• Member Since 30th Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen April 2nd

helmet of salvation


Christian, husband, father and FlutterTwi amalgam. Hope you enjoy my stories. "Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good." [Rom. 12:9]

T

In dire need of good cheer, Maud Pie shows up in Ponyville to draw on the richest source of joy known to pony—her sister, Pinkie—to try to heal the fissure in her heart.


Conceived and set prior to the episode Rock Solid Friendship. Rated T for some possibly suggestive language.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 5 )

This was a fantastic read I love the play between the siblings along with Pinkie pie truly brought me a giggle. That instantenous mood read on maud pie was so fitting between the two, I love the way you brought out the real characters so well thank you

This is nicely written with lots of good touches. Holding back the reveal of Maud's emotional state was crafty. :) I've only got one suggestion, which is for this paragraph:

All set to spread good cheer to every corner of Ponyville. And every edge. And every ... um ... what do you call the area inside the lines of a shape? My geometrical terminology's a little rusty these days. Twilight Sparkle would probably know. Ooh, I should ask her! She loves imparting academic knowledge. She always gets that cute, eager look on her face. It's such a joy to behold.

If these are Pinkie's inner thoughts, they should be italicized (or could be quoted, if the dialogue is attributed to Pinkie's mind). Otherwise, it looks like the story has suddenly jumped into first person, which is a bit confusing. Also, Pinkie wouldn't ever call Twilight by her full name.

Looking forward to more!

8126642 Thanks! Glad you like it. I drew on my experience as a father for some of the moments of play.

8127034 Thanks for the good word.

I get your point about the formatting. Sometimes my writing involves lengthy swathes of inner monologue and I'm a bit concerned that italicising that amount of text will make it less readable. I'll consider it though.

"Maud, you're my super amazingly awesome older sister and you're gonna make a super amazingly awesome special somepony for some stallion. I think it's time you found out whether Arkose Monolith is said stallion. You've met him, you like him, you know each others' interests. What have you got to lose, huh?"

"Face, dignity, self-esteem, the only friend I've made here, the structural integrity of my heart."

Don't forget your lunch.

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