TypeNull101
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Another Mary Sue fic. This weekend has not been kind to the front page.
8743193
You know, for someone who likes dropping critique, and I can barely call it that, you don't suggest ways for the author to improve. There's a reason I can never take any comments you leave on a fic seriously. I admit, this fic screams edge, but any suggestions to improve are part of actually critiquing something, instead of just saying why a fic sucks.
8743230
Alright creampuff, direct me anywhere I've ever called myself an editor post 2008. As I've said before, my comments aren't critiques, they're my reason for leaving whichever rating I've chosen to left.
Is that clear, sheila?
8743285
Kid, you are a dick through and through. While you sit here and jump on stories that may have the potential to be good if someone was to offer advice on writing, you just sit in your little computer room thinking of your next fic to trash with only your 48 followers to agree with you.
Now I'm the one giving the truth about you, no matter how much it hurts. You need your ego knocked down a peg, kay creampuff?
8743290
>sitting in your little computer room
Pfft, you could get a job at your local IMAX, projecting that hard. I come on this site during my smoke breaks, get it right.
>only 48 followers
If you're looking for a popularity contest, twatter is your fix. This site's for reading and posting.
8743302
Irony, considering you haven't had a single word written under your belt aside from you just trashing fics.
8743311
>weLL YOu havE No stORieS
This again. It's almost like I didn't write for the MLP franchise. Crazy, I know, but if you're going to grasp at straws, put some effort into it. Make a crack about my ethnicity, call me cis scum, something.
8743321
I must ask, if you're not here to write MLP stories and just want to read what you deem trashy, what are you here for?
8743323
To read good fics, even if half are still pending, and to read shitfics for that tingle that crawls up your spine right before you dryheave or you bunch your shoulders together and turn your neck (cringe).
Now let me ask you something. Does whiteknighting actually serve a purpose, or is it just recreational outrage?
8743329
Funnily enough, every fic I've seen you read you deem cringe. So, I cannot take you seriously, again. Now, I'm going to shut up before I find the urge to punch you in the face any more than I already have.
8743337
"Punch me in the face". Sheila, you wouldn't look me in the eyes, let alone muster enough to swing at me.
Now enough with your impotent keyboard warrior routine. Do you whiteknight for any tangible reward, or is it just recreational outrage?
8743349
I just do it because it's a nice thing to do, defend the defeneseless, while all your trolling just earns you more and more scorn from every author whose fics you trash.
8743368
So you do it for internet brownie points and the nu-male need for acceptance and praise. I honestly don't know which is more humiliating.
"Defending the defeneseless"
The delusion and pretentiousness here is awe-inspiring. You're hitting white knight levels I haven't seen since neogaf went under.
I came to read a story, and the comments are just filled with two dudes arguing. I dont even care which one is in the wrong or right. This isn't the place for it. Go to private messaging and have your argument. Im trying to occupy my last day off reading random shit.
8743569
You new here kid? If you're addressing someone, you hit that funny button in the corner before posting a comment.
8744197
Chill bro. You said what you said, so just layoff a bit and chill out. Go enjoy the stories you like the most. If didn’t like this story then that’s fine bro, it’s all good.
I gave tip the scale to the like !
and click fav button
8744787
Try it.
It's not... TOO... bad.
The pacing could use some work, the characters could use a little more development and the emotional change in Luna from cautious and confused to violently aggressive to almost motherly is more than a bit jarring.
I'll leave a like and favourite it for now, just to see how it goes.
This comment section rn
8745470
"Look at that pile!"
Oh my sides.
8745934
You came from Halfchan just to shitpost on a mongolian MLP storytelling forum dude
Not even halfchanners would steep that low
8745971
I'm from /ck/ and /fit/. Halfchan is for tossers.
8745974
I come from /pol/, came in as a socialist, went out as a falangist praying for a second Spanish Civil War, but seriously are you here to indulge in shitposting?
8745976
At first, no. I really was explaining why I rated the way I did. Oh well. Small world though. My grandfather and his second cousin killed communists in the first one, under a officer named Guzman (if I remember right).
8745986
My aunt-grandfather was one of the founders of La Falange, and my grandfather was colonel of the nationalist side, family aside I bid good night sir may you have many idiots to troll
8745999
Good night then famalam.
8745470
8745470
Which one gets shot by the gun though?
It's... not bad to say the least. A little more detail and attention to pacing would do you well. Similarly, keep care not to walk into an OP character situation. A character that can just melt whatever pisses him off at a moments notice makes for no interesting plot points to be found. That whole bit with the timber wolves seemed more like you just wanted to show off how OP your character is and really had zero relevance to anything as a note. I'll keep my eye on this for now, we'll see if you improve. This has potential however, keep that in mind.
8745974
AKA You
Jesus. I've only read the description and I've already exceeded the recommended yearly intake of angst.
The edge in this story is enough to cut through steel. Tone that down a little bit. Also, the Gary Stu, that needs to be amended as well. Also, having Celestia (or was it Luna? Wasn't sure as the cringe stopped me from reading every word) immediately act in violence against a kid seems way too OOC. And the way the kid is spilling his guts to anyone who would ask? No normal person would do that. Also, the lengthy explanation about the whole lie detector/mind read thing was completely unnecessary. You failed doing something called show vs tell. Readers aren't stupid. They can figure things out for themselves and you can work that through implications.
"Sister, I think this creature is telling the truth. I sense no contradictions within his mind."
That sentence was short and explained what the reader needed to know. If you wished to explain how the whole mind probe thing works, then do it at a later chapter, when your OC is all buddy buddy with the princesses.
After which your OC should react to having his mind probed... But of course, I'm assuming hes normal, but some form of acknowledgement would be nice.
My suggestion, before you write more, scrap this fic, overhaul it completely and have it beta'd. This needs some serious work.
8743373
Jesus, i can feel your hate coming from you. Idk if its you or your overly active ego.
I like this please make more
Please continue this I'm likening the story