• Published 9th Feb 2017
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Fallout Equestria: Dead End - TheWanderingZebra



A wanted zebra fights for survival and revenge in the wasteland of the Pinewood Valley.

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Chapter 9: I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)

Even over the deafening roar and radioactive stink of the river, I could still hear Rave’s intolerable snickering. I was fumbling with the knife, the bag was wrestling against me. I couldn’t let this be the end. Rave was gonna pay. Tomb was gonna pay. All the Gravestones were going to pay! Gotta keep cutting, gotta survive, gotta kill… I can’t let the Crossbones dow-

“P-Phishy!”

Minty’s pleading voice woke me with a start. I hadn’t planned to fall asleep inside Vandal’s Timberwolf. I cursed myself for being careless. We didn’t know if we could trust Vandal yet. Sure, Minty made for good insurance, but there’s no telling if… Minty called out for me again.

“Ugh… Minty? What’s wrong?” I said with a growl, tumbling out of the bunk, fearing the worst, but trying to play it calm.

“Oh, um. It’s nothing much…” Minty said, as she gently set her right forehoof on the RV floor, only for it to suddenly spring back up.

I watched her do this three more times. I could feel my own face slowly shift from an expression of alarm to something like incredulous pity.

“You can’t hold your leg down can you.” I said, more as an observation than a question.

“It just won’t stay! It makes walking funny.” she said.

“Alright,” I said with a quick breath. “Take your damn armor off.” With a sigh I immediately set about helping her peel herself out of it again.

Sure enough, I hadn’t been thoroughly checking her over, no doubt due to my fatigue from our prior battle. In a morbid sense of deja vu, the healing potion sealed a little lump of shrapnel in her leg that was bumping into a nerve in there. Only now it was much deeper into her leg than the last time.

I couldn’t recall the Gravestones using a frag grenade… but then it struck me that Minty must’ve gotten this from Vandal’s frag!

Fucking catbird! I was going to give Vandal an earful for this, but only after Minty was treated.

It was uncanny how I could just pull a knife and do some impromptu field surgery on Minty. Not only would the painless idiot let me, she smiled down at me, as if appreciating a pedicure or something, just happy for the attention.

I felt the Timberwolf rock to a stop as I finished her sutures.

“Okay, we’re here!” Vandal yelled back to us from the driver’s seat.

“Where’s here?” I demanded.

“On a cliff with good visibility, and ‘far away from Pona Rosa’, as requested.” he said, walking toward us. He blinked as he saw me working on Minty. “Is everything alright?”

“It’s not,” I gave him a sneer. “Minty had a grenade fragment in her hoof. From your grenade.”

Vandal’s eyes widened. “Shit, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“It’s okay!” Minty said, wagging her tail like a puppy. “Accidents happen! And I couldn’t feel it anyway!”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Couldn’t feel it?”

“We can go over this later!” I barked. “Get me a leg sling, it’s in my bag.” It was the least he could do to make up for his mistake.

Vandal followed through my order without complaint. Grabbing the sling with my mouth, I began to fit the brace into Minty’s leg. She squirmed a little at the process, much to my annoyance.

“Phishy! What are you doing! It’ll still be hard to walk this way!” Minty whined.

“We’re not wasting another damn healing potion. That hoof is going to heal on its own. Just put up with it for a couple days.” I said.

Meanwhile, Vandal had begun rooting around in a mini-fridge. He brought out two bottles: one sparkle-cola, and the other rum. I scrunched my nose at the latter. He tossed the cola to Minty.

He said, “Promise to be more careful next time. I hope this’ll do for an apology?”

Minty gasped with delight, “Aww, thank you!”

He turned to me and asked, “Anything for you? Got another bottle of Sparkle-Cola. Or,” he tapped his rum.

I shook my head. “I’m fine. I’m not in the mood for sugar, also, not exactly professional to get drunk during an interview. Besides all that, not sure how much I trust your driving if you’re intoxicated.”

Vandal smirked. “Relax, I can handle a small buzz. Besides, not like there’d be any traffic to worry about out here.”

Though saying that, he shrugged contentedly as he put the rum away.

“Well, if it’ll make you feel safer, I won’t drink.” He sat down at the table, his rear legs crisscrossing. “So, let’s get started.”

