Chapter 23
With curiosity, you watch as Sweetheart drags your Dracula cape over by her teeth, with a pair of green saddlebags already on her back. You take a hold of the cape and she pointedly pushes it up at you with her head.
"We going somewhere today?" You ask. In response, Sweetheart trots off and returns a minute later with your tux. "Someplace fancy, I take it?"
The yellow pegasus whinnies and rears a little, emphasising speed. Not wanting to delay her, you hurriedly change, clip your cape to your suit and follow your caretaker to town. She takes you to Lavender's tree house, where the other five mares she hangs out with are waiting outside, in front of what looks like a closed four-wheeled carriage. You raise an eyebrow, recalling your last trip on one of those. Oh, it was fun alright. Up until the Nightmare(you had to pat yourself on the back for that pun) drilled into your head.
Still, this one looks more ornate than the practical guard carriage, covered in gold livery and the same emblem of the sun that is on the beautiful chessboard the Sun Princess had gifted you.
As soon as the blue Daredevil notices you, she perks up, tosses her saddlebags in the carriage and flits over to you, latching onto your body with all four hooves to literally carry you inside the big box like a sack of potatoes. Daredevil's hooves are locked tightly around you though, unwilling to surrender what she's claimed, to the annoyance of Sweetheart, who gives the blue pegasus the evil eye as you two squeeze in.
There are eight red cushioned seats inside. One is devoted to all the saddlebags that the ponies are too lazy to put anywhere else. Two are for the blue Daredevil pegasus to lounge on, as Cutie Pie immediately takes up residence on your lap as you sit down and melts onto your chest, only to occasionally groan or hum as you absent-mindedly rub her soft pink belly with your thumbs.
Pulled along by four strong pegasi, the carriage takes to air, but rather than fly to the pony capital like last time, your journey takes you higher and higher, until your big box floats above the clouds.
A general mood of excitement permeates the carriage for reasons beyond you. Sweetheart's face is pressed against the cool glass window. Applebutt and the ravishing as ever Goddess are loudly chattering. Lavender is reading a book, but never turns the page. As for the Daredevil, she looks like she's napping, but you see her leg quietly thump against the hoof rest of the chair in nervous energy.
Amusingly, the only calm pony in the whole carriage is the usually hyperactive Cutie Pie, who is still as a mouse as soon as she gets in touch with your flexible fingers.
Finally, the carriage lands, so gently that you barely even notice apart from a subtle shift in weight. The ponies all scramble out with their bags and you follow after them. The sight that you're greeted with makes your jaw drop.
Clouds. Clouds everywhere. Houses made of clouds, roads made of clouds, friggin lamp posts made of clouds! Air so crisp and chilly that it could scarcely be anywhere, but high up.
And this isn't just any old town - you see proper mansions with pillars and fountains all floating around idly, and streams of liquid rainbow pooling in places. If ever there was a Mount Olympus, you're in it.
In excitement, you try to jump on the cloud, only to be quickly pushed back by Sweetheart and Applebutt, who hold up hooves in a "wait a sec" gesture.
So you stand there on the edge of the carriage and watch as Daredevil trots under you with a cocky smirk and wiggles her hips, the multicoloured tail whipping from flank to flank. "You are kidding me." You deadpan and look over at Sweetheart, who only gives you an encouraging nod. Great. I didn't need that cereal to stay in my stomach anyway.
You slowly sit down and manage to shimmy onto the blue pony's back. She, to her credit, manages the weight without much complaint. Not wanting to get in the way of her flying, you avoid the wings and instead rest your palms on her shoulders.
Unlike the other ponies, even Sweetheart, there's a slightly different texture to Daredevil's fur - it's light and airy, wind-whipped even, so your fingers practically pass through it and onto the skin below.
The pegasus turns her rainbow-maned head around and winks. Instinctively, your legs grip the pony by her barrel as she blasts off into the skies as if shot from a cannon. Unexpectedly, judging from the indignant cries of your friends.
Unlike the last time you flew on her, however, she isn't going for speed and instead circles around the cloud city, giving you a magnificent view of the opulent home of the pegasi. Because Daredevil wasn't just flying all on her lonesome - entire flocks of bird ponies flew in and about the city.
Because of the surreal sight, it takes you a few minutes to realise the rows of flying pegasi are actually moving in an ordered line, and you're in some form of heavy traffic, heading towards an arena resembling the Colosseum. Plastered on its side are large banners showcasing a pony sports team in flamboyant superhero poses, dressed in blue spandex and wearing... old fashioned pilot goggles?
You ponder over that for a moment, until a particularly carefree pegasus with a stringy, gelled black mane and a pale yellow coat flies by the two of you at high speed and cuts in line. As Daredevil loses her shit, you come to the obvious realisation that it's probably to protect them from the wind blinding them at high speeds. And that's the last thought you have before the blue pegasus rears in air to show off her boxing moves, causing you to topple into the vast nothingness below.
Feeling your weight at full force and then some as you fall uncontrollably, you scream loudly, your mind already cementing your death as an impending, impassable fact. Somehow, your flailing body manages to miss all the flying ponies and you wince and close your eyes, preparing to smash onto the magical cloud floor of the city. Instead, all that happens is that it gets a heck of a lot colder and then... your neck gets tugged on so hard that you choke. You open your eyes and see nothing, but the actual freaking ground far below you.
