Chapter 35
You're brought out of a deep, satisfying sleep by some kind of disturbance on your face, your lazy brain cells taking far too long to realise what the neurons are shouting at them. You open your eyes and your line of sight is filled by a large red feather hanging over your nose, tickling it. It goes away, only to be replaced with Eris's elongated snout leading up to her bulbous, fiery red eyes. "Morning, sleepyhead. It's 8 AM. And I'm bored. Fire your brain up. Do something!"
"You gotta be shitting me." You grumble, rubbing your face. It's too late though - Eris has made sure your sleep's gone away and then disappeared back into your subconscious to let you get on with your day like the minx that she is. You sigh and snuggle up under the covers for a few precious minutes more.
"Dogs should never complain about their beds. This is the best." You mumble and stretch cozily, draped across the familiar grey round mat on the floor of Sweetheart's living room. Your body, still aching from a weekend spent in a forest, begs you to return to lazy slumber, but curiosity prevails.
You are just far too eager to get to know these ponies better, so you crawl out from under the covers, make your bed and take a quick dip into the bathroom to get cleaned up for a visit to-
Dawn...? No, that wasn't right. Something to do with the sky. Lavender, whatever.
to Lavender Lady's library. Names were never your strong suit.
You stop at the door, greeted by an endearing sight - sometime after you'd gone to sleep, Sweetheart had moved one of her green armchairs in front of the doors and curled up to sleep on it.
Making sure nobody leaves the house. Oh, you kind little thing.
As you watch her back heave up and down in patient sleep, you remember that you do in fact want to leave the house right now though. You glance at the windows. They're more than big enough, but the frames don't leave enough wiggle room...
Actually, no. Enough sneaking around. I can wake her up.
You move a hand towards her, only to feel a strong sharp pain on your index finger. Angel had latched onto it with his teeth. Climbing on your palm, he points at Sweetheart and mimics sleeping. "No, I'm gonna wake her up." You say with determination.
Red-faced, the furious bunny pulls a friggin box cutter out of his freakin tail. "Shit!" You yelp and drop the bunny as if he was a hot potato. However, when you spin around to try and find him again, Angel has completely disappeared, much to your confusion. At least it was until you turn back towards the chair and notice a pair of curious cyan eyes wide open.
"Oh." You mutter. "Er, sorry."
Sweetheart smiles. "It's ok." Now that you're thinking more rationally, it occurs to you how similar her 'human voice' is to the basic horse noises you'd heard before the Amulet. You can just about hear the same breathy, caring gentleness. "I got a full night's sleep."
The yellow pegasus hops off the armchair and shakes her entire body to clear out the sleep, her long pink mane slapping side to side. You take a knee to be on eye level with her. "I wanted to go and see the, uh... the purple one."
Sweetheart conceals a giggle behind a hoof. "You mean Twilight."
You snort and nod apologetically. "Yeah. Twilight. You guys have such cute names."
"Oh, but that's a must! After all, we ponies are cute." She flicks her mane to the side and brushes one hoof up and down against the other in an exaggeratedly adorable pose, causing you both to break into laughter.
Sweetheart stops first and pokes her hoof against your stomach, eliciting a betraying rumble. "Just as I thought. You're not taking one step out of this house until we get some breakfast in there!" She says in a sing-song voice and trots to the kitchen. "And after that, I'll take you to see Twilight. I mean, if you'd like that."
You follow her and sit down on a stool as the pegasus pushes herself up on her hind legs and fusses over a counter. "Definitely. Listen, Sweetheart-" you catch yourself. "Ohh, I mean, uh..."
You fail to finish as a distracted Sweetheart loses her balance, forcing you to rush over there and catch the little pony in your arms. An upside-down yellow face blinks. "Hey-hey, you gotta be more careful." You chuckle, and put her back on the floor. The pony hides an embarrassed face behind a wing.
"Yes, I should be. Um, thank you. For, uh... well, for catching me and, uh... you know..." She stuttered and vaguely gestured with her hoof, clearly desperate for you to take over the conversation.
"It's what I called you, when I couldn't talk to you. I mean, I had to come up with some names in my head to keep track of everyone. And I thought you were sweet. Are sweet. So, it... stuck."
The two of you sit down on the floor now, having forgotten breakfast entirely. "We actually did a similar thing for you." Sweetheart admitted. "We called you Skinny. I hope that doesn't offend you."
"No, not at all."
