Chapter 1
Uncertain, Trixie peeked into the mouth of the cave, witnessing nothing but darkness as far as the eye could see. Images of pointy rocks filled her thoughts as she hesitantly turned to Starlight.
“Why are we here, again?”
Starlight barely glanced back, her eyes focused on the cave ahead.
“I told you already, we are eating lunch with Maud,” Starlight continued ahead, walking into the mouth of the cave. Trixie quickly rushed to her side, nearly tripping in the process.
“When you said we were going out to eat with one of your friends, I never expected that friend to be living under a rock,” Trixie said, turning her nose up to the cave, almost as if expecting it to be offended in return.
“Technically, she lives inside it, but we aren’t really arguing semantics here,” Starlight giggled.
“Trixie does not appreciate your smart-mouth,” Trixie shot a silent raspberry her way.
They continued down the path in relative silence, with the occasional grumbling from a disinterested Trixie, kicking pebbles as a sign of protest against Starlight’s attempt of boredom, often making comments under her breath.
The whole time, Starlight quietly looked back, her eyes narrowed as Trixie continued, only growing louder as the minutes passed. “You know, I didn’t have to bring you along, Trixie.”
“Of course you didn’t,” Trixie said. “But then again, you just love hanging out with the Great and Powerful Trixie, don’t you?” she shot back, ostentatiously pushing her face against Starlight’s personal space.
Starlight snorted. “You are a real hoofful, you know that?”
“A lovely hoof— wait,” with loud sniffing noises, Trixie’s nose surveyed the area. “That smell… oh, do I smell water?
Starlight stood still, attempting to decipher Trixie’s point for a couple of seconds before letting out and amused laugh. “Wow, you really are bored.” Putting a careful hoof on Trixie’s neck, she dragged her along. “Come on, I promise you’ll love it.”
All their positive energy drained as their steps took them throughout the solemn, dark cave, shivering the further down they went, a subtle chill steadily sneaking up on them. Even Starlight realized this, quickening the pace, nearly tripping multiple times on the tiny rocks the path left for them.
Just as the darkness seemed to swallow them, a trickle of light peered in the distance.
“Did… you just lead me to the exit again?” Trixie said. Walking in complete silence for five minutes didn’t seem worth it to her anymore. “Is this seriously it!?”
“Psh, you assume a lot. Trust me,” came the confident response from Starlight. “You just have to follow the light at the end of the tunnel.”
Trixie looked back with narrowed eyes. “Was that on purpose?”
“Are you coming, or not?” Starlight avoided any explanation, running up ahead.
“What? Wait! Haven’t you heard about lights in tunnels being bad!? Starlight!”
Trixie called out, following right behind, finally leaving the tunnel, and closing her eyes as a bright light hit her eyes. “Aaah! The light! It hurts!”
“Just open your eyes,” Starlight’s voice advised from the darkness.
“Fine!” Trixie did as she was told, and slowly colors began forming in front of her, then objects began to take shape. The bright, shimmering light seen earlier having originated from precious stones stuck around the cavernous area.
“Ta-dah!” Starlight said. “You like it?”
“What the heck is this place?” Trixie slowly walked the ridge of the rock, looking down, and noticing the water she had smelled earlier right under her.
Starlight teleported around, giddily pointing at a multitude of rock formations before going back to the spot.“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it, it’s just that I really wanted to surprise you with it! Maud found this place a few weeks ago an—” coming to a sudden halt, she jolted back to Trixie with a wide grin. “Well? What do you think? Isn’t her place amazing?”
“Well…” Trixie slowly panned over the area again with a quick glance. “I guess it’s… pretty?”
“Isn’t it?” Starlight replied, motioning to the cave around them. “Oh, I can’t wait till you meet Maud! It’ll be awesome! You’ll see how great she is, too!”
“Right, sure, great,” Trixie replied harshly, waving a hoof with a dismissive motion. “Are we getting to the place, or not? Trixie hungers.”
Starlight’s smile wavered, and a grimace took its place. With a defeated look, her eyes wandered from Trixie to the road and she began walking ahead.
“Alright, sure,” she sighed, any enthusiasm gone as she led her deeper into the cave.
Turning a corner, they were soon welcomed by the sight of a tent, empty in most furniture and Maud.
