The nurse is worse
“Right… so we find ourselves at war with the bunnies,” Sundance said to the gathered crowd. “It’s them or us. I’ll not allow this to become a problem. Those wiggly-nosed little pests won’t run willy-nilly through our gardens and get away with it. They’ll not cause a food shortage. Nopony is going to starve come winter. That’s not the way I run things and I think everypony knows that by now. If for some reason we fail to contain this threat, and our crops get devoured, I will buy the food we need to survive the winter. So there is no need to panic. But we need a means to fight the bun-buns.”
“We have predators,” Hollyhock said as she gestured at the griffon cub beside her.
Even though it was a potential solution, Sundance hesitated because he wasn’t sure how he felt about this suggestion. Gisela was a cub and he didn’t want to subject her to blood, guts, gore, and violence. Or Bonk or Runt for that matter. From the looks of things, Corduroy had some reservations about this as well, even though nothing had been said. As for the others, he saw a lot of hopeful faces, and it seemed as though most ponies didn’t share his hesitancy. Gisela had a role to fulfill and others expected her to do her part, no matter her tender age.
“She’s at the right age to learn how to hunt,” Grandmother Growler said.
“I can hunt.” The soft voice of the griffon cub cut through the susurrus murmur of the crowd and she held up her talons so that others might see them. “I can hunt and I can skin.”
There was a visible shiver-shudder from Corduroy.
“Bonk… Runt… do you want to help guard the gardens?” asked Hollyhock.
“No hurt.” Shaking his head from side to side, Runt appeared quite distressed.
“It’s fine, Runty. Nopony will be disappointed or upset with you. We don’t want you upset or uncomfortable.” Hollyhock slipped her foreleg around the pup, pulled him closer, and kissed him atop his head, right between his ears. “Bonk?”
“I want to learn, I guess?” She flexed her paw-fingers and glanced over at Corduroy. “Don’t want to hurt stuff, but don’t want food gone.”
Sundance could feel Corduroy’s conflict, so much so that it pained him. Such was her discomfort that he was certain that she might get up and step outside for a bit. It was yet another layer of complexity; she was fine with killing spiders, which didn’t seem to bother her at all, but something about this upset her. Maybe it was getting the little ones involved, or maybe it was killing bunnies, but she was unhappy about the situation. It was something that he would have to sort out somehow.
“You’re very brave, Bonk,” Hollyhock said to the worried pup.
“Corduroy, are you alright?” asked Turmeric.
“Not really, no,” she was quick to say in response. “I wanted my ideals to survive the real world, and it seems they haven’t. Look, I’ll be fine. But I had high hopes that I’d be able to teach that killing wasn’t necessary. Even though sometimes it is.”
Ears sagging, Sundance now had a glimmer of understanding as to Corduroy’s dilemma. It was a complex issue, no doubt. She seemed fine with killing spiders, but not bunnies. Or maybe she just didn’t want the little ones to engage in acts of violence. Maybe she was afraid of what the little ones might learn or discover about themselves, at least Bonk in particular. Sundance found himself filled with a new sense of worry; what if Bonk discovered that she liked killing bunnies? He found his thoughts quite alarming and unsettling.
“We could set snares and traps,” Grandmother Growler suggested.
“I dunno about that,” Sauerkraut Pie said to the elderly griffoness. “I wouldn’t want one of the tots to get a leg snared. We don’t want them hurt.”
“Then we train them to be mindful and to stay away from the snares,” Grandmother Growler said in return.
“I don’t like the idea of leaving traps in our own garden. Some of us can’t see so well.” Fretful, Sauerkraut Pie began to chew her bottom lip and she cast a fearful glance in Sundance’s direction.
“For now, no traps or snares.” Sundance cleared his throat. “Though only for now. We’ll see how this plays out. For now, we’re not overrun just yet, so no need for drastic action. But if we see swarms of rabbits hopping through our greens, we’ll take sterner measures.”
“I’m fine with that, Milord. Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it, Sauerkraut.” Squinting a bit, Sundance tried to read all the gathered faces so that he might have a better feel for the situation. Most were hard to read. Lots of wrinkles. But there was a lot of stern resolve, a little worry, and some fear. The fear bothered him because he didn’t want his subjects to live in fear of anything, be it their baron, their future, or rampaging bunnies out to cause starvation.
“Would fences help?” asked Acorn.
“Nope.” Rocky Ridge shook her head from side to side. “Rabbits burrow. They’d just go under.”
“Who remembers when Redbrick stepped in a burrow-hole and broke his leg?”
