Friday - Recreational Acoustics
"...This is the. Worst. Thing. Ever!"
Twilight cringed. Rarity`s outcry was quite audible in the immediate vicinity of the boutique - especially so to her, given she was on the porch, hoof raised to knock. Oh well - nothing ventured, nothing gained. She knocked on the door firmly, eliciting a gasp from somewhere inside. A few minutes and some frantic whispering later, the door was opened by Sweetie Belle. "Hello there, miss Sparkle." - filly offered with a smile - "Rarity is putting on her, um... clothes, I think?" Twilight nodded back, stepping into the boutique gingerly - "Hello, Sweetie Belle." She looked upstairs and called out - "Take your time, Rarity, no hurry."
Sweetie closed the door and trotted back into the living room, flopping on the pillow. "Miss Twilight, why is Rarity so panicky today?" - she asked in a low voice - "I keep asking her, but she just says not to worry and that everything`s fine." Twilight raised her brow. "Panicky? Oh, nothing of a sort, Sweetie. We`re just going to Canterlot today, and she`s worried about looking her best." - she offered reasonably, hoping to defuse the situation. Filly grinned. "Naw, she went to Canterlot plenty of times. Big sis is only that panicky when she`s got a date. Are you having a double-date, miss Twilight? Where`s your coltfriend? And who`s taking Rarity out? I hope they`re nice." - she proffered, winking at the mare.
Twilight nibbled her lip. What to do, what to do? On one hoof, Sweetie Belle seemed to be remarkably well informed about Rarity`s romantic endeavours. On other, she was not keen of explaining the hows and whys of two mares on a date. Especially so, given that aforementioned filly probably didn`t even receive the obligatory the birds and the bees speech. Twilight smiled a little and offered - "We`re, uh, meeting our coltfriends at Canterlot." Filly treated her to a long inquisitive stare.
"So... you`re dating my big sis today." - drawled Sweetie quietly - "That`s nice. Hope you`ll have a good time at Canterlot." Mare did a doubletake. "What?... I mean, ahaha, no, that`s.. silly?" - she offered unconvincingly. Sweetie sighed. "Oh, come on." - she offered with a pout - "I`m old enough to know. It`s not like you`re the first mare to ask Rarity out, anyways." Rubbing her forehead nervously, Twilight trotted over to filly quickly, gingerly sitting down next to Sweetie Belle.
"Sweetie... OK, you`re right. I`m taking Rarity out on a date today." - she offered quietly - "But you`re too young to talk about that kind of thing, you know?" Filly treated her to an artistic eyeroll. "Doing that kind of thing, you mean." - she replied quietly - "Miss Twilight, I know just fine I`m too young to try that myself. But I am old enough to see that kind of thing happening around... And I am old enough to understand it`s exactly that kind of thing." Twilight rubbed her forehead again. "...Fair enough, I suppose. You don`t mind me doing this, now do you?" - she asked seriously.
Filly shrugged - "That`s OK, I think. You`re a nice pony. I don`t think sis will actually date you, like the going steady kind of date, though. Hope you`re not counting on that." Lavender pony quirked her brow at this. "Really? Why do you think so?" - she offered inquisitively. Sweetie looked upstairs and sighed - "I don`t know. Rarity never does. I think she likes dating, but is scared of getting serious with somepony." Twilight filed that little snippet in her mental dossier on Rarity. It provided an interesting insight into Rarity`s life - one that Twilight previously lacked.
"Well, I don`t know what going to happen yet." - she offered, - "But I think we`ll still be friends, regardless of how this date turns out to be." Sweetie cheered and nodded eagerly - "Yeah, that`s the ticket! I keep telling Scootaloo it`s OK to just be friends, but she never gets it!" Twilight`s brow creased yet again. "Scootaloo?" - she quipped - "What`s this all about, Sweetie?" Filly suddenly looked very sheepish.