“She isn’t here?” Starlight gasped, teleporting into the place, wildly looking around, expecting to see anypony in the spacious abode.
“Starlight, there is literally just a desk and a bed here,” Trixie pointed out, slumping onto the bed, just to pick herself back up instantly, letting out a shrill cry. “Ouch! What is this bed even made of!?”
“Probably rocks,” Starlight answered casually, her eyes focused on a piece of paper left on the floor that they had somehow missed as they headed inside. “Let me see…”
“Trixie demands to know if it says where the food is!” Trixie said with mouth-watering eagerness, peeking behind Starlight into the letter.
“Actually, yeah!” Starlight noted amused, a hoof wavering over the words. “Says here that she went out for food, and…” she paused, her smile fading as she read on, “it says that she might be late, and, um, she says she left Boulder to entertain us. I guess.”
“Boulder? Is that a pet?” Trixie wondered, looking around with a careful eye. “I didn’t think you could just keep pets in caves.”
“He is right there.”
Looking over the spot Starlight pointed at, Trixie seemed momentarily confused, looking over the area for several seconds before finally noticing him, still as a statue.
“Starlight,” Trixie walked towards Boulder, picking him, twisting him and looking him over inappropriately before putting him back down. “I’m no expert, but I think Boulder is just a rock.”
“I know,” Starlight sighed, drooping down sadly, falling on her back with a thud. “Well, guess we get to wait, then.”
“Probably,” Trixie shrugged, joining her on the floor. “Though I don’t see what’s so bad about that. We get to bask in this very beautiful atmosphere, don't we?” she sneered.
Starlight slowly turned over, staring at Trixie with a furrowed brow. “Look, I know you aren’t usually the most reserved pony, but you’ve been acting all snippy since we got here, so what’s with you?”
“What could possibly be wrong with the great and powerful Trixie, hmm?”
“There it is again!” Starlight said, raising an accusing hoof. “What’s wrong with you?”
Trixie tilted her head upwards, barely glancing at Starlight, her eyes focusing on her own hoof instead. “Whatever could you mean?”
“Trixie, your entire sentence oozed of sarcasm!” Starlight shouted, stomping a hoof in protest. “Stop that!”
“Stop what?”
“Trixie!
“Starlight!”
By this point, Starlight hovered right over Trixie, taking deep breaths as she stared into her calm, unperturbed face looking right back.
Amidst the awkward silence, a grumbling sound reached their ears.
“That was me,” Trixie explained. “Guess I’m hungry,”
“I…” Starlight pulled herself away, trying to hide what was clearly bouts of laughter. “Darn it, Trixie! H-how do you even do that!?”
“Made you laugh,” Trixie said in celebration, quietly murmuring to herself as she spun around in place. “Trixie is the beest! Trixie is powerf—” Her celebratory gloating came to a stop, having noticed Starlight’s emotionless expression. “Oh, I guess you really are mad, then…”
Starlight stared quietly, her lips open, hanging in the words she was ready to say. Ready to scold Trixie.
“Whatever,” Starlight simply said instead.
Walking to a corner of the room, Starlight laid down as far away from Trixie as she could, ignoring her and any frustration that would come from even trying to argue. To her relief, Trixie’s attempts hadn’t lasted too long and the cave returned to a blissful silence.
“Hey, Starlight!”
It wasn’t a long-lasting one.
“What do you want, Trixie?” Starlight replied, much to her chagrin. Distracted by the silly voice Trixie had decided to use.
“Trixie? I don’t know who you mean. It is I; Boulder!”
Before Starlight had a chance to say anything else, a familiar rock floated into her line of sight; controlled by Trixie if the trail of magic surrounding it was any indication.
“What are you doing, Trixie?” Starlight asked.
“Trixie? As I told you already, it is I—”
“Alright Boulder! I get it!” Starlight interrupted, half-expecting Trixie to go into a ranting explanation of how it was clearly him and no one else. “Look, just… what do you want?”
“Um… I didn’t think this fa— I mean, Bolder! Me! I am here to tell you how greatly apologetic Trixie really is! Yes!”
Starlight scoffed, stopping herself from turning to her with a vicious glare, focused on Boulder instead. He moved side-to-side in Trixie’s magical grasp, almost rhythmically so. Somehow, it was a calming sight.
