Why?
Princess Celestia observed the stage from afar on a grassy hill. Next to her was the one and only star pupil she once had, was now on good terms with her mentor once again.
“This break is nice,” Twilight commented, “My friends should be done clearing up the stage in about ten minutes.”
“Indeed Twilight.” The elder princess nodded. “Friends can come in handy more than you know.”
But she did know. She was supposed to know everything. As the authority who took the role of spreading such wonderful magic across Equestria and beyond, how could she have betrayed her teacher’s feelings earlier?
A bird’s song rang from nest to nest, trees and bushes were more than enough to fix a sheath for them, so they can gaze away into eternity. Celestia’s angelic white fur cooed for the gentle breeze, brushing them down the path. Peacefulness was merely an understatement.
Aside from minor quarrels and knowledge debates back when the Princess of Friendship was a filly, this was perhaps the first time in forever that they rifted in an misunderstanding. It was only fortunate that their conflict was nothing of a quotidian.
But right now, being quiet is quite... awkward.
“I’m surprised that you put Fluttershy as our lead actress.” Twilight giggled. “She’s had quite a full meal of tummy aches on her behalf.”
“There are times when ponies can bring out the best of themselves, Twilight, even if it was not with their strong hoof. Which was why I believed that you were ready to ascend into a new journey of promising duties behold.”
She added, “That was why we chose Cadance as our Princess of Love, who was more than prepared to motivate her subjects through the chemistry of romanticism. It is that propeller which, again, brings out the best of each and every one of us; because we care for those not in profitable interest, but simply out of love.”
Twilight nodded in delight. “I couldn’t agree more!”
Too delighted. She paused.
A buzz.
In her head, it piqued an umbrage of unforeseen problems.
Shifting her attention back to the main concern. Twilight looked up at Celestia below her muzzle. Gleaming twinkling little eyes. She knew her mentor would feel her warmth crawling up her neck like cool moisturized droplets that still were intact with mother earth.
’Just like how fast she learns and graduated as a valedictorian at my academy... How reminiscent...’
“Princess Celestia...” She began.
“Call me Celestia, right this instant.” The elder princess joked, but Twilight failed to notice and continued anyway.
“Do you think... I’m fit to be a princess, even after what I have done to you?”
The alicorn’s humor thinned as soon as she was reminded of her tension with the young princess. Their relationship recovered quick, yes, but this question was tempting the lion without awareness. She didn’t like where this was heading to.
“Twilight,” she sighed, “there are bound to be mistakes made throughout a lifetime. Some are so small they can’t harm a Breezie, yet some are large enough to gamble international diplomatics and put them at stake. This was the first time you have ever misunderstood me, and I...” she sighed again, “... was quite surprised when you have done so.”
She was almost tripped by Twilight’s gloomy reaction. “Now I’m not saying that our paths crossed today was fatal, but it’s something that can be improvised and avoided next time. It wasn’t your fault that you didn’t know how much theater meant to me.”
“But I do, Princess Celestia!” She retorted, “You said you had so many wonderful memories contained in that field. All these years we’ve been together, how can you say I don't understand your interests?”
Celestia gently held a hoof onto Twilight’s head, and slowly lowered it until a shadow was casted by her own mane. Looking up at her mentor once more, this time Twilight was docile and tranquilized. A dove sliced through the upper air and clouds began tearing apart. She saw her elder’s eyes shut, no sign of lip movement.
“Long ago, after Luna and I defeated Discord. We promised each other that we would be benevolent rulers of Equestria and ensure the happiness of all.”
“Chaos would be no more, dark malice and sordidness would vanish altogether. We pushed ourselves towards perfection, until...” She opened her eyelids halfway.
Twilight put a hoof on her back. “I know the rest, you don’t have to bring it up.”
Celestia shut her eyes again. “While I ruled solemnly with guilt and loneliness, there were times where violence among ponies would arise. The problem was that they occurred around nighttime, when I would be resting once raising the moon.”
“I would often find myself having long conversations with the council on how to approach such matters. The majority would always choose the relentless solution: either execution or life sentence in prison.”
