The Human Pet

by RushyFiction

Chapter 49

Once the gas had dispersed, there were plenty of recriminations from both sides. Crystal had the treacherous son. Chrysalis' spies had failed to inform that Skinny was no longer under Amulet influence. Crystal had not planned sufficiently to prepare for the daytimers' escape. Chrysalis had failed with her earlier invasion attempt. The only thing they agreed on was to send their loyalists to recapture the guests.

"You can do what you want with the rest," said Crystal dismissively, "but bring Crimson to me unharmed. He's my son."

"Of course." Chrysalis sounded polite and deferential. Crystal wasn't fooled for a second. The Changeling Queen may have been used to lying, but Crystal was used to being lied to, whether by business ponies or politicians. "Excuse me."

Crystal has recently allowed Chrysalis to occupy a wing of the mansion to use as a base of operations as she hid from Celestia. That is where she gave private instructions to her Changelings. What she did not realise was that the stone walls were thin enough for Crystal to hear every word if she tuned her ears just right. "Find them and bring the alien here by all means necessary!" The Queen commanded. "And if that foolish brat of Crystal's gets in the way, kill him and replace him. We can deal with the thestrals later."

So that's how it was going to be. Crystal immediately went to Super Star. "Chrysalis will not hold back from killing your brother. So you will have to stop them. Go with the Changelings. They will disguise themselves as bats and not take any notice of you. If they do, use this. If they find your brother, use it some more." She handed him a compacted flame-thrower. Heat was an immense weakness for insects. "Take him to Celestia and tell her the truth about what we've been doing."

"Won't that ruin the plan?" Super Star asked, overwhelmed by her new responsibilities.

"I have other plans." said Crystal ominously. "Now that I know Chrysalis cannot be trusted, it's prudent to let Celestia take care of her. Your job will be to convince your brother to come back to us. Now go! There's not a moment to lose!"

---

"Is this a joke? Some cruel punishment? Or the work of true evil?" You grumble, facing down an ominous pot of coffee at the Night Princess's breakfast table.

"Our hyooman friend regards coffee as his mortal nemesis." Luna explains to the guests without a hint of mockery in her voice.

It's true. To say you hate coffee doesn't even scratch the surface of your relationship with Satan's piss. "It stalks me. It mocks me. It has brainwashed humanity, and ponykind too it seems. Even when I was but a babe in my crib, its noxious fumes reached me. In school, the vending machines taunted me... there was not one soda machine, no! All the caffeine in the world, but you gotta drink this disgusting bitter slop to get it! Every morning, I'd wake to the sound of my mother's rattling espresso maker! When they lower me into the ground, they'll sip cappuccinos at the wake! Its tentacles reach everywhere! No escape! No escape!"

"Unlike soda, coffee has actual health benefits." Nurse Redheart reminds you, highly amused. "Which speaks to the high quality of whatever school you attended."

"The Dark Roast cult has gained another soul." You declare dramatically. "But seriously though, is there any tea or juice or anything that doesn't make me wanna slash my wrists?"

"Maybe we should get Skinny a chilled blood pack?" Lighthouse smirks. "He's got O-negative written all over him."

Luna tuts at the private. "We do not drink blood in Equestria. Not anymore. The Vampyre Potion has rendered the practice obsolete." Lighthouse sinks back into her chair. She isn't about to question the Princess, but you can tell she isn't happy about it. The potion - designed to provide thestrals with all vital nutrients, but lacking in the taste or thrill of an old-fashioned hunt - has received mixed responses even from the crown's closest supporters. Luna turns back to you. "Anon, we are here for a strategy meeting. You can start an anti-coffee demonstration later."

You sit down, muttering oaths under your breath. A war council has gathered around the circular table, consisting of Luna, yourself, Lighthouse, Redheart, Super Star and a pompous blue unicorn who insists on being referred to as the Great and Powerful Trixie. Fat chance. Wizard Hat she is.

The discussion opens with some concern over the competence of Luna's counsel.
"Aren't we just random ponies who got involved in this plot by pure happenstance?" A puzzled Redheart asks. "Where are the generals? The strategists? Military advisors?"

"Where is the need for them?" Luna sips some coffee, her eyes playfully glinting at you. "Our royal self is far more experienced and qualified than any general or strategist. Indeed, tis our custom to be advised by whoever happens to be around. Little ponies such as yourself are not warped by military training, and can proffer unexpected insights we'd never stumble across."