I glanced over to Minty. “Minty, could you go outside?”

Not that I didn’t want Minty to hear our dealings, I just didn’t want to deal with her being disruptive.

Minty had just opened up her bottle when she heard me.

“Nawwwww,” she groaned. “Couldn’t I stay and listen? I promise I won’t make too much noise.”

“Yeah,” Vandal frowned as he adjusted himself at his side of the table. “Mints’ supposed to be on the same team, right?”

I snorted. If he was going to take her side on this, there was little use trying to argue over it.

“Fine. You can listen, Minty. Just don’t interrupt us unless you’re sure it’s important.”

“Okie dokie!” She then opened her sparkle-cola bottle, and began to drink from it.

After a moment, I forced a cough, briefly considering the first words I’d say, and turned to Vandal.

He beat me to the punch, “So what happened between you and the Gravestones.”

That question startled me for a moment. “Why do you care?” I snapped back coldly.

That made him raise an eyebrow.

“Sorry”, I said, making an effort to relax my tone, “is it that important that you know?”

He was flat, and a little more serious now, “You’ve met Roulette. That farce she put you through? Imagine having to work for someone like that, only you go through that a dozen times. I’ve worked for shitty people in the past, and to be frank I’ve gotten sick of it. So I’ve resolved to be more selective with my employers, from now on. If you can’t be honest with me about the people you’re going to be asking me to shoot, well, I can carry you two into the next town, and we can part ways.”

“You trying to tell me you grew a conscience in a place like Pona Rosa?” I said.

“Something like that, maybe,” He sighed. “I didn’t like the shit that went on there, even at the best of times. Roulette backstabbing you was the last straw. So it’d be nice if you were at least better than that.” He gestured to Minty. “Mints here thinks you’re nice.”

“That’s true Phishy!” Minty interjected.

She turned away after I gave her a stare.

Vandal continued. “What it comes down to is this: I just want to trust you. And that’s something you bandits value a lot, right?”

“It is…” I confessed, but a bandit’s reputation is worth more than its weight in caps.

To have my subordinates know about what happened in Horseshoe… These two wouldn’t care, but any future bandit I recruited certainly would. They wouldn't respect a 'bleeding heart'. Especially those Rockfalls.

The first lesson I learned as a bandit was to avoid showing any signs of weakness. A bandit who didn’t feel good about robbing a house was a bandit who starved. A bandit who didn’t beat the snot out of someone for screwing them over was a bandit you could push over with ease. A bandit who didn’t get results became the center of stories told in bars, and was seen as a joke.

A weak bandit was a dead bandit.

I could try to change the subject again, but it was obvious that wasn’t working. Vandal wasn’t an idiot, and refusing to answer his question would leave me with only Minty Fresh once more.

My pride would take a hit… but there wasn’t any other choice in the matter. I took a deep breath, and looked at both Minty and Vandal. “You are to tell no one.”

Minty pantomimed zipping her mouth with a forehoof, while Vandal merely stayed silent.

“Horseshoe was a settlement under our, The Gravestones, prote-”

“Your extortion?” Vandal interrupted.

I snorted at him. “Protection. They weren’t paying us, so I was tasked to make sure they gave what they owe us or else… What I wasn’t aware of is how much of the settlement was falling apart.” In hindsight, I realized that Tomb should’ve informed me of the condition of Horseshoe, and thinking more on that, other settlements as well…

I continued. “I did what any smart bandit would do: I let them live, but only to be walking advertisements on the Gravestones’ strength. Let the rest of the Wasteland know that the residents of Horseshoe would rather flee their homes than invoke our wrath.”

Vandal took a long time to respond, before finally saying “That’s a long winded way to say you felt pity for Horseshoe.”

I bit my lip and decided to not retort on that.

“Either way, Tomb didn’t like my reasoning. He had one of them, Rave, ambush me in my bed. I was tied up and thrown in a toxic river. Rave was always sloppy, and petty. " I turned to Minty. “You should know what happened next.”

I wasn’t going to go over the fact that I wasn’t entirely honest with Tomb… but to be frank, I don’t think it would’ve mattered to these two.

“Wow… They sound really mean.” Minty frowned. “They tried to kill you over being nice… I mean sure, you…” Minty blinked. “I actually don’t understand any of this bandit stuff.”