She picks up one of your hands with her hooves, and traces the frog of her hoof across the thin hair on the back of your hand. "When you got here, I wasn't quite sure if you were supposed to be the way you are. I'd never seen a creature quite as furless as you, except foals." She pauses at your digits. "What are these called? They're not quite claws..."
"Fingers."
"Fin-gers..." she rolls the word on her tongue. "They're very flexible. Your kind must be very able."
You laugh nervously. "Right, let's go with that."
Holding the fingers clumsily between her hooves, Sweetheart slowly pulls your hand up and over her head, where you instinctually scratch behind her pointy left ear. The pony hums in contentment and closes her eyes. "Mmm... a little more? Just a little?" You keep scratching and watch with no small amusement as Sweetheart's fluffy pink tail thrashes back and forth from the sensation. "Please? ... More?"
You eventually go for both ears, eliciting a barely veiled squee out of the adorable creature, who by this point is struggling to remain still, fidgeting under your hands like an overexcited puppy whilst you giggle uncontrollably at her plight and move to tickling her tummy, back, and hooves. "Stop, you-! St-o-o-OO-p!" Sweetheart laughs. Finally, you leave the shaking mess of a pegasus recovering on the floor and pull out some stuff from the kitchen to make breakfast for both of you.
After eating, you finally leave the cottage to go to town and see Twilight. No sooner had you passed Sweetheart's mailbox however, than you crumpled onto the ground under the sudden extreme weight of what you first think of as an overgrown pigeon.
"Gotcha!" Bubbles cheers, standing over you with sunny yellow bangs hanging over her radiantly smiling face and goofy mismatched eyes. Feathered wings flap against grey sides victoriously. You boop the silly pony on the nose, and she lets you stand up.
"Derpy! That wasn't very nice!" Sweetheart says abruptly and trots over to the two of you to help pat the dust off of your trousers. She takes a defensive position between you and the grey pegasus.
You hold your hands up. "It's okay! It's fine."
Bubbles's jaw goes slack. "Whooooa! You have brains?" Unnoticed by either, Sweetheart facehoofs.
"Yes!" You grin. "Yeah, I-I'm intelligent. I'm Anon." Instinctively, you hold out a hand to shake it. Bubbles simply waves her hoof, ignoring or not noticing it. "Hi intelligent Anon! I'm Derpy!"
"Hello... Derpy." you say awkwardly, but she doesn't seem too bothered.
"Helloooo!"
"Anyway, I was just taking Anon to see Twilight. Now that we can actually talk to him, we should be able to find out more about where he's from."
Bubbles gave Sweetheart an odd look and blinked. "Why don't you just ask him? Intelligent Anon, where are you from?"
"I'm from-" you start, but the grey pegasus interrupts: "Is it the Moon? No, wait, the Sun! You see all kinds of crazy things after you look at the Sun." She pauses briefly, and then a huge wide smile spreads across her face and she hops in place victoriously. "No, I know! I know! You're lost! You're from the place where all the lost things go! Hey, have you seen my socks?"
"I'm from Earth!"
The revelation only seems to confuse Bubbles further as she lowers her head to stare straight the ground and taps against it with her hoof. "Are there any more Skinnies down there?"
Sweetheart smiles indulgently and puts a hoof on the grey pegasus's shoulder. "I think he means he's from a place called Earth."
"Oh."
"Why'd you hop on my back anyway?" You ask.
Bubbles perks up again, only for her ears to droop. She holds a hoof up to her lip in thought. "There was something I had to do. Or ask for."
"Letters?" Sweetheart suggests helpfully. The grey pegasus shakes her head frantically.
"No-no-no! It's not my shift! It's Monday! Monday is fun-day, that's how I know it's not my shift! Ohhh I forgot! I hate forgetting!" She stamps against the ground and looks so sorrowful and near to tears that you feel compelled to kneel down and give the little eccentric thing a hug. "Hey, it's okay. I'm sure you'll remember." You say as you pat her on the back. As you do, you hear her gasp.
"I know!!" Bubbles pulls away from you and then pushes you against the ground with a mischievous grin.
Sweetheart scowls. "Derpy, stop it!"
"You were supposed to scratch my ears!"
For a few moments, there's a dead silence between the three of you. Finally, Sweetheart raises an eyebrow, smirking. "Is. That. So?"
Having not expected this reaction at all, you're somewhat baffled. "Uh, well, you know, we, uh... we had a thing."
"A thing?" She pressed on.
