2. Friends United
Twilight Sparkle Makes a Coltfriend… Literally
Friends United
“Twilight?” There was the faintest of rustles from the outside of Twilight Sparkle’s bathroom and Fluttershy stuck her nose ever so cautiously into the steamy room. “Rarity said that I needed to see you right away, and that it was an emergency, but she didn’t give me many details.”
“We’ll be out in a minute, Fluttershy.” The sound of running water stopped, and several towels took flight with Twilight Sparkle’s magic into the shower enclosure. “I never realized how much easier it was to take a shower with somepony else to scrub my back.”
Fluttershy nodded, although she remained poised to flee at the slightest provocation. “Yes, it is. Sometimes, I have Harry Bear scrub my back and the ferret family to help with my wings. Oh, and there’s nothing like a midnight preening from the owl flock.” A certain realization began to rise in Fluttershy’s mind as she watched two winged shadows against the shower curtains. “Um… Is that Rainbow Dash in the shower with you, Twilight?”
“No, it’s Nimbus. Didn’t Rarity tell you about him?”
“Him?” Fluttershy trembled and took a step back. “You didn’t drown one of your dates, did you Twilight? Because I’m your friend, and I’ll help with whatever you need, and the forest is right next to my house, but I don’t think—”
“No, I didn’t drown Nimbus,” said Twilight, stretching one wing up above the curtains while whoever else it was in the tub rubbed down her back. “I was testing the waterproofing spell, and it worked really well. Here, let me get the curtain.”
Magic surrounded the shower curtain and pulled it back to reveal a damp Twilight Sparkle next to a pegasus stallion that Fluttershy had never seen before. He was delightfully rumpled with the toweling that had his dark mane tangled and his smooth, cloth-like coat nearly gleaming. He finished using the towel to rub down Twilight’s back before looking at Fluttershy with those entrancing big eyes, stitched together with gold and dark thread.…
“Fluttershy?” Twilight hopped out of the tub and poked her head out of the bathroom doorway. “Where did you go?”
But there was no response other than the slamming of the castle front door far away.
- - Ω - -
“Hey, Twilight!” Rainbow Dash swooped into the castle kitchen and landed on one of the unoccupied chairs. “What gives? Rarity said you had a cloth coltfriend, whatever that is, and Fluttershy is hiding in her house.” Rainbow turned her head to the side and looked over the life-sized doll sitting in the chair beside her. “I mean it’s nice that you got a plushie, but most ponies leave them in the bedroom.”
“I haven’t been in the bedroom yet,” said the doll.
Rainbow gave out a piercing shriek and shot straight up to cling to the kitchen light fixture.
“That wasn’t very nice, Nimbus.” Twilight Sparkle waved a spatula from where she was preparing lunch. “Apologize to my friend, please.”
“I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash,” said the doll, looking up at the panicked pegasus with unblinking stitched eyes. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
“Me?” Rainbow fluttered down and took her seat again. “I’m not frightened. Just a little surprised. Oh!” She hopped up and hovered with a huge grin. “Has Pinkie seen you do that yet? Because that would be so awesome! I’ve never been able to catch her by surprise. Can I borrow your costume?”
“It’s not a costume, Rainbow Dash,” chided Twilight while checking the bottom of the pancake for black, crispy spots. “I made him. He’s a golem, named Nimbus.”
“I knew that,” said Rainbow. “I was just testing you. Pass the pancakes.”
A stack of steaming pancakes floated over to Rainbow Dash’s plate, where she proceeded to drown them in butter and syrup. Several large bites later, the syrup-smeared pegasus took a quick glance at where Twilight was preparing another set of pancakes, then leaned over conspiratorially towards the doll.
“I’m a magical construct,” whispered Nimbus first. “Twilight stitched my outsides together, stuffed me, and put a number of very powerful spells on me so I can simulate life.”
“Oh.” Rainbow kept her voice low. “Like a bedroom toy? Because I knew she was having trouble finding a stallion, or even a mare, but I didn’t think she needed stimulation enough to—”
“Rainbow!” Twilight Sparkle scowled fiercely at her friend while a set of pancakes behind her began to smolder. “Simulate, not stimulate! I did not make him as some sort of… bedroom toy! He doesn’t even have a…” she finished weakly.
