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Chaos always finds a way -- Prologue1,316 words
Introduction to Chaos!2,606 words
Unleash Her Might!3,266 words

Unleash Her Might!

A few rather bulky nurse ponies jumped into the room, immediately restraining Lazy Afternoon who was flailing on his bed. The colt managed to spill milk over his overalls, and there were biscuit crumbs all over the place.

“Hold him down gentlecolts,” said the doctor, levitating over a syringe filled with a transparent liquid. The needle sunk into Lazy’s neck, causing him to stiffen for a moment and then relax. The contents of the syringe were gone fast, and the stallion no longer struggled.

“Oh dear… ” sighed the medical pony, handing the used up syringe to a nurse. “This must be worse than I anticipated. I haven’t seen a pony in such a state for a very long time. Simple medications won’t cut it… Boys, bring him over to a separate room. And put him in a safety jacket so he doesn’t hurt himself.”

* * *

Lazy Afternoon’s head was fit to burst when he came to. He blinked away the darkness before his eyes, noticing that he was staring at a ceiling. He tried to sit, but something was holding his legs back – as he glanced sideways, he saw belts attached to his hooves. What just happened?

His right ear twitched – he heard a squeaky noise somewhere above him, as if somepony was squeezing one of those plastic toys that had fife’s in them. His head was free to move, so he turned to look at the source of the sounds.

It was none other than Discord, throwing a ball against the wall, bouncing it back as it came near him. The motion was very fluid and if Lazy didn’t know better, he would actually believe the Spirit was now with him, keeping him company.

“But you’re not,” hissed the colt, straining against his shackles. “You’re just an imaginary goblin that decided to haunt me. I’ll get rid of you, mark my words, I will-”

“Oh, boo hoo hooooo” interrupted Discord, catching the ball and vanishing it with a twist of his wrist. “When will you ever grow a pair and face the truth?”

“What truth? Pair of what?” whispered the colt, making sure nopony else was listening. Him being in a straightjacket spoke volumes about the way ponies would react to seeing him talk to a wall.

“Pair of eyes, my dear friend. Can’t you see? At your hooves lies the most awesome power an earth pony could ever imagine. You were introduced to the most magnificent and powerful element in the whole wide world! And what do you do? Get cuffed and chucked into a loony bin. This isn’t even funny anymore.”

“Then what would you have me do? Snap my fingers and escape like Haunchini?!”

“You don’t have fingers, you made that perfectly clear just a few hours ago.”

“Then how else am I supposed to do this whole Chaos thing, huh? Clap my hind hooves? Fine! Oh wait, I can’t, they’re tied to the bucking table.”

“Your fault, not mine,” said Discord, puffing on his eagle claws. “You can try other things to lure the Lady’s attention. How about banging your head against the table? Whistling? Cracking your neck?”

“You’re joking, right?”

“I usually am, yes. And it would be funny if the Lady came after the sound of a bone or two breaking. But this time, I’m serious. You can try and ask her for help, or you can continue thinking you are insane and rot in this place. I’ll give you a hint – the food is horrible.”

* * *

Lazy Afternoon was all out of ideas. He tried everything he could think of – banging his head, whistling, rustling with his shackles, doing all sorts of animal impressions… Discord couldn’t keep a straight face while watching, so he constantly rolled around in mid-air, suggesting more and more bizarre maneuvers that the colt could perform in his current situation.

“No, I am not going to … Urinate! It is just crazy!”

“Crazy is good!” shouted the Spirit, wiping a tear of joy. “And the sound of rippling water might be what you are looking for.”

Lazy sighed, feeling quite hopeless and stupid at the moment.

“We already tried sighing, ten variations of it to be exact. C’mon, what have you got to lose? I know you want to go anyway. I’m in your head, remember? Just do it! Be a colt! Pretend there is a tree in front of you. Sprinkle it, mark your territory! C’mon, go!”

