Call it what you will; a revelation from god, or a curse from the demon king, the fact remains that Equestria as you know it has come to an end.
A heretic princess called down an unearthly darkness, and ripped open the barrier between our world and the demon world. Chaos and destruction descended out of the sky, from the black abyss.
Pain upon death...nothing but suffering in this night-shrouded world. Who can we pray to? There are only demons and fiends here.
Hope is not completely lost, though. A voice beguiles to a young unicorn: “Your past is a mystery, and shall be unraveled by the candles’ flames…”
An adaption of Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne and Shin Megami Tensei 2 in a world where Nightmare Moon won.
Chapters (3)
Author's Notes:
Well, here it is: a story about ponies and demons that takes place in a different universe from the mainline Shin Equus Tensei. Shin Equus Tensei: Episode One was closer to the Persona and Devil Survivor games in terms of content, which isn't necessary a bad thing. However, I've been hankering down to write about something more in common with mainstream SMT, something dark and which killing your friends is most likely a necessary thing.
As for the Almighty Goddess character...well, I tried writing her with other names but I found that only 'Faust' fit. Might be a little creepy, but Lauren doesn't read fanfiction, so I'm safe.
Also:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-9Wj7kuZtA
I haven't even read it yet, but the simple premise of mixing Nocturne into Equestria, or vice versa, has my attention, I will be making a point of keeping my eye on this, and giving out whatever critique I can think of as I see it.
This Can Be Good, or It Can Be Exceptional.
I hope for the later.
The story has a few instances of missing a word or two, but other than that it's a solid chapter. As a MegaTen fan, it'll be interesting to see where this goes, and how you use the mythos.
Twilight is going to have to kill the rest of the Mane Six isn't she?
Also, "Unparalleled by nobody," is a double negative.
And Patricide is killing your own father. You probably meant deicide.
i was going to joke about your double negatives, but i see everyone else has already.
I don't like the way this story is told, so this is as far as I read.
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I'm always open to constructive criticism. Care to explain why?
Well I think there is too much dialogue and too much 'Tell'.
I also think it is a flaw to have important(especially tragic) events happen to a character before you've made the audience care about the character - like this universe's version of Twilight, I don't think any of your readers know her enough to care about the hell you're putting her through.
And I realize this is harsh criticism considering it's just page 1, and I could be judging too early, but the way you decided to open the story, coupled with other little flaws put me off enough to take it off my read-later list.
I see there are people who did like your opening. Good for you, I hope your later pages prove me wrong and I see this on EQD and read the whole thing.
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Any constructive criticism is helpful, so thank you!
As for Twilight's tragedy, my intended purpose wasn't to make the readers care about her, something that sort of related to Wangst (look it up on Tvtropes). It was just to set the scene and give the Almighty Goddess a reason to return her to life. Twilight loses her memory anyway, and thus the hell she goes through become pretty obsolete (IMO).
It's still too early in the story to have a real opinion about it, but I can comment on the technical aspects of this. Overall, it's not badly written, but there are enough errors (capitalization and incorrect words mostly) to disrupt immersion. Also a few sentences just didn't make sense to me. Such as: "Unusually, the mare would herself keeping up"
Very nice, so far! Given it's a nocturne adaptation, I'm curious if there'll be a Dante/Raidou expy as well.
Keep up the good work!
good story so far but you give twilight hands now and again
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Hmm? I haven't noticed anything like that. At one point it says 'if Twilight had arms she would cross them' but that's all that comes to mind.
I'm really surprised a fic so fun as this doesn't have more comments. It really ought to get featured at some point. There's piles and piles of crap that wander through that box up top that don't even approach a fraction of the quality of the writing in the SMT crossovers you do, and yet this one has so few comments and likes... seems crazy.
I look forward to Chapter 4. I'm curious by the way... if I were to pick up the particular game this is based on and play it, would it give the story away? Cuz' I've only played so many of the SMT games, and you have a gift for making the ideas behind them sound really appealing.
my mind must be adding things in
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SMT: Nocturne is pretty much a must-buy for RPG enthusiasts. While it takes a more minimal approach with its story compared to many other RPGs, its hardly detrimental, and the whole game oozes with an atmosphere and style you'll have trouble finding anywhere else. It's also one of the most strategically satisfying games out there, as unlike most other games, the status effects and status boosters are not only helpful, but sometimes essential to winning fights.
While I don't know if it'll spoil this story significantly (I personally think the author is just taking the overall concept, but will be putting his own spin on it), either way it shouldn't stop you from picking the game up. So long as you have a PS2 and $20, you could buy it on Amazon.
As for the chapter itself, it seems we're nearing the end of the first "dungeon," and so far I've found it to be pretty well written. I get the feeling that isn't the last time we'll see Jack, though...
The centipede ate her.... -Sobs in corner-
WHEN I FIND THAT CENTIPEDE!!!!! -Insane Laugh- 
The only Shin Megami Tensei I've played is Imagine, can anybody tell me some of the similarities/differences?
Poor Twilight, she was blamed for failing to accomplish responsibility she never knew about and what was forced upon her, she was blamed for failing to defeat a being far more powerful then her ( it was like, hey you, yes, you, go there and fight a beast 100 times stronger then you, if you succeed I will say thank you for saving country and you can go back to your normal life without any reward, and if you fail, you will die and suffer eternal pain and suffering ).
I totally do not like Faust attitude in this story, if she is so Almighty, why she not deal with Nightmare Moon herself, if she can stop death, why she not stopped Celestia from dying like she is doing now with Twilight, why she is so arrogant to even think of giving innocent Unicorn a eternal punishment and suffering because she failed, when it was her own Daughter who killed Celestia, who killed Twilight and now is threat.
So yea,the way Faust talk with Twilight really annoyed me, Faust gets angry thinking that Twilight is insensitive, when in reality Faust was insensitive to Unicorn feeling's to incredible level.
Needs fresh update
Very chilling. I enjoyed it very much
The entire Magatama scene from Nocturne being played out with the "victim" actually reacting was very interesting.
This is looking pretty good, even if it does have some fairly glaring grammar, spelling and wording issues.
It's quite a shame that it's dead, I was enjoying it.