Life as a Canterlot High Student

by King Camelot

Weird names

We started the move the next day. It wasn’t hard, we didn’t have a lot to pack and it wasn’t a long drive to the place. But still, I felt weird. I shouldn’t feel weird, I kept thinking to myself. This meant no more Brian, no more false crimes, and no more anger. But I could never get that unsettling feeling off my stomach, almost as if going to this new school was a big mistake. But I signed a contract and we were officially moving.

In a few hours, we were at our new house. It wasn’t a bad looking house, it looked kinda friendly and inviting. But as a learned from constant bullying and relentless hours of playing video games, always keep your guard up. I didn’t know enough about this place to relax. For now, I must stay calm and vigilant.

I stretched out, “Well, we’re here. So let’s just get our stuff in the house and then- Woah!” I suddenly found myself on the ground, my head hurt. Someone must’ve run into me.

“Oh I’m sorry, are you ok? I was just so excited because you’re new here and I like meeting new people and blah blah blah…”

The person sounded like a little girl, and a hyper one at that. I could barely understand a thing she was saying, she was speaking so fast. I slowly got up to face the person who bumped me. It was a girl, but she definitely wasn’t little. She looked about my age and my height. It was so hard to believe that playful, toddler voice was coming from this teenager. That wasn’t the only thing weird about her. She had pink, fluffy hair that looked like cotton candy (smelled like it too). She also had pink skin, not like the sort of pink I see most people with, but her skin was very pink, was she sun burned? She was practically all pink except for her blue eyes, and three balloons on her dress. She was weird.

“Hello, I’m Pinkie Pie! I’m your new neighbor! What’s your name?”

She held out her hand. Pinkie Pie? That sounded like a nick name that parents give their baby kids, but she was not a baby kid. Besides, who would ever name their kid Pinkie Pie? This kid was weird and crazy! But despite that, she seemed friendly and nice, and she also gave me the urge to laugh. Fighting back the feeling, I took her hand and shook it, more like she shook me. When the shaking died down it was my turn to speak.

“Hello, I’m Lucas Turner. Nice to meet you.” (Was it nice to meet her, I didn’t know. But she accepted it, all the same)

She went to talk to my parents, and even presented them with a cake to celebrate our move and to welcome us into the neighborhood. She claimed that she made it, but if she did that would mean she is an incredible baker. I decided that the reason she was so hyper was because she ate too much candy. Suddenly, she turned to me again.

“Mrs. Turner, I have to go walk to school now. Would it be okay if Lucas came with me?” she asked.

Mom was excited, “Of course, I think it would be great for our boy to explore the town and make new friends.”

I wanted to say no. To say that I already had stuff on my plate, and that it was waaay to early for me to start school. But I knew that wasn’t true. School schedules can be pretty strict, and what was there to do when you first move? Besides, there was something about her that prevented me from saying no. My parents promised they would take care of the unpacking. So, I said yes. Once she calmed down from all the excitement she got by my answer, I got my backpack and we went for a walk.

Well, I was walking. Pinkie Pie was skipping and bouncing, singing to herself all the way. She sure was a strange one, but I guess that’s what made me want to laugh. But I still couldn’t accept the fact that that was her name. So for closure, I asked her.

“So Pinkie Pie, What’s your real name?”

She turned to me, “What do you mean?”

“Well, the name Pinkie Pie, it can’t be real. It’s not real, is it?”

“Nope, that’s my name! Though to be truthful, my full name is Pinkimena Diane Pie. But my friends just call me Pinkie.”

I definitely got closure, but not the kind I was hoping for. It helped to know that wasn’t her real name, but the name “Pinkimena” sounded just as ridiculous. I decided to just let the matter go for now. I didn’t want to offend her, and it was a bad idea to go around making enemies when I just got here. This was my chance for a better life, and I couldn’t screw it up.

We came across a few people on our walk to school, Pinkie seemed to know all of them, saying hi to them all the way.

"Hi Derpy"

"Hello Bon Bon"

"Sup' Lyra?"

"How's it going Mr. Sunburst?"

"Gosh, what weird names this town has.", I thought to myself. And judging by the looks of their faces, they weren't weirded out at all, which made it even more weird. A few people waved towards my direction, but I turned the other way. My constant targeting by bullies and betrayal from other students has made me shy. I wasn't like Pinkie, who could just be friendly like there was nothing to it. I had put a wall over my heart, and I wasn't about to take it down just yet.

I must have lost track of time as while I was pondering these thoughts, we had already made it to the school.

"Welp, we're here. Welcome to Canterlot High School!", Pinkie said.

Castle of Magic was right. It wasn't like Hogwarts like I pictured it, but it definitely looked magical, almost like there was something harmonic about the place. And in front of the school, there was a huge statue of a stallion on it's hind legs. Pinkie seemed to notice me staring at it.

"Do you like it? We just got it fixed after the latest, ahem, incident" ,She said with an uncertain look in her eyes.

I was about to ask her what kind of incident she was talking about, but she didn't look comfortable with talking about it. And I knew better than to start asking questions at this stage of the game. I'll ask her about it when we get to know each other a little better.