"The Great and Powerful Trixie agrees!" Wizard Hat chirps with authority, as if she has a PhD on proffering unexpected insights. "These no-good family-wrecking guanoheads shall know the wrath of our royal power!! ... err, I mean, your royal power, Princess..."

"Didn't you ditch your grandpa, like, decades ago?" snaps Lighthouse, whose patience for upjumped daytimers is matched only by her patience for raisin muesli.

If Wizard Hat could turn blue, she would. "It would take a bat to confuse a familial dispute with warmongering." She sneers. "As it happens, I'm familiar with your record. Thieving, wasn't it?"

"Makes us colleagues, I reckon." Lighthouse crosses her hooves and leans back with malevolent smugness. "At least I don't torture my victims with cheap magic tricks first."

"CHEAP?!" Wizard Hat's horn lights up, and a dozen bagels splat themselves against Lighthouse's face. "YOU LITTLE BUTTER-HAIRED MONGREL!"

"Alright-alright-alright! Ladies!" You hold up your hands defensively. "We're here to save the world, not descend into petty arguments."

The glares of death you get from both are enough to shrink you back into your seat. "You dare depreciate the seriousness of this accusation?!" Wizard Hat screams.

"You calling me petty?" Lighthouse yells.

Wizard Hat's eyes roll. "Oh, so eloquently put. Can you not at least mock his thinning fur, or that ghastly lump of a snout?"

You frown. "Ghastly lump? You mean my nose-? Arright, time out." You wrap your arms around both ponies - Wizard Hat is far too flabbergasted to even remember her magic - and set them down on your knees, your hands digging straight into their manes. You haven't scritched anypony in a while, but it seems the old skitterfingers haven't gone to rust yet.

"T-t-t-t-his is s-s-s-ooooo und-d-d-dignifieeeeed..." Wizard Hat mumbles, her voice stuttering like a Native American war cry.

"I'll g-g-get you for this, Sssssssskinneeee..." Lighthouse moans, in the process of turning into a fuzzy puddle.

You clear your throat. "Sorry, Princess, I seem to have incapacitated two of your advisors. I hope the rest of us will suffice."

Luna, you can tell, is putting a millennia's worth of etiquette training into retaining her composure. Only a stray bead of sweat on her head reveals that she is, in fact, sorely tempted to howl with laughter like a hyena and ask you to test your fingers on her royal ears. But of course, it is unladylike and also you're all in the middle of an apocalyptic crisis, so she relents. Instead, she produces an appropriate titter (hidden behind a hoof) and nods. "I have no doubt you will." But one day, she promises herself, those fingers will dance across the back of her head like Mare-zart.

A royal secretary produces a chart and spreads it out across the table. Though no one except Luna knows this, the secretary has obsessively color-coded each one of their current quandaries, with the more pertinent ones (possible Changeling invasion, Celestia's struggle with the Alicorn Amulet and George R. R. Martingale's refusal to write another 'Game of Thoroughbreds' novel) being in the warmer reds, while the less serious situations are icy blue (Lavender Lady's weird Gecko friend has apparently decided he was gonna serve Apple Buttocks for the rest of his life. Also, the Crystal Empire is short on mint teabags).

"Thank you, Power Point." Luna says kindly. "I will now outline our most pressing issues."

PROBLEM A

"It's become apparent that Crystal Star and her associates in the Shadow Party have aligned with our enemy Queen Chrysalis in a plot to plunge Equestria back into an eternal night, such as it was during the time of Nightmare Moon. Thanks to the additional information provided by Crystal's daughter Super Star, we now know that resurrecting Nightmare Moon is precisely their intention."

Redheart raises her hoof, a sheepish smile on her face. Luna nods her permission to speak. "This may be a stupid question... but when did Chrysalis start worshipping Nightmare Moon?"

"She doesn't." says Luna sharply. "And never has. We suspect she has fooled Crystal Star into supplying the Changelings with whatever they need to rebuild, in exchange for her support in restoring the Nightmare. This is, however, pure speculation. In order to restore the Nightmare, ancient Tradestones have been modified to transplant souls rather than people or items."

Wizard Hat blinks, her attention briefly diverted from your most expert ministrations. "A what stone? Trixie has never heard of such a thing."

"The Tradestones are ancient relics of an Equestria before we Princesses governed it." Luna explains. "They were used as a convenient exchange system between distant tribes and communities. Four are still known to exist. Two are in use in this very Castle, and impossible to tamper with. Another two were recently used by Chrysalis in her last invasion attempt. It is highly likely her knowledge of these stones is key to the alliance between Changelings and Thestrals. They were hidden away at the Castle of Two Sisters, but according to Zecora's latest report, they have been stolen."