Bubbles joined in. "Yeah, a thing! What about the thing?" She gasped. "Did you have a thing?! Have you been thing-ing behind my back!?"
"What?!" you cry confusedly.
"Yes, we do have a thing as well. And as host of the house Anon sleeps in, I believe it's within my rights to claim exclusive rights to... the thing." Sweetheart proclaims. "Um, if you're ok with that."
Bubbles's face turns red. "No, ma'am! Indeed, no ma'am! I've a whole week of scritches to catch up on and nopony will stand in my way!"
"Ok, what is going-" you try to interject, but are cut off by Sweetheart. "Then I propose we join forces and conquer the thing, one for all and all for one!"
Bubbles and Sweetheart slap their hooves together and then rush to your sides, left and right respectively, both staring up at you. Sweetheart flutters her eyelashes. "Anon..." she breathes, nuzzling onto your right calf. "You won't mind if we walk you to Twilight, will you? After everything you've been through, we wouldn't want something else to happen to you."
"Mm-hmm!" Bubbles added. "And, uh, if you can scritch our undeserving brains out while we're taking you there?"
Sweetheart facehoofed again. "Subtlety is a lost art." She muttered under her breath.
And so it came to pass that you walked to town with two gorgeous mares attached to your hip, and your hands constantly rubbing their ears, skulls and necks as they moaned in pure ecstasy in a rather provocative and inadvertently attention-seeking manner.
You knock politely on the painted red door. Inside, you hear a muffled squeak and then the pitter-patter of tiny feet leading up to the door, which opens up to reveal the odd little lizard guy that Twilight hangs out with. "Yup!" He yells over his shoulder. "It's Skinny!"
"Distract him!" Twilight yells from the other side of the library. Little Mr. Gecko rolls his eyes and turns back to you. "Hey, can you really talk to us now?"
You nod. "Yup, sure can." Gecko's slitted green eyes widen up massively - they really are huge and he lets out a little awed "ohh", showcasing his sharp teeth. "That's so cool - I only wish Owlowiscious could suddenly talk." He grits his teeth and balls his claws into small fists. "Would be a real help, just saying!" Shaking off his annoyance, Gecko extends his paw. "I'm Spike, by the way."
You shake it. "Anon."
"That's a weird name... um... Anon, what are they doing?" He points at Sweetheart and Bubbles who are desperately nuzzling at your fingers to squeeze a few more scritches in. You pull your hands away. "Guys, cut it out!" you hiss.
The two ponies whine and make puppy eyes at you, but loyal Spike quickly pushes you into the library. "Twilight needs to ask a few questions from him, you can come by later in the evening, okay? Okay?" He watches fearfully as the two pant in your direction. "I'll take that as an affirmative."
He shuts the door and then glances briefly at his paws. "Uh, just go downstairs, you'll find Twilight in her lab."
"You're not coming with me?" You ask.
Spike still stares at his paws. "No, I... got an experiment to try out." The lizard pulls the door open again and sneaks out.
You shrug and go downstairs to the same old dungeon where Twilight brought your phone to life. There, you find the purple unicorn energetically pulling straps through metal holes attached to the slab in the middle of the room. You notice the dirtied light blue saddlebag you found in the forest on a pedestal, under a plastic case.
Twilight jumps as you walk in.
"Whoops. Didn't mean to scare ya." You joke.
"Oh, hey Anon! Um... why don't you lie down and we can get started?" She motions towards the strap-covered metal slab with a grin worthy of the most talented used car salesman.
You raise an eyebrow. "Not even for bacon." Before you can walk out, however, the purple pony zips past you and rears up, pawing at you pleadingly.
"Okay, okay! We can leave the experiments for later! What I actually really want to do is just, well... talk to you! A whole new species, with memories from a completely differently designed universe! Alien sociological developments! New laws of physics! Embodiment of anti-magic! You'll change Equestria as we know it, and I, Twilight Sparkle, am here at this point, in this time in history to record it all for countless generations to come! Eeeeeeeeeee-!"
Mid-squee, she faints onto your slippers and you are left standing awkwardly over the unconscious mare.
Leaning against you, Eris frowns comically. "Well, this'll be a hoot to explain. Should we steal her vital organs?" She brandishes a shining scalpel. You pluck the nonexistent blade from her paw.
"No, Eris, we're not gonna steal her vital organs! Why would you even think that??"
Eris shrugs. "I dunno, it's something people do on your planet?"
You stare at her for a moment with a bemused expression. "Yeah, they also eat cheese. Doesn't mean we should. And if you have to check out my memories all the time, switch to Harry Potter or something. Jeez."
