While on a job to deliver supplies to a new colony in the Andromeda Galaxy, something goes horribly wrong. David Lawson finds himself the sole surviror of a devestating crash on an unknown world. An unkown world full of colorful talking ponies...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Nicely done!
please... just because it's hilarious. have him live with Pinkie and the cakes. can't wait to see his reaction when he meets her.
Yisss... MMMMM Gimme dat sweet sweet great story.
Keep it up man, the story looks great so far. Can't wait for the next chapter.
9170422
actually are the mane 6 in this story or....
9170474
Thank you. I'm very glad to hear you like it. It really makes my day :D
9170416
Thank you :)
Right, so if he lost four liters of blood he would be dead. Full stop. You can't lose more than 40% of your blood without dying, period. And considering humans have between 4.7 - 5.5 liters of blood, 4 liters is far beyond the lethal threshold. You might want to revise that unless you plan on giving him some sort of significant magical regeneration factor that can create mass out of nothing.
Edit: Also, you mean sapient, not sentient. A spider is sentient, as in it can feel sensation. A human is both sentient and sapient, as in self-aware. Very common mistake.
9170689
Ok, you got me there. For whatever reason, I thought people had 10 liters of blood in their bodies. I'll fix that. Also the other thing. Thanks :D
Another great story. The only thing that kinda bugs me is depicting ponies as panicking at the sight of a new being. There are so many sapient beings, I can guarantee they wouldn't be afraid. Curious, excuted, disgusted, or resentful I could see, but not afraid.
Still, I like that you didn't have him just forgive the guy that tried to murder him so quickly. It's far more realistic for him to be understanding, but not forgiving. Those aren't the same thing.
Hmm 100 year supply trips seem to be rather impractical, if a colony can survive 100 years it should be already rather self sustaining by then, i guess the ship was loaded with some exceptional high tech stuff that could not be produced there yet and probably science databases to deliver 100 years of progress, otherwise the contents would be simply just a little drop of gasoline on a already burning fire.
What does graphite do really?
Please do continue this story it is quite good I look forward to reading more
and, after surgery, they put you in a medically induced coma for eighteen hours to recover.
Note the added commas in addition to the "for". "after surgery" was relocated from the place it would naturally fit into the sentence (which would be "they put you in a medically-induced coma after surgery"), so put a comma before and after to indicate switching out of and back into the main flow of the sentence.
kindest
pony-eating (The two words form a single compound adjective, so use a hyphen)
This is a bit of linguistic sloppiness which only works when paired with either tone-of-voice or punctuation cues. You'll want one of the following:
The only thing is, your left leg will be sore for a little while. (note the added comma)
The only thing is that your left leg will be sore for a little while.
The only thing is your left leg, which will be sore for a little while.
9171049
I think they generally do it based on incidents like how Ponyville reacted to Zecora, how the Flower Trio react to various things (bunny stampede, anyone?), and how others react to both of those things.
9171637
Thanks for the corrections. I just fixed them all. I hope the story has been entertaining for you otherwise.
9171420
Don't worry, this story will be finished and you'll get weekly updates no matter what. I promise ;D
9171049
I appreciate your input, and you're mostly right, but the reason I have them react the way they do is for a few reasons. Firstly, humans don't have fur, whereas most sapient species in mlp have fur or scales. Humans just have skin, so it'd be like seeing a shaved bear for the first time or something. Trust me, those things are nightmare fuel. Second, ponies in the show have reacted similarly in waaaaaaaaaaaaay less scary situations, and I wanted to try to keep the ponies somewhat true to their nature in the show. Lastly, David is an alien in their world. Whereas all of the other species you're referencing have grown up alongside ponies, and they're all aware of each other, David is an unknown. They don't know anything about him. He could release poisonous gas for all they know. At least, that was my thinking when writing it.
9171653
Yeah. I'm always up for a good HiE and, sadly, it seems that I've outpaced their production by a mile.
9171684
Well the good news is that I'm updating weekly, so until the story is finished, there will always be a new chapter not more than a week away.
9170422
It may be a while before David meets the rest of the mane six, but who knows. Anything is possible.
Why the Andromeda galaxy? Would there not be other planets closer in our own galaxy?
I have just finished reading all four chapters. I have liked faved and followed you because I like this a lot so far. Can not wait for more.
9172141
Personally I just liked the idea of being able to travel to another galaxy. Plus, there's more of a reason for David to be one of the first people to travel there if it's a completely new galaxy.
9172377
Glad to hear it. New chapters every week :D
9172398
You are very welcome. Yay.
9171131
They could just use a wave of ships launching at intervals; the first arrives with the groundbreakers, fabricators, or other things you need to get the place ready, and then the next bring in people and exotic materials as needed however many years apart is sensible. You'd have to plan it out ahead of time, so ideally you'd have survey results first.
OK so this story has me hooked, its hard to come by futuristic human stories like this that either haven't been abandoned or canceled so hopefully this story does not end up like the others....hopefully.
But I would like to answer your question you asked in the second chapter I believe, it was something about if you should upload weekly or so, I personally like it if you uploaded at least two chapters a week because weekly seems a little long for a lot of people to wait for one chapter to come out per week especially if the new chapter is short or not.
