While on a job to deliver supplies to a new colony in the Andromeda Galaxy, something goes horribly wrong. David Lawson finds himself the sole surviror of a devestating crash on an unknown world. An unkown world full of colorful talking ponies...
Page generated in 0.027 seconds
Total duration
707 users online
901,494 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
das ist gut, keep going.
In other words... MMMMMOOOOOOOOORRRRRRREEEEEEE
Thoroughly enjoyed this chapter with not much to complain about. Fun to read and kept my attention. I can't wait to read more.
9132678
Thank you! I'll be uploading new chapters every Friday, so don't worry, there will me more :D
Interesting. You have my attention. I look forward to seeing where this goes.
I liked the details on this a lot, however I was slightly confused at how he was placed in the pod. We have David searching and reaching around in the Craft and then to be thrown about like a Ragdoll, but then afterward having been secured to the harness. Maybe I need to read it again.
"Abandoning all hope of slowing the pod, he made the decision to run to the back of the pod and strap himself in for a hot landing."
Nevermind! Lol awesome Chapter.
9133266
I'm really glad to hear that. I hope you like what's coming. I know I'm super excited for it.
I'm always up for these kinds of stories, and with a start like this, I'll put in on the tracker, and you can have my like as well.
Awaiting further entries.
-General C.
9133788
Thank you so much! I'm so happy to see people liking it so far. It really made my day.
9133463
Thanks. I'm glad you liked it :D
9133266
I'm glad to hear it ^_^ Chapter 2 comes out next Friday!
9134034
You realize you replied to my comment twice, correct?
9134190
Well... oops. lol, I guess I got a little too excited.
9134269
Happens to the rest of us all the time.
Pre-written with an update schedule you say?
Very considerate of you.
Read it. Not bad. A bit unrealistic numbers of 300 gravities and seems weird surviving that. But this fic doesn't look like it focuses on physics or tech so kudos.
But let's just see what else happens?
9134339
I'm glad you like it. Also, you're right, 300 mph faster than intended would definitely kill David. Maybe I could have written it better, but if you'll notice, the pod glances off of the side of Canterlot Mountain. Since it's not a direct impact, the pod has waaaaaaaaay more time to slow down. Since it's grinding into the side of a mountain and not slamming right into it. I hope I explained that better.
9134499
Lol. No offense and I do apologise I couldn't help it but this is what I was talking about.
300Gs (300 gravities) is about 6581 mph or about 8.5 times the speed of sound.
At those velocities assuming his craft didn't just turn to plasma held together by momentum in the atmosphere he was certainly turned into either plasma or a cloud of dust when he hit the mountain. Failing that... A boiling really cut up puree in the pod. (Eww...)
1 g is equal to ~21 mph squared per second. Which means he would be going 21 mph or so more per second extra. But I know you didn't mean it as acceleration just as a speed of some sort.
A person can handle about 5 gravities or so max normally.
On that note I noticed that most of his pod was burned up so I wouldn't worry too much about such things in the rest of the fic. If you want to do an edit maybe mention some sort of Star trek field keeping things together?
Remember if the technology is advanced enough it's magic... Or just science we haven't figured out yet.
Don't let this discourage you thoigh.! Keep going.
I am enjoying it.
9134526
Again, I don't want to sound all "Matter of factly" or anything, but I do have to point out that the pod computer said the pod wasn't rated for a 300 g impact, true. However, that's only one sentence before David takes the controls and pulls up, which slows the pod dramatically. It's still going faster than it's rated for, but it wouldn't be hitting at 300 g's at that point. Hopefully I didn't miss anything, otherwise I'd feel really dumb, lol.
Yes, after two weeks of observation and careful analysis of the alien spacecraft, we have decided to attempt to communicate with its inhabitants. The locks may be too advanced for our primitive technology however, because—oh, it opened right away? Well this is it, Equestria! Time to communicate with the first known form of extraterrestrial life in the universe since our ill fated encounter with the mooninites! What? Oh. Oh dear. We probably shouldn't have waited two weeks.
Not... really? It wasn't supposed to be fun though. It was supposed to be painful, and cringe inducing. I mean, maybe some people would find it amusing and heartwarming to watch someone bleeding out after they crawl from the wreckage of their spacecraft. But me, I just really wanna see what happens next.
Your story's definitely got potential. Barely a taste of it so far, to say if I enjoyed it though. I'm certainly invested in David's character after an introduction like that. The way you described the descent down Canterlot mountain was really cool too, introducing a lot of the scene through interaction, rather than the narrator blandly reporting it like a newscaster on the 4am news broadcast.
9134828
Well that's certainly a detailed comment! I'm so glad that you like the story so far. Maybe I'm just weird but I find reading, even scenes that are painful/intense to be really fun to read. I hope you like the future chapters Tom I'll be uploading every Friday.