The mismatched girl huffs and disappears.
Crouching down, you try to pick Twilight up, only to notice a card attached to a thin string around her neck, with handwriting on it.
Say 'I burn books' and she'll be fine - Spike.
"Uh... I burn books?"
Twilight gasps and jolts upright. "MY BOOKS!!" Before you can stop her, the unicorn wriggles up to her hooves and rushes up the stairs. Holding back laughter, you follow her back to the library, where you find her frantically checking over every shelf, muttering titles under her breath.
"Thank Celestia, they're all right." she finally says, wiping sweat off her forehead. "I must've had the worst dream EVER."
"Sorry. Um... we were gonna talk?"
Twilight widens her eyes. "Yes! Yes, of course!" Her fluffy cheeks puff up as she gives you a beaming smile. Trotting back to you, the purple pony motions for you to sit down on one of the large steps that lead up to the second floor. "I mustn't get ahead of myself. You're the one who's probably all confused. I can't imagine what you must feel like, stuck like this." She frowns compassionately and pats you on the shoulder. You grasp the hoof thankfully, and your fingers briefly brush against the skin under Twilight's layer of fur. It somehow makes her feel less alien.
"Hey, I think I made more friends here in a month than I did in a few years back home." You joke.
"Well, that doesn't surprise me." Twilight uses her magic to levitate a blackboard over to you two, and draws a star surrounded by a butterfly, lightning bolt, apple, crystal and a balloon. "Our land of Equestria is rich in magic, which allows us to maintain harmony over all living things. Me and my friends represent and stand for that harmony. So, it'd be kind of a miracle if you didn't make friends here!" She smirks.
You decide to get the biggest thing off your chest first. "Twilight... do you know why I am in Equestria?"
The purple pony's ears droop. "I'm sorry, I have no idea what brought you here. Your body simply absorbed all the magical scans I tried to do. And nobody found anything out of the ordinary in the Everfree. I can only speculate..."
"Okay." You shrug. "Speculate."
Twilight takes a deep breath and sits down next to your knees, looking at the floor. "Well... since your world doesn't produce any magic, then someone here must've opened a portal. And you simply fell through it. But to create a portal to another universe, not to mention a universe that according to our laws of nature might as well be fiction... it's unthinkable."
"But I'm here." You point out.
Twilight snorts. "Aaand I'll probably spend the rest of my life figuring that one out. But hey..." She nudges you. "I love a challenge."
Instinctually, you reach over to pet her head, only to remember seconds later that she's a sapient being and not a dog. "Oh! Sorry... force of habit."
"What's the matter?" Twilight asks, innocent curiosity shining in her deep violet eyes.
"I shouldn't have done that without, er, asking you first..." you mumble under your breath.
The purple pony cocks her head to the side. "You don't need to ask anypony's permission just to pat them on the head." She says slowly, as if talking to a child, though with good humor. "In fact, we ponies like to keep close and remind ourselves of how much we appreciate each other. Probably left over from the old days, when we were a herd race." The pony bumps her nose against your hand. "You doing the same was our first real indication that you were like us, in a way. "
The thought reassures you, but you know something still needs to be said: "It's more than that. Ponies exist in my world too..."
Twilight squeaks loudly before you can continue. "They DO?!? Tell me everything! No, wait...!" She uses her magic to levitate several stacks of paper, inkpots and quills over to her, controlling all simultaneously. "Ok, go!"
"... as I was saying, there's ponies in my world too. But they're not like the ponies here. They're not... brainy. They're kinda like dogs, they don't talk, they're just... doing whatever we need them to do."
The unicorn frowns. "What does that mean?"
A few beads of sweat form on your forehead. "Uh, well... it means we have them around. Like pets and workforce and... sometimes we..."
don't say eat don't say eat don't say eat
"... breed them, and..."
Twilight turns very red very quickly.
you motherfucker
"NOT IN THAT SENSE! I mean, we, uh... we-we... oh sweet Jesus..." you facepalm. "We keep them around as familiars, basically. Okay?"
"... I think I know what you mean..." Twilight says slowly, avoiding your eyesight. "Tell me other things about your world. Is there a government? How advanced is your science? How many races? How long is the day? How..."
She rambles onwards and you try to answer her questions to the best of your ability... which, to be fair, isn't all that much.
The 'interrogation', which lasted five hours and 23 minutes, and included details about your bank account and the precise recipe for a boring human potato salad, ends with Twilight's most important question: "Do you like books?"