Afternoon was really close to actually committing the condemning act when his brain flared up with a sudden idea. His uncle way back when had this irritating habit of pressing his lips together and then opening them rapidly, making a kind of plucking sound. For some reason it always drove Lazy crazy, especially since the relative used this motion to shrug off comments and questions thrown at him. He was a bum most of the time.

Afternoon closed his eyes and pressed his lips together. They were as dry as desert sand, but he dared not moisten them… With a plucking sound, he opened his mouth.

Discord smiled. An echo of the sound went about the room, something that shouldn’t have happened under normal circumstances.

“Good boy,” smirked Discord, lazily applauding the colt who had no clue what was going on. “She’s here now. Listening. What, you’re nervous now? Sweaty hooves? Loud heartbeat? I guess she has that effect on stallions. After all, she governs forces that can rip you to shreds on her whim, turn you inside out and make you tap dance in red hot charcoal just for the fun of it… But I assure you, she does that rarely as of late. Although that doesn’t actually help in any way, as she is totally random.”

“What do I do now?!” panicked Lazy, feeling the powerful entity stare at him. There weren’t any physical eyes that did the glaring, but he was sure as hay that he was being focused by something larger than life. At least, his life.

“Think a wish. Say it. Communicate. She is a Lady, for Pete’s sake. Treat her like one, and maybe she’ll be nice enough to grant it to you.”

“But what do I wish for? Uhhmm…”

“A bagpipe!” yelled discord, spawning the instrument and performing a very loud and obnoxious song.

“Shut up!” hissed Lazy.

Something happened. The entity shifted. Lazy felt it – he felt reality move. The room he was in shook, bent slightly and twisted; it was being adjusted to the will of the mighty entity that listened to Lazy Afternoon.

Discord was surprised to find his whole muzzle in the embrace of a giant octopus, which instantly wrapped all its tentacles over his face.

“Mhhmmm!! Nhhot fhhhny!” cried Discord, his voice rendered inaudible by the sea creature on his face. It looked really aggravated – the tentacles were all over the draconequus, grasping his horns, ears and wrapping themselves over his throat.

The sight made Lazy Afternoon smile. It was strange, as he felt another type of happiness alongside his own – was it Lady Chaos that was pleased with her own work as well? The emotion lasted for a brief while before fading away, leaving him alone with the struggling Spirit, who somehow managed to free his face, but not his hands or neck.

“See? Was it that… Hard?!” gasped Discord, finally dislodging the animal from his body and kicking it sky high through the ceiling.

“It wasn’t,” admitted the colt. He was in shock now. “You’re not imaginary. You’re real. And you’re in my head.”

“And the title of Admiral Obvious goes to… Random Obnoxious Pony! Bravo, bravo! Speech, speech, speech!” cheered Discord, sarcasm heavy in his voice.

“So I have some kind of… Power. I can talk to this… To Lady Chaos.” Afternoon was too in awe of his realization to pay attention to the Spirit, who was now performing a one-pony award ceremony. “I can… I can do whatever I want! I’m… Whoa! This power! I like it!” He laughed as hard as he could, mumbling something to himself between fits of giggles. He never felt more surreal than now.

There he was. An ordinary colt, one of millions in Equestria. He, probably the most useless earth pony alive, drew the attention on an entity. Not just an entity. An Entity. A Lady. Lady Chaos. A speck of dust got noticed by the sun, and that tiny fragment of dirt now wields sun’s power.

It was scary. Oh, yes it was. The implications, the burden, the danger. What if the Lady got bored with him? What if she would turn him inside out and let him stay that way until the end of time? Did he need to perform any kind of rituals? Would there be any kind of sacrifices involved for the Chaos God?

Even if, such a meager price for this kind of power? For the unlimited ability to bend the fabric of the world he lives in? He could replace Celestia on her throne, or decide that all the mares should be his. He could shower himself with gold, diamonds and booty till the day he died. And he would not die, he would be immortal! Yes, a God! Even bigger than the regal sisters!

“Hellooooo? Earth to Pony, Earth to Pony, come in Pony! Kssh!”