“What?” Twilight pressed her head. “We had crimes?!”
“As much as I was against it, I could not go against the council. As a benevolent leader I must give democracy to my subjects. Many were wrongfully punished, and those who escaped convict never learned their lessons until they suffered their consequences many years later—”
“But why? Why hadn’t anypony protested against such illiberal decision?” Twilight broke her off. “Didn’t they understand the meaning of redemption and chances?”
Celestia shook her head. “Which is exactly why theater became a big part of my life, not because of the plays I have enjoyed with my friends in fillyhood.”
She knew the little alicorn was confused. She was always so hungry for new information, as long as it can boost her knowledge. Biting her lips, the Sol Princess extended her hoof into the sky, leading Twilight’s gaze along with it.
“Behold! It is I, thy lord! Who shalt hath the calamity be rid of!”
’That sounded like her Royal Canterlot voice, but it’s a bit too formal, even for Princess Celestia.’
’Could it be acting? But she even had me admitting that she was terrible!’
“Unsavory crucifixion is only necessary for the incurable! But I know that ye bear no such unripe fruits. After all, thee reap what thee sows!”
Twilight raised a brow. “Um, Princess Celestia? Are you okay...?”
With a Cadance exercise, she exhaled and slowly reopened her eyes. The winds have died down as she commanded. The same dove flew above them again, repeating what it has done earlier back to its nest.
“Forest chatters... how beautiful...” She whispered to herself.
“Heh?”
She turned back to Twilight. “Those dialogues were part of an urgent play on the night before my first facial announcement to all of Equestria. I had more to practice with to inspire my public speaking skills. Once the words and phrases sparked in my head, I was able to dissuade the crowd from the activated death penalty upon anypony.”
"I would assure them that everything will be fine, nopony should feel guilty for what they have done for their past lives. They weren't guilty, but ignorant, of the fact that ponies were constantly disappearing."
She grimaced as her chest ached; a heart encased in ancient stones. The chattering of the birds rang louder and louder, sharply piercing Celestia's ears over and over. Her head was filled with rotten buzzes sour from blushes, blushes that she would feel when she's hot from the public applauding for her deceitfulness.
'These fruits are not ripe!' her mind screamed, 'I have lied to them!'
“Twilight...” The Sol Princess began once more, feebly chewing up her words as she moved her lips. “Why was I upset with you today?”
“B-because...” she paused in thought, “I have hid from you and your trust in me. I failed to deliver my honesty to you and lied through my teeth.” She sobbed, although there wasn’t a single gland of teardrop.
“I always saw you... as my superior, as my mentor, as my guardian... even sometimes a mother. You gave me all the support that I needed to succeed in life. You opened up a path for me to make new friends and embrace them. You treated me like no other pony could deserve.”
She lowered her head and flumped onto the green cushion of grass as they bent over to support her weight. “I just didn’t want to hurt your feelings! I didn’t want to lose you! I know telling you the truth over some silly acting shouldn’t be a big deal, but I hate seeing you frown in dismay!”
“It was as if... You're right, I did disappoint you by not wanting to...” she quieted down, “I guess I viewed you as a perfect goddess who can’t admit mistakes.”
Another gentle breeze skimmed past the two apex entities. Once the soft wind left its trail behind, Twilight was seen to have her head lifted by a white hoof. Slowly, her mauve pupils shifted upwards to meet Celestia’s smile. She brought Twilight’s head into her clutch and raised the other hoof over her mane, gently stroking it.
“How can I be disappointed in you? Perfection is nothing but a disaster of imbalance and unmorality. I would never see myself as a flawless ruler.”
“If I was truly disappointed, I wouldn’t have spoken with you in the first place.”
“R-really?”
“Yes Twilight.” She chuckled. “You have made mistakes in the past, but I’ve always been relieved that you were quick to realize and fix them. You have shown great strides towards the enlightenment of friendship. Your core values are what brings peace towards Equestria and beyond.”
