While on a job to deliver supplies to a new colony in the Andromeda Galaxy, something goes horribly wrong. David Lawson finds himself the sole surviror of a devestating crash on an unknown world. An unkown world full of colorful talking ponies...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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damn! That went down the toilet as fast as cake down Celestia's gullet. Really enjoying this so far. Keep up the good work.
This is a good chapter. I can't wait for the next chapter.
Seems interesting so far, keep it up!
Sooooo...none of the trained guards thought about incapacitating the alien with a spell before Midnight intervened?
Other than a few spelling errors here and there, this looks very good!
I'll be keeping a close eye on this...
Immensely enjoying what I've read so far, though to respond to the prior chapter's author note, I would personally prefer bi-weekly updates. I've had this story in my library since the first chapter, but felt that I should wait until more chapters came out. In the end, I caved because of the word count of this chapter, and that my curiosity was piqued too much to ignore anymore. All in all, this story is rather well written, and I'm pleasantly surprised to see that while the introduction to Equestria wasn't without its problems, that the situation isn't unsalvageable. Good job on that, it's pretty hard to pull that off.
Should be 'seen.' Scene would imply she is seeing an event play out, instead of referring to what she is making note of with her eyes.
9157708
Well, my defense for this is that the guards have never really been of any use in the show, so I didn't want to make them easily subdue David here. Plus, I feel like it'd be a little overpowered for them to just use magic for every situation, so in my headcanon, to do what Midnight did, a unicorn guard would have to touch his horn to David's head like Midnight did, but David was still putting up too much of a fight then. Aside from nearly being choked out, the reason David let's Midnight do that without putting up a fight is because she's the only one that hasn't tried to hurt or kill him yet.
9157780
Thank you! I'm so glad you like it! Also, thanks for the correction. I just fixed it. I'm not entirely sure if I want to do bi-weekly updates yet though. I have pretty much a 50/50 split on what to do. My editor is saying do bi-weekly, but my beta reader is saying do weekly, and the comments are filled with either 'do whatever' or nothing about it. All I can say is that if I do stay with weekly, and you along with everyone else can wait each week without getting bored of the story, then I think the story will take a few really interesting turns in the future, and I can't wait for you to see them.
Cool...
9157918
More like: let's impale it with a sword. I'm sure there's some really nasty charges that can be levelled against that guard, something-something threatening an ambassador of a foreign country... Either way, some useless guards need retraining.
9157918
9158154
In the guard´s defense, when he entered the house following the mare´s scream David was holding a half-unconscious Midnight in a way it could be considered threatening, or even predatory from a outsider perspective. I doubt any real cop or soldier would have acted different given the circumstances.
Hmm...
Well that was a rather glorious moment of "Everybody Panic!" and everything goes to shit.
Also pleasantly surprised Midnight's little plan lasted less than a day.
Damn this is good can't wait for the next chapter way to capture the audience attention with cliff hangers!
I NEED MOAR! MOAR I SAY! Update biweekly if possible. This story is great so far and I want to see what happens. MOAR!
9157855
Whatever you end up doing in the end, I'll still want to read this story. After all, the reason I want bi-weekly is so I can read more of this.
For real though, I'm impressed. I'm genuinely looking forward to future chapters, and I can't wait to see what happens next!
9158382
I'm so glad tu ou like it, and thank you. I felt like with the weekly upload schedule, I needed to make the chapters leave the reader wanting more. Glad to see it's working ;)
9158821
Well don't worry, there's plenty more to come.
9158797
Thank you so much! It really makes my day every time someone tells me they liked my story. I'm still on the fence about bi-weekly updates, but its definitely under consideration. I hope you stick around regardless though. Theres a lot of exciting things to come.
9158337
Murphy's Law, am I right?
This is great Keep up the good work!
9160486
Thank you. I'm glad you like it.
So far so good. Celestia really needs to have a word with her guards, however, on how to de-escalate a situation; trying to ambush someone while you're trying to talk them down is a recipe for disaster.
BUNCH OF COWERDS THEY TELL HIM THEY GONNA HELP HIM BUT NOOO THEY WANT A ADVANTAGE SO THEY CAN KILL HIM!!!!
But lucky for him the mare saved him before he died but while princess celestia hear this she will flip she prefer peace not violence.
Is David gonna be ok by the way?
9165588
All of these questions will be answered in the next chapter. Just wait until Friday and you'll find out ;)
9164682
Glad you're interested. We'll have to see what happens in the next chapters ^_^
Ouch, that bite is going to have a NASTY infection. Poor keystone kop better get some strong antibiotics on that. D:
Also, this is why she shouldn't have bothered trying to hide it - "I have a patient under my care. You will not touch them." would have worked a lot better than a lie.
I'm sorry, but this chapter just kept piling on the stupidity to the point of being ridiculous. It genuinely feels like any semblance of sanity or rational though was ditched in order to make the events of this chapter progress as they did.