Gasps emit around the table.

"Though the magic of the Tradestones predates that of us, we do know something of it. We know it requires an incredible amount of magic to shift their alignment. Such as that of an entire tribe, united by harmony. Evil ponies like Chrysalis and Crystal, however, can only hope to match this with something as powerful as the Alicorn Amulet."

"So that's why they wanted the darn thing so badly." You mumble to yourself.

Luna nods sagely. "Indeed. The Amulet would have given them the strength to rip half of my soul - the half they don't care about - and trade it with a weaker patsy, whom the Nightmare could easily dominate. She would then regain control of this body and bring about the end of the Equestria we know. But since this has not come to pass, these villains must find an alternative source of power."

"Such as?" Power Point asks. Everyone turns to look at her, and she blushes deeply. "Sorry, I know I'm not part of the whole... gang... thing..."

"Not at all, Power Point. Everyone are welcome to speak." The Princess' horn lights up, and another chair pops out from underneath the unicorn's rump and glides her over to the table. The secretary laughs nervously at the thrill of being included.

Luna continues, her calm yet commanding voice carrying over the council. "At present, we've no idea what other source of magical energy they have in mind. However, we must assume something like it exists, or this plan would never have come together in the first place. The Alicorn Amulet was merely a fluke they tried to use to accelerate their timetable. Any comments, suggestions?"

You notice that Super Star hasn't said anything since the meeting had begun... in fact, you haven't heard her say anything at all. It's not particularly suspicious - after all, she is surrounded by people she would've called her enemy until two days ago - but something about the albino bat's skittish mood nags at your subconscious. Either that, or Eris left the toilet seat up again.

Lighthouse struggles to lift herself up, her tongue lolling out from extreme relaxation. "We thieves are thick as... well, you know. Someone might know something. Maybe we oughta ask around?"

"Could it really be that simple?" Redheart wonders with no small amount of sarcasm. "Excuse me, have you heard the latest gossip about this world domination scheme?"

"Well, what's your clever idea?" Lighthouse growls right back, deliberately showing off her incisors before your petting settles her down again.

Redheart thinks for a few seconds. "Treat the cause, not the symptoms. If we remove any chance of their plan working, then the question of what they do to achieve it becomes irrelevant. Then we can leave it to the Royal Guard to deal with them."

"Trixie likes that plan!" The blue mare pipes up aggressively, and then says nothing else.

Lighthouse snorts. "That's a very cute interpretation of 'treat the cause, not the symptoms'. Horseapples, the cause is still out there!"

"Perhaps we can combine the two ideas." Luna suggests, putting an end to the argument. "Redheart is right. They need us to be close in order to use the Tradestones effectively. However, we cannot leave Chrysalis and Crystal Star out there to poison any more ponies to this evil cause. They must be stopped. Therefore, both myself and Celestia must take our leave. That way, they cannot find us and we shall have the time we need to make our moves."

"What?!" The entire group exclaims as one.

"W-who's gonna be in charge then?" Power Point whispers innocently.

Luna pretends to ponder a little. "Hmm... perhaps some military generals and strategists. We have some idea of how to track down the pair. But first, there is the small matter of..."

PROBLEM B

"In order to save Skinny's life, our sister managed to convince the Sombra entity within the Alicorn Amulet to surrender itself to her, to take advantage of her power. Instead of Skinny's..." Luna's voice falters.

"Sexual magnetism, spanking good looks, brain sharper than the back of a ninja's hand?" You offer.

She narrows her eyes. "Right... in any case, while Celestia's will is strong enough to resist the Amulet for now, this stalemate cannot last forever. We must find a way to get rid of the Amulet for good, and deal with the consequences it's already caused for Skinny."

"Impending death from a magically induced alter ego cramming up the headspace." You explain, tapping against your temple. "She's my daughter. We want to keep her alive."

"Your daughter is your alter ego that lives in your head? And Trixie thought she had problems." Wizard Hat smirks.

Luna taps her hoof against her coffee cup, immediately regaining everyone's attention. "In this case, we already have a solution available. We will simply need your help to implement it. Power Point, please bring him in!"

The tiny secretary jumps off her chair and elevates a large white statue into the room. "I'm sure this creature requires no introduction." Luna says wryly.