They looked over to the Young Six cleaning up the stage. Smolder and Gallus were in the air taking down the curtains. Yona helped Big Mac pull the heavier tools and items placed on a giant metal cart. Ocellus organized the play’s scriptures so it can be stored somewhere safe back at Twilight’s castle. Silverstream and Sandbar chatted with the Cutie Mark Crusaders about the fillies’ trip to Seaquestria and Mount Aris.
“Those six have the potential to succeed your friends as the new element bearers. Although they will represent different values from what you six have, what matters still is friendship and harmony.”
She cleared her throat. “But Twilight, the true reason that I was upset, was because your error of dishonesty had reminded me of the horrid times when I deceived my very own subjects. The reason why I forcefully made myself a novice during your practices, was because I didn’t want to think about those times when I caused calamity to hundreds of thousands.”
She let go of Twilight and laid her head on the grass. “I... I even had everypony believe that my sister was only a legend. I didn’t even associate myself with her after our battle because I feared the return of chaos after Discord was overthrown!”
“So I lied, hid away, and betrayed my own past and those whom I loved and never wanted to let go of. I pretended to be the lionhearted ruler whose mane can sway all ponies to follow her lead.”
How could you...
“I don’t want to say that I’m begging you, but Twilight...”
Tears crawled beneath her eyes, down to her nostrils, and to the end of her chin. She lied in her room crying...
“Please do not ever, ever lose faith in your beloved subjects! They have meaningful lives. They have their purposes to fulfill. They’re not your rag puppet dolls to manipulate!”
Crying alone...
“Just... please...”
She felt a lack of warmth. Recovering her grip, Celestia felt her nose in contact with Twilight’s hoof. ‘It certainly felt warmer than the sunlight’, she thought to herself. She stood on her hooves again. How her lavender-ness reminded the alicorn of her younger self.
Now it was her turn.
Celestia waited patiently. Her head was clouded with judgmental thoughts. She stared at the other alicorn’s panned expression. She was wearing that poker mask still as she trotted towards her. Once she got up to an awkward distance, she nuzzled her face into Celestia’s snowy coat, before turning her ear directly against her beating chest.
“I love you.”
And they remained still, blending into the landscape and yielding into its silhouettes.
”Our settlement in this acquired land shall be permanent. We will face all adversities that stand in our way! But that doesn’t mean we cannot achieve peace, for each and every one of us are bound to stand together. Love thineselves and others. We will not put fear into others to submit at our will.”
As the crowd listened to her words in the Canterlot public square, tears of joy ascended into the clear blue sky. A particular unicorn filly stared at her in amazement. She was enlightened with motivation. She was passionate to become her apprentice and obtain her cutie mark. She too, screamed cheers although muffled by the surrounding adults, including her beloved parents. She was foalish, yes, but she’s bound to mature into a kind-hearted mare for everyone else.
“LONG LIVE EQUESTRIA!”
The entire crowd repeated after her. The Royal Guards saluted as well. The only uproar present was their unified cry. Celestia, expressionless and cold, trotted back into her castle. She felt her throat being sucked dry, of a vacuum into a greater void. She was lucky not to have a Royal Guard detect her loss of balance as she almost leaned towards him.
“That performance out there was no short of flawlessness, your highness.” One of the council members remarked formally, but the Sol Princess knew the wooden emotion behind his words. Stiff, she gave him a wry smile. Guilt clang onto her weighed heart.
Once she entered into her bedroom, she collapsed onto her bed, wetting its sheet in the most clumsy fashion. Another life will be put to death in an hour.
She grabbed her blanket splattered with crescent and full moons. She sparked her horn with a dim light, and made contact with one of the moons. The entire blanket illuminated a golden aurora above her head. It projected a midnight blue figure as a filly, before flipping to the next one as a teenager, and all the way until she was a full grown mare. The projection shut off instantly, and the glowing moonlight was no more.
‘And now she’s gone... just gone...’ Celestia muffled to herself. ‘Oh sister, what have I done...?’
‘I don’t know what else to tell to our subjects. I’ve hid the truth for nearly a thousand years!’
‘Why must I be forced to go against my will? I wish none of these tragedies would exist. My actions have caused the deaths of many pure hearted souls.’
