I might suggest dropping the Romance tag off this. Rape and slavery are not exactly romantic.

8459563
Agreed. There is no romance in this.

8459563
Thanks for pointing that out, I actually meant to drop it before publishing

While this story does hit a lot of my personal kinks, it's also so very short! Likely one of the reasons this story probably won't find end up with a high scoring, apart from the themes being distasteful to many. Quite a shame, I would have liked to read more. Either way, you have my upvote.

8459992 This was my first erotic story, so sorry about it being short! I also didn't know quite how to end it, but I can only get better with time!

8460030
You have a good attitude about your writing, it does take time after all. One thing you should do moving forward is slow down the pacing, and have less be going on at the same time. It's best to focus on Fluttershy and what is is experiencing for example.

Also you have some spots where you didn't space between paragraphs. It looks cluttered when you don't space them out.

well I like it! please do some more

Hmm, that was...sudden and very intense, no real build-up and Twilight just went insane. I'm still not clear on if the tentacles mind-control them actively, effectively lobotomize them, or what (following Fluttershy more after she was taken could've helped with this).
It was indeed a bit cringy. The character behavior/thinking reminds me of the insanity found in Headless_Rainbow's fics when she gets lazy.

It accomplished what it set to, I suppose, but it's kind of like a pizza that has pepperonis instead of crust or cheese; messy and unsatisfying because it focuses too much on the bits that were desired.

It's ok...

One suggestion though, which you don't have to take: Spread out the paragraphs some more and add space between the rows where people/ponies are talking, so it's not all clumpped together