Soul gave me a final scratch and departed with warm wishes, leaving Rough and myself to a peaceful meal. Well, a meal for Rough at least; I was just sitting there, opposite to him. Rough took a bite of their 'egg and pancake meal with extra bacon' and stared at me curiously. I didn't have much of anything to say, so I simply looked out the window at the passing beasts and groups of not-minotaur wandering around together.
A clink of metal on ceramic drew my attention back to Rough, whom had set their fork down and was digging through their coat pocket for something. "Say Blue, I got an idea." They explained, producing a small rectangular object with a white backing that was strangely flat. "You ever seen a Smartphone before?"
A what?
"Yeah, guessin' you havent." Rough sighed, rolling their eyes. They began jabbing at the device with their thumbs and then pressed the sides of it, causing it to click. "Okay, here's my plan. I took a picture of this thing on Speaker mode, so that means if I set it to never turn the screen off, you can talk with me normally-- well, I mean if you use that pegasus voice or somethin'. Wavey alien bug-voice will still sound weird. If people ask or wonder who I'm talkin' to, I can just point at the speaker."
I had no idea what any of that meant; Speaker, screen, smartphone... so I blinked at Rough.
They then covered their face with a free hand. "Just-- alright. I'm gonna put this down on the table, and then we can talk normally, alright?" Rough took another bite of their meal and continued. "So, I uh... I wanted to ask you a few things, if that's fine with you?"
I nodded, and Rough sighed. "Alright, Blue, my space alien bug-buddy. You can talk now."
"I know that; there just wasn't a need to use my voice." I stated plainly. I could sense frustration from Rough.
"You're a pain sometimes, you know that?" Rough grumbled, taking another bite before posing his next question. "So, you think there are any more of you wandering around Earth?"
I frowned as best as I could in Winona-form at that. "I honestly have no idea. I could be the only one, or the entire hive could have been sent here after Canterlot. There is no way to be certain."
Rough's face scrunched. "Do you mean Camelot?"
I blinked in confusion. "No, I meant Canterlot..." Now I was doubting myself; Had it been called Canterlot, or Camelot? There weren't any Camels in Equestria, so I doubted it would be named after them... no, It must have been Canterlot!
Rough waved the question away with their metal stabbing thing. "Nevermind; what about Canterlot? Is that where your people are from?"
I shook my head. "No, it's the capitol of Equestria."
Rough's eye twitched. "Equestria."
"Yes."
Rough held their fingers to the sides of their head in annoyance, shutting their eyes like their head hurt. "Okay, okay. Canterlot, Equestria, whatever. What were you doin' there that caused you to come here?"
The limited capability of a Winona to express themselves was starting to bother me. I tried to bite my lip and realized that my mouth didn't work that way anymore. Now that I noticed it, my body was beginning to hurt. Possibly from being compressed into such a small form for so long. I looked to Rough and asked, "Do you mind if we find a place where I can revert my form? It's starting to hurt."
Rough glanced between their partially finished meal and myself, and then to a room near the back. "Yeah... I mean there's a restroom in the back there that locks for only one person at a time." They said, pointing towards the room with their metal stabber.
I nodded. "I will be back in a moment."
I hopped off of the couch, swiftly moving towards said door and weaving through the legs of a passing not-minotaur. Reaching the door, I glanced around to ensure nothing was looking at me. Finding myself free, I quickly lit my horn with magic, the concealing form of the Winona breaking for a moment as my concentration wavered from the multitasking of turning the door's handle and maintaining my disguise. With a click, the door quickly swung open and allowed me to return to normal, not a single creature wiser.
Shutting the door behind myself, I allowed my disguise to collapse on itself. It scorched from my horn to my hooves, leaving four small marks on the tiled floor. The floor that was also sticky, and covered with thin strips of paper. It was slightly annoying, but the relief alone from being out of my form was far greater than my discomfort with the restroom. Being disguised so long had felt like my body was being pressed and squished into a pinhole which I was then forced to maneuver around in. Finding a seat of white, I took a spot on top of it with a quick buzzing of my wings. It was only slightly slippery, but it would do. Rough had brought up some memories of the attack on Canterlot, and I had to organize how I would speak about them in order to not upset the ones providing a supply of love as well as cover.
"It is time." A fellow disguised changeling had said, a smirk on their face. A great cracking noise was heard, causing everypony in the room to freeze and halt the playing of music. The chandelier swung hazardously, accompanied by the clanking and rattling of glasses as another thunderous boom cracked the shields above us again.
"Everypony move to the shelter!" A Royal Guard shouted, motioning nobles out of the room with a golden armored hoof. "This way, move!"