“Bandits like to keep a strong image.” Vandal said. “Appear soft, and other bandits would take advantage. Am I right?”

I nodded. “You guessed right.”

Vandal shrugged. “It’s the same thing with most Talon companies. No Talon likes another Talon who’d break their contract, ruins their image. I imagine your old gang is no different.”

“A Talon?” Minty asked.

Vandal groaned. “Ugh. Organized griff mercs. Used to be one, moving on-”

Minty gave a whine. “There are more griffons!? Can we talk about that instead?” She gave Vandal puppy dog eyes.

Vandal groaned. “Just not now. I promise.”

One of the Crossbones who raised me, a griffon named Bariolage, told me about this. I was too young to understand everything she had told me, but I did recall a few things. Made me wonder…

“You’re not wanted, are you?” I asked Vandal.

Vandal sighed, and shook his head. “By other Talons you mean? I don’t know, I’ve cut myself off from interacting with other Talon mercs. Like I said, I wanted to get my contract from Roulette so those assholes wouldn’t know I’m here. Otherwise, I’d have to head to the desert.” He grimaced. “And I really don’t want to go there.”

I didn’t exactly know what the desert parts of the Wasteland were like, but I probably didn’t need to. “Okay,” I said. “I doubt you’d be joining me for free. So name your price.”

“Oh, fuck, right,” Vandal scratched the back of his head. “Well… Give me food, don’t make me do fucked up shit, treat me right, and I’ll fucking stay. Don’t, well… I’ll just leave if you don’t. That a deal breaker to you?”

A weird way to ‘pay’ a mercenary, and a restriction on my actions. But best case scenario, by the time I got the Rockfalls to help me I might not need Vandal anymore. “I want your contract, just to be safe.”

Vandal groaned, and took out a pen and a stack of sticky notes from his barding. He hastily scribbled on it, peeled a page and handed it to me. “Not as fancy as Roulette’s contract, but I guess this will do.”

It said, in rather crude talonwriting: Vandal’s Contract. Don’t be an ass to Vandal. I took a serious look at Vandal. “Is this as much detail you’re willing to write?”

“Eh,” he shrugged. “I didn’t think you’d care too much.”

Now that he mentioned it, caring meant having to wait for Vandal to write an imitation of some pre-war legal document. I didn’t have time for that. I merely sighed. “Well… it’ll work. Welcome to the gang.”

Minty stomped with excitement. “Woohoo! Vandy joins the party!”

Vandal smirked, and turned to me. “So, we got an idea for our next course of action, boss?”

It felt good being called boss. “Against the Gravestones? Not yet. Right now I want to get back to my hideout. We’ll plan something against those bastards in there.”

“Ok,” Vandal said as he went over to the driver’s seat. “Tell me where to drive.”


The Timberwolf had been on the move for the past hour. Minty had been playing with a portable radio that Vandal showed her. He told Minty how to operate it, and tasked her with finding DJ Pon3’s signal, hoping that Velvet Remedy would be on the air. I had pointed out that his glove department was filled with holotapes. A quick question confirmed my suspicion that Velvet’s music was recorded. Vandal could play them, but said he didn’t want to miss if his favorite singer made a new song.

“Hmmm,” Minty hummed to herself as she turned the knob with her left forehoof. All that came out from the radio was pure static. “Vandy! I still can’t find this DJ Pon3.”

“Move the antenna a bit, it might not be in the right position.” Vandal responded. Minty puffed her cheeks, a determined look on her face as she followed Vandal’s instructions.

As for myself, I had tried to read one of Vandal’s issues of ‘Amazing Tales from Amazing Ponies’ to kill time. Key word being ‘tried’. The muscle in my leg coiled when one of the stories encountered an evil cult of zebras. I debated opening up a window and tossing it out, but I wanted to respect Vandal’s belongings, regardless of how disgusting it could be.

Just then the static on the radio turned into the sound of saxophones. “Ah hah! Minty Fresh saves the day once mo-”

Her triumph was drowned out by the sound of the Timberwolf’s engines struggling.

“You’ve got to be shitting me!” Vandal whispered, his talons gripping the wheel in barely contained panic, as the Timberwolf ground slowly to a stop.

“Fucking hell!” Vandal shouted, slamming a clenched talon against the horn. He abruptly got out of his seat and went outside.

