Ohh a new chapter. Also do what ever you want with when you put up chapters as long as you don’t abandon the story.

strange, spider-like appendages attached to its forearms. They were covered in a thin black material

minotaurs have hands.
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/2/29/Iron_Will_demands_a_half_day_S02E19.png/revision/latest?cb=20120706093604

good story, love to see where it goes. You write with a lot of detail. that's not a bad thing it's just that sometimes the writing gets a little cluttered. i think the best way to improve on that is to do what you're doing and to keep writing and reading what you wrote.

9143960
spiders make some sense as a comparison, but not a lot. It could be argued that some caterlot pony has never seen a mino, or even spike, with his hands. But there are still plenty of animals with elongated digits that have a closer facsimile to human hands. Racoons, as an example, have very grabby appendages. bats, have even longer and spindlier fingers within the membrane of their wing. static01.nyt.com/images/2014/06/06/multimedia/science-take-bat-wings/science-take-bat-wings-superJumbo.jpg

9134526

300Gs (300 gravities) is about 6581 mph or about 8.5 times the speed of sound.

Huh? You divide the change in speed by the time it took (flat impact, say 0.05 seconds)

I guess you could say that our human was... Carried away, by a Midnight Shadow.

If the story is prewritten, then uploading twice a week is obviously no issue for you, and I’d say go for it. Although if you’re planning a sequel you may want to stick to once a week so you don’t run out of stuff to upload and don’t want a large gap between the two stories.

9144358
YES :D

I knew this would be a good story when I saw the front cover. ^^

9145345
I'm so glad you think so. I drew the cover back in March I think, and I've been trying to get this finished ever since June :D

9144905
-_________- NO PUNS

Oh man, a Xenophilia spin-off? I don’t envy you the inevitable rage and comparisons.

Still, I’m enjoying it so far. I’ll keep an eye on it and... good luck.

Great story, so far. However, one of my pet peeves is when people write the whole, "what are these strange hooves?" thing. It makes the ponies seem completely ignorant.

I mean, would they look at a dog and be like, "What are these strange soft, furry hooves?" No, because that would be dumb. If anything, they would refer to hands as 'strange paws' or 'strange claws'.

9153463
Sorry you're not a fan of that. Don't worry though, I've changed that a little bit in future chapters. Kinda forgot minotaurs were a thing and they have hands, so in future chapters they'll refer to David's hands accordingly

9153463
What always gets me about it is a completely canon problem it seems like everyone manages to forget.

Iron Will and the rest of the minotaurs are kind of well known.

Short of far out of the way backwood villages that have never seen anything but other ponies, there is no rational reason why even basic Equestrian education wouldn't include mention of minotaurs.

Cause, ya know, they kinda have hands.

Hmm, an interesting start. I'll keep an eye on it to see how it progresses.

That said, I do need to note that you are showing your inexperience in writing. Now, that doesn't mean bad at all, but you do have a clear need for more practice and might benefit from reviewing this site's own writing guide (under Help tab on top nav bar). I've used it myself in the past, and it is a great tool for getting yourself to stop making common mistakes. For the most part, your grammar was passable, and only limited spelling errors. Word and imagery choice for expression was sometimes a little weird, but that is another part of practice and experience. Compare the styles of your favorite books or top-quality fics here, look at how they're written, and you should start to notice what I mean.

You're also doing better than my first forays into creating the written word, so don't take my feedback the wrong way.

For the most part, the story construction is interesting enough to keep my attention. Ignorance of medical practices is, however, rather obvious. The most egregious is your order of attending problems. Breathing and airway is always first, since that's the fastest fix, and fastest to lethal. Reviewing some best practices written for emergency care by someone without training could reveal a lot for you.

And while I commented about minotaurs and such, that was before began reading. Having read that segment now, I can say I still agree in that regard, but was pleasantly surprised somebody noticed the unique shape of the human foot, relative to other creatures. Hands get all the focus, but feet are forgotten. I'm guilty of neglecting this one as well.

All in all, you have a lot you could refine and improve upon, but it is a decent start. Time will tell if you can maintain or improve your current level.

.....Could have SWORN I had already left a Comment here, but uh yeah I am keeping an eye on this but will hold off reading until a few more chapter come out

Never mind

9154940
Well, thank you for your feedback. I think I've said it before, but my writing has improved a lot since the first chapters, and I hope that by chapter 6 or 7 you'll like it more. I do have to defend one point though, you criticized my medical knowledge, particularly with the order in which Midnight tackles David's wounds. The reason I wrote it in the order I did is because I am in the Army and that was the order they trained us to check for injuries on a casualty. Most battlefield deaths are due to blood loss, not airway obstruction. Since Midnight has a past as a medic, that's her mindset when dealing with David's issues. I hope that clears it up.