A tip from an infiltrator was that since my disguise was a unicorn, to keep the eyes of that disguise green. The aura of a pony's magic was linked to their eye color, and changeling magic was a bright green. Seeing as I was a unicorn dressed as a noblepony, I followed the crowd towards their shelter, leaving small traces of pheromone in order for the warrior caste to find this hiding spot.
"What's happening!?" A noblemare shouted in panic. The lot of us were being ushered through a small opening. A staircase lead further down below ground as the deep booming of the shields faltering grew more frequent. Dust and earth were falling from the ceiling, causing even more panic as claustrophobia set in.
"We have everything under control! Do not panic!" A guard shouted over the rest of the ponies. A large and heavy metal door was opened, filled with treasures. "Everypony into the vault! Hurry!"
A loud shattering was heard outside, accompanied by screams of fear that nearly knocked me over from their intensity. "The shield! They broke the shield!" A noble shouted before immediately fainting into a heap of fine culture on the floor. The rest of the ponies had backed into the reinforced walls as shards of solidified spell began to rain down from above.
"What if the building collapses!? We'll be trapped!"
"Keep calm! We'll all be fine, I promise!" A guard shouted over the quickly spreading panic, trying to calm them down.
My diguised teeth rattled when a shard dropped directly on top of our vault above ground, the crashing noise of a building being battered and broken sounding above us and causing dread in the ponies nearby. If this vault was buried, there would be only one way for the hive to find them. I would have to dig them out... but the moment they knew I was a changeling, they would attack me.
"Everypony stand back!" I shouted, taking a position in the center of the vault. I charged my horn and applied a familiar spell to the walls of the vault. My hoof-hardening spell. Hopefully that would prevent the vault from caving in from the weakened structure above us and give enough time for the hive itself to find us. The walls shone a bright green, the same color as my magic.
"What are you doing?" A guard sternly asked, moving close to me.
"I'm reinforcing the walls to keep us safe!" I strained, my own magic not really being up to the task. I was a tunneler after all; fed to the point of being useful, but starved to the point that practicing my magic was almost a traitorous thought with our limited supply of love. Surprisingly after I had said I was keeping everypony safe, I was given a wave of affection and gratitude. The moods of the ponies around me became relieved.
"You're sure what you're doing will work?" A noblepony asked.
"Eh, not really?" I blurted. The strain of trying to maintain the spell was wearing me down, on top of having to keep my disguise from faltering even the slightest.
"Well, keep it up Ma'am. We'll all get out of here safe and sound with your help, I'm sure of it." A guard captain nodded with a smile, sending his own gratitude towards me.
The sounds of collapsing shields and dispersed magic soon went out overhead. This meant that the shield was fully down now, and the real invasion would begin. Warriors would decend from the sky in a fireball of magic, damaging the infrastructure of the city and bringing down buildings as they crashed through them. Every area that could be turned into a chokepoint or dead end would quickly become one, even if towers and buildings had to be brought down to achieve that. A rapid booming like a storm front breaking above us was heard, setting everypony inside on edge. I knew the pheremone trail would lead my hive directly to these ponies, as that was the entire point of my being there with them. It was only how long it would take that made me nervous.
After a short time, Ponies began hearing the sounds of digging and magical blasts coming from above. They cheered, thinking their saviors had found them. The guard captain opened the vault door as well, rolling open on a massive mechanism... only to reveal a literal wall of changeling warriors on the other side. A few guards hastily threw up shields while the captain attempted to close the vault shut, but it was not to be.
I held the vault door's lever in my magical grip as the captain struggled with it, desperately trying to save the ponies within. "What are you doing!?" The captain shouted at me, doom and despair filling the room. "Why are you helping them!?"
I couldn't maintain my form any longer. Dropping the disguise in a wave of fire as the guards' shields broke, I replied above the sounds of gasping horror, "I live for the hive."
And the warriors flooded into the vault...
Breaking from my flashback, I found myself in the dirty restroom of Alice's Restaurant. I no longer hurt, and reverted to my form as Winona. There was a knock on the door the moment my disguise enveloped me. The door soon opened suddenly, and I realized that in my haste to be free of my disguise, I forgot to actually lock the door behind me.
A very confused not-minotaur stared at me as I stayed atop the seat in the room. "The bloody 'ell?"
Since I wasn't near Rough, I decided to refrain from answering them and quickly exited the room underneath their legs. Soon after, I found a place back at Rough's table. In my short absence, they had managed to devour the rest of their meal and now sat in recline, nursing their belly.
"Oh, hey-" Rough greeted me with a belch, "Eugh, sorry." They apologized, covering their mouth. "You alright? You were gone for a while."
I hesitantly replied with, "I was thinking about how to answer your question about Canterlot..."