Minty nervously looked back at me and the radio. “I didn’t break it.“

I growled, and shook my head. “Radios don’t stop motorwagons. Stay here.”

Getting outside, I could see the Timberwolf’s hood opened up, with Vandal looking into it with a sour expression. “What’s the problem?”

“Spark battery is busted,” he angrily exhaled. “Something must’ve happened to it while it was out of duty during those months I spent in Pona Rosa. This is fucking great.” He stomped at the ground. “Dammit, should’ve bought a battery back there when I had the chance.”

“Then we’re going to have to leave it here.”

Vandal shook his head. “Yeah, no, we ain’t leaving the Timberwolf behind. Your Pipbuck should have a map, could you see if there’s any recharge station or whatever where there might be one?”

I brought up my Pipbuck, and was pleased to discover that there was a recharge station about half a day’s walk from us. “There is, but it’s a bit of a detour, and we won’t make it there before sunset.”

“Great! Well, not great, but good enough. I’ve got some cables we could use to pull her with us.” He sighed.

“I can do it!” Minty awkwardly three legged pranced toward us out of the Timberwolf. “I’m used to pulling heavy stuff whenever my tribe is on the move!”

I shook my head. “Not with that leg you’re not.”

Minty pouted. “I’ll be fine! I’m really strong!”

I rubbed my temple with my hoof and said, “Minty, I know you’re strong, but even with all four hooves on the ground the Timberwolf has to weigh as much as a train freight car, you’d tear yourself in half-”.

“Hey!” Vandal shouted.

We turned to see Vandal opening up a compartment door on the Timberwolf. He tossed us each a set of harnesses.

“I agree, she’ll need help.” he said.


“We’ll be coming down the mountain as she comes!~ We’ll be coming down the mountain as she coooooomes!~” Minty sang to herself, occasionally bobbing her head back and forth as all three of us pulled the Timberwolf. She thankfully kept her injured hoof in her sling.

Honestly, as hard as it was getting her into the sling, it was pretty easy to get her in the pull harness. I rigged myself to it on her right side, to help support her leg. Vandal was on her left. I guess this isn’t the first time the Timberwolf has had this kind of trouble if Vandal was keeping these harnesses handy. He was rather evasive when I asked why he had more than one. Minty had asked if Vandal used them for... a fetish. Vandal was also evasive about that, but the smirk on his beak suggested he did so more out of amusement than reluctance.

I had tried to convince Minty against singing while we were out in the open, but Vandal managed to make a compromise between us; Minty could sing, but only if she wasn’t too loud. For a while I assumed Vandal just didn’t want to hear us bicker, or just humoring Minty, but hearing the catbird softly hum back to the song made me suspect he was humoring ME by not singing along at full volume.

It was fine. A recharge station was just a mile or two away from where we were on the road, which was sandwiched between a plain of dull grass. My Pipbuck had it marked on it’s map, and Vandal had already flown up to spot it, so there was no risk in getting lost. He told us he didn’t feel safe trying to loot it alone, in case someone was camping it, and besides, spark batteries are a little too heavy, and often too unstable to carry far in the air.

“-as she cooooooooomes!~” Minty finally finished her song. “Woooo! How was my singing?”

Vandal smirked. “It was nice. Certainly made me forget that we’re tugging the Timberwolf.” He grunted for a while.

“You don’t need to pull with us.” I said. “The two of us were fine as is.”

“Eh,” Vandal sighed. “Doesn’t sound fair to make you two do all the heavy lifting. Thanks for the consideration, wish my older bosses were like that.”

“Bosses?” Minty asked Vandal.

Vandal turned away to his right. “Yeah, you know, ponies who’ve hired me when I became a solo merc.”

“What made you go solo?” I asked.

Vandal stayed silent for a moment before shaking his head. “Long story. I’ll just say the company I was in was full of shitty griffs and leave it at that.”

“Company?” Minty asked.

Vandal groaned. “Right. So us Talons? We ain’t really a united faction, just a bunch of independent companies competing with each other. Only thing that unites them is taking care of Talons who break contract.”

“Contract?” Minty gave a quizzed look at the catbird.