Almost everypony gathered reacted to Fallow Fields’ words, most with horror or revulsion. Sundance felt the emotion ripple around the room, it traveled almost as though it were a wave. Privy Pit began to sniffle a bit, and when the sniffles became tears, she turned her face away from onlookers. But she did not suffer alone, not for long. Lamp Black scooted closer to her, pressed himself up against her side, and then sat with her whilst he wore a sorrowful expression.
“We have visitors,” Potato announced suddenly.
“Do we?” asked Sundance.
“We do,” was Potato’s reply.
“But… you’re not even outside to see—”
“Potato just knows these things. Visitors. One of them is almost dead.”
“Really?” There was a pause as Sundance considered these words. “Corduroy, your services might be needed. I’m going up to the battlements over the gatehouse to see what I can see. Everypony else, go about your business for now. Don’t worry… we’ll find a way to sort this bunny business out. Town hall is dismissed!”
Sure enough, there was a ship incoming. In the golden light of dawn from the east, the ship to the west stood out. It was already quite large—though it didn’t move with much speed. As he eyeballed the distant craft, Sundance began to calculate a few factors in his head. Moving at that speed, if the ship came from Canterlot, it had probably left when it was still dark, probably in the wee hours of morning. Who would depart for the Sunfire Barony at that hour, and why would one of them be almost dead?
A perplexing mystery presented itself and distracted Sundance from the bunny menace.
Perhaps it would be best to go and have a look for himself, Sundance decided.
The airship was a small model, with a small, cramped deck and what had to be a tight cabin. No black smoke belched from the rear, so it had to burn something else. It had but a single airscrew mounted below the craft, which buzzed like a swarm of angry bees. Sundance approached with caution, and when he did, he saw a pony emerge up onto the deck from a hatch near the front of the ship.
“Hennessy! What are you doing here?”
He rushed forward so that he might land on the cramped deck.
“Potato told me that somepony was dying. Do you need help?”
“Dying?” For a few seconds, Hennessy seemed overwhelmed and confused. Then, after he recovered, he said, “Well, Flicker is sort of dying, I guess, but he’ll be fine, I think. Sundance, I had to get him out of Canterlot and I didn’t know where to go, so I came to you. He got stabbed. Several times. And he had so many quarrels sticking out of him that he looked like a porcupine. Plus there was poison. He’ll be fine, so long as he gets some rest and takes time to recover. Which is why I had to leave Canterlot. If we’d stayed, he’d try to go fight, because he’s an idiot.”
“You say he’ll be fine?” As he folded his wings against his sides, Sundance shot Hennessy an incredulous look.
“Oh, he’s had worse. He’s more of a danger to himself right now though. Needs to heal.”
“He’s had worse?”
In response, Hennessy nodded and said, “Much worse. Do you mind if we crash at your place for a while?”
“Not at all,” Sundance replied. “Things are exciting right now. There are giant shitter spiders and the barony is about to be overrun by rabbits.”
“Flicker hates rabbits,” Hennessy said matter-of-factly. “Keeping him in the bed will be difficult.”
“Corduroy will make him behave. I think.”
“We’ll see about that.” Hennessey squinted in the direction of the barony, sighed, and shook his head. “I’m exhausted. Was a long night. And was a longer day before that. Been a while since I slept.”
“Well get you sorted out, Hennessy. Try not to worry. And Flicker too. Corduroy is an excellent nurse. Turmeric is here and he’ll be glad to see you.”
“I could use his cheerfulness… life hasn’t been kind as of late…”
“Flicker… you don’t look at all fabulous.”
“Good to see you too, Turmeric.”
Almost mummified in bandages, Flicker struggled to stand. When his legs wobbled a bit too much, Corduroy lifted him, flipped him over, and then held him in her arms as if he were a rather fussy, exceedingly cranky baby. Oh how he glared up at the diamond dog nurse, and oh how Corduroy was utterly immune to Flicker’s death glare. Sundance might have found it amusing, if he wasn’t so worried about everything.
“What happened?” asked Turmeric.
“They came at us by the thousands,” Hennessy replied. “Organised. Disciplined. They made a coordinated assault on Princess Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns. Well, that was a small force that attacked, and so we dispatched a small contingent. But they were overrun, and we arrived as reinforcements, and that’s when the army arrived. They had plans to overwhelm us.”
“Where is Piper? Is she alright?”
“She’s fine, Turmeric. Well, she’s upright and mobile. She’s in Canterlot, doing sweeps.”
“I don’t like how bold they’re getting, Henny.”
“Me neither, Turmeric.”
“The school is so well-protected”—Turmeric shook his head in disbelief—“I don’t understand how they could manage to attack such a fortified place.”
