Fan fiction. The final frontier.
Written for Celestia Day
Princess Luna sends her beloved student Moondancer to face the imminent return of a wicked mare of fire known as "Daybreaker". Finding herself alone and facing a pony far more powerful than her, Moondancer wonders if she really is the hero Equestria deserves.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Brilliant! I'm glad that I took the chance with this story.
...More please?
...It's a pity, I actually wanted daybreaker to win
8245736
I'm thinking of writing some other stories in the same alternate universe, but I haven't really decided yet.
Interesting, I would never have pegged this group for the Elements of Harmony. I also enjoy how you changed the elements though Untiy might have been a bit of a stretch...
Bleh. Expected a Daybreaker fic, not a knock off Nightmare Moon fic. While she was just a figment of Starlight's dream, in the episode, Daybreaker made it clear that she took pride in her power and superiority, that she could be the sole ruler if she just exerted her dominance. That that is what Celestia (as Starlight sees it) secretly wanted. Just making Daybreaker have Nightmare Moon's motivations is, well... unsatisfying. Daybreaker was a different character that had different motivations, not just Nightmare Moon in a different skin.
I don't think the story was bad as an alternate reality, but it failed to capture the character Daybreaker as she was given. I'm willing to suspend disbelief for the rest of the characters, to accept them in their new roles, but since Daybreaker's motivations were defined concretely, it just feels... silly, to put it succinctly
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That paragraph about Luna being trapped in the moon is confusing as well. It would have been fine if Luna's location was explained somewhere in the first half of the story, but shoehorning it in after the climax is confusing, as, originally, Celestia was never officially trapped anywhere and your story merely makes the assumption Celestia was trapped in the sun by Nightmare Moon in the original episode. It comes off as assuming the reader has the same head canon. (Maybe I'm wrong about this, it's 3 AM, I'm a tad drunk and I do not feel like fact checking)
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At the end, Celestia and Luna's relationship didn't feel right, either. Apparently Luna was the loved one, but also greatly depended on Celestia for guidance. Kind of feels like a back down on the role reversal to me.
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I did chuckle at the rest of the team, though, I wasn't expecting those changes, so I did like that.
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I do hope this comment is taken as constructive and not as someone whining about how you didn't write the story right or something like that. If this story is how you feel the characters should be portrayed, I respect your decision as an author, I just wanted to throw in my two cents. I've been wanting to read Daybreaker fics since Canada aired the episode, so I'm just a bit disappointed she was just an alt skinned Nightmare Moon, is all.
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Also, typo, at some point you called "Daybreaker," "Daybreak." Don't know if you fixed that since I downloaded the story. "Surrounding Daybreak burst" to find it easier.
Also, also, I love you 💓
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Thanks for your constructive criticism. I'm always looking to improve my writing (both fanfiction and otherwise) so comments like this are a big help
Meh