“Okay Boulder,” Starlight said, humoring the thought. “If she is as apologetic as you are making it sound, then maybe you can tell me why she has been acting like a stuck-up jerk?”
Starlight jumped as Boulder suddenly dropped to the floor. Despite her confusion, her eyes followed it as it rolled away on the uneven floor, finally stopping in the nearest corner. An awkward silence followed, and all Starlight could do was remain seated, listening to the occasional flaring of her nostrils as she took deep breaths, smelling the slightest hint of salt in the air.
“Stuck-up jerk!?” Trixie shouted, bursting in front of Starlight without warning. “I will have you know that I’m anything but! I’m nice and considerate! Unlike somepony here!”
“What!?” it was Starlight’s turn to retort, jumping on all hooves to confront Trixie. “I invited you along to eat lunch with somepony you don’t even know, and all just so you two could meet! I didn’t have to do that! All you’ve done since we got here is act like a jerk, more so than usual, for no apparent reason!”
“So now Trixie is the bad guy here?” Trixie crossed her hooves, giving Starlight a disapproving look.
“Yes! You are!”
Trixie gasped, the disbelief over the accusation clear as rain.
“Yeah? Well, if you think that, you can just go and hang out with your so-called new best friend! I mean, you seem to think she is so great!”
“Well, I—wait, what?”
Trixie realized her words far too late, her hooves too slow to cover her mistake.
“Trixie said nothing!” Trixie said through her hooves, turning away.
Starlight stared quietly, taken by surprise by Trixie’s reaction. Her mind slowly filled the blanks as she walked to face her, noticing her looking down in complete silence.
“Trixie?” Starlight called softly. “Is that why?”
“Admit it: it’s stupid,” Trixie said through exasperated huffs.
Starlight was at a lost. In the time they had known each other, she hadn’t yet seen a moping Trixie; the sight of one confused her, and she was lost as to what to do. Her mind struggled to come up with solutions, but after numerous failed thoughts, she made a decision.
“You are right, it’s kinda stupid,” Starlight said sternly.
Trixie frowned, looking like she had received a punch to the gut.
“No! That’s not what I meant!” Starlight quickly replied, attempting to defuse another situation. “Look, whatever it is you thought, I’m not trying to replace you, okay? Especially not you, not the first true friend I’ve made since my reformation.”
Instead of the quiet, thankful response Starlight expected, she was rewarded with Trixie’s sullen expression for her efforts.
“There you go again,” Trixie said through quivering lips. “So easily, too.”
Starlight reeled back, lost to the meaning in Trixie’s words, “What are you talking about?”
“This very thing!” Trixie exclaimed now facing her. “Ugh! I just hate how easily you can just say the right thing!”
The questions continued piling up to Starlight’s bafflement. The thought of a new argument started without her noticing. It was a question she pondered, trying to figure out what to say to her clearly upset friend.
“Trixie,” Starlight said, feeling suddenly drained. “I’m really sorry if I said something wrong, but can you explain what you mean? I honestly don’t know what you are talking about.”
“Of course,” Trixie snorted. “Well, I guess I can take pride in knowing something you don’t know about, huh?"
“Look, Trixie,” Starlight continued, her patience running short trying to decipher the point behind Trixie’s words. “Just tell me if I said something wrong, because I’m really sorry if I did.”
“That’s the thing!” Trixie continued shouting. “You didn’t do anything wrong! You said the right thing, and I’m very happy that you think of me as a good friend!
Starlight instinctively reached for her head, not realizing the tinges of a headache that had started up earlier. She fell back on the floor, taking a deep breath as she took in Trixie’s continuously confusing ramblings.
“Are you seriou—”
“It’s that, Starlight!” Trixie interrupted. “You just go around and start talking to ponies you want to befriend, and somehow, you are able to do it!”
“For Celestia’s sake, what’s so weird about that, Trixie?” Starlight shouted, any semblance of patience now gone. “What do you want me to say!?”
“I want you to say how you did it!” Trixie replied, a harsh tone not lost in her voice. “When we met, you and I were the same! We didn’t know how to properly befriend others! We screwed up in the past! And now, here we are; visiting a friend that you know in a damp, filthy—yet somehow cozy—cave!” her words lingered in the air, like ghosts in the world refusing to leave.