"Aw, me and my big mouth." - she grumbled quietly - "..Um, don`t tell anypony, but Scootaloo thinks she`ll be cooler if she starts... y`know, dating. Me and Applebloom keep telling her she`s too young, but she thinks it`s cool because Rainbow Dash does it all the time." Twilight let out a chuckle. "You know, it will probably be a shock for Scootaloo, but Rainbow Dash does not actually date all that much." - she offered, - "I don`t know why everyone thinks she does."
She was about to say something else, when the noise from upstairs made both of them look up. It sounded like something just fell over. A second later, Rarity`s frustrated "ARGH!" cut the silence again. Shaking her head, Twilight stood up and trotted up the stairs, calling out - "I`m coming, Rarity." Apparently, fashionista had some objection to make, but didn`t quite make it in time. Twilight stood at the door, fighting the urge to giggle as she observed Rarity pinned under the tilting ponyquin in decisively suggestive pose. Another ponyquin was laying on the floor at Rarity`s hooves, along with many many many pieces of discarded clothes.
Twilight took a step forward, her magic grip lifting the ponyquin off Rarity easily. White mare shot her half-embarrassed half-thankful look. "Many thanks, my dear. Oh, I just don`t know what went wrong!" - she proclaimed. A moment later, both unicorns ducked their heads, looking around panicky. "...Rarity, dear. Please, do not tempt the fates so." - offered Twilight after a tense pause. Heaving a little relieved sigh, Rarity gently but insistently shooed Twilight out of the room, insisting it would not be long until she`s ready.
Ten minutes later, Rarity finally made her appearance, bedecked in a shimmering blue cocktail dress. Twilight`s own attire was of the same kind, if only lavender in color. "I`m ready, darling!" - Rarity offered from the stairs, as she passed by Sweetie Belle. At Twilight`s inquisitive and slightly worried stare, Rarity just chuckled and leaned to nuzzle her younger sister - "I`ll be back in the evening, Sweetie. You can call your friends over if you`d like, but please, please, please, do not do any crusading in my boutique. There`s salad in the fridge for dinner, oh and Applejack said Applebloom was considering a picnic, so... you know, have fun, darling."
Sweetie Belle simply nodded in return, smiling - "Sure thing, big sis. Have fun on your date with miss Twilight." Shaking her head incredulously, Twilight trotted out of the boutique after Rarity. She had... questions to ask.
___
"I do declare, darling, this new method of transportation is simply marvellous! No hustle, no bustle, no station crowds, nor stuffy carriages... Nor even hours of awful waiting... It`s magnificent!" - gushed Rarity, as she looked around. Twilight`s invention got them straight to the Canterlot gates, much to the surprise of the guardsponies. "Well, uh, it would be much more magnificent if it was actually suitable for public use." - offered Twilight, as she folded the device back into the saddlebag. It just wouldn`t do trotting around the Canterlot with machinery on one`s back, after all.
"Oh dear, why not? It is quite a marked improvement over anything equinity has at it`s disposal, darling." - objected fashionista, falling in after Twilight as she led them into the city. "Because it requires a unicorn with exceptionally strong magic to provide the necessary torque for the primary vortex." - replied Twilight offhoofedly as she considered the path ahead - "I`m straining to spin it up. If you tried, you`d probably faint from the effort it takes." Rarity nudged her shoulder briefly - "Oh, Twilight. I`m quite I am not as inept in magic as you would make it out to be."
Lavender unicorn stopped suddenly, blinking - "...Wha?... Oh heavens forefend, I don`t mean it in this way, Rarity. It`s just a question of raw power, not the level of aptitude." Rarity considered her for a second, then smiled. "I`ll take your word for it, darling." - she offered quietly, - "So... where are we going?" Twilight`s face mirrored the smile back as she answered - "I had a table reserved at the Gilded Carafe... Three hours should be enough for dinner and a bit of sightseeing, and after that, the afternoon showing of Der Rosenkavalier at the Grand Opera House."
The rest of the way to restaurant was made in comfortable silence. Rarity was deep in thought considering her options at Canterlot. She expected the dinner to take no more then hour, hour and half at most. That left at least an hour to see some sights. The question was, what she wanted to see? If she were on her own, she`d use that time to prowl the fashion outfits to see what`s hot in Canterlot today, but.. That was a date. Which meant that Rarity should be mindful of her partner in crime, so to speak, and select an avenue of sightseeing they`ll both enjoy.
