Ahhhhhh! Maaaaan this... it just keeps getting better and better! I love it so much! Also, Fast Pass... fuck dat bitch, get Dashie instead! She's cuter damn it!
1. The slight doubt you gave the reader about Harshwhinny before the save was nicely done. It adds relatability because there are situations where we misspeak. The fact she is so friggin' protective of her "Assistant" pretty much makes it clear she isn't a speciest/racist. The fact she's capable of slipping up adds a lot of depth to her character. Also, thank you for not falling into the "evil b*tch sees heroes and blackmails them" trope so soon. Not that it would have failed by any means, but I think such a thing would have been way to early, if it ever was an intention, for this story.
2. Can. They. Get. Any. More. Damn. Cute! Your characterizations are a strong point in this story. The pacing of their relationship is very appropriate for a story this long. Allowing characters to develop their love isn't something a lot of authors do or they manage to fall flat on that aspect. Basically, that part is awesome.
3. I don't know if this has been mentioned, but the first person perspective with the random segues into his thoughts is very interesting. There is enough without distracting or detracting from the story. It's kind of fun to see that stuff.
4. Elizabeth must be making a fortune to stay despite feeling the need to bug her employer's house. I know that top chef's make bank, so how much is she getting?
5. I like the character transition you've done with Done Deal. He went from suit-wearing douche to actually a good character. Very subtle transition on that, but good to see. Really liking his character now.
8244890 Heh I don't think Elizabeth is staying there solely for the good pay alone. I think it has something to do with the D as well. Oh and Done Deal too hehe.
8244991 Well, that too. I'm pretty sure that their relationship, as it seems, would probably survive her getting the fck out of Dodge. It wasn't a criticism as I rather like her potential element in the story. Just was a thought I had.
8244923 That or even just the 'simple stuff' we have. Such as: Napalm, Nerve gas, and MOAB's. I doubt that even with all of her superior than human speed, that she could outrun a .50 BMG.
Rampant racism, always a fun topic to discuss. Welp, as much as I'd love to see Fast Pass bite the dust here, they're all already committed and it's way too close to the games to make any changes. Shame.
I really loved Harshwhinny's behavior here though, especially how she required Pass to acknowledge our protagonist.
Elizabeth and Done Deal, though? Intriguing! Also good to see that there are actually good people/ponies under Pass' employment, regardless of her attitude.
And how fast can a spa decision change. Solo? Nope. Unisex? Yes, please!
You know being such a tight up 'professional' in her public life i wouldnt be surprised if Harshwhinny turns out to be a submissive in private, the kind who likes to be used and humiliated... Oh please make it happen, i have a leash and collar with her tag on it waiting to be used!
8246592 I'd find it more amusing to quote the Medic; 'When the patient woke up, his skeleton was missing, and the doctor was never heard from again! [..] Anyways, that's how I lost my medical license.'
The idea of waking up in a hospital, mostly normal excluding your immobility and having gelatine-grade durability, would probably be nearly as frightening as humanity's capacity for war.
Every time I finish a chapter I'm seriously wanting for more. I really enjoy the story!
Also, the comments section is funny to read today with all the flak Fast Pass gets. (Man, she is dense. Got one to many balls to the head,she has! I hope she gets her muscular ass handed to her soon.)
This story is adorable. It's also incredibly predictable, but that's fine. It doesn't do much to detract from the quality of the fic.
I do have one complaint, however, and it's big enough that it's beginning to pull me out of the story:
What the fuck is Ms. Harshwhinny's first name and when will it be used?! In public - as employer and employee - I understand. In private? She should not be Ms. Harshwhinny in private. She should be babe or doll or sweetie or... I dunno. Mango. Mango Harshwhinny.
This was a great chapter. Entertaining without relying on being too raunchy, and you avoided the relationship falling out plot line during the microphone scene which was a huge relief. Also, I just noticed that the top of the commenting box almost looks like it says "BULLSHIT!" when you read the buttons on the toolbar quickly (this made me happy).