If you can't upload new chapters faster then its perfectly fine by me anyways I would still enjoy the story none the less
Haha thanks for the reply if you ever need any help with anything don't be afraid to ask me
9173291
I'm so happy you like my story. I'm still unsure about the upload speed for this story at the moment though. I'm leaning towards weekly since there will be somewhere close to 20 chapters total, and the shortest should be somewhere in the low 4000 word range if I remember right. So there won't be any weeks where you're super disappointed by a super short chapter.
9173902
I will. Thanks :D
Huh, so equestria is a orbiting a rouge star in the middle of intergalactic space. Cool.
9172141
Also keep in mind that if it takes 100 years to get to Andromeda, it would only take 4 years to cross the Milky Way. Since to do that you’d obviously need FTL travel, it’s quite possible that most of the Milky Way is already colonised.
let this ship set sail!
MidnightXDavid
SPREAD THE WORD!
Oh dear, this is going to be a thing, isn't it?
I wish you luck, but I think I'll leave things here.
Never been much fan of "oh hey talking ponies I'll make them my friends" kind of starts to stories. But then again it's just me wanting some kind of mind breaking to happen. Gotta love psychological horror "it is the best horror after all" I mean losing all your friends landing on an alien planet where everythings different and things are moving fast.
Despite that though I will continue reading this. Hope it will be a good ride ^^ Also an oc pony that isn't cringeworthy? Count me in for that reason alone. She seems nice.
Good to see that somewhere in the universe is a single surgeon who WON'T let their ego get in the way of saving a patient for once, because I can tell you there are no Human surgeons who are that good.
ONLY because you backed him into more of a corner than he already was you fucking idiot!
Wait, wait, wait... they're specifically TRAINED to escalate a situation!? How the fuck does that make any sense!? That's a perfect way to make every situation worse, 'When you have a calm situation, antagonize the subject by increasing the force you use.' That makes less than no sense. To de-escalate a situation you use force equal to or LESS THAN the force used by the subject. You DO NOT intentionally make the situation deadly by antagonization. But then why does she specifically state that the Guard should have tried verbal communication before resorting to lethal force? She contradicted herself.
Don't get me wrong, I like this story and it's going on my favorites list, but there are some significant discrepancies here that are confusing and angering me.
9298458
But that's exactly how cops are trained. Maybe I was unclear, but what that last quote you pulled meant was that when confronted with a potentially hostile situation, the guard responds with escalating levels of force. Police are perfect examples of this. Level 1 is verbal communication, ie. "Stop right there! Drop the weapon! Etc." Level 2 is physically intervening, level 3 is non lethal weapons, level 4 is brandishing lethal weapons, and level 5 is actual lethal force. You only escalate when the person in question escalates the situation. I dont understand what about that is confusing though. Did I clear that up for you?
What's confusing is why or how David knows what an alicorn is or why he could see their flanks while approaching from the front and they were sitting on thrones.
9324065
Well, I just felt like it was easier to go with Alicorns than having the whole 'what's an alicorn?' conversation. Also, that's more the narrator just describing them than David's actual view.
So, four chapters in and I'm really enjoying this story thus far. The chapters are in a nice, accessible lengths; the pacing is snappy, and there are minimal errors in spelling and grammar. The only negative that immediately pops to mind is that his internal monologue is being put in quotations. IMO, this makes things confusing from time to time, when italic text on its own should be sufficient to denote what it is. That said,
Please sir, may I have some more?
Isnt the right word for intelligent life forms Sentient? Arent all animals Sapient?
9369180
Sentient is able to feel. Sapient is able to act with judgement.
Ambulatory a day after losing 2 liters of blood. Uh...no. Ponies may share similarities to Terrans, but even still expecting blood types to be shared is just asinine. Especially given just how many sapient species that are on that planet, not that they even know how to treat the damn others(Zecora? Spike?Iron Will?). Not even a handwave of Blood Replenishing Spells or Burn-be-gone, just GottasexthePrincesses.
Between that and the "beautiful" comments running through the harem bois mind it's obvious that this isn't even a story but a clopfic eager to get to the sexing. Hell, the other stories you claim as inspiration had more to it than this.
9372130
Uh... There's no clop until chapter 12. That's more than halfway through the story. As for the blood issue... magic, I guess? I mean, if you don't like the story, then I'm sorry and wish you the best, but it seems like you're really grasping at straws here with those issues.
I don’t know why, but this line freakin cracks me up! 🤣
who would want to go to jail anyways?
Errrr...
Yet Canterlot is understaffed during the night.
Has Luna not come back yet? I feel like this should be brought up to her and Celestia's attention.
Edit: Nvm. She and Celestia need to hash something out.
Focus, you have other things to worry about.
Two days and he is already flirting with the leaders of a nation. What did I say about staying focused, bud?
On another note, I am surprised by how you portrayed Twilight. Most people have it in their heads that, given the chance, Twilight would be down-right evil scientist when shown a living alien face-to-face. I like your "tame" Twilight better.
10108384
There is a heavy guard presence in the city, however, the night guard doesn't have the soldiers to fan out around the city. That's what that was referring to :)
A bit late to the party I know. Though I am liking the story so far.
I do wonder why the following quote didn't get more of a reaction out of the princesses.
This would be a red flag for discussion if I was in the princess position. Not that it matters that much.
Lol, nice.
Two days ago? I think he means one day ago, this is the second day he's been on Equis, if he says it that way, that would mean he's been on the planet for three days, so far the story has only progressed one early morning/ late night, a comatose timeskip, then now which I'm assuming is morning right now.
10773994
Well, in his defense he did say not two days ago, hehe.
But you're right, I can go back and change that.