Occupied with her planning, she missed the stop. Only when the voices rose up, she started paying attention to the surroundings. "...why yes, I am quite sure." - came the voice from the door. That would be... hm, the host, it seems. Appropriately snobbish and refined, as would befit the host of one of most prestigious Canterlot restaurants. Twilight`s voice lacked the snobbish undertones, but made up for that in volume - "Would you please check the records? I am quite certain I made the reservations two days ago."
Stallion leaned over the counter slightly, shaking his head. "Oh, I don`t need to check. You see, I happen to know lady Sparkle personally, and you`re most certainly not her. Now please, leave." - he stated with just that touch of "who do you think you are trying to sneak in here, filly" undertone that grated on nerves in sublimely offensive way. Rarity`s brow furrowed. Twilight`s reservations were lost? How unfortunate. Or maybe it was simply a mistake? She briefly considered stepping forward and trying to use her own name to resolve the situation. She`s been to Gilded Carafe before and was fairly certain they would not dare to refuse the custom of up and coming fashion star of Equestria.
"...I`d like to see maitre`d." - Twilight`s voice was suddenly full of restrained fury. Rarity glanced upon her friend, bemused and alarmed in the same time. The only occasion Twilight allowed that much steel into her voice was when one of her plans was being... oh dear. She briefly caught the expression of condescending dismissal on stallion`s face just then. He opened his mouth to speak... and was cut off by "NOW!", magically reverberating throughout the whole restaurant. No matter what kind of objection the host would`ve have had, maitre`d was most certainly alerted about the situation at the doors by now.
"What`s going on here?" - no points for originality, there. Maitre`d had already made his way to the door. Older stallion took one glance upon the situation and raised his hoof, silencing the host. "Lady Twilight Sparkle. Lady Rarity. It is such an honor to have both of you at our humble restaurant today." - he offered, giving them a polite bow. Host`s eyes bugged out. "...T-twilight Sparkle?!" - he muttered quietly. Maitre`d gave him a quick glance, making the younger stallion wilt and attempt to hide behind the counter.
"My sincere apologies if our host had somehow offended you, lady Sparkle. Is there anything I can do to rectify the situation?" - he offered, shooing away hapless host with hoof. Twilight`s expression softened noticeably. "I`m sure it`s just a misunderstanding." - she offered pensively, - "I`ve happened to make a reservation for two on Wednesday, but as I`ve been informed right now, somehow it`s not in the records." Maitre`d brightened up. "Oh, what nonsense." - he offered with a little chuckle - "It would be my honor to see to you personally, ladies. If you`d please follow me?"
Now thoroughly bemused, Rarity followed the stallion into the dining hall, taking the opportunity to bump her flank against Twilight`s a little. She figured lavender unicorn could use some friendly reassurance.
___
"Well, that was a fine dinner." - offered Rarity, as they made their way through the Canterlot Park. She could see that the little incident at the doors had left it`s mark on Twilight`s mood. Thoughout the dinner, lavender mare was quite reserved and pensive. Still, the dinner was magnificent. Twilight nodded absentmindedly, slowing down her trot to a very leisurely pace. "It was pretty good, yes." - she offered thoughtfully, - "I just... Rarity? Can we just sit here for a while?" Her hoof gestured toward the bench somewhat off the way, secluded under the shade of big oak. Fashionista was rather happy to oblige.
"Now, dear... what`s eating you? Surely, that little... misfortune at the doors is not that bad to brood over it." - she proffered, making herself comfortable. Twilight`s face scrunched up. "It`s a silly thing, yes." - she replied, and shrugged - "I don`t really know why I am so bothered about it." Rarity chuckled - "Well, darling, if I were to hazard a guess, you were simply too flummoxed by the ridiculous assertion you`re not the lady Sparkle." Lavender mare pursed her lips and nodded. "That may be it." - she agreed hesitantly, - "Though I think the lady Sparkle he meant was simply my mom."