“We don’t know either.” Flicker, nestled as he was in Corduroy’s arms, let out a pained grunt. “They’re getting better at magic. Soon, nothing will be safe.”
“Corduroy, please, carry our guest to the infirmary,” Sundance said to his nurse. “The sooner we get him into a bed, the sooner I’ll be able to relax.”
“You’d better not give me any trouble,” Corduroy said to the pony she cradled like a babe in her arms. “I’m in charge, got it?”
Eyes narrowed, Flicker replied, “We’ll see about that…”
“So, you are overrun by rabbits, or soon will be,” Flicker said as Corduroy carefully dropped his head upon a pillow. The bandage-wrapped unicorn shifted in the bed, made himself comfortable, and then focused his steely gaze upon Corduroy, who stood beside him. “Wretched vermin, rabbits. Carry disease. Contemptible, disgusting creatures. To think that I thought them cute when I was young.”
“Do you have a plan that might help us, Flicker?” asked Sundance.
“You know, in your condition, you really should be in a hospital,” Corduroy said, almost muttering. “You belong in intensive care.”
In response to the nurse’s well-meaning assertions, Flicker growled.
Much to Sundance’s shock and surprise, Corduroy growled in return, and goodness, what a growl it was. Deep, throaty, resonate—the sound was absolutely terrifying, the stuff of nightmares. As Sundance’s testicles retracted suddenly from fear, he watched as Flicker’s ears pinned back into a submissive position and he heard a gasp from both Hennessy and Turmeric.
“You growl like a constipated pooping puppy,” Corduroy remarked. “I’ve heard more impressive growls come from Sundance’s stomach.” She reached down and pressed her paw-finger onto Flicker’s nose. “Too bad you’re not cute enough to be a puppy. Your face is the sort of ugly that could stop a clock.”
“Oh… gelded,” Turmeric whispered to Hennessy, whose mouth was open in shock.
A low throaty chuckle was heard from Flicker, who shook with faint laughter. Corduroy pulled her paw-finger away from his nose, patted him on the head, fluffed his pillow a bit, and then sat down in a wooden chair beside his bed. Hennessy needed a moment to recover, and being the good friend that he was, Turmeric gently closed Hennessy’s mouth. Sundance waited—his thoughts remained on the rabbits—and the raspy chuckles that came from Flicker finally subsided into a few pained grunts.
Flicker’s eyes closed as he said, “I like your nurse, Sundance. She has spirit. And growls like Cerberus.” Again, he shifted his body, rolled somewhat onto one side at an angle, without actually lying on his side, and then winced from pain. “Henny, I stashed a spare face—”
“You did what, you son of a bitch?” Thoroughly incensed, Hennessy hissed like a teakettle and cast his furious stare upon Flicker, who seemed oblivious to the glared daggers.
“Corduroy, please, check his hearing. I think the explosions might have made him deaf.” He struggled to inhale a deep breath and then Flicker opened his eyes. “I stashed a spare face in the airship while you packed a few things. It’s a good thing that I did, too. Never can tell when one is needed.”
“You asshole! I am so sick of your casual disregard for everything including yourself! I am fed up!”
“Henny, pay attention… you need to help Sundance deal with the rabbits. Much is at stake. Do not ignore this threat. Remember, Princess Celestia’s arch-nemesis is the common rat. The littlest and seemingly harmless threats are those most easily ignored, but are also the most dangerous. Now, I need to get me some shuteye, so if you could stop shouting so that I could get some sleep, that’d be nice.”
Fuming, his tail swishing, Hennessy chewed his lip out of frustration.
Hoping to prevent a lover’s quarrel, Sundance asked, “How will this help?”
“I’ll be able to see into the ground,” replied Hennessy. “There’s no other supplies though. No bombs. No gas. No ground shattering incendiary devices. I don’t even know where to begin looking for rabbits, and I am not familiar with this area.”
“You’ll find a way, Henny,” Flicker said as he closed his eyes once more. “That’s what you do. I bring the determination, Piper brings the magic, and you bring the plan. Go do your thing, Henny. That thing you do.”
“Do you have any stilts?” asked Hennessy. “Or can we craft some? It will allow me to cover ground quickly.”
“I have a better idea,” replied Sundance. “How about we fly…”
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Love seeing these characters again. I just finished rereading Masks, so it’s cool to see them appear here too.
I’m enjoying just how many of your stories are tying into this one, kudzu. It gives me more reasons to go back and reread some of my favorites (not that I need them!) I love the depth of your characters and notice something different almost every time.
Yay Flicker and Hennessy.
It was at that moment, I knew something amazing was about to happen.