“Yeah, I was wondering about that when I saw his wings,” said Rainbow Dash with another bite of pancakes. “I mean pegasi are neat, but if you’re stitching up some sort of hideous abomination from the nether regions of Tartarus — Spike’s words, not mine — I would think you’d given him a unicorn horn.”
Twilight quickly flipped the smoldering pancakes into the trash. “I tried, but I could never get the stuffing to stuff right, because it always bent to the left or the right.”
“Yeah, that can be tricky,” admitted Rainbow. She took a quick peek under the table and added, “You didn’t give him anything down below, either. Same problem?”
Twilight Sparkle grabbed a broom.
Rainbow Dash managed to make it out the front door of the castle with only two or three whacks around the shoulders before escaping.
- - Ω - -
“Ah don’t see what all the fussing and fidgeting is all about,” announced Applejack, who was taking a break on one of the streamer-covered hay bales in the barn. “If’n Twi wants to practice her romantic ren-dez-vouses with some doll rather than set Big Mac on fire again, it seems like that’s a durned good idea.”
“You said it!” said Pinkie Pie. “Why, this gives me the chance to throw Twilight a ‘So you found a coltfriend you can’t set on fire’ party. Thanks for letting us use the barn, Applejack.”
“You’re welcome, Pinkie Pie.” Applejack straightened her hat and fixed Rarity with a stern look. “Now, we’re not going to have no hysterics here at the party, no screaming from you—”
Applejack moved her stern gaze over to the little dragon, who just happened to be sitting next to several coils of rope and a net.
“—and no fighting from Spike, right?”
After getting a brief nod, Applejack turned her stern gaze to Fluttershy, or at least as stern a look as she could muster against the shy pegasus. It was tough, but she gave it her best attempt. “And particularly you, Fluttershy. Twilight Sparkle thinks this critter she built is harmless, and we’re supposed to trust our friends and their judgement, right?”
There was a long silence, broken finally by Rarity’s deep sigh. “You are so correct, Applejack. Twilight is our friend. We should trust that she would never get so carried away as to use a spell with which she is unsure of the results.”
“Um… Except for that time with the vampire fruit bats,” said Fluttershy.
“And the Want-It-Need-It spell on Miss Smarty Pants, her other doll,” said Spike.
“Or the time she blasted all of my mirror pool clones into puffs of magic without double-checking to make sure they weren’t me,” added Pinkie Pie.
“And the time she shuffled all of our cutie marks around,” said Rainbow Dash. “Even though she did get wings out of it, I almost got eaten.”
“More to the point,” said Rarity in such a forceful manner that she cut off the rest of her friends before they could add any more embarrassing memories, “we have all failed in a spectacular fashion at one time or another, and we all came together to help each other recover. So if it turns out Nimbus is just what she says it is, there won’t be a problem. And if indeed it is some sort of creature of dark magic who will eventually attempt to destroy Equestria, we shall face it then.”
“Right!” said Rainbow Dash. “And then we can say ‘We told you so!’”
“Right,” they chorused.
- - Ω - -
“So, Nimbus was it?” Applejack squirmed a little on the inside, but kept up her strong face. It was a party after all, and she was talking to one of Twilight Sparkle’s… experiments. “Ah really don’t know much about you. How are you liking Ponyville so far?”
The doll shrugged in a way that a flesh and blood pony could never duplicate as long as it had a skeletal structure. “So far, Ponyville has been very inviting. Then again, I’ve only been alive for a few hours.”
“Alive? Ah thought you was some sort of widget she made work with a spell.” Applejack cringed and tried to backtrack. “Not that you’re like some of the farm machinery we’ve got around here. Ain’t got nothing that talks back.”
“That’s probably a good thing. A plow would get really lonely if it only was able to talk back to you for a few days a year.” The doll stretched and ran a quick cloth hoof through its ruffled mane. “I’m not really alive in the sense you were thinking. I’m only going to be here for a short time, anyway. The spell that Mistress Sparkle cast will eventually run out of magic, and I’ll just be a doll again.”
“You mean you’ll… die?”
“No, just that I’ll be a doll again.” The plush doll cocked its head to one side and regarded Applejack through stitched golden eyes. “Why are you upset?”
