• Member Since 13th Mar, 2019
  • offline last seen January 9th


Comments ( 31 )

Wouldn't it sound better then to make Rainbow two or three years older than Sweetie?

I guess 36 is a bit old I will bump it down to 27 I want to maintain the fact the RD is older than SB.

It's like you looked at my profile and said, "Hold my beer."

30 inches is like ... the length of your leg, man. All that's gonna do is kill someone.

Ponies (bipedal, explicitly sexualised variety) don't have internal organs.
soooo.... that sorrta helps accommodate the extra hefty cock intrusions they are inserted with.

It’s nice to meet a scholar on bipedal pony biology, Mazel tov.

In this universe, 30 inches is like the maximum safe delivery size before any real damage can be done.

I will be polishing up on spelling and other errors sometime tomorrow when I get home from work.

SweetieDash? UNF YEAH! wait... futa? damn... fine I'll give it a read anyway.

Some criticism:

1: The grammar is pretty terrible. Spell check/Grammarly are great tools, but you still need to reread what you wrote so that Sweetie's breasts are inside of a shirt and not a "shit."

2: 30 inch penis

3: The reasoning for not getting food is pretty weak. There's no Jesus in Equestria so there's no reason for stores to be closed on Sunday, unless Chick-fil-A owns Ponyville. I guess the market could be closed on the weekends, but that still leaves Sugar Cube Corner as well as Sweetie's own house full of food.

4: 30 inch penis

5: Rainbow Dash is sick. The last thing she's probably thinking about is sucking on tits.

6: 30 inch penis

7: There's no build up or real foreplay or seduction. The first thought Rainbow has when seeing a penis (still sick) is "Guess I'm gonna be a slut now, despite being a virgin for 27 years."

8: 30 inch penis

9: There's 1900 words of build up and then just 500 words of actual sex. Most of which is us being reminded about how big Sweetie's tally-wacker is (It's 30 inches). Most readers haven't even unbuttoned their pants yet.

10: 30 inch penis.

Thanks, when I have time today I will put this advice to good use.

Just revamped and polished up the first chapter so now hopefully most of the mistakes are now fixed

I’ am planning on doing a non-futa Sweetie Dash fic, do you have any suggestions on what you would want to see in it. xx

Kind Regards.

Harriet Farrar

I like vanilla stories, maybe something about they having a hidden relationship for years that now they can reveal to the others because Sweetie is now of age.

Sounds good, would you prefer the characters being ponies, anthro, EQG or human

Chapter 2 is out, please tell me what you think.

don't forget to post suggestions of what you would like to see next. x x x

I like all of them, but if you ask me my favorite, it's anatomically correct ponies, meaning teats, flares, vaginal winking and the sort.

Donkey punch a violent sexual act normally performed during oral sex or or doggy style sex. It's on urban dictionary.

Good idea, the execution just could have been better. I'd recommend getting a pre-reader, working on your grammar a little bit, and the story itself could have been a little bit longer. Overall it's a 6/10, though!

There are more chapters on the way and for chapter length, I only write to what I feel comfortable with, I don’t know who to ask to pre-read my work unless you're interested. (>^_^<)

I could give it a try! Can't promise my schedule will be completely free but i could help when i get time!

so far i like it and will read the later chapters soon

That was definitely something I wasn’t expecting. Very nice though.

Thanks for the fic so far! I hope there is more eventually!

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