“Yeah, Talons have a rep of always being loyal to the contract they sign. Anyone who does break contract gets hunted down…” I could tell from his downcast expression that he wanted to do anything but talk about the Talons. He shook his head and sighed. “Eh… Anyway, I’ve kept my promise. What about you Mints? Where’d you come from.”

“Hmmmmm… Don’t really know. My tribe moves around once every year.” She replied, looking up at the sky.

“They’re called the Sweetmeats, right?” I asked her, surprised that I recalled that.

“Uh huh!” Minty brightened up. “They’re really nice ponies!” She frowned. “Although, they really don’t trust outsiders that much. Especially after…” Minty hesitated to continue.

Vandal forced a cough. “This something you’re not comfortable with?”

Minty blinked. “Huh? Sorta? But it’s fine. It’s just that when my Mama was about to give birth to me, my tribe got an outsider to help her. I survived… Mama didn’t.”

“What happened to that outsider? Did your tribe kill him?” I asked.

“No! Papa can be really rough, but he knew that Mama would’ve wanted him to live. He and his daughter, Sweet Tart, are members of our tribe now,” Minty sighed. “Still, Papa doesn’t want to have anything to do with any other outsiders. Especially anyone not an earth pony. And since Mama died, he’s super protective of me and wouldn’t let me go out of the camp, even when my older brother Jawbreaker and his friends go out.”

“And you wanted to get out of that cage?” Vandal asked.

“Yup. Papa was sorta right about the Wasteland being dangerous, but I got to meet both of you guys! And Aurora! And Sunny and Dovy! And Mal,” She frowned. “Even though he died.”

“Mal?” Vandal raised an eyebrow.

A muscle in my hoof coiled upon hearing Mal be brought up again, “A doctor who helped us. The Gravestones killed him.”

Vandal nodded at us.

“But yeah,” Minty continued. “It’s been really nice being out here! Being able to hang out with po- err people like you! Sure, those Gravestones are scary, but at least I can forget about all the stress Papa puts onto me on being the next leader.”

I had to blink a few times, processing the last words Minty had said.

My left eye must have been twitching when I stared at Minty. “What?”

“Oh yeah, I never did tell you that my Papa was the leader. Jawbreaker could’ve been next, but he’s an idiot and would probably push us all down a cliff. So that left me to be the one to inherit the Sweetmeat tribe’s leadership!” Minty exclaimed.

“And you’ve never bothered to bring this up with me until now?!” I yelled with widened eyes.

Minty cringed a bit from my shout. “I-I didn’t really think it mattered.”

“You do realize how much danger you’re putting us in? You’re the heir to a tribe of juggernauts who can’t feel pain, and you’re running around getting in the way of grenades? If you die- do you think your father will even slow down before he turns me into paste?” The thought of an entire tribe of Mintys coming after me was something I didn’t want to deal with on top of the Gravestones.

“Hey,” Vandal interjected. “Don’t stress over that. Mints’ is pretty tough, ain’t she?”

“T-that's right!” Minty nodded. “I’m too stubborn to die!”

I relaxed my muscles, but I still didn’t feel assured. “And what if they come after us to ‘rescue’ you?”

“I can tell them that you two are alright. And if that doesn’t work, you can make me a hostage!”

I groaned. “I don’t think that’d work… but whatever, I’ll take your word. For now.” I narrowed my eyes at Minty. “You still should’ve told me about this from the start.”

“Sorry,” Minty frowned. “I didn’t think it mattered.”

Vandal took a look ahead of us, pointing to the recharge station off in the distance. “Hey, think we’re here.”

The recharge station was stationed in the middle of a bunch of ruined houses. Vines had covered the building and the garage adjacent to it, but they looked like they were ripped off rather recently. Piles of wooden debris, mostly broken up furniture and the like, surrounded the building.

I had checked my EFS, and noticed a single white dot on it pointing to our destination.

I unholstered my sawed-off. “Minty, Vandal, get ready for action.”

Vandal tried to take a glance at my Pipbuck. “How many are we dealing with?”

“It’s just one for now, but we shouldn’t put our guards down-” Just as I spoke, five more dots entered my EFS. Red dots.

In front of us, the wooden debris became enveloped in a green glow, swirling together in the air before the pieces of junk began to form four different bodies. These were timberwolves, actual timberwolves, coming from outside the more wooded areas that they’d often never leave.