"Well, that solves it, then." - offered Rarity, as she stretched a little, 'accidentally' bumping into Twilight`s side. Without thinking, Twilight shifted her position, her hoof wrapping around Rarity`s shoulders, pulling her snuggly close. Then, both of them froze for a moment. "Oh... my. You`re certainly... bold." - offered fashionista after a bit of hesitation. After all, it was not like Twilight wasn`t nice. No, if anything, cuddling up to her like that was quite pleasant.
"...oops. Sorry about that, Rarity." - Twilight offered apologetically, withdrawing her hoof, - "I don`t know what came over me." Rarity merely rolled her eyes. "No, no, it`s quite alright, dear. In fact, it`s... nice." - she offered conspiratorially, giving Twilight a little peck on her cheek - "After all, we are on a date, yes?" `Lavender hoof returned, wrapping around Rarity`s shoulders gently. "I was worried about crossing the line, there." - proffered librarian, as she turned her head to look on Rarity`s face, - "Mind if I`ll ask you something?"
Rarity nibbled on her lip, proffering - "...Hm... Well, of course you can, darling!" Twilight`s brow arched a little. "If you say so." - she offered back just a little teasingly - "It`s about Sweetie Belle, actually. How come she`s so... uh, updated about your, ahem, romantic schedule?" White unicorn blinked, her cheeks gaining a pink tint suddenly - "Oh, oh my.... Well, yes. She knows I tend to date a lot, yes. Given that she lives with me most of the time, it would be quite an ordeal to hide that from her... And our parents tended to favor quite... ahem, libertarian approach to our education. If I may be so bold, darling, why do you ask? I do assure you I`ve never exposed Sweetie to anything, ahem, untoward, if that`s what you`re thinking about."
"Wha... Oh, no, nothing of the sort." - responded Twilight quickly, shifting a little - "It`s more of a curiosity then anything. You see, Sweetie said something that stuck with me, and I just couldn`t get it out of my head." Rarity`s expression fell a little, as she inquired - "...What did she say?" Lavender mare shrugged, and looked up - "Well, I wasn`t really expecting her to know what we are up to, so she kind of blindsided me on that. Anyway, since she knew I`m asking you out, I asked her if it`s OK. And... well, that`s the thing. She told me it`s OK, but she does not think it will work beyond today."
Rarity chewed her lip nervously, carefully gauging her answer. In the end, she elected to attempt diplomatic approach - "Well, ehehe... I suppose she might have gotten that idea that I date a lot of different ponies. But it`s not just the same, Twilight. I often have business dates or networking dates or ... you know. The whole mess of being a part of beau monde. Whole lot of things gets called a date, even when romance is the furthest thing in equation." Twilight didn`t respond for a few moments, looking on the leaves above. "I figured that much, to be honest." - she answered at last, - "Dating is as much of a business for you as tailoring, I would think."
White unicorn pulled back abruptly, her hoof pressed to her chest. "Twilight! I`m appalled you could think of me so... So..." - she exclaimed. Lavender unicorn merely regarded her with a calm glance - "So 'what', Rarity? I`ve thought about it throughout our dinner, to be honest, and in the end, I came to a conclusion that the assumption most immediately obvious would be dead wrong in your case." Rarity`s face creased with confusion. "I do believe you should explain your thoughts in more detail, darling." - she offered at last, sitting back in a pose more relaxed, but not quite cuddling to Twilight as she were sitting previously.
"Well, to begin with, let`s state the facts." - offered Twilight, involuntarily adopting a tone of professor as she continued - "You are dating often and quite diversely. Also, so far no one had observed you maintaining romantic relationship more involved then casual dating with anypony. Finally, it`s rather obvious you are approaching all of those instances with a measure of responsibility and caution." She paused to breathe in and then continued - "With that in mind, let`s consider your statement - that a noticeable part of your dates are related to your occupation and aspirations rather then conscious search for a potential long-term mate."