Discord’s words finally knocked Lazy out of his own little world of black and white. He was still trapped in these damn shackles, still staring at the ceiling. That needed to be dealt with before any kind of sacrifices were made or countries ruled.

“Umm… Discord?”

“Yeeees?”

“How often can I call… Her?”

“As often as she allows it, of course. She comes when she wants and if she wants. Here is a valuable tip, totally free of charge! If you happen to call her and she does not come, do not try to summon her again. She can get very touchy, like a waiter in one of those fancy restaurants – only instead of spitting in your food or stealing your credit card details, she would probably turn all the food you eat into phlegm or steal your joints so you have to roll around Ponyville like a ball… Actually, do try calling her twice. I dare you. I double dare you, pony!”

“No, thanks… I can call her when I want to, but not more than once at a time. Got it.” And with that, he called for Lady Chaos.

This time the entity showed up with a few second slip – the feeling of her presence was as pressing as the first time. It wasn’t nervous, anticipating or irritated. Just curious, the kind of curious that drives school ponies to perform frog vivisection.

“Try thinking it this time,” whispered Discord and blinked.

Umm…. Yeah, hi. I know I just met you and this is crazy… But I’m trapped here, so free me maybe?

* * *

“She either likes you or feels quite generous today. I’m not sure which, as loving doesn’t stop ponies from hurting, and Chaos doesn’t care much for time. But yes, here we are. The great and mighty Everfree forest. You are learning fast, my dear student. But your abilities are still yet weak, compared to what I could brew up back in the day.”

“Abilities? What? I just ask for stuff and it happens!” cheered Lazy, prancing about.

“It is not so simple, my pupil. You see, Chaos isn’t a tool. She is-”

“A Lady, I know! Get on with it!”

“Oh, why the impatience, my young padawan?” intoned Discord in a sagely voice, sitting in mid-air. “I was just like you back in the day – young, foalish and full of ideas. I wanted to conquer the world, have all the mares and bathe in diamonds…”

“Well, I plan to do so too! So if you’ll excuse me…”

“You’d do well not to ignore the centuries of my experience and wisdom, Pony,” said the Spirit. Something in his voice made Lazy stop for a second and sit on his haunches. The playful manner that Discord always showed went away somewhere, replaced by a serious face and eloquent words.

“Listen carefully. It is true you can ask for anything you want. But here is some food for thought – you meet somepony new. She is friendly and is interested in you. She gives you a small gift or two after you mention liking some sweets or other stuff. Tell me – would you request a yacht of her and expect it by next Tuesday?”

“Of course not. We don’t know each other that well and it’s a pretty expensive gift!”

“Precisely. You don’t want to rush anything or expect the poor girl to give you gifts every time she comes around to see you. Time is needed, some dedication, maybe giving something back in return.”

“A sacrifice?” gasped Lazy, his mind turning blank.

“No, silly! Fun! Chaos appreciates a good laugh or two, and pranking somepony is a really entertaining pastime!”

“But… Will she notice I just pranked someone for her? How would she even do that…”

“That is why you need to learn to call her when you are doing something mischievous. Not necessarily evil, as there is no good or bad from an arbitrary point of view. What matters is making her smile or laugh. She can entertain herself quite well if she wants to – and you want to minimize the amount of times it is done at your expense.”

“… You had to do that?” Lazy furrowed a brow, eyeing the draconequus.

“Of course I did. It took me quite some time to get to where I was just before being encased in stone for a thousand or so years,” smiled Discord.

“So… You mean to tell me I can ask for favors… But if I cross the line, there will be punishment?”

“Oh, don’t think of it as a negative thing. There are no negative or positive sides to Chaos. You need to start thinking like she does. There is only fun and boring. Boring is the lack of fun, so in general we only have a certain amount of fun. You want the fun levels to soar sky high around you!”

“So that is why you were so… You know, back at Ponyville?”

“I was doing it for her, yes! And I had quite some fun myself as well! Oh, causing Twilight Sparkle’s friends to become grumpy and mean ponies was a winner! And that Rarity character! She named a giant boulder Tom, and I swear she was ready to mate with it, so large was the lust in her eyes!”