And the only thing keeping it from you is your cape... hanging on something inside the misty cloud that you can't see. You'd apparently fallen through someone's apartment and gotten your cape hooked on something non-magical. Wonderful news, if it wasn't killing you at the same time. You claw at your neck, trying desperately to squeeze space between you and the chain of your cape so you could breath, but it's too tight.
Before you can black out, however, you hear a ripping sound from top and then plummet once again... for a second, before you're caught in a pair of bright yellow hooves and dragged back through the clouds and into an uncomfortable metal tub, where you have a massive coughing fit, trying to regain your breath. The mare turns on the shower, drenching you in ice cold water. Thanks to this tough love treatment, you quickly regain your faculties and rip off the cape that nearly killed you in a fit of rage.
Seeing you're fine, your savior turns off the water and whinnies at you. Your jaw drops upon seeing her - the mare is breathtaking - like Sweetheart, she has yellow fur, but hers is more golden in hue. The truly remarkable thing is her mane, which starts out the same color as her coat at the roots, but gets progressively darker. It is also scruffy and untamed, giving the impression of an untameable streak of fire. That all, coupled with the mare's deep orange eyes, makes her seem like the best parts of flame come to life - fierce and unpredictable, but warm and gentle too.
"Whoa."
Right now, though, you're not exactly in her good books judging from her eye-rolling and increasingly angry voice. She seems to figure out you're unable to understand her, as she bites her lip and trots around the room in thought, finally stopping at a cabinet above the toilet with a smile to pull something metal out. Without warning, the mare gives you a firm push in the abdomen with her hooves, forcing you into a sitting position, takes one of your hands in her hooves and pulls it towards a metal pipe.
Click.
Handcuffed.
You look back at the mare, bemused. "I feel like I missed something... and I'm not sure I want to know what."
A warm thanks to y'all for the birthday wishes! 
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(Well... that could have gone better.)
I feel as tho anon is about to loose sumthin important along with his pride
Well, if we had to fall through anyone's house, it may as well be that particular mare
At least she was kind enough to make sure we won't fall again...
Why does Spitfire have
handhoofcuffs in her home? Is that usual kit for a drill sergeant?Kinky.
9571581
Safety kit or kinky kit? XD
Does... does Anon need an adult?
I get the feeling Rainbow is going to have to endure a ton of teasing about 'colt delivery' in the future...
Damnit rainbow.
HE NEEDS AN ADULT!
9571637
9571687
Oh, but Spits IS an adult!
In all seriousness though, even if that was what was happening, how long has he gone without any action? Guy most likely deserves such a break.
Poor Dracula cape though, your sacrifice shall be remembered
9571719
Fair point
I think the better question than "why does Spitfire have hoof cuffs," is that "why are the hoof cuffs in the bathroom?"
Oh man, what has he gotten himself into this time
9571739
watersports
9571685
What are they last ones to?
9571581
You never know when you might have to 'arrest' rascally rookies...
Enjoying this Fic a lot. I am wondering if RushyFiction will make a parallel fic from the Ponies Perspective.
Bound to happen at some point.
Oh boy! I hope our little human goes to jail to experience a new adventure.
Also, I guess I sense ships sailing
9571771
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
9572014
9571771
I like the way you think.
I want the next chapter now!
9571581
The Wonderbolts seem to be the Air Force of Equestria, she might pull duty as some sort of executive MP for all we know, we don't know how their structure works.
Twilight, will you PLEASE cast Comprehend Language on him already?
9571581
9572288
Who says she uses them for work?
9571581
I think we all know why she has them.
9571771
That was bad, and you should feel bad.
9571614
why not both
Human ends up in Spitfire's bathroom unexpectedly and gets the worse end of the encounter? I seem to recall a fic like that...
Anon got Gwen Stacy'd.
Good to know he's gaining magic. That's really the only way to explain why he's not stone dead right now.
9573419
You mean because he survived being hung?
9573681
Hanged.
Dangit, Dash!
Though hey, points with Spitfire, yeah? Why the shower treatment though...
Keep going! ;)
9573900
quick way to wake someone up
9572303
That would ruin the point of this story
The reason its unique and why im reading it
9571931
Dont drop the soap
Im thinking she mostly handcuffed him so he couldnt fall through the floor to his death and would stay in the bathtub so she could leave to get someone else to deal with the hoohmun
Still aint gona keep RD from teasing him about it though
9574323
I'd like her to at least attempt it. It doesn't have to work fully, if it all.
9574670
I dont understand why he doesnt carry a note pad on him though and have some crude communication with pictures
9574832
I know words are a no go, I have no idea about pictures; though.
Flash cards with pictures on them? It's a rudimentary way to make sentences.
9575951
I've explained this before, but long story short, there's just not been much of a need for such things yet.
9576372
Sorry. Totally forgot.
I love this story, keep it up!
9574670
You're assuming she hasn't tried.
9571802
I can't tell you how much i would love something like this.
9585065
Be careful what you wish for
9571771
Jesus Christ now I have a mental image of a pony watersports waterboarding someone.
Why would you do this to me?
9573681
He might be Well hung but it’s about being choked and more than suddenly being stopped like that would break your neck/spine. Whiplash
Ooh. Kinky. Heh, just kidding.