"Huh?"
"Books!" Twilight exclaims, her eyes shining brilliantly. She gallops to the shelves, looking at the various spines with an adoring expression. "Containers of knowledge, records of wisdom throughout the generations, educators of the young and the old!" She turned back at you, a wary look on her face. "You... do have books, right?"
You laugh out loud. "Yes, Twilight, we have books. And yeah, I do like them. Actually, one of the worst things about being cut off from home is I don't have any of my favourites with me. My grandpa kept his whole house full of them, every wall was lined with shelves. I once built a fort out of them when I was a kid. Boy, did I get it..."
The purple unicorn moans a little. "Oh, human books... that would be the crown jewel of my collection." She smiles wistfully for a moment, before adopting a more stern look. "Well, the library is open to you at all times..."
"That's brilliant, I..."
She interrupts your cheer. "... on ONE condition."
"Ah."
Twilight stares at you piercingly and pokes the Alicorn Amulet through your shirt. "You have to let me run some tests on the Amulet, and see what kind of an effect it's having on you. Just because magic is not innately part of your nature doesn't necessarily make you immune to its darkness."
You sense a scowl stretch on your face. "You'd have to get it off my neck first. I didn't go all this way just for you to confiscate it."
Clearly, the pony doesn't like it, but she tries another approach: "Why did you go? Did you know it would be there?"
"I think that's between me and Princess Luna. She, uh... she did something to me, and I just want to talk to her first. But I'll tell you right after I know, okay?" You pat her on the head again, reassuringly, and scratch the pony's ear, which makes her head twitch around in confusion.
"Oka-whohh, what is that, what're you doing?! It feels so.."
"I am giving your ears the pet treatment, miss 'we're a herd race'."
"Oh-oh-oh, I d-did not, oh, I did not expect t-that..." she stutters between bouts of tickling that makes her tail whip the ground aggressively. "Wow, those things are wild!"
"I can't help it. This place puts Disney to shame. And Disney has Star Wars!"
"Implying...?"
"You guys are... addictively adorable, ok? Like, really cute!" You finally confess.
The purple unicorn blinks, and her furry face scrunches up in confusion. "Huh? How am I cute?"
"..."
By the time the disc of the sun starts to sink below Equestria, you and your best book pal have disappeared into the Castle Of The Two Readers aka a proper book fort that snorts down towards all inferior book-related construction works.
Together, the two of you are cozily lying on pillows with nothing, but Twilight's magic both holding the book and illuminating it. You have an arm wrapped around the smaller creature's withers. As it happens, you find yourself absolutely fascinated by the wondrously weird history of Equestria's development and happily feed into the unicorn's fiery love of knowledge and understanding of the universe around her.
She does, naturally, make sure however that you tell something of Earth to balance things out and so you do, passing along tales of humanity's tumultuous development and scientific accomplishments, though you self-consciously omit the more gruesome details. Because somehow, you feel in your heart that there are no adults in this land beyond Celestia and Luna.
"... write a letter?"
Having briefly zoned out, you jump slightly. "Hm?"
Twilight rolls her eyes and boops your nose. "Every colt. Every time. Eventually, they all lose track of what I'm saying. I really should sue someone. I was saying, you should write a letter to Princess Celestia."
"I guess. She probably deserves an update or... something?"
"Yes, but that's not what I meant. Me and my friends, we have this custom of keeping the princess informed of things we learn. She says it helps us compartmentalize things and that's certainly true, but between you and me, I think she just wants to re-experience life from our mortal perspective."
You let that sink in. "But I'm not a pony. What will I say? 'Hi, I'm an alien creature and I learned a shit ton of history today?'"
"No, you-"
Before Twilight can finish the sentence, your entire castle collapses on top of you and for a minute, there's nothing but books and fur in your face. You hear Twilight whining above you. "Spiiike!"
Finally, scaly claw hands dig you out of the pile. Spike's slitted green eyes gleam amusingly. "You let Twilight talk you into the fort, didn't you? That's ok. We all go through the fort at some point."
You ruffle your hair to try and get it back under control. "No, no, it was my pleasure." Before the pony can protest, you pull her out of the pile by her sides and set her back down on the floor, making her blush slightly at the foal-like treatment. Fortunately, she has a convenient distraction. "Right, little dragon! Since you decided to mess up my ordered, categorized and numbered book fort, you get to clean up. And who put this card around my neck? Skinny?"
