- Member Since 11th Feb, 2014
- offline last seen 2 hours ago
CrimsonWolf360
My passions consume me https://ko-fi.com/crimsonwolf360 or https://www.patreon.com/user?u=4398966 if you wish to help them consume me further. Also I have a discord now https://discord.gg/BvKqTMEnjN
Sequels2
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das ist gut, keep going.
In other words... MMMMMOOOOOOOOORRRRRRREEEEEEE
Thoroughly enjoyed this chapter with not much to complain about. Fun to read and kept my attention. I can't wait to read more.
9132678
Thank you! I'll be uploading new chapters every Friday, so don't worry, there will me more :D
Interesting. You have my attention. I look forward to seeing where this goes.
I liked the details on this a lot, however I was slightly confused at how he was placed in the pod. We have David searching and reaching around in the Craft and then to be thrown about like a Ragdoll, but then afterward having been secured to the harness. Maybe I need to read it again.
"Abandoning all hope of slowing the pod, he made the decision to run to the back of the pod and strap himself in for a hot landing."
Nevermind! Lol awesome Chapter.
9133266
I'm really glad to hear that. I hope you like what's coming. I know I'm super excited for it.
I'm always up for these kinds of stories, and with a start like this, I'll put in on the tracker, and you can have my like as well.
Awaiting further entries.
-General C.
9133788
Thank you so much! I'm so happy to see people liking it so far. It really made my day.
9133463
Thanks. I'm glad you liked it :D
9133266
I'm glad to hear it ^_^ Chapter 2 comes out next Friday!
9134034
You realize you replied to my comment twice, correct?
9134190
Well... oops. lol, I guess I got a little too excited.
9134269
Happens to the rest of us all the time.
Pre-written with an update schedule you say?
Very considerate of you.
Read it. Not bad. A bit unrealistic numbers of 300 gravities and seems weird surviving that. But this fic doesn't look like it focuses on physics or tech so kudos.
But let's just see what else happens?
9134339
I'm glad you like it. Also, you're right, 300 mph faster than intended would definitely kill David. Maybe I could have written it better, but if you'll notice, the pod glances off of the side of Canterlot Mountain. Since it's not a direct impact, the pod has waaaaaaaaay more time to slow down. Since it's grinding into the side of a mountain and not slamming right into it. I hope I explained that better.
9134499
Lol. No offense and I do apologise I couldn't help it but this is what I was talking about.
300Gs (300 gravities) is about 6581 mph or about 8.5 times the speed of sound.
At those velocities assuming his craft didn't just turn to plasma held together by momentum in the atmosphere he was certainly turned into either plasma or a cloud of dust when he hit the mountain. Failing that... A boiling really cut up puree in the pod. (Eww...
)
1 g is equal to ~21 mph squared per second. Which means he would be going 21 mph or so more per second extra. But I know you didn't mean it as acceleration just as a speed of some sort.
A person can handle about 5 gravities or so max normally.
On that note I noticed that most of his pod was burned up so I wouldn't worry too much about such things in the rest of the fic. If you want to do an edit maybe mention some sort of Star trek field keeping things together?
Remember if the technology is advanced enough it's magic... Or just science we haven't figured out yet.
Don't let this discourage you thoigh.! Keep going.
I am enjoying it.
9134526
Again, I don't want to sound all "Matter of factly" or anything, but I do have to point out that the pod computer said the pod wasn't rated for a 300 g impact, true. However, that's only one sentence before David takes the controls and pulls up, which slows the pod dramatically. It's still going faster than it's rated for, but it wouldn't be hitting at 300 g's at that point. Hopefully I didn't miss anything, otherwise I'd feel really dumb, lol.
Yes, after two weeks of observation and careful analysis of the alien spacecraft, we have decided to attempt to communicate with its inhabitants. The locks may be too advanced for our primitive technology however, because—oh, it opened right away? Well this is it, Equestria! Time to communicate with the first known form of extraterrestrial life in the universe since our ill fated encounter with the mooninites! What? Oh. Oh dear. We probably shouldn't have waited two weeks.