“Ah’m not upset!” Applejack lowered her voice and cast a quick glance at her friends over at the other side of the barn, getting ready for Pin The Tail On The Pony. “It just don’t seem like Twilight to bring something to life that’s gonna die right after. Since Twilight built you with her own memories, I thought you’d be more like her.”
“I am like her. She made me to be her partner. Besides, I’m not really alive. What you see is only an artifact of the spell. All of my responses are pulled from her experiences, the books she used, and some long magical term that I don’t understand. I don’t have any real emotions, or physical needs, or even desires. When my power runs out, I’ll stop. I’m just a puppet, made for her education.”
“You don’t sound like no puppet.”
“The stimulus-response programming is very detailed, and I learn from experiences. For example.” The doll moved right up to Applejack and kissed her on the lips. It was not a real kiss, because the doll did not have any real lips, but the stitching on its mouth felt warm and gave Applejack a little tingle going down the back of her neck that mixed with the cold shock of the unexpected amourous assault.
“Now, if I had been a real stallion, I never would have done that.” The doll waved a cloth hoof in front of Applejack’s eyes. “Hello?”
She shook her head and blinked until the world came back in focus. “What the hay was that?”
The doll let out a realistic sigh, hunched its neck, and looked down at the barn floor. “And if I had been a real stallion, you would have known that was a kiss. But that’s okay. I’m fine. It’s just my whole reason for being constructed, and I’m so bad at it.”
“Now, wait a dadgum minute!” Applejack tried to ignore the way the rest of her friends abruptly looked in her direction. “Just because you ain’t no good at kissin’ don’t mean you’re a failure. You just need practice and… what am I saying? Ah’m talking to a doll about kissing!”
“The name’s Nimbus.” The doll lifted its head up and looked Applejack straight in the eye with a set of wrinkles around its face that could only be a broad grin. “And Rainbow Dash said you’d fall for it.”
“Yes!” cheered Rainbow from the other side of the room. “Score!”
- - Ω - -
“So.” The doll flying next to Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy flapped along with long, slow motions of his fabric wings and tried to peer around the princess to get a look at her friend. “Fluttershy, I’m sorry if I frightened you. Well, I can’t really be sorry, since I don’t have emotions. But frightening you upset Twilight, and that goes against her directives, so I need to apologize. I’ll try not to frighten you again.”
Fluttershy looked back and forth between her friend and the strange cloth ‘golem’ which she had created. It was not something she should have been afraid of. It was just a mechanical thing, like a clock or a music box. Twilight had wound it up with magic, it was running now, and eventually she would put it to one side and it would turn back into an immobile doll again.
An admittedly cute doll, that looked very snuggleable⁽*⁾, like a panther, or even a lion.
(*) Fluttershy had a different definition of ‘snuggleable’ than most of her friends.
She may not have been able to get up the courage to talk to Nimbus, but Fluttershy could still talk to her friend. “Twilight, are you sure you want to bring your… doll out to my house? The geese are visiting on their way north for the summer, and there’s a lot of… goose in the grass.”
“The visit should be perfectly fine. It’s in the book,” said Twilight, floating a book out of her bag while flying, which further degraded her normally unsteady flight path. “Chapter Four, where a couple goes to the pet store to consider picking out a companion they can both be compatible with. Since the rest of my friends have gone all wacky about me bringing Nimbus into town, I thought we could visit your house and see what looking for a pet is like.”
“But you already have a pet,” said Fluttershy. “Unless Owlowiscious is getting lonely and would like a nice female owl for companionship. There’s this wonderful young barn owl—”
“No, I don’t want another owl,” insisted Twilight rather rapidly, much like all of Fluttershy’s friends did when she suggested adding to their collection.
“And a dragon,” said Nimbus.
“Spike is not a pet!”
Twilight Sparkle turned to admonish the doll, which allowed the wind to catch the open book she was floating in front of her nose, causing Twilight to veer into the others, and before the three of them realized it, gravity took its inevitable toll. It was a much less painful crash than Fluttershy expected, and once she managed to stagger to her hooves, the reason was obvious. And flat.
“Ooof,” said Nimbus. “If it was not impolite to mention a young mare’s weight, I might say something snide and sarcastic.” The doll attempted to shift out of the dent he had made in the grassy turf, but being turned from three-dimensional to two-dimensional made it difficult for him to get leverage. Twilight was nowhere to be seen, because immediately after the crash, she had bounced back up and scurried off into the bushes to find the book she had been reading, but Fluttershy felt at least a little comforted that she had checked before bounding off.