"Ah. Well, yes. A fashionista has to make her rotes in the society, darling." - responded Rarity, looking aside - "But that does not mean I am not looking for a love of my life, as it were." Twilight chuckled - "At the risk of sounding trite, if it makes you happy, it`s quite alright. Isn`t it?" Rarity let out a soft sigh - "I suppose so. But, darling, I have to ask. Why would you mention all of this now?" Magician rubbed her forehead with a hoof, suddenly embarrassed - "Ah. Well, that`s what I was thinking over during the dinner, you see. When I asked you out on Wednesday, I didn`t think about it, but Sweetie`s words brought it to my attention. In short, I`m worried if I`m not pulling you out of your comfort zone."
"Pulling me out of my comfort zone, dear? Howso?" - inquired Rarity, now thoroughly intrigued. Now it was Twilight`s turn to blush - "Well... bear with me here, I`m not exactly an expert in romance. But, well... Let`s suppose I wanted much much more then one date? Two dates? Five dates? Ten dates? Or your hoof and heart in marriage? You`ve gone this far to humor me, and I appreciate that, but I can`t help but worry about mixed signals there." Rarity did not like the direction this conversation was heading in, but... She could endure it a little more, for Twilight`s sake.
"Go on, darling." - she prompted. Twilight nodded resolutely, continuing - "I think I should state my intentions before anything else. So... I am looking for a single long-time partner. Preferably mare, and preferably, somepony from my closest circle of friends. However, and this is a big however, I am not saying that my eye is set on you and you only, Rarity. If anything, I`m trying to figure WHO is suited best to my idea of romance. And, honestly speaking... I`m unnerved by your idea of romance. Don`t get me wrong, I am quite impressed by the sheer multithreaded complexity of it, but I am quite certain it would overwhelm me if I ever attempted it."
Fashionista`s face fell, along with her mood. "Twilight." - she murmured, - "I`m wounded. Do you honestly think I would not be able to stay faithful?" Twilight shot upwards, her face incredulous - "Gah, no, this is NOT what I meant at ALL!" She threw her hooves around Rarity, pulling her in a tight hug - "I`m so sorry if it came across as this. What I mean to say is that your social interaction is a major part of your life, and I can`t see myself participating in it so much." Rarity allowed herself to enjoy the hug for a few moments more, then gently but insistently pushed Twilight away - "Alright, this can`t be brought on just by Sweetie`s remark. What prompted this, darling?"
Twilight looked at her for a few long moments, then offered - "In the restaurant? I`ve spotted four ponies that gave you a look. Two of them likely being on a date, themselves. I`ve seen all four with you before, going out on what most likely were dates as well. And, while I have no scientific proof of this, I have a feeling that all five of you were quite aware of each other, the situation and saw nothing unusual about it."
"And you think it`s bad." - offered Rarity softly. Twilight chuckled, shaking her head - "Nah. Not really. It just made me realise something. It`s not the type of relationship I`m after. I would gladly participate when an opportune moment arrives, but I am looking for something else. Something you won`t enjoy." White mare quirked her brow - "Wait a second. Participate gladly? Haven`t you said just a little while ago that you`d be overwhelmed by this kind of relationship?" Twilight shook her head - "Well, I would be, if I attempted to do what you`re doing."
A bit of silence that followed was finally disrupted by Rarity asking - "So, where does it all leave us, darling?" Twilight pulled back from the hug slightly, keeping her hoof around Rarity`s shoulders nonetheless - "To answer that, I would need your input. So tell me... what exactly do you feel about this date, right now?" Rarity`s face run a gamut of expressions as she mulled her answer over cautiously. Finally, she decided, she had no choice but to settle on honesty. "To be frank, darling... no, I didn`t think things through beyond this date. I`ve had fun so far, and what you`ve planned promises to be quite enjoyable, but I haven`t thought about what may be to follow." - she admitted - "I hope I didn`t lead you on, dear."
Twilight smiled. "Right now? What you said meshes perfectly with what I think." - she replied - "We`re just having fun." Rarity let out a little sigh of relief - "I`m glad we`re on the same page, darling. Though, I daresay, I wouldn`t be adversed to another such an outing, if you were ever to desire it." Twilight`s brow quirked - "Maybe, maybe. So I guess... friendly outings are the best way to describe it?" Rarity nodded, beaming, and gasped a second later, when Twilight suddenly stole a kiss from her.