9135400
I find them thrilling certainly. Just not what comes to mind when I think of "fun."
And yeah, I'll write your ear off given half a chance.
Why are you not creating movie scripts or Writing novels?
9140915
Hopefully one day. But thank you so much for thinking I could. I think my writing improved a lot from chapter 1 to the last few chapters, so hopefully you enjoy those even more!
So far, so good.
The pacing is good, the action rolls well, and we get an impression of the character of the protagonist. You've got your main character suffering, and that's a good start for building sympathy and identification in the audience. The open leaves many questions unanswered, but that's largely in a good way, as a hook. His "I have to make this right" is going to be disappointing of it's not made clear what is to be made right, and that raises the question of how he got into all this, but those questions will keep, potentially for several chapters.
On the sci-fi, one issue: planets, especially habitable planets, are fairly rare. Compared to empty space, quite rare. This means you need a reason to have the pod get planetside, whether it was in-system already or had some sort of FTL that could be auto-aimed or whether it was the hand of the Vorlons, so to speak. Don't feel a need to over-explain, but it could easily come up as part of natural exposition.
9143877
Thank you. I'm glad you're interested. I've made a big point on this story to answer any and all questions by the end of it, so I'm glad you picked up on that. It will be a part of the story down the line.
Spacecraft have minimal combustible material on-board. Everything is required to be either fireproof or fire resistant as much as can be accomplished.
Also, traumatic damage is actually very unlikely to cause a computer system to spit sparks, owing to the low power draw, low voltages, voltage regulators, cut-offs, and internal fuses. That's all on your average home system not rated for use in space, and not factoring in the things outside the system itself like circuit breakers and still more fuses.
This is just informational. I'm assuming this is artistic license, although could have had the steel plate hit the battery and start a fire that way.
You say this is your first story? If so round of applause so far for the introduction, wasn't weighted down and slow but wasn't knee jerkingly fast either. And props for almost killing the main charcter right off the bat, most would try to make it seem like thier charcter is messed up but then the charcter just goes about his/her day. I don't think he's getting up easily from this one
9204206
Well I'm glad you like it so far! Thank you. I hope you stick around until the end. Theres a lot of important things to come.
Hmm. Is it just me, or does this seem awfully similar to the intro of a certain Sci-Fi Aquatic survival game?
Great start, by the way!
9230759
A certain sci-fi aquatic game may or may not have inspired... certain events in this story... Glad you like it :D I hope you stick around until the end. Its gonna get real exciting in the future.
In the ships explosion, the escape pod was damaged
ship’s (remember your possessive apostrophe)
It's flight path took it straight down into the planet's atmosphere
Its (remember, Its is used to indicate possession while it’s means ‘it is’)
"Fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me" he prayed,
"Fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me," he prayed, (don’t forget your comma if it isn’t a closed quotation
The Sirens blaring in the pod were deafening now
sirens (no need to capitalize it)
slowed the pods tremendous speed greatly
pod’s
that now found it's way
its
it pulverized its way through the mountainside
Lol, but you got it correct here!
It's sheer inertia sent
Its
and a deep current of displaces rock were left in the pods wake as it finally started to slow
displaced/pod’s wake
the pod by it's terrifying momentum.
its
"Uh... where... wha... oh... oh shit." He said, panic slowly rising in his voice.
"Uh... where... wha... oh... oh shit," he said, panic slowly rising in his voice.
The latter half is still part of the overall sentence, which is why you use a comma and don’t capitalize the first word outside the closed quotation mark.
"God damn it! Where's my knife" He thought to himself.
"God damn it! Where's my knife?" he thought to himself.
He’s asking a question, so you use a question mark. You also don’t capitalize the first word after since it’s still part of the overall sentence.
Inch after wretched inch of the fabric ripped and tore under Davids forceful pressure. The blade slowly but surely doing its work.
Inch after wretched inch of the fabric ripped and tore under David’s forceful pressure, the blade slowly but surely doing its work.
David’s forceful pressure. Also ‘The blade slowly but surely doing its work.’ isn't a proper sentence by itself, so you can just add a comma and tack it on to the previous sentence as I demonstrated. Alternatively, you can say, ‘The blade slowly but surely did its work.’
Davids only assurance to press on
David’s
Tears filled his vision as Davids eyes
David’s
needle like pain assaulted his left calf.
needle-like
and shoulder checked the door.
and shoulder-checked the door.
Why can't I think?!" He screamed in his head
Why can't I think?!" he screamed in his head.
He fell face first
face-first
life giving air
life-giving
His right leg had been burned badly, sickly yellow-red blisters ran all along the scorched limb.
His right leg had been burned badly, sickly yellow-red blisters running all along the scorched limb.
His pant leg had also melted
pants’ leg
better as a 9 inch rod of titanium
nine (generally try to avoid using the number instead of the word)
very often... ok, ever...
okay (try not to use shorthand)
Hey guys, again, sorry for not being there...
