Strocca, Octavia, Lyra, and Vinyl Scratch are like that. Ever since they were foals, they were best friends. In grade school, they loved to talk about music; Vinyl and Strocca seemed to like the same kind of music, though. Nevertheless, they still hung out. However, they are all seventeen now; Octavia lives with Vinyl, Lyra lives with a pony named Bon-Bon, and Strocca lives by himself. He is a big time techno producer, but even his popularity can't fill his hunger for friendship. Being as this is, Strocca decides to go and visit his lesser known friends to catch up on some of they're childhood stories.
Chapters (2)
The character's feel/sound fake. Try reading your story out loud, and imagine if that's how an actual conversation would sound like.
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"Hey Vinyl, I have a water balloon in my hoof!" Unfortunately, she fell down.
Vinyl shook her head, giving a small grin.
"Don't worry!!!" The fallen pony squirmed back up. "I'm okay!"
"Yikes. And here I thought I'd have to care..."
"Excuse me," coughed Octavia. She chastised the two ponies. "Please, quiet down."
"Lighten up, Octy." Strocca turned away from the two other ponies. "They're just horsing around."
"I know..." sighed Octavia, "But I can't enjoy myself with all this ruckus."
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I tried to make your first few sentences clearer. BUT even then... the story feels disorganized. At the very least, put enough detail so your readers won't feel lost.
its a good story i can see what your trying to show you need to make it a bit more clear
Nice this story is awsome.Hope i can be just as good.