"He's a dragon?" you squeak rather louder than you should have.
Both of them stare at you. "You know dragons?!?" they both yell back.
"Uh, well, they're only myth, but..." you pick Spike up, staring at the miracle. "You are a dragon. Dragon. You. Dragon. I'm holding a dragon. I am holding a dragon."
Spike gives Twilight a fearful look. "Twilight, help. I think he's losing it!"
Using her magic, the pony pulls Spike out of your hands. "Get to work, Mr.Myth."
"Alright, alright! Anyway, I just wanted to say, Fluttershy's come to pick Skinny up."
Noticing you still staring at the freaking dragon, Twilight huffs and latches onto your pants with her teeth, pulling you towards the door. "Come on now, we'll talk all about it tomorrow."
You're finally drawn out of your shock and when the unicorn opens the door to reveal not just Fluttershy, but Derpy as well, both of them giving you Oscar worthy shining grins. Their wings flap a little simultaneously.
"Uh, hey girls!" Twilight greets them, somewhat bemused. "How are you?"
"GRRRREAT!"
"Oh, we're feeling very good, Twilight. We're just here to take Skinny home. If that's ok with you, of course."
Twilight raises an eyebrow, staring back at you. "Yeah... of course. Just... think about what I told you. About the letter."
You nod and step outside, where the pegasi immediately resume their morning positions like trained bodyguards.
The three of you travel over hill and over dale, back to Fluttershy's sweet little cottage over the stream. Celestia's setting sun casts a brilliant golden glow over the whole land, and you've never felt happier being there.
"How was your day at Twilight's library, Anon?" Fluttershy asks sweetly.
"Yea! Did ya read about muffins?!"
You chuckle. "Ohh, I read about a lot of things. She's helping me figure out how this world works and what I should do next. You know, like getting a job. Although to be honest, those pictures I've been drawing are still selling like wild. Seems like everyone-"
Derpy taps you on the knee and you look down at her crossed eyes. "Everypony! Grammar brings you glamour!"
"Of course. Thank you, Derpy! Everypony in Equestria seems to want one."
"I'm glad you're doing so well." Fluttershy smiles. "What did she say about the Amulet?"
You feel a twinge of irritation. Always about the goddamn Amulet.
"We agreed to chill out on the Amulet until I've spoken to Luna. She got into my head, and uh... I'm still not entirely sure what exactly she did in there. So if anyone knows what should be done about the Amulet, it'd be her."
"Oh, okay."
Oh, now it's just 'okay'. Yeah, now that you know somebody trustworthy will take care of it... You take a deep breath and force the feverish worries from your mind. Fluttershy is right. You really don't know what this thing is.
But until we see Luna, the Amulet stays on. They're all so worried, I wouldn't be surprised if one of them did try to steal it.
"Anon?"
"Hm?"
Fluttershy pulls on your sleeves with her teeth. "We're here, Anon."
You look up and sure enough, Angel Bunny is at the front door waiting for you, and desperately trying to conceal a box cutter in his tail. Derpy's boyfriend, the brown-furred stallion with the hourglass mark is taking a nap against Fluttershy's fence, snoring lightly.
Derpy wakes him up by raspberring on his stomach, and the stallion lets loose the most British yelp you've ever heard. "Derpy!"
The grey pegasus chuckles. "This was a fun day!" She declares definitively, and bumps noses with the stallion. "Did you have a fun day?"
"Weeell, relatively speaking... the day's just gotten started" Suddenly, the brown stallion ducks under Derpy, picking her up on his back and gallops away with her squealing in joy. "Allons-y!"
"Those two are very sweet together, don't you think?" Fluttershy says with a fond look in her eyes.
You turn towards her slowly. "Why the hell is Doctor Who a pony?"
Dear Princess Luna (and Celestia)
First of all, congratulations, because your land is AWESOME. I thoroughly love what you've done with the place. Your student Twilight Sparkle has been filling me in on its history and I'm just full of respect for you ponies.
Actually, I guess I should've started mentioning how I'm able to talk and write pon-ese now. When Princess Luna used her dreamwalking magic to try and enter my mind, it caused some kind of a weird thing to happen where there's another entity living inside me. I know it sounds crazy, but maybe you guys know what it's all about? She can sense magic and she pointed me in the direction of this thing called the Alicorn Amulet, which I hear is super evil, but it's okay. Hand on my heart, I am not turning evil! No plans to take over Equestria or anything.
