Equestria's a big place. Big enough for history to forget about the little wars that raged across every mile of the wasteland. Wedged between New Appleloosa and Fillydelphia, Pinewood Valley is always drenched in bandit blood as gangs vie for territory, wealth, and power.
One bandit, a zebra named Phisa, has just been betrayed for the last time. She was close to the top, only for everything to come crashing down in a heartbeat. On the run and out for revenge, she must assemble her own rag-tag group of outcasts to fight back against her old allies and claim her place as the toughest, most feared bandit in the Pinewood.
Cover art done by the fantastic icekatze!
Chapters (14)
Here's to a dozen more chapters!
7933990 I couldn't do it without you! Thank you for helping me as I tried to write horse words.
7933990
Only a dozen?
Well, maybe only a dozen... depends on how big it gets.
Also, you have cover art, that's awesome.
Congratulations on publishing!
7933995
Very good story.
Looks good. Good luck going down the road!
The story certainly has come a long way from the original draft you showed me! Great job, Zebs, and can't wait to see how the tale continues!
It's nice to see a FoE story that isn't littered with typos from the get go. Kudos to you there, sir! I know the pain of trying to write a Fallout crossover and putting your heart and soul into the tale, only to get unexplained hate and downvotes for it. Hence, I hope that my thumb up can help your story achieve what you want it to.
Looks interesting, and i kinda like how we get a protagonist who is more on the "dark side" of things... and a zebra
There really is not enough zebras in this fandom
Great start; I'm excited for where this can go!
Wonder why she did not mention the alicorns ?
8402789
Probably because that would require admitting that the town wasn't completely deserted when she got there.
8402803
This. Would of been a dead give away.
8402803
Yeah i thougth that too, but if Tomb actually expects three grunts, a trigger happy griffin and our MC to pick a fight with a bunch of alicorns and whoever else among the townsfolk that has a gun or explosive, then he is not very smart
(I mean really who in their right minds would pick a fight with alicorn's with no military train... oh hey there's a toaster repair pony, nevermind)
In all seriousness though, it would only have costed Tomb five of his bandits, one of which was his top enforcer, and it would give others the belief that it is possible to resist him and the Gravestones
So not attacking them was both strategically and morally the right move
well...that was a way to start.
nice =D
If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
8574324
Gin Hammond would be voicing Phisa, and Minty Fresh would probably be voiced by Jenny Nicholson.
8644773
Minty is a mare in mint condition!~
And thanks! I'll keep working on it.
Heya! Sorry it took me so long to read this and give some feedback. I enjoyed what I read, and I particularly like how you handled Tomb's introduction. The protagonist is a bit... hard to like, which is understandable with a raider/bandit/gang character, but I feel she needs a more explicit personal code of morality to be more endearing. Thanks again!
I hope you come back to this soon, I'm really enjoying what you have so far!
8967328
The next chapter is still being worked on, I'm just a bit slow. But I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far!
8967366
No rush!
The picture...It reminds me of the time i underestimated a super mutant and ended up stepping into a nuclear landmine...
That embarrassment though
9413410
inb4 it turns out that there are even MOAR schemes and plots behind the scenes.
I really enjoy what you have so far, your characters have a lot of strong traits, Minty and Phisa have a good back and forth. Minty is a little all over the place and not just oppressively positive like I was hoping she was but still neat. Looking forward to more!
Finally got to reading this thing. All in all... not bad. The protag is... well, a little hollow feeling. Like, she has flesh, but I feel like her bones aren't all there. I don't know if that makes sense or not, but that's how I feel. I'll keep on reading, though -- you have caught my attention.
9717264
In a weird way, it does make sense to me.
What's a Phisa?
Nice update!
How did you come up with the main OC's names?
10031239
Of the main cast? Or every single character that as thus far appeared?Crap, you said main. I was tried when I typed that. But yeah, there is a fun story in regards to Phisa's name.
Phisa's name was pretty much taken from the game Vampire the Masquerade - Bloodlines from a character named Pisha. At that time years ago I thought "damn, Pisha would make for a fun zebra's name". But I mis-remembered how the name was spelled, and by the time I realized this, the spelling I had for Phisa just stuck.
Minty's name was just me thinking 'what would be the happiest sounding name that feels original' and that was how I came up with the name.
Vandal's name also came from a character from VTM - Bloodlines. They share no other similarities whatsoever however (the same in Phisa's case). The name just sounded cool for a griffon to have.
That was pretty much my process in naming these guys.
Love it, can't wait for more!
Yay, another chapter!
Nice, new chapter so soon!
Love the new chapter, nice to see Phishy being nice for once... in her own way
You shouldn't call your editor names, like Weird, thats mean lol
Maybe a bit insane, LB
10205848
That's literally his name though :/. WeirdingtonEsq.
And glad you enjoyed the new chapter!
8574390
What about Vandal and the main villains?
10243965
Vandal's with Phisa?
Are u here to stay friends
10304116
Am I here to stay writing this you mean? Or?
Another great chapter! Can't wait for more!
Hi!
Well, it's a nice change to have a character not seem Level 1, if you know what I mean. Phisa already has a high position, and authority. Still, she has problems like her difficult to control second in command, and the daily stresses of being in the Gravestones. And she seems on the verge of some kind of change, too. Or at least seems frustrated. Or antsy. So I can feel something is about to happen.
Already in your first chapter Phisa is well set up to haves some internal struggles or moral problems. She seems to have a stronger conscience than she wants to admit, as when she sees the foals in Horseshoe and decides it's "not worth it" to attack. She's much cooler headed than her boss and colleagues, and I noticed how tactically she fought. So, you sold her well as someone who could have attained a high rank in the Gravestones.
The idea that a charity group has now appeared in this gang controlled territory is promising too, especially because the charity group can hold their own in a fight. It makes me think of like international aid organizations trying to intervene in war-torn countries, but here the aid workers are actually imposing mutants.
If I had any criticism it would be that the visuals don't come across as strongly as they might. More grounding details would have helped, about what Pinewood and Horseshoe and Brandson look like. Or even the characters. For instance when Phisa sees the alicorns to her "shock", you could have described their size or bearing of whatever made them stand out. For what it's worth 3 years after the fact.
Still even with that said, well done!
10364265
I always can't help but feel like I made a mistake showing off the Followers had some alicorns back then, and visualization is admittedly not my strongest suite (in fact, agonizing over it is the reason I had such a slow update schedule).
There's a strong urge to go back and revamp a lot of my earlier chapters (actually... a lot of my story), but I know that if I obsess too much over that, I won't actually get much progress done on the story...
In fact, I had already gone back and revamp the start. A little fun fact as you go into it, but Chapter 2 was originally the first chapter I had posted. But that's a story I can save for once you've read it.
Favoring this story. I shall be reading this when I can get some down time! Phisa is an awesome character!
10589833
Thanks, hopefully you'll find the rest of the story enjoyable. Feel free to leave feedback if you want.
Great story! Looking forward to reading more.
I know I preread this chapter but I still fucking lose it at the headbutting
11046686
For a long time I struggled to figure out how to resolve the conflict with Jawbreaker until I thought "Oh, he'll just get headbutted, and he'll immediately understand everything."
time to start from ch 1 <3