"Twilight!" - she exclaimed, mock-scandalised. Lavender mare merely grinned, and hopped up - "Let`s go, Rarity. We have less then half an hour, if we want to be at the Grand Opera on time."
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Good to see this continue. Rarity and Twi seem to be having a nice time, but there also seems to be a lot of misunderstandings between them. They straitened them all out, but it still seems like they're not quite connecting.
1844713
Well, that`s the whole point of it. Neither of them had a good idea what other wanted out of this. They do straighten things out, like good friends would, but it`s pretty obvious to both of them that they are not quite compatible in romantic regard by the time they know where the other stands.
What was this? I felt like I was reading a script spat out by a program. (said Filly.) Is this just the super-rough outline for your next chapter? (said Mare.)
edit: After going back and reading the rest, I think the things that made this difficult for me to read were the following: The punctuation for your dialogue was strange. I've never seen dialogue separated from the rest of the sentence by a hyphen before, and seeing it done that way trips me up while reading it. The problem is that you were using the hyphen as a dash (incorrectly), and the dash is the second-longest pause after a full stop; the effect of this is that mentally I found myself pausing after every line of dialogue, when I shouldn't have been.
The other oddity was your lack of articles. (said Fashionista.) Whenever you would use some placeholder instead of a character's name, you did it wrong. For example:
Apparently, fashionista had some objection to make...
That should be the fashionista. You made this mistake consistently throughout this chapter. This is what prompted my comment that it felt like I was reading a script spat out by a program.
There were other errors scattered throughout this chapter, and the dialogue felt unnatural as well, but those first two problems have the biggest impact on the readability of this story.
1868129
Russian notation, We still use the old conventions in punctuation. If you read any of the books printed before 2000, you could`ve noticed similar conventions being used in english text as well. The notion of separating each line of dialogue into separate paragraph is just one of the many cases of internet`s tendency towards language simplification. Which, while not without it`s merits, will lead to Newspeak if allowed to run unchecked.
In short, simplified language does not lends itself well to storytelling.
___
I`ve mentioned many times that articles are the recurring problem I`ve given up on - Russian has no articles, and I usually fail to see any need in them wherever they are absent. If you don`t see an article somewhere, it means it didn`t occur to me that an article could possibly serve any purpose whatsoever in this spot.
___
Now, on the topic of unnatural dialogue I`d like more detail. Unnatural in what way?
Was it unnatural as in some lines sounded odd, or was it unnatural as in you couldn`t follow the chain of thought along it?
1868290 Perhaps this was the standard way of doing it in Russian, but I assure you, the way you punctuated your dialogue has never been standard in English. And yes, I read a wide variety of things, spread across two centuries of literature, so you cannot tell me that it is simply a change in the language.
For the dialogue, consider this line here:
...Rarity, dear. Please, do not tempt the fates so.
First of all, I still am not entirely sure what prompted Twilight to say this. But also, when I read that I thought that Rarity had said this, and not Twilight, as it feels like something that the former would be more likely to say than the latter. Re-reading some of the dialogue, I found that maybe it is not as bad as I thought, but rather that it was hard to focus on the dialogue with the rest of the sentences butting in and leaving me bewildered. I have written a quick guide to punctuation and dialogue that you may find useful: The Egghead's Guide to Punctuating Speech.
Here is a quick tip that would solve 90% or more of your issues with articles. If instead of saying Rarity, you wish to describe her as a white mare, call her "the white mare." Instead of Twilight, she could be "the lavender pony." Spike could be "the sneaky dragon." If you are substituting a description in place of a name, you almost always need to precede it with "the."
1868360
I`ve encountered very similar notation in my collection of english books. Mostly Lewis Carroll and Agatha Christie. Maybe the stories were written in antiquated notation or maybe the notation was specifically adapted for russian readers, I am not sure. I do know, however, that this particular method of writing appeals to me the most.