While most of the ponies slink as far away from it as they can, you feel yourself overcome by curiosity. You've never seen Discord up close. He doesn't look quite like Eris. Rather unlike her rounded, fluffy face, Discord's is lean and twisted in a frozen expression of indignant fury.

"As an entity of chaos, Discord is not bound by the normal rules of good and evil. He is the only one who could remove the Amulet from my sister without harm, and destroy it. There is, however, one small issue."

"He's nuts?" Lighthouse says.

"Quite. But as I said, he is not bound by good and evil. He may just as easily work for us as he has against us. It is a great risk, perhaps one of the greatest we have ever taken, but I believe the Elements of Harmony may be able to tame his nature enough for him to agree to save Skinny and Celestia."

Redheart takes a few tentative steps closer to the statue. "W-what do we have to do?"

"Fear not." Luna smiles. "Your assignment will have nothing to do with Discord. You and Lighthouse will, in fact, assist me in locating Queen Chrysalis and Crystal Star."

"That leaves me and Wizard Hat." You note.

The blue mare gets all starry-eyed. "Yes! The Great and Powerful Trixie, and her great and powerful scritch machine shall... wait, we have to deal with DISCORD?!" Her hat flops to the ground, curled up into a fetal position as if even it was terrified.

"Twilight Sparkle and her friends will work to redeem Discord. I will go to them in the guise of my sister and pretend the work they will be doing is part of another friendship challenge. That way, they will not be distracted and their friendship towards Discord will be genuine. Discord must not think that we are using him only for his powers." Luna's horn flashes. Within seconds, her beautiful dark fur turns bleached white, and the starry sky of her mane is replaced with Celestia's familiar multi-coloured one. "Well now, my little ponies. How do I look?" She catches a glimspe of herself in the mirror. "Oh! Celestia really is so very ostentatious..."

"The Great and Powerful and also very Humble Trixie would humbly like to know how her humble self could possibly cope with DISCORD?! What is she to do???" Wizard Hat pleads, terrified of whatever cruel fate the Princess is about to thrust upon her. What had she done wrong? Besides her turn with the Alicorn Amulet, of course. And the Ursa Minor incident. But who counts those, anyway? Little magical mishaps! Hardly her fault.

Luna Celestia pats Wizard Hat on the head, seemingly oblivious to her nature, though of course she isn't. "Once Discord is sufficiently calmed, it will be thy task to persuade him to heal Skinny and our sister. Appeal to his better nature, if the Elements find one. Thou hast also struggled with a selfish past. Relate to him. His help is a vital step towards finding justice for thy grandfather... and selling your autobiography. Yes, we know that's really why thy answered our summons."

The blue mare groans, dragging a hoof across her face. "Trixie thought avenging her grandpa's death would make it a bestseller. Redeeming chaotic entities from the dawn of time was NOT part of the bargain!"

PROBLEM C

The Princess's face turns grim and serious, and her nostrils flare. "How the BUCK do we make that next 'Game of Thoroughbreds' book happen?! We have waited a DECADE to find out what happened to Tyrion Hinnyster!! Who will take care of this?!"

The group all slowly turn to a shivering Power Point.

Comments

[Booster Spice]

Poor Power Point.

At least theyll never run out of Bullets.

[shumpy]

I was half expecting them to go the Nyx route. Can't resurrect the Nightmare if we did it first!

[Destiny Chaser]

It's alive!

[Black--Soul]

"Thank you, Power Point." Luna says kindly. "I will now outline our most pressing issues."

👍

Magnificent chapter, great humor with a fantastic rounds of twists and turns.

Chrysalis is her own worst enemy.

[Gyro Pony]

Time to re-read the last few chapters!
Thankyou for continuing this story.

[Rotkiv Steelmug]

Twilight Sparkle and her friends will work to redeem Discord.

A reference to Keep Calm And Flutter On (S3 ep10)

[tsaukpaetra]

Wait, does Luna know Discord is totally aware even in stone? Not like he didn't know Celestia's plan in canon, but still, it's a little on-the-nose to reveal exactly what she wants to use Discord for...?
So Celestia is actually incapacitated, that complicates things a bit. 🤔

[Isshiki Kotonashi]

11881621
One can still measure the wavelengths one can’t naturally see, and if some animal made any sort of mark on paper, let alone with the dextrousness approaching human, i might give it more than one glance at the very least and I would forever question their nonsapience from that moment forward, but regardless how this particular idea panned out the rest of the story is fine so far and ive already glossed over that detail for the sake of moving the story forward so shrug