Starlight opened her mouth to speak, but was quickly stopped by Trixie’s meddling hoof.
“We did things that ponies wouldn’t normally forgive us from! Heck, you controlled an entire village and changed history! Sure, I might have enslaved the entirety of Ponyville under an iron grip, but Twilight Sparkle isn’t wary of you like she is of me! Somehow, you were able to move past that and just… get to know ponies so easily! I want to do that, too!” she breathed heavily, longing eyes looking past Starlight.
Starlight gulped, feeling a knot in her throat. Shaking in place, she took long steps towards Trixie, stopping uncomfortably close, feeling her nervous breathing as she stared straight into her eyes.
“Really, Trixie? Easily?” Starlight asked, barely holding a steady tone. “Do you think I just go and talk to ponies and get them to be my friends? I mean, it happened with you, sure, but it’s different with pretty much everypony else!” she shouted, pushing her face against Trixie’s.
"W-what do you mean?"Trixie blinked slowly, turning her head confused. She watched the little furniture around them shake a little, and noticed a few sparks on Starlight’s horn. “Oh-oh.”
“What I mean is that whenever I talk to someone new, I’m always panicking! I don’t go out of my way to talk to new ponies if I can! All because… because I freak out imagining what they’ll think of me, if they knew of the pony I used to be! What if they hate me? What if somehow, that ends up pushing the few friends I have away? I’m panicking just thinking about it!”
“I, er, I didn’t know you thought like that, Starlight,” Trixie said quietly, noticing Maud’s bed slowly take off alongside Boulder. "Um, Starlight?"
“And you wanna know the worst part?” Starlight asked, horn now fully glowing.
Trixie said nothing, shifting in place frantically as a mouse in a cage looking for a way out.
Starlight continued, “Trixie, I really envy you sometimes.”
“Me!?” Trixie’s voice echoed in the hollow cavern. “Why would you be jealous of me?”
“Because somehow, even though you aren’t able to make friends like you want, you are easily able to talk to ponies without any issue!” Starlight said. Taking Trixie’s stunned silence, she continued once more, “I just don’t understand how you can easily push those doubts away.”
“I... “ Trixie tried to say, clearing her throat. “Well, I, um, guess that I just don’t care, is all. As a performer, I’ve gotten a ton of criticism throughout the years, so a lot of things just kind of don’t affect me. I mean, I just don’t know... “
“What do you mean you don’t know!?”
At the peak of Starlight’s scream, furniture shot into the air. The tent shook vigorously, yet capably holding the runaway items. Trixie began floating as well, caught in Starlight’s magic grasp.
“Starlight!” Trixie shouted, thankfully stopped by the tent as well. “What are you doing?”
“What I’m doing?” Starlight trembled in place, her horn glowing brighter by the second. “All I was doing was trying to bring a friend to lunch, maybe even surprise her with beautiful sights, but apparently, that’s just too much to ask for from you!”
The range of Starlight’s magic increased, as small rocks, and even droplets of water took to the air, hovering like frozen raindrops. Feeling the tent slowly start to struggle with everything pushing against it, Trixie panicked.
“Starlight! You need to calm down!”
“You of all ponies are telling me to calm down!?” Starlight shot back, making a barely noticeable dent on the floor her hoof had stomped.
Trixie struggled to speak, her mind racing with the thought of the conversation they had; how it had turned the way it did. It took but a few seconds, noticing the despair in Starlight’s twisted face before she came to a realization.
"I'm sorry, Starlight!"
Caught by surprise, Starlight's magic wavered. Trixie felt the force of the spell weaken, and took it as a sign to continue
“You are right, okay? I shouldn’t have assumed! I-I should have just told you how I felt instead of just passively aggressively taking it out on you! I’m really sorry!”
Starlight’s features slowly softened, fittingly, everything around her slowly returned to its spot on the floor in a near-perfect fashion. As the water returned into the pond and the final pebble touched the ground, Starlight gasped, realizing what had happened.
“Oh my gosh, did I just... “
“It’s okay, h-happens to the best of us,” Trixie assured her.
There was a long silence that followed, as the pair tried to come to terms with what had transpired. Quickly reminded of the incident by the sight of Maud's messy bed and the dampness from numerous droplets right under their hooves.