As for the line about tempting fates... That line was spoken in response to Rarity saying "I just don`t know what went wrong.", which is fanon catchphrase of Derpy Hooves, and usually prefaces or culminates some kind of accident. Or a chain of accidents.
___
As for articles, I do know the rules. In theory. In practice, it becomes hard to remember placing an article in the place that does not seem to lack it. Generally, I would`ve been able to spot the probem, if the place with problem looked off somehow. But in most cases, article is, at best, superfluous, and at worst, makes the sentence sound that much more awkward.
1868476 Well, we must agree to disagree then. Except that, well, you're wrong. Because omitting the articles is poor English. If you want it to sound best to a Russian speaker, why not write it in Russian?
As for the punctuation being adapted for Russian speakers, that is a likely possibility, since I've read some Lewis Carroll and that notation was not used. Like I said, it certainly is not and never has been standard English usage.
1869348
Because this site is not well-suited for fiction in russian?
It`s less of "I want to sound like Russian speaker" and more of "I think on Russian, and therefore tend to have an odd way of using English, at times."
Ah, so rarely do I see Rarity written so well in character.
Well done.
2633702
As it works on ballistics and is nearly instant... I think that if Twilight attempted to hit somepony with teleportation projectile, it would`ve detonated prematurely, and the effect would be that of throwing whoever was teleporting on whatever occupied the space.
2635222
Salt is not a controlled substance, per ce. Healthy pony needs an intake of salt to remain healthy. It`s overindulging in it which leads to mild dehydration and thus, a bit of enjoyable delirium.
Obviously enough, overdose of salt is hazardous - but that`s pretty much the same way in real life.
P.S. - not swallowing is a ridiculous excuse - salt is readily soluble in saliva. Any meaningful application of salt can`t be "not swallowed".
2636408
Indeed, indeed...
I was referring to the asinine "never inhaled" excuse politicos usually give when confronted with their past marijuana usage. I suspect your Twilight would more likely look her interrogator in the eye and say with indignation "Of course I swallowed the salt! Why wouldn't I? That's the whole bucking point of taking it in the first place!"
2638055
I would think it would be more along the lines of "Why are you asking about this? Yes, I`ve indulged, responsibly. Now will you please explain why are you haranguing me with this? I have books to read."
Speaking as a native Swedish citizen for whom English is a second language, the lack of articles is not an issue that bothers me much. I noticed it at first, but you've made a clear point as to why you write like that. Personally I think it adds an interesting touch to the story. There's a lot of value to the way languages differ from each other and have differing expressions and ways of thinking.
Though I appreciate that you don't write in actual Russian, because then I wouldn't understand anything.
It's a very interesting depiction of Twilight here, approaching things analytically while acknowledging that emotions are a factor. Interesting that she seems to have the best luck with Trixie so far - and I'm not saying that just because I favor that relationship personally. They both have a very similar standpoint: disregarding the logistical obstacle (Trixie is on the move, Twilight is rooted in the one town Trixie wants nothing to do with) they could both have a happy relationship with each other, because they have no real hangups to get in the way. AJ and RD have incompatible orientations, Fluttershy is emotionally invested in somepony else, and Rarity has a complicated social life. Plus, the fact that Trixie was evidently okay with a little casual sex without worrying about developing emotional baggage, which is reflected in Twilight.
Of course, long-distance relationships are notoriously hard to maintain, but Twilight has a spell that specifically renders all distances irrelevant, so... plus, lucid dreaming. Now that was a very interesting way to make the confrontation.
It was also so very refreshing to see a new take on Trixie's situation, this being her not living on the street, not being universally shunned, and not plotting revenge every moment. It's not canon now, but at the time of writing it was a perfectly legitimate scenario that I don't think I've ever seen any other writer explore. In other words, refreshing. That Twilight was surprised by it and expecting something else was fun, and it was sweet to see her apologize for her assumption.
I really hope you'll continue this story, because it's very good and interesting. It'll be fun to see your interpretation of Pinkie Pie, and what conclusions Twilight will draw from her experiment.