Not... really? It wasn't supposed to be fun though. It was supposed to be painful, and cringe inducing. I mean, maybe some people would find it amusing and heartwarming to watch someone bleeding out after they crawl from the wreckage of their spacecraft. But me, I just really wanna see what happens next.
Your story's definitely got potential. Barely a taste of it so far, to say if I enjoyed it though. I'm certainly invested in David's character after an introduction like that. The way you described the descent down Canterlot mountain was really cool too, introducing a lot of the scene through interaction, rather than the narrator blandly reporting it like a newscaster on the 4am news broadcast.
9134828
Well that's certainly a detailed comment! I'm so glad that you like the story so far. Maybe I'm just weird but I find reading, even scenes that are painful/intense to be really fun to read. I hope you like the future chapters Tom I'll be uploading every Friday.
9135400
I find them thrilling certainly. Just not what comes to mind when I think of "fun."
And yeah, I'll write your ear off given half a chance.
Why are you not creating movie scripts or Writing novels?
9140915
Hopefully one day. But thank you so much for thinking I could. I think my writing improved a lot from chapter 1 to the last few chapters, so hopefully you enjoy those even more!
So far, so good.
The pacing is good, the action rolls well, and we get an impression of the character of the protagonist. You've got your main character suffering, and that's a good start for building sympathy and identification in the audience. The open leaves many questions unanswered, but that's largely in a good way, as a hook. His "I have to make this right" is going to be disappointing of it's not made clear what is to be made right, and that raises the question of how he got into all this, but those questions will keep, potentially for several chapters.
On the sci-fi, one issue: planets, especially habitable planets, are fairly rare. Compared to empty space, quite rare. This means you need a reason to have the pod get planetside, whether it was in-system already or had some sort of FTL that could be auto-aimed or whether it was the hand of the Vorlons, so to speak. Don't feel a need to over-explain, but it could easily come up as part of natural exposition.
Ohh a new chapter. Also do what ever you want with when you put up chapters as long as you don’t abandon the story.
minotaurs have hands.
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/2/29/Iron_Will_demands_a_half_day_S02E19.png/revision/latest?cb=20120706093604
good story, love to see where it goes. You write with a lot of detail. that's not a bad thing it's just that sometimes the writing gets a little cluttered. i think the best way to improve on that is to do what you're doing and to keep writing and reading what you wrote.
9143960
spiders make some sense as a comparison, but not a lot. It could be argued that some caterlot pony has never seen a mino, or even spike, with his hands. But there are still plenty of animals with elongated digits that have a closer facsimile to human hands. Racoons, as an example, have very grabby appendages. bats, have even longer and spindlier fingers within the membrane of their wing. static01.nyt.com/images/2014/06/06/multimedia/science-take-bat-wings/science-take-bat-wings-superJumbo.jpg
9134526
Huh? You divide the change in speed by the time it took (flat impact, say 0.05 seconds)
I guess you could say that our human was... Carried away, by a Midnight Shadow.
If the story is prewritten, then uploading twice a week is obviously no issue for you, and I’d say go for it. Although if you’re planning a sequel you may want to stick to once a week so you don’t run out of stuff to upload and don’t want a large gap between the two stories.
9144358
YES :D
I knew this would be a good story when I saw the front cover. ^^
9145345
I'm so glad you think so. I drew the cover back in March I think, and I've been trying to get this finished ever since June :D
9144905
-_________- NO PUNS
9143877
Thank you. I'm glad you're interested. I've made a big point on this story to answer any and all questions by the end of it, so I'm glad you picked up on that. It will be a part of the story down the line.
Oh man, a Xenophilia spin-off? I don’t envy you the inevitable rage and comparisons.
Still, I’m enjoying it so far. I’ll keep an eye on it and... good luck.
Great story, so far. However, one of my pet peeves is when people write the whole, "what are these strange hooves?" thing. It makes the ponies seem completely ignorant.
I mean, would they look at a dog and be like, "What are these strange soft, furry hooves?" No, because that would be dumb. If anything, they would refer to hands as 'strange paws' or 'strange claws'.