9186531
Well I'm really sorry you feel that way. I understand how you feel. Sorry to see you go, but thanks for even checking out my story. It means a lot to me that people even read my work.
9186531
Explain the logic underlining that conclusion.
I'm still tentatively planning to continue reading, but this chapter has me on the edge. Too many HiE stories make the guards out to be irrational, impotent, or just plain incompetent, and this story went for all three without the benefit of a comedy tag. And then there's the overused "adrenaline gives humans superpowers" cliche that makes me cringe under the best of circumstances. It feels like a lot of effort to justify a gratuitous action scene.
Epic fight! Went down fighting, he made mankind proud this day. Xd
Nicely written, but one thing strikes me as strange:
She medically treats him without any magic at all, basically all of it could have been done on earth.
Would'nt the pony culture and the availability of magic have some influence?
Maybe a spell that has an antiseptic effect, or a spell or portion that helps with healing and/or closing up wounds to stop the bleeding faster?
Don't get me wrong, I would'nt want magic to be overpowered and be an easy fix, but no magic usage at all (besides the obvious levitatin)?
Have you considered this at all? If so, why did you decide against it?
Also it's strange that she would have surgical experience as a medic.
Also I would have expected other ponys to have notice the crash earlier, or notice Midnight carrying him to her House.
Why does she attempt to hide him?
The way David goes into some kind of rage and doesn't want to hear what the ponys say is quite the dark setting and he lost my sympathy for him...
I'm actually glad that they finally hit him, I was feeling quite some anger towards him.
Also why would'nt the unicorns just lift him up in the air with their telekinesis? - he'd just flail around and could'nt hurt anyone.
Also, some inconsistency. First she uses morphine during surgery and then she just uses a spell to make him pass out... Why not use that earlier?
Why is she so gentle and positive towards him at the end when she makes him pass out? Why isn't she scared by his mindless violence?
Hm... Sorry. I did not really mean to do that much criticising. I want to like your story, I do like some of it...
The Royal Guards are utter MORONS. When you have successfully managed to attain open dialogue with a cornered subject the absolute worst thing you can do is apply mental/emotional pressure to them in their situation by approaching and escalating the fucking situation! This mess was the Guards own fault. Seems apparent who the villains of this engagement were. The reaction of the first Guard on the scene were extreme, but perhaps understandable. Once he spoke though, the Guards had a literally PERFECT opportunity to end the encounter peacefully and instead they kept backing him more and more into a corner. Idiots.
I rescind prior question about the IV bag.
9298454
From human perspective you're absolutely right. But if Civilized pony's fight or flight is wired differently, their assession of situation would be biased.
Damn this guy can put up a hell of a fight, probably because he thought it was life or death
I really wonder what type of relationship these two will develop. Hmmmmm.
9379968
Truly, it is a mystery
Cool story so far. Honestly the only thing that I couldn't suspend disbelief for was the fight scene. I don't think someone in that shape even with adrenaline and morphine could fight like that. If you would have included somethings In the the form of cybernetics or nanotechnology keeping his body going would have made that feel more believable. Especially since you started with a syfy story element.
9423578
A lot of people have felt that way about that part of the story. I'm considering rewriting the fight scene to be more believable in the future, but right now, I just don't have the time. If you still hold any interest in the story, I can say that there won't be anything that unbelievable in the rest of the story.
9423780
Definitely still interested in the story. I might have sounded a bit critical with my comment, but overall I'm very happy with how the first fer have chapters have shaped up. Always like a quality HIE and this for sure counts.
9423780
I don't know why... this is a human in peak prime hopped up on magic pony-land drugs... I mean they called it 'morphine' but who knows what it really is, how it's made, and what magic may be in it... I have seen folks under the effects of drugs do incredible things, generally right before their hearts give out, but still the human body is an incredible machine and I for one think you have done justice to it. Those who have a hard time believing this must lead incredibly sheltered lives. Thank you for the story.
i.pinimg.com/236x/2f/cc/c6/2fccc6925c234ec474f00729b1871752--memes.jpg
9997285
Thank you so much for that. I'm really glad you feel that way. That's exactly what I was trying to go for with this scene, but people kelp telling me that I went overboard. It's really nice to hear that someone else agrees with me.
Two peas in a pod, aren't they? They both watch the same B-movies.
I found the fight scene to be both believable and enjoyable. Nicely done.
10454628
Thank you. I'm glad you liked it :D
Gripping. I like.
so far so good
10512035
Thank you :)
I hope you like the rest of the story and the sequels
So... Solar guards are a bit... dim, aren't they? Of course they had to tackle him. They had magic and likely some equipment, but they went for a pony pile. What's wrong with them? And of course the best approach to someone clearly scared is to come closer from two opposite directions.