“I’m sorry, Miss Fluttershy,” said the flattened doll. “I seem to be causing all kinds of problems since I was created.”
“The book binding split!” Twilight Sparkle’s voice from the other side of the bushes was shrill and panicked, just a few steps away from a ‘I Can Fix It’ moment. “There’s loose pages floating around!”
“Oh, no.” Fluttershy darted back and forth, worked into a nervous frazzle by the panic of her friend. “Oh, no no no!”
“It’s not that bad,” said the doll. “I think I have some of the pages stuck under me.” Nimbus gave another vain attempt at movement. “Fluttershy, if you can get your friend to dig me out of this hole, we can look for the rest of the pages together. Since we’re pegasi, we can stop any breeze in the area and the pages will all just lie wherever they landed.”
“Oh!” It was a brilliant idea, but since Twilight Sparkle created the doll, Fluttershy should have expected such. It only took a few moments for the frazzled alicorn to pop Nimbus out of the hole he had made with his sacrifice, and a brisk thumping to fluff him back out to original size. Then the three of them used their wings to stop the errant breezes while Twilight floated around, snagging pages with her magic.
- - Ω - -
Thankfully, by the time they reached Fluttershy’s house, all of the book’s pages had been accounted for, although Nimbus made Twilight put the loose page collection back into her saddlebag and lock it before landing. It was impressive that a simple doll could stop one of Twilight’s panic attacks so easily and keep her from inevitably being distracted by the damaged book while they looked for pets. Even Spike had problems with that, and he had grown up with Twilight, although he was not a pony, and in particular not a male pony.
It was a little distracting for Fluttershy to think of a cloth doll as a real pony, but he was so… nice. And handsome. And had thrown himself underneath them both when they crashed, so they did not get hurt. Well, the last might have just been an accident, but it was easy to give him credit, and even better that he had not been a real pony, or he might have gotten hurt.
Far too many of Twilight’s dates wound up in the Ponyville hospital emergency room. Nearly all of them, now that Fluttershy was thinking about it.
“Geese!” exclaimed Nimbus, angling his cloth wings to descend into Fluttershy’s yard. “They’re beautiful, and there’s so many of them.”
“Yes, there are,” said Fluttershy. “Just be careful where you—”
Nimbus landed with a wet-sounding squish, and another squish when he shifted positions to find out what the first squish was, and a whole series of squishes when he turned around. “Oh,” he said, not sounding nearly as irritated as most ponies did when they stepped in goose poo. “It kind of tickles, and feels weird.”
“It… um… smells too,” said Fluttershy. “You’ll probably want to wash before Twilight takes you home.”
One of the geese promptly flew over and landed on top of him, looking sideways at the strange new creature on the goose-covered lawn before doing what geese naturally did when landing on something strange.
“Um… They do that too,” added Fluttershy, still hovering a safe distance away. “All the time, for the last few weeks.”
“Weeks?” Twilight looked over the vast collection of non-migratory waterfowl from her safe altitude. “The schedule says they’re only supposed to stop here for a day.”
“They won’t leave.” Fluttershy looked down at the sea of birds, and said something she had never said before. “I told them, but they won’t listen.”
“How are we supposed to practice a ‘picking out a pet date’ if all we have to pick is geese?” Twilight looked around the yard. “I mean only geese. Where are the rest of your animal friends?”
* * *
Zecora shooed a few curious songbirds away from her cauldron and looked over the packed hut with a long, slow shake of her head. “It may be pleasant to have you all nearby, but I hope you take them home soon, Fluttershy.”
* * *
“They’re at a friend’s house,” said Fluttershy.
“Hey, stop pecking at me!” Nimbus waved his forelegs and backed up, which sent several geese flapping up into the air. “I don’t have any food. Whoops!” The doll tripped, fell down, and rolled until he hit the stream, scattering flapping and honking geese in all directions, as well as a considerable amount of splatter matter, which Fluttershy and Twilight flapped to get above.
Nimbus was most certainly not above it, and ran around shouting in what could have been considered a panic if he had been a pegasus pony, splattering goose poop and geese in all directions. By the time he calmed down, all of the geese had taken to the air, and rather than return to where the frightening strange poop-covered creature was panicking, they flapped off to the north, leaving Fluttershy’s yard empty.