Ok, now that I got that out of the way, Twilight also said I should write this letter to tell you about what I've learned since I arrived. But I don't think I've learned anything or changed at all since I came here. What I've seen is a land and people that are so much better than anything I could imagine back where I came from. And I admire that, but I don't see myself as part of it. I don't know why I'm here and I don't think I deserve to be here. I just hope I never have to wake up back home.
Yours respectfully,
Anonymous.
P.S. I love the chess set you gave me.
"Hello, welcome to Cut & Karat, where the jewels shine to make fiancees smile! Oh... oh!" The middle-aged grey mare's eyes widen as she takes in the unusual furless customer in front of her. "Why, hello, mr hyooman, sir! What can we do for you?"
Using his unusual spidery appendages, the hyooman tugs at his shirt collar, and pulls out a glinting ruby-encrusted necklace made of a foreboding dark alloy. "Hello. I'm here for a replica."
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I don't know if I should applaud him for being witty or worry that he's actually possessed and just not showing it while he protects the source of his dark, ear-skritchy powers.
Oh my God, this chapter was adorable and I loved every word of it!
... Though this gives me a little pause <_<;;;;
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I hope he's not planning on giving the replica in place of the actual amulet in case it does start doing something worryingly, as it seems to be doing now, possibly.
this chapter was very fun to read, the adorable interaction and everything ^^
not shure if the replica thing is very smart or worrying xD
I know what hes doing.
Box cutter? I guess there's no switchblade available and he works with what he has.
Run run duun
Best chapter in humor.
Absolutly my favorit as of yet 
Well done! Did enjoy laugthing for minutes 
Welp, he's been corrupted already. Corruption isn't just an all-at-once-suddenly-dark-lord thing. It's a process. First part is to make you not WANT to stop the corruption, and to make you blind to it. Like we see here.
Maybe ask Dr. WHO for a possibel explaination? A Timelord might be helpful. Just dont get to fan girl on him because his Box it smaller from the outside. Tardis breaking every working physic law one belived in...
10152648
Or hes having good reasons to be conserned. Everypony wannt the bling bling that keeps him from dying after all.
He doesn't want to give up the thing that allows him to communicate. I'm not surprised.
Disney's heretical bad-fanfiction schlock IS NOT STAR WARS.
BUKS!!!
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Well, if he starts clutching the amulet, stroking it while muttering about a "precious", then we know something has gone terribly wrong.
10152917
But they aren't letting it die. They are taking it and twisting it into an abomination. If you like the disney star wars movies then good for you but to me they are star wars in name only. Too much lore breaking for my tastes.
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Well, at least it's doing better than Star Trek, which has been consistently rubbish since 2009
10153022
It's been rubbish far longer than that.
10153032
Don't you diss my Star Trek: Enterprise
10153038
To be fair I never liked it at all so I was referring to the whole thing but to each their own.
10152654
Nope. It's corruption. The unreasonable paranoia is not part of his normal character profile from everything we've seen so far. Now he's having a replica of it made, presumably to swap it out in case someone tries to confiscate it. None of his resistance towards them wanting the Amulet has been fearful, it's been angry. Even when Fluttershy just asks about it he internally flips, even suspecting her, whom he calls Sweetheart because she's the dearest and kindest thing he knows.
That's not normal. It's too sudden and powerful a mental and emotional shift, and doesn't show signs of being random-think or grumpiness from exhaustion - it's too structured, too logical, the tone it carries lends more to anger and suspicion than anything else. Also, the letter, he clarifies he's aware it's supposed to be super-evil, but says it's fine because he says so.
That's always the first step in corruption as I mentioned before. Being unrealistic and unreasonable. Angered defensiveness when the topic's brought up or the idea is put forward to remove it.
This is an item they know a lot more about than he does. He acknowledges that. When someone knows more about something than you, you must submit to what they say on the matter - because you don't know better. You wouldn't tell a carpenter or architect how to do his job, for instance - when you know nothing about say, building houses. They tell him it's evil and corrupting. He says no it's not. HUGE red flag.
agreed what The Company With the Mouse made is not Star Wars.
its Blasphemy In Space the Films
Anon is slowly becoming evil.
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Dont forget it was mentioned that the Amulet amplifies Unicorn magic. Paranoid? They keep asking for it. Even if Anon dont know it yet, some Pony are willing to kill for it. Dont think Anon is naive enough to be on causion for a situation were a replica can save the day. Maybe he can claim his body absorbed the magic to a villain and that buys time or a chance to prepare for the next attempt. Also its nice for 1-2 simpel tests. Example:
1. Amulet get placed in a enchanted box for save keeping. Will the box be stolen?
2. He takes the Replica and places it on the nightstand like Luna or Celestia place there stuff away to go to sleep. Is it there the next morning?