The second half of the afternoon was soon burned by the sunset. A white sphere emerged from the other end of the sky. As it rose, Celestia could see the shadow of the figure’s head all too well. She got off her bed and walked to her window. She was quiet, only teardrops can be heard dashing against the marble floor.
‘I just hope... that you’re okay up there...’
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*Claps*
Good show old bean. A most staller story. This has such a solemn and pure emotion to it. I applaud you! Here, have a song!
Here!
8921017
Thank you! Thank you kindly!
I can sorta get the gist of what you are trying to do here, but the flowery language tends to trip over itself. Words in prose should only ever add meaning, or transform it, not obfuscate it. I think another editing pass to trim the fat, so to speak, would help bring out the story's potential
8921028
Darn it, too sappy hm? I guess I’ll ask for some editing soon. Thank you!
also twilight stole a powerful artifact from your totally-not-a-mermaid ex-girlfriend, you should probably follow up on that
8921032
It isn't that it is too sappy, as much as that the loquacious nature of the writing, I found distracting from the emotional core of it. As the quote goes, "Brevity is the soul of wit." Since the story is written from third person, the narrative descriptions shouldn't distract from the story. On the other hand, a character's method of speaking should convey content, emotional state, and personality, and thus doesn't leave much space for excess without distracting from those things. To simplify, ask if the characters are talking to each other or the audience. When a person who is experiencing intense emotions speaks, it usually doesn't sound especially elegant or poetic unless they are putting on a show.
If Celestia, for instance, is relating painful memories, the process itself demonstrates its pain by how she doesn't spend more time than necessary to say what she wants to say. If someone has the time or presence of mind to add poetic flair to something it undermines the immediacy of the emotions.
Very nice job I was wondering could you do tickling with tempest Shadow and her parents please
8921112
Uh no thanks?
But thanks for your compliment!
8921084
Hmm, correct me if I'm wrong, but are you saying that I didn't properly portray the characters' distressed emotional state because the way they talk are too elegant?
If that's what you mean, then there are dialogues when Celestia showed an example to Twilight of how she spoke to the public as executions are made in secret. I don't think that's what she really wanted to express in pain, she was only demonstrating, again, an example.
If not, then may you show me moments where you were trying to convey your point?
8921084
Or... You're saying that the description and language do not suit the character's overall mood throughout the story?
8921429
This, mostly, combined with that the fact that both talk in a rather similarly wordy manner undermines the identity of both. The reason I said to consider if the characters are talking to the audience or each other is that it is your voice, not the voices of the characters, which comes through in the dialogue.
8921569
Really? Because I'm sure that Twilight and Celestia talk differently here.
I'll consider the second half of your comment. I struggle with omitting personal influence over characters.
Sorry, but I have to leave a downvote. You had good ideas, but the grammar and wording was so poor it was almost impossible to understand what was going on. I'm going to stop myself here because any other critique I try to write just comes off as insulting. Good luck improving.
8921889
Hm? I know I probably have a few errors, but to say “impossible” is overboard.
For the life of me, I can’t parse this sentence. Next to her was the student she once had is now on equal terms with her once more? HUH?
8922710
I was communicating a brief introduction of their current statuses.
But now that you mentioned, "equal terms" works better when two people are in a recovered relationship, which is what I implied within that phrase as well as how they're both alicorn princesses.
8922715
Okay, um...
"Equal terms" means that they're of similar status. Like, "we are both princesses", or "we are both rich". I think the phrase you're looking for is "on good terms".
There's also the problem that you switch tenses in the middle of the sentence, as well as being unclear who is afar on that grassy hill, and that you don't need to say that she's both at a distance and afar, since both mean the same thing. I might have written it as:
On the grassy hill stood Princess Celestia, observing the others from afar. Her one and only former star pupil stood next to her, on good terms with her mentor once more.
8922754
I'll go fix it then, thanks for your comment.
9013865
Omg I'm scared to read it now :(
9013865
All I’m getting is
404 - Page Not Found
9565510
I accidentally deleted the review a while back. Thanks for bringing me back to this story though. I'll need to delete other comments on stories I'd reviewed in the past.