9153463
Sorry you're not a fan of that. Don't worry though, I've changed that a little bit in future chapters. Kinda forgot minotaurs were a thing and they have hands, so in future chapters they'll refer to David's hands accordingly
9153463
What always gets me about it is a completely canon problem it seems like everyone manages to forget.
Iron Will and the rest of the minotaurs are kind of well known.
Short of far out of the way backwood villages that have never seen anything but other ponies, there is no rational reason why even basic Equestrian education wouldn't include mention of minotaurs.
Cause, ya know, they kinda have hands.
Hmm, an interesting start. I'll keep an eye on it to see how it progresses.
That said, I do need to note that you are showing your inexperience in writing. Now, that doesn't mean bad at all, but you do have a clear need for more practice and might benefit from reviewing this site's own writing guide (under Help tab on top nav bar). I've used it myself in the past, and it is a great tool for getting yourself to stop making common mistakes. For the most part, your grammar was passable, and only limited spelling errors. Word and imagery choice for expression was sometimes a little weird, but that is another part of practice and experience. Compare the styles of your favorite books or top-quality fics here, look at how they're written, and you should start to notice what I mean.
You're also doing better than my first forays into creating the written word, so don't take my feedback the wrong way.
For the most part, the story construction is interesting enough to keep my attention. Ignorance of medical practices is, however, rather obvious. The most egregious is your order of attending problems. Breathing and airway is always first, since that's the fastest fix, and fastest to lethal. Reviewing some best practices written for emergency care by someone without training could reveal a lot for you.
And while I commented about minotaurs and such, that was before began reading. Having read that segment now, I can say I still agree in that regard, but was pleasantly surprised somebody noticed the unique shape of the human foot, relative to other creatures. Hands get all the focus, but feet are forgotten. I'm guilty of neglecting this one as well.
All in all, you have a lot you could refine and improve upon, but it is a decent start. Time will tell if you can maintain or improve your current level.
.....Could have SWORN I had already left a Comment here, but uh yeah I am keeping an eye on this
but will hold off reading until a few more chapter come outNever mind
9154940
Well, thank you for your feedback. I think I've said it before, but my writing has improved a lot since the first chapters, and I hope that by chapter 6 or 7 you'll like it more. I do have to defend one point though, you criticized my medical knowledge, particularly with the order in which Midnight tackles David's wounds. The reason I wrote it in the order I did is because I am in the Army and that was the order they trained us to check for injuries on a casualty. Most battlefield deaths are due to blood loss, not airway obstruction. Since Midnight has a past as a medic, that's her mindset when dealing with David's issues. I hope that clears it up.
9155333
Fair enough. From that perspective, I can see the prioritization. I also confess I am not working off training, but things like my mother being a retired RN, among other influences.
Also from experience, I can confess it wasn't until about the eighth chapter of my first story that I started to follow an actual plan, and it was chapter fifteen before I feel like I actually got my act together. If I can weather the level of
I was guilty of when I started, I can certainly give you some room to grow, in turn.
May the words be with you.
9156825
Thank you. I appreciate that a lot. I hope I can provide a good story for you and everyone else to enjoy.
damn!
That went down the toilet as fast as cake down Celestia's gullet. 
Really enjoying this so far. Keep up the good work.
This is a good chapter. I can't wait for the next chapter.
Seems interesting so far, keep it up!
Sooooo...none of the trained guards thought about incapacitating the alien with a spell before Midnight intervened?
Other than a few spelling errors here and there, this looks very good!
I'll be keeping a close eye on this...
Immensely enjoying what I've read so far, though to respond to the prior chapter's author note, I would personally prefer bi-weekly updates. I've had this story in my library since the first chapter, but felt that I should wait until more chapters came out. In the end, I caved because of the word count of this chapter, and that my curiosity was piqued too much to ignore anymore. All in all, this story is rather well written, and I'm pleasantly surprised to see that while the introduction to Equestria wasn't without its problems, that the situation isn't unsalvageable. Good job on that, it's pretty hard to pull that off.
Should be 'seen.' Scene would imply she is seeing an event play out, instead of referring to what she is making note of with her eyes.