"Anyway, we should get going! Miss Cherrilee will kick our butts if we're late to class!",Pinkie screamed as she realized the bell was about to ring. I ran close behind her.

Miss Cheerilee? Like I said, weird names.

Comments

[moviemaster8510]

So, does this take place in the EqG universe? If so, why do these characters have normal names and there are so many pop-culture references that shouldn't really exist in this universe? Frankly, it seems like this is just the regular real world and Canterlot High somehow happens to be a part of it. Also, considering that this kid has gone through this expulsion ordeal several times in virtually identical circumstances, and their parents know he's innocent (I assume, it's really not very clear), how come they've never pressed charges or tried to start a formal investigation instead of throwing up their arms and being like, "Welp! Time to move again based on poor research and hearsay"?

Plotholes aside, this story needs some work. Your descriptions (namely your pacing and detail structure) are lacking, and you fall into a couple of bad tropes younger fanfic writers fall into (namely Pinkie Pie being the first Mane 6 character the person meets, guaranteeing that he will unconditionally be in her good graces and will not have to make any effort in becoming friends with the other Mane 6 (or anyone, for that matter)).

Take some time and read some stuff, and not just the stuff limited to this site. Read books, news articles, etc. The key is not to copy the author's writing style or simply speed up to the "cool parts," but to focus on how different authors describe actions, emotions, settings, and appearances, and find a style that best suits you and what you can bring to your story. It will take a long time, and when done right, chapters can become thousands of words in length, but it will reflect better in your work and how people react to it.

Hope this helps.

[diablo4000]

8345937
I have to agree it Bull he gets expeled and his parents do Jack about it, no investiation no counter argument no nothing!
And what thisc rap about hsi dad tries to stand up for him he mom gets into a argument with him?!
Does that mean his mother secretly hates him and rather blame him for everything and be a stupid drama queen and not a funny one ethier but a stupid selfish one at that.

[King Camelot]

8345937
This is my first time writing a story, give me some slack!

[King Camelot]

8346008
I based the Parents Fighting part on what my parents go through. I don't get expelled like the character does, but my life is hard. Either read the story or go take your hate comments somewhere else!

[diablo4000]

8347082
Take it easy, I wasn't trying to offend you or make hate comments it was harsh criticism, i give you that, but it not hate replies.

[moviemaster8510]

8347082
As for my comment, this is me cutting you some slack. If you want to see me to tear your story to confetti, there would be little to no effort on my end; I'm practically a veteran when it comes to this stuff. What I offered was some constructive criticism on where your story fell short and ways you could improve your writing. I would hardly call that "hating" as you've referred to diablo's comment as (as harsh as it came across).

Let me give you a small, helpful warning, being that this is your first story and you're relatively new here. This site does not take kindly to people who dismisses any comments that don't laud their stories as the second coming of Shakespeare as "hate." There is literally no worse nor quicker way to kill off any credibility you might hope to have here than to go to war with people who genuinely are trying to help better your writing and storytelling.

I'll be candid with you, my first fanfics were dogshit. It wasn't until I started reading more material both on and offsite and joined various groups (some of which were for the expressed purpose of riffing stories) that I both improved my writing and came across common author pitfalls that I learned to avoid down the road. Five years later, I have a relatively decent number of followers and have become a somewhat respected member of the MLP fanfiction community.

I don't want to fight you nor be on your bad side, I just don't want you going down a path that could end up very badly for you if you choose to play your cards wrong.

[King Camelot]

I'm sorry, guys. It's just that this is my first story and I don't have the experience to make a story as good as Harry Potter or Hunger Games. I'm just translating some of the Mane 7's friendship magic from the point of view of a kid who got by through life where friendship was not a luxury he had (also adding some of my favorite things and my personal experiences). I'm sorry for what I said, but the way you said it sounded mean.

[moviemaster8510]

8347755 No one's asking you to write the next YA smash series. We're simply trying to offer advice to make your storytelling abilities better than what they are now. I'm pretty sure J.K. Rowling and Suzanne Collins's very first forays into writing were also heavily criticized one way or another, but I guarantee you they didn't come to create their opuses by being showered with unconditional praise right out of the gate.

And I get what your story is trying to accomplish, and it's a good bedrock to form a story off of, but it really needs more dressing up.

[King Camelot]

8347945
I see, well thanks for the advice, I'll get better as the story continues.

[Blaze the draconic mage]

This is cool

[King Camelot]

8349888
Thanks. It'll get cooler as the story progresses.

[NicLove]

Before I read this, what is the Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?

[King Camelot]

8389938
Bad enough where he turns to a raging demon of hatred gained over the years. And not even the Elements can stop him. Also, he chokes Rarity at one point, doesn't kill her but chokes her... maybe.

[Pete100]

We started the move the next day. It wasn’t hard, we didn’t have a lot to pack and it wasn’t a long drive to the place. But still, I felt weird. I shouldn’t feel weird, I kept thinking to myself. This meant no more Brian, no more false crimes, and no more anger. But I could never get that unsettling feeling off my stomach, almost as if going to this new school was a big mistake. But I signed a contract and we were officially moving.

I wouldn’t say mistake, but it is something.

[Pete100]

8391427
Why?