Well, of geese at least.
“Rainbow Dash is leading them to where they needed to go,” said Fluttershy, shading her eyes with one hoof and looking to the north. “When she gets back, we’ll get some clouds and wash my yard. It should only take a day or two until it’s all clean and you can come back for your pet. I mean practice for getting a pet.”
“It may take me a little longer than that, Fluttershy.” Twilight Sparkle looked down into the muddy yard at the vaguely pegasus-shaped muddy… well, it was mostly mud, even though it did not have a real pegasus underneath it. “Somepony needs a bath.”
- - Ω - -
“Rarity!” Twilight Sparkle’s voice filled the Carousel Boutique, sounding unusually chipper and happy for the moping princess that she had been over the last few weeks. Rarity was hemming the bottom of a particularly tricky dress when her friend called, but would have gotten up to greet her if Twilight had not added, “Can I borrow your big washing machine in the back yard? The one you use for curtains, that is.”
Ah, she’s washing curtains. The perfect thing to take her mind away from her stresses.
“Yes, darling! Go right ahead.” Rarity turned back to her work as the front door of the boutique slammed shut with Twilight’s rapid pace, only to look back up a few minutes later when Twilight called into the boutique again.
“Do you mind if I borrow a cup of your industrial strength washing detergent?”
“No more than a cap of the liquid for a full load, Twilight.” Rarity considered some of the stains she had seen on the curtains in the Castle of Friendship and added, “Or a cap and a half, if they’re really dirty.”
“Got it!”
Humming quietly to herself, Rarity returned to her pinning and hemming. It did not last long. A few minutes later, Sweetie Belle came bolting into her workroom, shouting at the top of her lungs.
“Sis! Sis! Twilight’s drowning somepony in the back yard!”
Rarity galloped out into the back yard, finding her friend wrestling a suds-covered pony into the top-loading washer.
“Oh, hush, you big baby, and get into the wash!”
“That’s too much suds!” protested the victim, who Rarity recognized by voice (if not by his vague, suds-covered shape) as the Type Six cloth golem Twilight had created just this morning. “The bubbles get in my nose and tickle.”
“You don’t have a nose,” said Twilight using her magic to push down on the section of dirty doll that stuck up on one side, only to have a pair of legs pop out the other.
“You made me think I have a nose,” said Nimbus in a gurgle from somewhere under the waterline of the tub. “You made me think I had a mouth too, and that was no fun at all just now.”
“Twilight, darling.” Rarity approached the soapy battlefield with a great deal of trepidation, and some delicate prodding with clean hooves in the search for dry patches of grass amidst the splashes. “What in the world are you doing with your… golem?”
“Washing him.” Twilight jammed one cloth leg down in the tub only for three more to pop up. “Trying to wash him,” she corrected. “He’s too slippery. Are you sure I was supposed to use a whole cup of detergent in the washing machine?”
“It tastes terrible,” gurgled the subject from the bottom of the tub.
“I said a capfull, Twilight. Why in Equestria would you want—” Rarity stopped her progress toward her friend with a terrified look at the dangling cloth limb protruding from the machine. “What is that! On his hoof! It’s… green!”
“Goose poop,” said Twilight, using her magic to jam the dirty leg back into the suds while ignoring the one that popped out behind her.
“Goose…” Rarity grabbed the bottle of detergent and upended it over the tub, allowing the rest of the contents to glug their way into the water and the suds to froth up even thicker than ever. “I have some plungers for certain stubborn loads, Twilight.” Rarity brandished the rubber-tipped stick and proceeded to put it to use, jamming it down on any parts of Nimbus that protruded from under the growing pile of suds. “I think the other one is on your side.”
“Found it!” declared Twilight, grabbing her plunger and starting to plunge. It took several vigorous minutes until they had gotten all of the plush pony parts submerged enough for her to lock down the lid and turn on the washer, which promptly gave out a loud series of shulg-shlug-shlug noises mixed in with his plaintive cries. “And stop moaning, Nimbus. This will all be over soon.”
“Ahem.” Both Rarity and Twilight Sparkle looked up to see Officer Friendly Smiles standing just a few paces away, tapping her nightstick against her fetlock and most decidedly not smiling.