-----
Pretty sure Eris can keep the Amulet in Check. I trust her so far. Besides... Maybe it was Eris idea to test the Ponys with the Replica. She is quite the smart thing.
-----
You must submit because someone knows it better? That wrong on so many levels.
Example:
I sell room cleaning system in the past. Later sleeping systems ( bed and everything including the topic ).
Pretty sure nobody submited to my supperior products by default . Or my knownlage on because i matter if factly i show it by doing my presentation . Beside that i can give you several Fimfiction story were your logic bites you in the ass.
Example:
1. Celestia lies in everyone faces to archiv her goals.
- https://www.fimfiction.net/story/270723/mated-for-life
- https://www.fimfiction.net/story/462778/i-am-not-sombra
2. Luna lies to Cadance or others to get her way in a topic / procedure.
- https://www.fimfiction.net/story/270723/mated-for-life
3. Twilight dont agree there her logic is flawed.
- https://www.fimfiction.net/story/270723/mated-for-life
- https://www.fimfiction.net/story/429845/to-be-a-changeling
Never underestimate the power of the Scritch!
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Personally, Star Wars is a soft spot for me as far as critical analysis is concerned. It's a space adventure with laser swords. So long as it's not boring or downright toxic, I can get behind the films. As one coherent storyline, the sequels pale in comparison to the previous trilogies.
But I still find all three entertaining and exciting as movies in their own right, especially Force Awakens, which is in my Top 5 Star Wars films list(along with the originals and Revenge of the Sith). I certainly think the SW universe is better for the addition of Kylo Ren's character, and I was very impressed with the death of Han Solo.
And if nothing else, we get plenty of new memes out of the films.
10154164
I agree with you that Sith was a good movie... but I could have been better in how they delt with how and WHY Anakin went dark side.. or how he got his butt kicked.
Reading Anonymous's adventures, I wonder how Anne Onymous (The Wotch) would do in Equestria.
10153156
Did I miss something? At what point did he do anything evil?
10154808
He didnt.
10154808
He hasn't done anything evil, no. But it's in the small reactions, the irritation, the paranoia, the distrust. Given how everybody is reacting to all those small things, I'd say the author has done well in being fairly subtle. Whether or not something major will come of this remains to be seen.
10155064
Maybe but given how long hes gone without any sort of intelligent conversation then finally getting the ability from an artefact that everypony keeps saying is evil, I dont blame him for being worried that some pony would want to take it from him.
Wonder why he'd need a replica for...
10156191
Im more interessted were he get the Rare Stone to pay for it...
Read the comments. Some could possible explain it
I don't know if the author is intentionally conflating horse and dog behavior here, but an active tail is usually a sign of agitation for a horse.
10157602
They're also largely incapable of sitting down like felines and canines, but MLP has allowed for that.
10157630
Look man, if you want the ponies in your universe to wag their tails when their happy that's entirely up to you. I'm just saying it goes against real world horse / pony body language. If I was near any horse wagging it's tail like a dog does, I'd back away slowly and hope I didn't get kicked in the face.
Can't wait for more! Literally binged this within a day. Fuck.
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You know, I used to like this fic. It was in my favorites. But now, I think this chapter killed it. In this chapter, anon insulted cheese. This is unacceptable, because cheese is amazing. I can’t believe it. This once wonderful character brought down by an unholy dislike of cheese. I don’t even know what the point of going on is.
In all seriousness, I do enjoy the story. Keep up the good work!
I hope there's more chapters. This was amazing!
10175298
Yeah! Nobody insults Cheese! It's not his fault he's thick as a brick! We can't all be extra sharp, and the problems he finds himself wedged into are but mild annoyances! You can't expect every jack to be a tool for helping with wheels, and no one's a Swiss army knife!
...I was really fishing at the end there. Sorry, I'll see myself out.
10185026
I don't even get half of these
Somehow I misplaced the last two updates and just read them. Fluffy fun!
This is awesome, can't wait till the next update :]
Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update Update
And thus the story became japanese porn....
10262590
*points mounted 2 gage shotgun at door* keep those tenticles away from me
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*Opens the door like how a bad roommate should*
"EMBRACE THE PORN!"