I`m Russian, I`m female, I`m blunter then a bag of hammers and I write pony staff occassionally. That`s about it.
As the autumn chills begin to make themselves known, CMC decide to look into making their clubhouse warmer. But since everypony they could ask about it is busy, they decide to read about it in books.
But since Twilight Sparkle is busy too, and Spike`s out getting grocieries, CMC have to use self-help checkout. And by golly, they check out a lot. Maybe one book too much kind of "a lot", even...
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I was SO not expecting that ending. I love that you showed off the MacGuffin book but unless the audience realized it they'd think nothing of it. Very clever. I also liked the "Smart Pinkie" thing you had going on.
Pretty nicely done, plot-wise. I certainly enjoyed reading it. Just a couple of constructive criticisms though; it seems like you are missing out basic words like 'and', 'the', and 'a', seemingly at random in the sentences. For example:
'And I`m guessing Pinkie Pie will help us as well." - responded unicorn,'
That should have a 'the' between the last two words. These little mistakes run through the whole thing, and they are easy to miss when writing but really throw the reader off. Maybe think about getting an editor?
Also, I can't really see Twilight pulling a derp like thinking a book is 'forbidden' when she realises it isn't the second someone asks her. Seems a little OOC to me.
But nevertheless, this fic is very nice overall, just needs a little spit and polish here and there
Hope I didn't sound too harsh 
957117
Actually, in her bio. she states that the article issue is simply caused by a language barrier. I kept that in mind while reading and was able finish without problems, myself. Not implying anything, mind you
I loved it! I can completely believe Twilight behaving in such a manner. Also, I would like to say that the inclusion of Pinkie having an expert knowledge of pyrotechnics and rocketry were a nice change of pace. Most underestimate her true inteligence, imo.
I will say that this felt like an episode to me, albeit short. That is something most Slice o' Life stories miss. :thumbsup:
957212 My mistake, I came to this story directly from the frontpage, and didn't know about the language barrier. Nevertheless, I still think an editor would be an excellent idea. English is my first language and I still get my vernacular crossed from time to time. Everyone can benefit from an editor, and I don't consider it a criticism to suggest as much.
And by the way, Cytotoxin, heavy props on learning two such diametric languages to such a fluent degree: I have never been able to get a handle on other dialects myself.
I agree with you on the Pinkie point: she is portrayed far too often as a superficial airhead, when she has the potential for so much more depth and complexity of character. I would like to see a story whereby Pinkie is portrayed as a highly intelligent person, born with and struggling for her entire life with a developmental disorder, but never letting it drag her down. Hmmm, I might have a crack at that once I've finished my current fic...
In any case, OOC issues are subjective, especially within fanon. But I still like this story, despite my usual distaste for the 'slice of life' genre. Have a well-deserved thumbs up
957117
It IS forbidden, that`s the thing. It`s expressly forbidden to read restricted books without permit to do so, as trying to do what`s described in them is likely to harm unskilled reader. In the world where magic is a day-to-day reality, I imagine that many books and scrolls are restricted in the same way we keep the matches away from toddlers - for their own safety.
Twilight`s derp is simply using the ominous-sounding "forbidden" instead of rather neutral "restricted", which causes other ponies to think foals got their hooves on some dangerous grimoire that`s a hazard to even open.
957212
Pinkie Pie often demonstrates she is no stranger to explosives. Party cannon is one good example, and some of her parties did include fireworks, if memory serves. Given she`s generally a daredevil too, it wouldn`t be a far shot to imagine her having a genuine and deep interest in the rocketry in particular and engineering in general (She does have a pedal-driven flying machine, does she not? ^_^)
P.S. Also, uh, I forgot to mention that this story was a "spur of a time" thing. I`ve been taken by the idea and wrote it down in one night. Had to, ideas tend to quit on me if I don`t put them to text immediately.
957352 You are probably right, perhaps I am just indulging in my penchant for pedantry. I think the reason it hit a slightly wrong note for me, is that I never had any trouble getting access to these kinds of books. I recall there was at least one available in my school with step-by-step instructions for the manufacture and proper usage of thermite, accessible by anyone with a library card. In any case, consider this a retraction and apology
I shall follow your future writings with enthusiasm
957352
I concur!
It also would account for the lack of worry no one displays for her frequent use of such things.
957383
I imagine there`s stricter control over such things in Equestria. Also, Twilight is likely to be much more literal with rules of book restriction then most of ponies are. As you could see, Rarity`s reaction was that of polite dismissal as soon as she figured out it`s not a book that`s a danger in itself. Similarly, Pinkie Pie didn`t think twice about foals having restricted book - and given that Twilight expressly mentions Pinkie`s got permits for those books suggests Pinkie is at the very least aware those books are restricted.
I was trying to showcase Twilight horribly overreacting to what would be normally treated as a minor thing.
957418 Which you did well; it was only the specifics of my personal experience that made me pick up on such a point. But as I said before, this is well-written and engaging, and the fact that the biggest criticism I had was something so pedantic and subjective speaks volumes about the overall quality on display here.
957418 Which you did well; it was only the specifics of my personal experience that made me pick up on such a point. But as I said before, this is well-written and engaging, and the fact that the biggest criticism I had was something so pedantic and subjective speaks volumes about the overall quality on display here.
957441
That`s good. Attention to details is a trait I certainly appreciate. T`is my belief that author should do their best to pay attention - devil in the details, as they say. I`m certain that good graces of fandom won`t care to poleax me for a piddly oversight all that much - but it`s so much sweeter to actually turn that little detail into a little barb that drags the reader into the story instead of letting them gloss over it.
957536 Absolutely. Details are one of the deciding factors- consciously or subconsciously- that will suck a reader into the plot, immerse them and invest them in the world you are depicting. I would far prefer to read a story with intricate description and detailing that also has a few flaws in it, than a story with no flaws in it due to a lack of imagination. One of my favorite examples of this is the Bas-Lag trilogy, by China Mieville. Utterly packed with wonderful, flowing descriptions and all the better for it's (admittedly very minor) flaws. If you like weird, dark fantasy, I cannot recommend anything more highly.