- - Ω - -
“Hello, Twilight.” Princess Celestia’s normally subdued and enigmatic smile appeared slightly stressed, most probably due to the looming presence of Officer Smiles, who had not permitted the Goddess-Empress of all ponies to visit the prisoner without proper supervision. Or it could have been from the hang-dog expression of Prisoner #00021, formerly known as Princess Twilight Sparkle and her accomplice, Rarity ‘Jewels’ Unicorn, the nefarious criminal and associate of the jailed mastermind. The Ponyville jail was a stuffy place, and having two prisoners packed into the sole available cell made the cloying warmth oppressive. Even without the dour police officer and the two Equestrian princesses visiting.
“Officer Smiles tells me that you’ve been rather busy today. No, wait!” Celestia added with a lifted golden hoof to suppress the helpful description that her fellow princess was about to give. “You have the right to remain silent, and I would advise you use that right. After all, it appears you have terribly mistreated one of your dates recently.”
“Very true,” agreed Luna. “Transforming him into a cloth doll and then trying to drown him? For shame, Twilight Sparkle.”
“Your Highnesses,” said Rarity, very slowly. “Nimbus is not a real pony. Twilight made him out of cloth. He really is a doll.”
“Oh, he’s certainly adorable,” said Celestia, lighting her horn. “I don’t know if I’d call him a doll, though.” The floppy cloth figure floated into the jail and dangled in Celestia’s magic, leaving a broad slick trail of bubbles and water dripping off his floppy limbs.
“He just needs recharging,” insisted Twilight. She lit her horn up and the entire interior of the jail blazed with light for a few moments. When everypony’s eyes had readjusted and the blinking was over, Nimbus was standing in the middle of the floor with his usual goofy smile, even if he was slick with soap and dripping.
“Your Highnesses!” he blurted out, dropping to his knees in front of Celestia and striking his forehead on the floor several times with wet splats. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to do it! Please don’t punish me! I’ll do anything to make it up to you! Anything!!”
Luna gave her sister a sideways glance. “It certainly appears to be your student’s work.”
“So it seems.” Celestia looked at her dejected fellow princess and shook her head slowly. “Twilight, I cannot believe that you would make a Type Four golem—”
“Type Six,” said Twilight without taking her eyes off the floor.
After a moment to look the cloth doll over, Celestia continued, “Type Six golem, without consulting the proper protocol. There are forms to fill out, and permissions to apply for.” She waved a hoof in a dismissive fashion. “Of course, you have my permission, but it would have been considerate to ask first.”
“I’m sorry,” said Twilight Sparkle in a very, very small voice.
“Very well.” The unlocked jail cell door swung open with Celestia’s magic and the two prisoners slunk out, followed by the doll being hustled in. “There we go,” said Celestia once the barred door was closed. “He shall be locked up for your own safety. You may have him back once you have completed the proper paperwork.”
“Really?” Twilight Sparkle looked up from the floor, her eyes filled with joy and anticipation.
On the other side of Ponyville, still wrapped in the bandages from a recent date, Insurance Adjuster Annuity felt a cold chill go up his spine.
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Friends will always help somebody but true friends will help you hide a body.
I understand Twilight needing to fill out the proper paperwork, but couldn't she have just signed it herself?
When we consider that Celestia and Luna immediately jumped to the worst possible out of numerous and equally plausible conclusions... well, I’m not sure if that says more about them or about Twilight.
8591761
Given the sh*t they've seen over the many TV seasons, specials, and recent movie... can you blame them?
Golemcraft, one of those rare areas where Twilight has a habit of not doing the paperwork first.
In any case, I do love how there's a bit of a triangle forming given Fluttershy. Though I can't help but notice that Pinkie hasn't directly interacted with Nimbus yet. His inability to eat and lack of genuine emotions may be off-putting to her. How do you deal with that which cannot party?
8591816 Trust me, Pinkie is going to make Nimbus *hot* (within limits of PG-13)
8591725
Really good ones will help you wash up afterwards. Even if covered in goose poop after scarepegasus doody.
8591816
I think she's got more to work with than that Party of One.
8591725 What about those kinds of friends who don't tell anyone you just killed a man?
I'd like to think I'd be that kind of friend.
Oh... Twilight didn’t do her research for once. That’s gonna come back to bite her.
