hay fries and a bagel...
10230132
Congratulations: This is exactly what Twitch wants you to think of him. He would gladly let you know this so that you'd get even more frustrated with him.
In regards to chapter 8, i suddenly want an Equestria Girls fic that at least has the human cmc from this story as background characters
10237604
I'm impressed he lived to see scootaloo's age honestly... A real testament to the patience of the cloudsdale hive to let an individual that makes TIREK look like the guy in the bar that is kinda mean, but mellows with drink, STAY ALIVE.
10230580
I WILL STRANGLE (figuratively) YOUR INFANTS IF THIS COMES TO PASS!
10228248
FUCK LEGALITY I WOULD DO IT AND PLEAD FUCKING GUILTY.
yes i left caps lock on. what of it?
10261802
You want Twitch to become a one-trick ling? Odd...
10261985
I would rather see shit happening that i don't want happen ahead of time so i can stop it
10263316
What a mortal perspective. We hope your days are boring and adventures straightforward. 🤷♂️
I liked this~
10263442 I have cursed the world to live in interesting times.
Enjoying it yet? (Alondro is the draconequus Corruption, also known colloquially as Leeds, the Jersey Devil!)
scbwi.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/GeraldKelley_JerseyDevil_06-original.jpg
Muwah ha ha ha… fools! My power is now ultimate! Your world will crumble into ruin and my kind will feast upon the madness!
10295743
So long as you can increase entropy it's all good.
10295987
I am increasing entropy by decreasing entropy.
It's CRAAAAAAZY!!!!!
Update the the story please.
Pfft... Ok then!
MOAR
10561887
I known right? this is one of my favorites...
Did you read their blog? Its unfortunate...
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/887110/status-update-jan-2020
When will you continue?