Although he has shown, to have a soft spot for those, who do not take his guff lying down.
Good thing they have a Corduroy.
10045420
Corduroy... who is busy watching over a patient on the brink of death.
FLICKER!!!!!!!!!
Theoretically the Barony might be the most rat proof place in Equestria. The owls are the ultimate anti-vermin defence. Although you just said that the owls couldn’t eat all the bunnies. Given you described thousands of Owls and Owl hybrids when Sundance summoned the Parliament, how many rabbits are there that the owls can’t eat them all?
It’s just occurred to me you don’t want the owls eating the rats, they’re tainted with plague. Could equestria domesticate vultures? They can eat diseased and rotted meat without issue because their stomach acid is so potent. And they can vomit it as a defence mechanism.
10045577
Real life rabbit swarms can explode into the tens of thousands or even more, given just the right conditions.
I once watched video from Australia and it looked as though there was a brown sea. It was estimated that there were over 100,000 rabbits in that swarm. They devoured every green thing for miles.
10045587
That’s introduced and invasive species for you. grey squirrels, American crayfish, and Japanese knotweed in the UK, rabbits in ozzyland, Indian crows in east Africa, Asian carp in the US, rats... pretty much everywhere. I’ve yet to find one that couldn’t decimate an environment in someway or another.
It's war, then.
10045636
It can happen anywhere there are rabbits.
"Each organism raises its head over a field of corpses, smiles into the sun, and declares life good."
10045577
I mean, you know the phrase
Breeding like rabbits?
It very well could be a hydra thing. Cut one head, only for two more to sprout
Except this time it’s more like “kill one rabbit, the rest of the swarm is still fucking like crazy”
wait what happened to Hennessy?
10045577
I would love to see a griffon or griffons that had vultures of all kinds as their avian halves. They'd get along great with Dim, I think, as those who make a living off that which repulses others. I love vultures, there are so many kinds and they're all so good, but I'm gonna nominate King, Bearded and Griffon vultures because I think they're the best fits.
10045434
Corduroy... who is an excellent nurse. One dedicated to the health of the Barony. Any medical professional can kill with ease. An alchemist with a desire to eradicate a threat? Eesh...
Corduroy... who is watching Flicker Nicker. I don't think I can emphasize that enough. If you want vermin dead, Flicker is the one you call.
Two very intelligent, very driven beings. Putt'em together, and the rabbits don't stand a chance.
10045772
Except Corduroy is a pacifist and Flicker honestly can't stand.
It is time for others to shine.
Had River Raider recovered, or was she still staying in the infirmary? Because i could see her and Flicker getting along like two trains on the same track.
10045822
The cellar.
One wonders where are those handy nocturnal pegasus which were given hunting rights in the Barony? Not to mention the defensive agreements and assurances of protection with the Lulamoons which I think was revived in the initial few chapters?
10045826
Probably for the best.
Though that introduces the possibility of a grumpy moon pony once they start bombing rabbits.
“What the ****** is all that ruckus?!”
Didn’t a rusty teapot once say something similar?
Idk my memory must be a tad fuzzy ;)
10045879
It's a big barony. They are... elsewhere.
Oh god there in a place with farm equipment, this is going to be messy, and I look foreword to it.
10045587
I was actually thinking of the videos I've seen of mice swarms in Australia when I was reading the Ratcatcher guild series. If the sight of that sends me screaming and taking my feet off the floor, rats are *way* bigger than mice, and a flood of those....I'd just want to set Equestria on fire and come back to the smoldering ruins. (Which they kind of did with the electric cable in the water that one time, good on you Flicker....)
Flicker Nicker. The touted "Lord Death on Murder Mountain". My favorite pony of death-dealing violence, with such casual disregard for his own safety, and with Lima Bean in his corner ... the bastard JUST DON'T DIE.....
Been a bit since we saw Flicker. Makes me wonder about my favorite filly who showed up for a bit at the end of Flicker's story... how's Silver Spoon been, Kudzu?
A curious fox nibbling on a rabbit wishes to know...
Always nice to see your stories make reference to the universe you crafted. It makes it feel like a part of a greater whole.
and 2 story's become one, well for a bit. this is going to be 20% cooler.
Oh COOL! A CROSSOVER EVENT!! <3
Also: Great to see some of the old gang back! I look forward to seeing what will be coming up in the next chapters <3
10045796
A pacifist! Good, that means she can supply peacekeeping.
But no, now it's time for our dear gay rat-hunter who left his accent behind to get a good hoof up on Death Mountain himself. Sundance-style.
Oh hello, Flicker! This is gonna be good! How exciting, but no Piper! :(