Emotions are a mix of mental, physical, and contextual stimuli. Sure, Nimbus doesn’t have the physical biochemistry for emotions, but I’m willing to bet he has the other two aspects between the personality and memories Twilight gave him, and he might even have a substitute for the biochemistry if Twilight can make him think he has a nose and mouth.
Besides, the biochemistry is mostly important for setting up what emotion you’re feeling. A racing heartbeat can mean you’re either terrified or ecstatic, after all. The physical stimuli tell you that you’re supposed to be feeling an emotion, but not what you should actually feel. Your own thoughts on what you should be feeling — as well as the context of your environment — tell you that.
This story reminds me of an old song by The Mothers of Invention
words = NSFW (no video)
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=lyrics+plastic+people&&view=detail&mid=3F1E3CF26F06A9FD91F73F1E3CF26F06A9FD91F7&FORM=VRDGAR
Your parents bug you about Hip Hop lyrics being obscene, download any Mothers of Invention album because music was soooo much cleaner back then
One of their albums was banned as obscene even though it was 100% instrumental leading Frank Zappa to quip "Apparently, the lyrics could be obscene but not heard" (In all fairness, you're going to go around banning albums for obscenity, the Mothers would have been a good place to start. IMO, it got banned for the album title)
It's always the quiet ones...
Rainbow, is there any particular reason you seem to know about stuffing small, pointy appendages for rigidity?
No Nimbus abuse :(
8591932 I assure you, this is the last major appliance he gets put through. (checks list) Um... Maybe.
Oh, this looks like a very promising story and very humorous as well. I wounder how Twilight's colt friend situation is going to be horribly F.U.B.A.R.. Love the idea that the other members of the mane six are going to like him a lot and start having feeling from him. I can'T wait to see what will happen next.
What he didn't make him dirt or at least stain resistant as well she seems to have protected him from about everything else. Well other than getting flattened by Twilights friends. I mean seriously h'e been stomped on by Spike and flattened by Fluttershy and we are only 2 chapters in
"Golemetry is a brutish puppetwork and recollects my days of medical practice. They were curtailed." -- Hayden Montag, The Secret World
I can’t help but wonder just why Twilight’s dates ended so horribly time and time again...
Oh dear. I hope Twi actually gets to the "learning" part of the exercise soon so she stops treating Nimbus like he's made of indestructium (even if he is).
To Tartarus?
oh look, fluttershy has the same definition of snuggable as I do :p
You know, Nimbus is growing on me. I know he can't feel true emotion apparently, but he's just so darn likeable!
Oh dear, she really has developed a reputation, hasn't she?
For now, but you do realize she's totally going to get you back for that, right?
Nimbus says he doesn't have emotions, but he seems to show panic just fine, so it seems to me he either is more emotional than either himself or Twilight gives him credit for, or he's really good at faking it.
Also, I failed to mention this last chapter, but every time Nimbus gets struck, squished, etc, I've been envisioning an accompanying squeak-toy noise. It seems fitting, considering.
8591986 8591986 Now there's a question you don't see on dating apps. Are you Scotchguarded?
8592072 No, those would be Estee's geese
8592130 You're going to hate me. I know it.
8592032 She knows his material specifications, since she was the constructing entity.
8591997 Practice?
8591992 One of my favorite quotes, paraphrased because I can't find the original: In ancient primitive days, doctors would put a bone through their nose and dose their unsuspecting patients with random lethal concoctions until they died or recovered, regardless of the treatments. In these more modern times, things are different. Our doctors no longer wear a bone in their nose.
8592337
You know something i don't?
aww man, now he's either gonna die, or his programming will mold him into a jerk. ;_;
I thought Fluttershy might warm up to Nimbus. His personality and physicality is entirely non threatening and I can imagine she's got quite a collection of plushies somewhere in the cottage, he's perfect to snuggle with.
Applejack is remarkably calm about this whole situation for someone whose brother has been set on fire by one of her best friends.
Uhh...
I'm a little concerned that Twilight might get a bit too used to thumping as the solution for sorting out coltfriend related problems.
Perfection.
8591448
Scratch proof. Not "rip/cut the head off proof."
8592072
Not quite, but it involves heat. And bread stuffing. And a portal to Earth.
Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat...
He chose the wrong town to live in, didn't he.
Hehehe this is so cute to imagine!