“Bah, don’t remind me.” Fast Pass scoffs, “Nothing but a side attraction made by the higher ups to appease those hairless creatures. Not one human placed in last years games, so why bother trying agin?”
I supposed this is a "pony magic thing" or them being animals and because of that stronger thing again. Honestly since they are anthros here I would prefer it if they would have somewhat of a fair chance.
“I…” Ms. Harshwhinny pauses, “…I think humans have their uses. They’re certainly nowhere near as talented as us. My assistant is good at his job, but anything more than that, and he’s absolutely useless. I’m sure they’ll find some other use in the future, but it’s not today.”
Why the hell is she still trying to get so hard on her good site?, I get a bad feeling.
“I won’t tell if you don’t.” Done Deal says quietly.
Nice.
“My apologies.” she replies softly, caressing my back with her hands. “Once we are out of this place, we’ll go back to our normal schedule. Which reminds me; first thing in the morning, we leave. I can’t stand to be in this house any longer.”
something is telling me her reaction is going to be this "oh oh of course yes I'm going to stay here or Oh of course I come back for lunch".
Hhhhmmm not sure what it is, the chapters are long enough and I like those sex scenes too, but i'm not sure what is missing for me. Maybe I need some more characters involved or something that makes it feels less like I would just wait for the next sex scene.
They could talk with more people at work or something like that, the story is better than I hoped for it to be, but like with everything else there is the feeling that this could still get even better.
Have you written your other stories in a similar way?, I like it when it feels like they are really in love and when the main char isn'T blushing because of everything like a little idiot. It is always the other character that is acting like a pro and totally unfazed in their relationship.
I think your applejack story does interesst me. I kind of only hope one of those humans have some kind of talent that makes them look better than just being a pretty face and in love with the pony, needing protection from everything and their mother. To a certian point I maybe agree with humans not being super heroes, but I think it is partly a lie to say they would be good for nothing, or could not do anything. There are several animes or whatever that work with some kind of good logic as why humans could do this or that. If you try to argue like they have magic and its a cartoon or whatever then kind of the same counts for the animes and you could easily compare them with mlp, if you are already comparing a cartoon/fiction with reality. Honestly it could even be that Equestria would work seriously different from what we get to see if it would be reality.
Sorry I don't wanted to make it sound like a serious problem and i have no trouble with you, I just felt like this was a good moment as anything else to mention the whole thing.
I just like to leave a comment about certain things on this site once in a while,without opening a blog post for it.
“And you believed me? There’s plenty of popular athletes in Equestria! I hate to admit it, but Rainbow Dash is quite a popular Wonderbolt. That, and she saved the world a couple times with her friends. She also knows the Princesses, and has quite a big following.”
“Then, why didn’t you call her?”
“Because she’s cocky, full of herself, with no regards for…” she catches my look. I’m giving her a face that suggests that we already know someone like that. “…oh…” she blushes in embarrassment, “…right. That was a bit stupid of me.”
Okay, one, Fast Pass is kiiiinda of a bitch.
And two, can this couple get any goddamn cuter? I mean, ahh, I've seen forests with less sap and I love it.
Keep up the amazing work.
Ermagerd, this story gets better and better!
This story keeps getting better and better and i so hope Fast Pass gets her karma to strike back at her. Keep up the great work.
God I fucking love this.
Still hate Fast Pass tho.
Ahhhhhh! Maaaaan this... it just keeps getting better and better! I love it so much!
Also, Fast Pass... fuck dat bitch, get Dashie instead! She's cuter damn it!
Good show!
Wait wut.... wanted some fuk but didn't do it cuz of the mess? why not in the bathroom then like in the tub or shower? that's pretty easy to clean.
Kinda feel sorry for Fast Pass, she missing out.
Being a bigot and all.
