• Member Since 7th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 3rd, 2013




What could even possibly go wrong while riding a bike? I'll tell you: a lot.
Follow my adventure in what it seems to be a dream!

Also, this is my first fanfic, so i need as much feedbacks as possible.
Sorry for short chapters/ grammar errors/ stuff like those because i'm Italian, and i have no idea on how this site exactly works.


Chapters (13)
Comments ( 43 )

No offense, but I'm not going to read through 13K of words in one night. So you'll just have to settle on my first+ second chapter review.


NVM, it's just HiE. Yeah they can all go to hell in my books. But since you're Italian and genuinely have problems with this site, I'll give you a free-pass. HiEs like this are generally looked down upon.

it was to awesome fo words in my opinion:twilightsmile:

1015131 Honestly, i didn't understand nothing of what you said... :twilightoops:
1015518 Well, thanks! I thought that short chapters would be more like a punch in the balls instead of something nice! :twilightsmile:

eh..... 6 out of 10. not bad. but it could've used more work.

1016706 I know, but it's my first fanfic, after all, i still need to improve myself and all that stuff.
Still, i thought it would suck a lot more than what people described...
By the way, do you have any suggestions to improve myself?

1016988 sure i would be glad. also i know what you mean by people not giving this a chance. it's the same with me.

anyways i would say expand the story. use more describing of the story per chapter and make it longer too. also add either some funny moments or action scenes in it too. and you can also do some crossover with other stories too but be sure you ask the creator for it. and finally either add some romance in it or a touching ending. doesn't have to be big. it could be either the character decides to go back home and start over, or he decides to stay on Equestria, or you can have him die in order to save everyone there. but that's just my way of thinking it. plus you could get some inspiration through other stories you read then try to make something new. hope this helps you on your next story. best of luck :twilightsmile:

1017021 Thanks for those tips!
I'm surely gonna use those for the next short story i'm writing, before rewrite this one from zero.

1017039 okay hope it goes well. again best of luck :twilightsmile:

Not bad but not good. I didnt have any emotion reading this and I knew the ending from the start. 6 out'a 10. I really think you could of done something with that whole "russian chemicals" part.

1018769 " "A russian airplane with some chemical wastes crashed here 26 years ago. The army secured the area and make everyone left their stuff here. And they used tanks, they flatted some cars too…" "
Chemical waste
Russian plane

1018803 Yeah sorry about my lack of memory, i just woke up from a weird dream and it's midnight...
But anyway, there are loads and loads of background stories in this fic, so i could had some ideas on some future stories.
Anyway, thanks for those critics, i need of them so i can improve myself and not post shit like this on the site! :twilightsmile:

1019030 Oh, thats neat. I wont keep you any longer :twilightsheepish:

O.K. I'm two chapters in and I would like to voice a few constructive tips. Don't take these harshly, I'm just trying to help you out a bit with a few things. :twilightsmile:

1. You seem very straightforward with your writing. It's not a bad thing, but some times you need to just sidetrack and go into a bit of detail.
2. Try and make sure you capitalize all your solo "I"s. They make the story read a little smoother and don't deviate from the flow of things.
3. Try and do a few spellchecks and grammar checks before publishing or ask a fellow writer to do so for you. You can always ask me. I'll never be the one to turn down a writer in need. :raritywink:
Also, fairly good story. I'm not one of those people who usually like OC's and Human interaction but I don't mind this so far. *slow clap* :twilightsheepish:

This is one of the best HiE I have every read:pinkiehappy::rainbowdetermined2::raritystarry::twilightsmile::moustache::eeyup:

1020908 About the "I"s... i'm not used to capitalize them because in Italian you don't need to capitalize pronouns.
Anyway, thanks for the help, i'll yet you know if i need of you, oki doki loki? :twilightsmile:


Wait oh second did this dream have pony's :duck: if it did wich pony and what happened :duck:

1038128 I prefer to do not talk about this due to spoilers about my next story... Which i hope will be better than this.

1039354 It's not a new chapter, it's a whole new story.
Actually, almost EVERYTHING i'm writing is a sequel to this...

your grammatical errors are SO CUTE!
i enjoy reading them for some reason

I'll guess it's not your first language, but that's okay, this is good! :rainbowkiss:

1045543 It's not my first language, beside, i'm 15 and italian. But i try to do my best! :rainbowkiss:

I'm 15 and American, (Italian-American) This was very good! :rainbowkiss: I love to believe we can reach Equestria through dreams :yay:

1045829 Who doesn't?
Now that i think about it, i saw a comment before, right about reaching Equestria through dreams or a big trauma, and some reasons of why Equestria is a good place!

Don't know why it took me a week to read all of this but I'll admit it's a pretty good story. You earned a mustache :moustache:

1051855 Thanks! :twilightsmile:
Oh, and don't mind about how much time it would take to finish a story. It's normal when you read a story that has more chapters. For example, if you start read "My Little Dashie" (which is a single-shot epicly long story[holy shit why did i think about that AGAIN?]) i'm sure you will finish it in only one time, instead of reading separated parts of it. It happens to me too!

Since you left some comments on my story I was very happy to see that you wrote one too (:
It took me until now to read it though.
I found it pretty interesting, you're pretty good writer.
You should find somebody to check your grammar and spelling, it's always good to have a second pair of eyes, even for native speakers!
You could also improve your vocabulary a bit, but maybe that's just the case because the chapters are so short.
I don't have a problem with short chapters, so I don't find it bad.
It was an enjoyable read and I would like to read some other stories from you!

1108701 Thanks! I'd like to expand my vocabulary in English!
Also, yes, i'm writing other stories, but really slowly... and they're just a single-shot story... Also, school is starting so i will slow down a lot. Darn...

Not bad, oz...
a rather pleasant read.:pinkiehappy:

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