8592472 Yeah, but Fluttershy's plushies are self-warming and self-snuggling. With claws. Besides, Pinkie Pie is the one who really warms him up.
8592561 "I'm a little concerned that Twilight might get a bit too used to thumping as the solution for sorting out coltfriend related problems." Naa, that's Shining Armor's job. When he thumps a out-of-place coltfriend, they stay thumped.
8592586 Are you kidding? He works double-overtime shifts every week, and has enough money he could retire at 40. If he lives that long.
8593006
now I can't get the idea of fluttershy having a feline cuddleing addiction out of my head :p . now thats a story I would read, time to scower fimfic and see if someone has done it already
With this line you’ve won me over.
Approval Request for Simulacrum Creation
Simulacrum Specifications: Golum (type 6).
Construction: Cloth.
Physical Form: Pony, Pegasus, male.
List any deviation from stated form, and give reasons for deviation: Gelded. I didn't know how to sew those bits.
Purpose of Simulacrum: Subject to provide cognative and behavioural modification to registered owner while she expands her social intelligence with specific emphasis on romantic interactions.
Please explain the above answer in lay terms: Practice coltfriend.
Registered owner: Twilight Sparkle. (Princess.)
Spell caster: Twilight Sparkle.
List peers that reviewed the spell work: Not applicable. Princess Celestia said it was okay.
List spell caster's education: Post doctorate (ongoing). Doctorate of Magical Theory. Bachelor of Practical Magic Applications. Diploma of Magical History. Graduate of Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Attended Lower Canterlot Magic Kindergarten (failed to graduate).
In the event of a rampage, list effective weapons: Thaum draining spells. Scissors. Stitching Unpick. Starching powder.
Should the above fail, which country do you intend to flee to: Crystal Empire.
Proposed Simulacrum activation date: Please postdate to last Thursday.
Office use only
DENIED
I said it was okay. Princess Celestia.
APPROVED
A Version 4 and a Version 6? At first I wondered what would be the difference between a V4 and a V6 pony golem, but then it hit me...
...one has more horsepower.
8595615 That, and the Type Five's have this phobia about being taken apart.
8595522
These comments here are on a whole different level than I’m used to seeing on this site. I like it!
Well, this doesn't sound like something that will take a turn for the dramatically ironic at all.
By the way, I realize they are probably supposed to look like horseshoes, but those Omega-symbols keep giving me an ominous feeling.
A relative asked if I was sick because I was coughing so hard with laughter.
8595522
This part at the end of the form gives me a warm, giggly feeling.
Sweetie belle is going to be traumatized seeing her sister and Twilight attacking somepony
Is it weird that I would do this for a friend as well?
Boy, that escalated quickly
But of course
"So, um... what's a golem?"
Hah. She really didn't know what a golem was
Saw that one coming
lel, horn jokes.
...Big Mac was one of her victims?
But... it's Big Mac! The 100% least offensive male you'll ever find! What the Tartarus, Twi?
Incoming avalanche of counter-examples!
Yup
Oh gods. He has no compulsion to only listen to Twilight. Alllll the pranking potential
I think that (*) should be placed after the panther and the lion... if you check it at the moment you encounter it it makes little sense
You already did, Nimbus
Ohboy. That bad, huh?
Extra! Extra! Princess of Friendship (and books) arrested for attempted murder!
Um... either this scene is not real, or Celestia and Luna are massive, massive trolls. There's no way they can't check exactly what Nimbus is, and even if that were true, being a cloth doll makes him immune to drowning anyway
...yeah, they're being massive trolls
Ohboy! PAPERWORK!
Okay, did Twilight end up making some sort of universal coltfriend? One who's attractive to everypony?
I wasn't expecting an officer of the law to show up.
8616730 Well, she's not going to make an *ugly* date to practice with....
8593276 Friends help you. Real friends help you hide bodies.
Well, I must say I didn't expect that to happen when I read the preview.
That's karma for ya, Twilight.
Props for it being the exact right amount of it, too, not too much, not to little.
Honestly not too sad he's not fully equipped.
“And the time she shuffled all of our cutie marks around,” said Rainbow Dash. “Even though she did get wings out of it, I almost got eaten.”
when was this?
8978612 Well, the animals weren't going to *eat* Rainbow Dash. Just use her as a zesty soup base.