Lazy smirked, imagining the scene. He didn’t know who this Rarity was, but hay, if that was supposed to be funny…

* * *

“So, what do we do now, Discord?”

“Hehe, a bit lost, aren’t we? Don’t know how to use your powers? Well, you had your share of free advice already; from now on, I’m tagging a price on every word that concerns Chaos and how to deal with her.”

“Wait, what?! Weren’t you supposed to teach me or something?!”

“Oh, so now you want me to teach you? Well, news flash! I’m a fantastic person, attractive and brilliant! And that is why I don’t sell myself cheap. I will ask you favors and you will do them for me – otherwise, you can try figuring out things on your own. Free tip – skin is good to protect you from dust, rain and wind. Having it inside your body not only sounds awful, but also looks and feels horrible.”

The colt gulped. So what, he was now reduced to some kind of servant to the Spirit? He had god-like powers that had their own whims? He could not have a yacht full of mares because him and Chaos weren’t well acquainted yet?

“This sucks” murmured Lazy.

Two things happened at the same time – Discord burst into a teary laugh and Lazy felt his whole body being sucked into a tree he was leaning on.

“What the buck?!” whined the stallion, feeling the tree slurping him inside its… Mouth?

“This is just too rich! Ahahahaha!!”

“Dis…. What gives?! HELP!” yelled Afternoon, only his face sticking out of the dark tree’s bark.

Fortunately, he stopped sinking. But he could not move. He was too panicked to feel a presence leave his mind.

“What… What’s happening! Get me out of here!”

“I believe I can’t help you much, unless you want advice on how to deal with Chaos. I can strike you a deal – three questions for just two favors! One time offer, no returns! The sale ends in 10 seconds!”

“Wha…? I didn’t even… I don’t even know…!”

“7, 6, 5…”

“DISCORD!”

“3, 2, 1…”

“Okay, okay, I’ll take it, I’ll grant your stupid wishes! Just help me, please!”

“Haha, just in the nick of time! Like that hero, what’s-her-face… Daring Do? Yeah, I think it was her. Or was it Mare-Do-Well?”

“Hello!” shouted the aggravated pony, trying to budge, his whole body trapped in the tree.

“This will haunt me for the rest of the night dammit… Fine, fine, hold your horses! You see, you were introduced to Chaos, si? In a way, you two are friends now – and what do friends do?”

“I haven’t got time for riddles!”

“I don’t think you’re going anywhere at the moment,” giggled Discord. “Actually, you remind me of somepony else. Fluttershy, was it? Oh, she would be so hot for you right now. You’re one hunk of a giant wood. Get it?” The draconequus flipped and begun laughing again, much to the anger of Lazy Afternoon. This was ridiculous.

“You’re so funny, Discord. Now c’mon, tell me what happened!”

“You have to tell me what friends do.”

“I don’t know, spend time together? Do stuff together?”

“Close, very close. What would you do if you had a free Afternoon…” Discord had to fight hard to suppress giggling, continuing after a second, “… And your friend’s house would be nearby?”

“Uh, I’d visit?” guessed the colt, feeling something crawl on his eyebrows. Ants. They were getting all over his face.

“Yes, exactly! You’d drop by and say hello! Well, Chaos can be very friendly! She may drop in and hang out with you from time to time, if she feels like it. It is your job to feel that and entertain her. Let’s call it a free calling. What you just did was make a wish which Chaos gladly granted. I’m actually surprised she was so literal, of all the things.”

“Haha, okay, very funny. Now, how do I- ptff! - get out of this mess?” The ants weren’t pleased with Lazy’s muzzle and were inspecting his nostrils and mouth. He did his best to shoo them away, but it only made them more determined to gain entry to his bodily crevices.

“Well, you can do the obvious and ask the Lady to get you out of there. Or you can stay like that and play with the thousands of friends that are obviously having fun in your nose!”

The colt felt like this would turn out to be a very bothersome gift after all.

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