I knew they haunted the Pinewood, but they’re supposed to be bound to trees (or at least the remains of trees). It was beyond me how they could be out here in the waste.

I didn’t have the luxury to continue asking myself how they could be near a recharge station away from any forest. The fact that they were coming after us took precedent.

And all three of us were still connected to our harnesses!

Fuck me.

The timberwolves wasted no time in charging at us. There wasn’t enough time for me to disconnect myself from the cables as one of the timberwolves lunged toward me. I weaved to my left, letting the timberwolf hit the RV. Pieces of its wood broke off from it, only for a green glow to levitate those pieces and reattach it to its owner.

Another timberwolf charged at me from my right. I ducked in time, and with quick thinking I wrapped the cable around its neck. Despite being pieces of wood assembled together, the timberwolf began to choke. I couldn’t hold onto my grip with the cable as the previous timberwolf swiped its claw at my neck. I jumped, but not before a small, and not deep, gash landed across it. I flinched in pain as I backed up, and came to an abrupt stop as my cable reached its limit.

Vandal and Minty were struggling just as much as I was. Vandal had received a bite mark on his shoulder before Minty managed to knock the timberwolf off of him with her hammer.

“Hey, you almost killed me with that!” Vandal shouted, with pained breathing.

“Sowwy!” Minty replied with her sledgehammer in her mouth.

Vandal wasted no time arguing further and took out his magnum, firing a few rounds at another timberwolf coming closer. Its wooden body broke apart and was pushed away, only to then reassemble itself.

I almost didn’t see one of the timberwolves leaping toward me. Activating SATS, I targeted its head with my sawed-off, and unleashed a storm of pellets. They tore off half of the timberwolf’s face, knocking it out of the air. The timberwolf was still alive however, the broken up wood forming back onto it.

Dammit, the only way to actually beat these wolves would be to destroy every piece of wood they had, and that could take too long!

“Minty, Vandal, disconnect from your cables and retreat!” I shouted as I reloaded my sawed-off.

“And leave my ride behind?” Vandal barked back.

“What other choice do we have?!” I retorted while trying to disengage myself from my harness.

Vandal soared on top of the RV. “Well I ain’t leaving her behind. I don’t want that bitch to find it lying right here and take it back!”

That bitch? What the hell was Vandal talking about.

“Uh, guys?” Minty timidly tried to interject.

“Not now!” I shouted at Minty, then returned my glare at Vandal. “You work for me, dammit! If I say we need to retreat because I don’t want any of us to die, then we’re retreating!”

“Ain’t the RV too useful to you?!” Vandal argued.

“GUYS!” Minty shouted between us. “The timberwolves aren’t attacking us!”

I had been too busy getting riled up with Vandal that I didn’t notice that all four timberwolves were looking away from us, and instead looking at a cloaked figure walking over toward us.

Some shouting came from the figure, its words foreign, but no doubt was a scolding tone. The timberwolves whimpered and gave space for their supposed master as he passed them.

The figure had a brown cloak and hood, with a lantern with a strange green glow beside his right rear leg. The further he came I too noticed that he was rather elderly, with matted white fur, no… white with black stripes?

My jaw almost dropped my sawed-off at the sight. Another zebra? For my entire life, I have never seen another zebra. I had wondered as a foal if I was the last of my kind. And here I was, staring at another like me.

Vandal didn’t unholster his weapon, keeping it aimed at the timberwolves. “They’re yours?” he spat, a clear sign of distrust on his face.

“Yes, they are. I must apologize,” the elderly zebra spoke, thick with some accent. “My wolves, as you see, were fighting on my behalf. That scary looking machine you have made me assume you were bandits, but then I saw one of you were… gah, stars curse us girl, you’ve ruined your mane! From a distance you looked like a pony!”

I was at a loss for words, but at the same time, had so many questions.

Author's Note:

Phew! Quite a lot of quick work was made to get this chapter out. Special thanks goes to my new editor WeirdingtonEsq (co-host for the FanficFanfic FoE podcast) for putting a gun to my head to make me be productive. Also have to give a ton of thanks to the pre-readers who read this and helped spot parts of the chap that needed to be ironed out: Dusty, GODOG, Nethlarion, nyxOs, Imperator, and Theed!

Here's to hoping that chapters come out much faster!