In dire need of good cheer, Maud Pie shows up in Ponyville to draw on the richest source of joy known to pony—her sister, Pinkie—to try to heal the fissure in her heart.
Conceived and set prior to the episode Rock Solid Friendship. Rated T for some possibly suggestive language.
This was a fantastic read I love the play between the siblings along with Pinkie pie truly brought me a giggle. That instantenous mood read on maud pie was so fitting between the two, I love the way you brought out the real characters so well thank you
This is nicely written with lots of good touches. Holding back the reveal of Maud's emotional state was crafty. :) I've only got one suggestion, which is for this paragraph:
If these are Pinkie's inner thoughts, they should be italicized (or could be quoted, if the dialogue is attributed to Pinkie's mind). Otherwise, it looks like the story has suddenly jumped into first person, which is a bit confusing. Also, Pinkie wouldn't ever call Twilight by her full name.
Looking forward to more!
8126642 Thanks! Glad you like it. I drew on my experience as a father for some of the moments of play.
8127034 Thanks for the good word.
I get your point about the formatting. Sometimes my writing involves lengthy swathes of inner monologue and I'm a bit concerned that italicising that amount of text will make it less readable. I'll consider it though.
Don't forget your lunch.