“So… you have issues talking to ponies, huh?” Trixie asked first, awkwardly kicking at nonexistent dirt on the floor.
“Y-yeah…” Starlight replied red-faced. “And you seem to have issues making more friends, then?”
“Uh-huh, I do,” Trixie said in return, hiding a similar blush behind her mane.
“I’m sorry,” Starlight apologized, turning away with drooped ears. “I-I don’t know what came over me. I was angry, but there was no reason for me to react like I did.”
“No, I’m sorry too,” Trixie replied, closing the distance and putting an understanding hoof on Starlight’s shoulder. “I should have really talked to you about how I felt, but I guess I’m just too proud for my own good, huh?”
Starlight chuckled. “The Great and Proudly Powerful Trixie.”
Suddenly, the sound of two ponies bursting into laughter filled the room, the absurdity of the whole event finally catching up to the pair.
“Wow! So, that was a thing!” Starlight said between giggling fits.
“Yeah! I mean, w-what was up with that?” Trixie replied, barely able to breathe.
The laughter slowly stopped, and in the ensuing quiet, a long sight came out of the pair. Neither said a word, enjoying the moment in their silent exchange, tiny smiles adorning their faces.
“Well, I say this has got to be some sort of friendship lesson or whatever mushy stuff Twilight likes to talk about,” Starlight said, making exaggerated hoof motions. “I’m sure she’ll want a report on this one, huh?”
“Actually, Starlight, I was wondering if you could keep this one a secret from her,” Trixie said, raising a hoof of her own.
Starlight raised a brow, confused. “Why would I do that?”
“Because…” Trixie struggled to speak for a second, but quickly gave up on that and continued, “Because I just want this to be a moment between us, is all!”
“Aww,” Starlight cooed, making attempts at pinching Trixie's cheeks. “Somepony wants to have a personal moment!”
“No! I just don’t want Sparkle to think that I’m jealous that you are friends with her,” Trixie pushed Starlight away in a huff.
“Sure, Trixie. It’ll be a secret between the three of us,” Starlight agreed, making the familiar motions of a promise to be kept.
Taking her turn in the confused chair, Trixie raised a brow, wondering about the third pony she spoke of. She looked around quickly, nearly expecting a crowd to burst out from one of the many rocks around her. Quickly giving up her search, she turned to Starlight.
“Okay, I give—who is this third mystery pony,” Trixie asked.
WIthout a word, Starlight simply pointed to the floor between them, where Trixie quickly noticed Boulder, silently standing between them.
Just outside the cave, Maud Pie’s ears perked up, hearing the sounds of laughter as she neared her home.
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You know ima check this out.
9083533 I hope you enjoy it!
Heh, these two have quite an odd and stressful relationship. Talking about their issues doesn't come easy and it seems like it takes extreme measures to get the pair to open up. Let's hope they air out all of their grievances before somepony does something that an apology won't fix.
Nice work!
Great work as always!
By coincidence, I'd just watched No Second Prances last night, and I'm glad I did. This is a good Trixie/Starlight story, and follows on well from that episode. Trixie's dialog could use a little more tightening, a little more pride and arrogance, even though she's reformed, but there are some good Trixie moments here. And Starlight raising the room (literally) when she gets angry is right on the mark.
Good job!
(P.S. To be completely honest, I actually started reading this because the description mentioned Maud Pie, and I really wanted to see what a Starlight/Trixie/Maud scene would be like -- the character of Maud has gradually grown on me as I've seen her in more episodes. But at least Boulder gets a cameo.
)
9084529 Thank you! I will keep in mind the bit about Trixie. I never quite know how to handle her reformed pony version.
As for the Maud part, sorry! I tried to make it a little vague so as to not completely reveal what the story is about and I felt the description did the job for that.
A lovely bit of character interaction between two of the least socially capable ponies in the show's stable. Lovely work. Though I can't help but think of what will happen when Maud arrives...
"You!" cried Trixie, posing and pointing for maximum dramatic effect.
Maud blinked. "Hi."
Starlight looked back and forth between them. "Have you two met before?"
"This is the slavedriver who oversaw Trixie's labor on that thrice-accursed rock farm!"