9155333
Fair enough. From that perspective, I can see the prioritization. I also confess I am not working off training, but things like my mother being a retired RN, among other influences.

Also from experience, I can confess it wasn't until about the eighth chapter of my first story that I started to follow an actual plan, and it was chapter fifteen before I feel like I actually got my act together. If I can weather the level of I was guilty of when I started, I can certainly give you some room to grow, in turn.

May the words be with you.

9156825
Thank you. I appreciate that a lot. I hope I can provide a good story for you and everyone else to enjoy.

Huh. I would have thought a guard would have an emergency signal, like a flare or a bottle of dragonfire or something.

Great intro for her charcter got a few hints about her charcter traits and possible past Seems to be a likeable charcter. About the upload schedule it mostly depends on a few factors, how long the chapters are and how long you want the story to be. If your dumping 30k chapters every 2 months for a 500k story that's fine but if you upload 4-5k a month for a story that only ends up being 200k some people might not want to wait that long for such short chapters or it might not be memoriable enough to keep thier interest.

9204243
So far I've uploaded about 30K words in about 6 weeks. I've pretty much decided on weekly uploads now, but the future chapters are generally longer anyways

"That was more than just a shooting star."

All she could see was the fiery shape colliding into the mountain. How could she possibly know it was more than a shooting star?

The descent was unbelievably long. Midnight descended a full 300 feet, finding strange new debre and objects of interest, before she was even close to the source of the destruction.

Not debre, it's debris.

The creatures head slowly tilted to the side as it appeared to lose consciousness, and fall over onto its side leaving Midnight to stare at the dying alien life form now on her planet.

Creature's.

Nice start, though I do have to ask, that IV drip, the way it's described in conjunction with the mention of the morphine makes it sound like she hooked him up to a big ol' bag of the stuff. Which seems wrong, and not just because there is a serious opioid problem in canterlot if whole IV bags of the stuff can go missing on a regular basis.

9319258
I think she was just saying that it wasn’t hard to get all the supplies she had. She said she didn’t want to give him drugs because he was an alien, so I’m inclined to believe she didn’t hook him up to a bag of morphine.

Also, morphine feels weird. (Shivers) I had some in the hospital.

In addition to Minotaur, Gryphons are a thing and a bit more common than either Dragons or Minotaur. While they might not have hands per se, their front 'feet' are close, more handlike than pawlike.

9330111
60 years ago on Earth morphine and meth were only pain killers used in complex situations. Aspirin isn't much of painkiller and acetomenophen, while discovered before war, was considered too toxic to use. Though, I suppose, if Equestria is other planet, the actual drug they have is something different. But that's a sin of many fics on this theme. The only sinless one was Stardust.

2 hours of heavy lifting and climbing

Something big is crashing in sight of the capital, and its take more than 2 hours before they even get there.
That's what thestral / pegasus scouts ar for!.

Opinions are like assholes.
Everyone has one - but some just smell worse than others.

9819957
I've heard this criticism before, and to my defense, David's pod crashed on the far side of the mountain with almost no population to speak of and several miles from the actual city of Canterlot. There's really no need to go investigate right away, so it isn't until the next morning when the ponies that did hear it decide to actually report it.

There was no telling what this thing was capable of. It could explode. It could eat her. It could abduct her and experiment on her.

She's watched too many movies. I like her.

The Night Guard was too small and limited to send anypony out of Canterlot and the Royal Guard was off duty for at least another hour.

Oof. This sounds like a serious problem in management, and a risk to the local populace should an emergency arise.

"Maybe it knows a way to reverse aging? It could have some kind of force field that doesn't require constant magical effort from a unicorn to maintain. Perhaps it could know a way for those not gifted with wings to fly?

Again, watched too many B-movies. Everybody knows aliens have the answer to life.
It's 42

You strained my sense of disbelief noticeably with the idea that the nightgaurd won't act a few miles outside Canterlot's walls. The idea that an ex-army medic couldn't use her magic to signal a medical emergency visually during the day was even worse. Still going to give this a shot, but you seem to be bending events towards the sort of story you want to tell with too little regard for consistent world-building.

11182031
Well, in my defense, this was the first story I ever wrote. I've gotten a lot better in my more recent works when it comes to that sort of thing.

Man's said MA for the first aid not MARCH. I'd still let her save me