Insert roughly 1000 'steamy' sex puns here
A few things I dig about this chapter.
1. The slight doubt you gave the reader about Harshwhinny before the save was nicely done. It adds relatability because there are situations where we misspeak. The fact she is so friggin' protective of her "Assistant" pretty much makes it clear she isn't a speciest/racist. The fact she's capable of slipping up adds a lot of depth to her character. Also, thank you for not falling into the "evil b*tch sees heroes and blackmails them" trope so soon. Not that it would have failed by any means, but I think such a thing would have been way to early, if it ever was an intention, for this story.
2. Can. They. Get. Any. More. Damn. Cute! Your characterizations are a strong point in this story. The pacing of their relationship is very appropriate for a story this long. Allowing characters to develop their love isn't something a lot of authors do or they manage to fall flat on that aspect. Basically, that part is awesome.
3. I don't know if this has been mentioned, but the first person perspective with the random segues into his thoughts is very interesting. There is enough without distracting or detracting from the story. It's kind of fun to see that stuff.
4. Elizabeth must be making a fortune to stay despite feeling the need to bug her employer's house. I know that top chef's make bank, so how much is she getting?
5. I like the character transition you've done with Done Deal. He went from suit-wearing douche to actually a good character. Very subtle transition on that, but good to see. Really liking his character now.
All in all, very good story.
Cute chapter.
Maybe Harshwinny should get a stock car driver instead of Fast Pass.
And yes! Stock Car Racing is a sport to all you haters!
I hope after the whole shebang goes down, Harshwhinny politely tells Fast Pass to fuck off.
and yay for Elizabeth and Done Deal getting it on!
I'm seriously hoping Fast Pass gets what's coming to her.
8244890
Heh I don't think Elizabeth is staying there solely for the good pay alone. I think it has something to do with the D as well. Oh and Done Deal too hehe.
8244991
Well, that too. I'm pretty sure that their relationship, as it seems, would probably survive her getting the fck out of Dodge. It wasn't a criticism as I rather like her potential element in the story. Just was a thought I had.
Smoothly done.
Fast Pass can go fuck her self. Probably already has, given her nature.
Kinda want Harshy to look into getting Dash, now...
~Skeeter The Lurker
Good sir, I do think you mean
"Well, Let me check the sche- of course! Sign me up"
8244923
That or even just the 'simple stuff' we have. Such as: Napalm, Nerve gas, and MOAB's. I doubt that even with all of her superior than human speed, that she could outrun a .50 BMG.
Don't worry, Fast Pass.
Know where you'll never have to see another Human again?
8244501
Ditto.
8193982
This, absolutely this. I agree, this is the kind of thing that should happen. That said, I think that it would be good to happen after the games.
First off, I want all of this to happen to Fast Pass:
Second off, Harshwhinny and her "Assistant" (I don't know his name) aren't the only interspecies relationship?... AWESOME!!!
8245368
To quote the Heavy: "They say that there are many who can outsmart me. Maybe so, but I've yet to meet one that can outsmart bullet."
8246592
And to quote the sniper, "Boom. Headshot." I love hats.
Why not end Fast Pass contract and hire Rainbow Dash?
What would happen if I stab Fast Pass with a fork?
Rampant racism, always a fun topic to discuss.
Welp, as much as I'd love to see Fast Pass bite the dust here, they're all already committed and it's way too close to the games to make any changes. Shame.
I really loved Harshwhinny's behavior here though, especially how she required Pass to acknowledge our protagonist.
Elizabeth and Done Deal, though? Intriguing! Also good to see that there are actually good people/ponies under Pass' employment, regardless of her attitude.
And how fast can a spa decision change. Solo? Nope. Unisex? Yes, please!
You know being such a tight up 'professional' in her public life i wouldnt be surprised if Harshwhinny turns out to be a submissive in private, the kind who likes to be used and humiliated...
Oh please make it happen, i have a leash and collar with her tag on it waiting to be used!