Hey, guys, again, sorry for not being there...
... I'll be with you guys in a little bit here I guess.
here I guess?
9254598
Sorry it took me so long to respond to you, but thanks so much for those corrections. I know I made a lot of mistakes in this chapter, and I really appreciate the help to make it the best it can be. Hopefully I can make less mistakes in future chapters lol.
9258773
I'm a little late to the show so I get read a bunch of chapters all at once! A very good start on chapter one, with a nice balance of character introduction and action.
My critical eye found one more typo...
that was
thatfrom the blood lossHmmmm. Not bad. Definetly descriptive but the main character seems a bit generic.
Still worth continuing though.
9285122
Well I'm glad you like it so far. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. I did try my best to make David more than just a generic HIE protagonist though. I hope you see that in later chapters.
Everything seems pretty good so far, but I do have a single nit-pick. If the steel pannel flying around the inside of the pod was carrying enough momentum, velocity, kinetic energy, and speed to shear through a computer then strike David, then by all rights the pannel should have cleaved his skull in twain like the blade of an axe.
The Crash sequence was similar to the intro to subnautica
9134526
Alrighty, I have a few things to say here, so lets start simple. 1G is 9.8 M/s (or 21.9 MPH) of acceleration (denoted 𝚫V).
Secondly, we don't have raw speed information here for reentry, which is what would determine if his pod would burn up, not 𝚫V - that becomes important when the surface is involved. Spacecraft have heat shields to protect them from the plasma generated upon reentry, as I would assume this pod does as well. While reentry speeds can very wildly, 6,000Mph is nothing for reentry speeds. 17k~24k MPH is average.
Finally, your statement about human G survivability is flat out wrong. Tolerance is based on time, while you may only be able to tolerate 5G for a prolonged time (minutes), 20+ is fine for a few seconds (though you likely won't remain conscious). The highest (recorded) 𝚫V (survived) was in an Indy race in Oct 2003 - 214G. The idea that his pod might not survive 300G is likely, but if well designed, any occupants ought to survive.
9143877
Planets are only rare in the sense that there is a LOT of space between objects in space; by that same logic stars are rare. As of Dec 2018, we have cataloged nearly 4,000 exoplanets in close proximity to Sol. Now while (conservative) estimates only put one to two dozen terrestrial planets within the habitable zone of their respective stars, within that former number; that ratio makes for ~40 Billion in the Milky Way galaxy according to the Kepler mission. So...rare statistically, but not THAT rare.
My friend, orbital physics doesnt work like that. Pulling up will only turn the spacecraft, not shift it's vector of velocity due to the absence of a medium for it to produce the force required to shift course. Pods generally do not have enough delta v to shift their orbit too much and the best he could do is burn against the velocity vector to slow his descent enough so that he doesn't burn up.
I wrote this after the first few paragraphs. I hace no idea how he will get out of this situation.
9347640
1 g is 9.8 m/s2. It's acceleration , not speed. Impact acceleration is a complex thing and 300 g is what 40 mph car's passengers may experience. If they run in to concrete wall. Dropping item onto floor is quite high g number. Ever had read stats on HDD, digital camera, notebook? Their rate is from 30 to 60g. So having pod wasn't rated for 300g would be weird, though human surely wouldn't survive that impact without proper fixtures.
9327152
About how i imagined it, the metal bending and creaking, it bouncing and wrestling witb the ground, it sounds gnarly
What is this, Subnautica?
Edit: oh, I see this comment was already made.
9369210
While I did not specifically write 9.8 m/s^2, I did specifically say "acceleration" immediately following the speed...so six of one a half-dozen of the other.
Secondly, Your 400G example is missing some CRITICAL information. Namely that this is for an abrupt stop against a solid object, such as a steering column or windshield. If you look at the same crash with a seatbelt, it drops that same accident to a much more mild 82G. Thus I reiterate my previous point, while the craft will not likely survive a 300G crash, the occupant very well might.
Source:
Car Crash Force Calculator
Have a text error.
9371880
I wonder what would be Leviathans here.
Just started to read it again and I enjoyed it deply.
I began liking this story more when I started picturing it as a low budget 1950's Sci-Fi serial. For the 'no time to react after entering the escape pod before entering the atmosphere' to work the shop would have had to be nearly skimming the atmosphere already, not optimum for inter stellar flight. It takes us 3 days to reach our own moon, but in bad, yet enjoyable, Sci-Fi these details are inconsequential.
Another example being the pod not being rated for 300g's, then it was impacting 300mph faster than it was rated. Ignore these inconsistencies, and enjoy the flaming ride!
10108212
Dragons?
Oooooo. I like this intro. Wonder who found him?
10937509
Only one way to find out! :D