"You kept trying to take a break every five minutes."
Trixie harrumphed and tossed her mane. "Trixie is a delicate creature ill-suited for such things."
Maud's expression didn't move, and hadn't since she entered the grotto. "Then you probably shouldn't have gotten a job on a rock farm."
Starlight bit her lip. "Uh, how about we try to make this into a learning experience? You know, how to say the right thing to get ponies to want to be your friends?"
Trixie scoffed. "Trixie has little interest in befriending a mare so dedicated to making her miserable."
"That was Limestone."
"Limestone?" Starlight turned from Maud back to Trixie. "Who's—"
Trixie shivered, sweating to the point of froth as her pinprick pupils stared at nothing. "Stay off Holder's Boulder. Stay off Holder's Boulder. STAY OFF HOLDER'S—!"
In a blink, Maud has her hoof pressed against Trixie's muzzle. She turned to Starlight. "Limestone has that effect on ponies."
Starlight swallowed against the sudden lump in her throat. "Ah."
9084999 Not gonna lie, I outright forgot that little detail.
Your scenario would have been fun, though!
But now I'm really happy that I didn't have Maud interacting here.
SFNW professor here!
This was a fun one!
While it doesn't fit the prompt perfectly, you really managed the mutual jealousy well!
As a story idea, this is really well set up. Perfect for a friendship lesson between two troubled ponies. I enjoyed it!
But I'm also supposed to give some critique and guidance, so here I go.
First there are a few places where then sentences are a bit confusing, or grammatically incorrect. One trick to fixing this is to read you story out loud from beginning to end. Any sentence that you need to reread or struggle to follow should be rewritten.
Second, some of the social interactions didn't flow quite as well as they could have. Writing emotion can be difficult, but the idea is to dramatize instead of writing in a straight forward manner. Foreshadow the emotions a bit instead of having them suddenly appear. Show don't tell (we have a few lectures you can check out on that topic). Treat each outburst as a climax, and try to limit to a single short climax instead of multiple climaxes or a drawn out climax (when talking about emotional outbursts specifically).
This is one of those things that is difficult to describe or give examples of while typing on a mobile device, so I'll probably come back later and clarify that a bit. In the meantime, feel free to experiment a bit with polishing those ideas in your story.
But besides those two points, I don't really have much else to add for where you're at. Well done! I'm happy with your progress!
9089493 This was a prompt that I had some difficulty writing about, sorry it didn't end up fitting perfectly!
And thank you for the critique! Really looking forward to your clarification.
9089559
Clarification:
This part is a good example of what can be improved:
The emotion of this scene feels a bit bipolar.
On the first line, we see Starlight asking a question as if she's on a rampage, she should be screaming a little bit here as objects are already floating around the room.
But we get to "I really envy you sometimes," and the way that it's written isn't with an exclamation mark or any indication of anger. The sentence is structured with more of a sad tone than an angry or frustrated one. It's as if she's calming down.
This is followed by a somewhat calmer back and forth, that leads into the line "What do you mean you don’t know!?", at which point, Starlight has gone from sad and kinda calm to absolutely outraged.
The emotional changes in this scene are extremely difficult to follow because they appear to fluctuate so much.
So to perhaps make it a bit clearer, I'll write the same scene, but with a few changes to help smooth out the emotional build up and climax:
With this, the scene has a lot more drama. The pacing of the scene speeds up. Sentences get shorter and shorter until, suddenly, the climax hits. And most importantly, the bulldozer of Starlight's rage is always accelerating, never slowing for a second.
This isn't a perfect example as it's more a light tweak, instead of a full on edit, however, I think it gets the point across. "
This problem was throughout the whole story from beginning to end, so I would recommend focusing on polishing that skill where you can.
In short: Make emotional transitions smoother and slower. Don't just snap from one emotion to the next between paragraphs. It'll give your readers whiplash. And side note: The size of your sentences and the pacing of ideas also has an effect on emotions. Lots of long sentences feels calm, while lots of short and snappy sentences feel frantic. The inbetweens feel inbetween.
Hopefully that makes it a bit clearer.
9089912 It's very clear! I didn't know that's how it worked out. I'll definitely keep your words to heart.
Thank you!
9090097
You're very welcome! We're always around on the Discord to help!