This has been so very charming and I cannot wait until the next installment!
8246592
I'd find it more amusing to quote the Medic; 'When the patient woke up, his skeleton was missing, and the doctor was never heard from again! [..] Anyways, that's how I lost my medical license.'
The idea of waking up in a hospital, mostly normal excluding your immobility and having gelatine-grade durability, would probably be nearly as frightening as humanity's capacity for war.
Every time I finish a chapter I'm seriously wanting for more. I really enjoy the story!
Also, the comments section is funny to read today with all the flak Fast Pass gets. (Man, she is dense. Got one to many balls to the head,she has! I hope she gets her muscular ass handed to her soon.)
8244501
On the plus side, she's one lonely BITCH. Good for her!
Great couple of couples!
This story is adorable. It's also incredibly predictable, but that's fine. It doesn't do much to detract from the quality of the fic.
I do have one complaint, however, and it's big enough that it's beginning to pull me out of the story:
What the fuck is Ms. Harshwhinny's first name and when will it be used?! In public - as employer and employee - I understand. In private? She should not be Ms. Harshwhinny in private. She should be babe or doll or sweetie or... I dunno. Mango. Mango Harshwhinny.
8252902
I'm building to it.
This story gets better with every update. Keep up the amazing work.
This was a great chapter. Entertaining without relying on being too raunchy, and you avoided the relationship falling out plot line during the microphone scene which was a huge relief. Also, I just noticed that the top of the commenting box almost looks like it says "BULLSHIT!" when you read the buttons on the toolbar quickly (this made me happy).
8261472
Not only do I agree whole-heartedly, you’re comment also made me laugh myself into a coughing fit.
Am I the only one concerned about the fact that the contract was left by itself all night? Maybe I'm just being paranoid...
8246762
Too close to the games.
I supposed this is a "pony magic thing" or them being animals and because of that stronger thing again. Honestly since they are anthros here I would prefer it if they would have somewhat of a fair chance.
Why the hell is she still trying to get so hard on her good site?, I get a bad feeling.
Nice.
something is telling me her reaction is going to be this "oh oh of course yes I'm going to stay here or Oh of course I come back for lunch".
Hhhhmmm not sure what it is, the chapters are long enough and I like those sex scenes too, but i'm not sure what is missing for me.
Maybe I need some more characters involved or something that makes it feels less like I would just wait for the next sex scene.
They could talk with more people at work or something like that, the story is better than I hoped for it to be, but like with everything else there is the feeling that this could still get even better.
Have you written your other stories in a similar way?, I like it when it feels like they are really in love and when the main char isn'T blushing because of everything like a little idiot. It is always the other character that is acting like a pro and totally unfazed in their relationship.
I think your applejack story does interesst me. I kind of only hope one of those humans have some kind of talent that makes them look better than just being a pretty face and in love with the pony, needing protection from everything and their mother.
To a certian point I maybe agree with humans not being super heroes, but I think it is partly a lie to say they would be good for nothing, or could not do anything.
There are several animes or whatever that work with some kind of good logic as why humans could do this or that.
If you try to argue like they have magic and its a cartoon or whatever then kind of the same counts for the animes and you could easily compare them with mlp, if you are already comparing a cartoon/fiction with reality.
Honestly it could even be that Equestria would work seriously different from what we get to see if it would be reality.
Sorry I don't wanted to make it sound like a serious problem and i have no trouble with you, I just felt like this was a good moment as anything else to mention the whole thing.
I just like to leave a comment about certain things on this site once in a while,without opening a blog post for it.
Harsh chapter. Sweet cuddeling
Good answer!
Mine and the MC face:
static.wikia.nocookie.net/memes-pedia/images/8/8a/AreYouKiddingMe.png/revision/latest?cb=20160122045433&path-prefix=es
11204002
In addition, it is very likely that she is not racist to be an element of harmony, I do not say 100% because that depends on the author