The plot thickens
Me like this story a lot. And Blues Version of Wiona really does sound absoloutly adorable.
And here I am, wondering if a lone changeling will evetually turn into a queen given enough time and love.
It would've been interesting to see if Blue's disguise had faltered whilst they tried to save the ponies. (Well, keep them from being crushed, as I'm not sure what the changelings planned to do afterwards...)
Still enjoying the story a lot though :P
Sorry, but "Noling" or making up your own crazy specific terminology on the fly is like the FiMfiction equivalent of Bae, or dabbing. I immediately cringed right off the bat with your story description.
Nice. I see Blue was quite successful during the invasion.
7632449 Physically out them in cocoons.
7632591 It's not my terminology. I've seen it used before. If you really just went onto my story to complain about a single word, why are you here? I'm not forcing you to read my story.
Giving comments like that has literally no purpose other than to cause upset.
7632109 Thank you!
7632633
I would like to add that I personally enjoyed the use of the "-ling" ending specifically in addition to the newest chapter in general.
Oh boy wonder how rough and soft will take that story.
It is an interesting society that the changelings have.
Peppermint tea is baller, but drop the ramen for 50 lb sacks of rice, beans, and lentils from cash and carry. It's cheaper and more nutritious. Toss a 10lb pork shoulder in a slow cooker with a can of ginger ale, cook for 4-6 hours, debone and shred, cook for another 2-4 hours with spices or barbecue sauce.
I prefer the chicken flavor ramen myself. Maruchan, of course.
7632428
Eh, the canon of this world doesn't make it likely, to me anyway. But who knows, maybe the author will consider it? It's not like there's any real rules saying it can't happen. Personally, I'd rather Blue find their way back to the hive, either on their own or scouts (and/or Chrysalis herself) come over to retrieve Blue like the ending to My Little Dashie.
On the other hand, if most of the hive got blasted through the "veil" and are now trying to regroup on Earth, well, Blue should still want to rejoin them. The hive could then return to Equestria through the veil and make an appearance in Season 6. We already know of Steve and Thorax. Rumor has it Chrysalis makes a cameo in the finale of Season 6 too. And no, I'm not watching any UK spoilers.
Looking at the theme for this story, I'd have to say these bigger world-changing plots will be overlooked or just ignored so we can grin at the whimsical antics of a lone changeling drone living on Earth. disguised as a pet.
Shades of Calvin and Hobes? Phoebe and Her Unicorn? I'm fine with that.
Sleep deprivation is a lot like being drunk when it comes to writing.
So... In a way it's good!
7632633
I guess that was my fault since I failed to clarify, so I apologize.
Just to clear things up, I'll be taking a strictly objective stand point. My comment wasn't a jab at your story, more directed at ad lib terminology.
"Noling" is a structurally ugly word and sounds phonetically lazy. Established species pronouns such as "nopony, anypony, nogriffon," etc...are fine and work well because all you omit there is the space in between. Omitting the space doesn't do anything serious. You can observe this in the word "another" which is basically the words "an" and "other" put together. Same thing, only the space between is omitted. But with the word "noling" you intentionally gouge the word "change," which is 80% of the context of the species' name. Taking "change" out of "changeling" doesn't really save you time, and what you have left is some midget Frankenstein mashup of "no" and what was a once complete word. "Nochangeling" is perfectly fine, or even "nobug" since they are an insectoid race. Don't murder the word and force a made-up one. Just because a word is trendy doesn't mean it sounds right.
7633861 Oh! Alright, thanks for explaining
The original wording came across as "Hey, I think this word is dumb and you're cancer for using it."
I changed the description.
I also have zero formal training in writing as well. I pretty much learn from what I read; look at my earlier stories if you want real cringe,
7633880 That worked out better than expected. Glad you kept an open mind, and I'll try to watch my wording in the future. Thanks for listening
7633910 I'm receptive to criticism, it just has to be explained in reasoning. Most comments are just "Hey, this dumb." So it doesn't help me improve as a writer.
More pls
Interesting concept. I can't wait til the next chapter comes out. Really liking this story.
7633914 I will keep that in mind, thanks for pointing out my own mistakes as well
Funny how much more organized this story's changeling attack is compared to the common explanations people make about the royal guards being incompetent. In a way, the fact that the attack was so successful is bad luck for Blue. Imagining a struggle where the invading force causes no casualties and is defeated by a shield of love isn't that frightening. However, throw in some crushed civilians and careful planning by the invaders (which almost worked) and it seems much scarier. It's a good thing that size and shape changes are difficult for Blue to maintain. She's so candid that she can likely put most human fears of infiltration to rest by accident.
To those who want Blue to be searched for and rejoin the hive: why? Her breeding prospects are pretty non-existent, and Chrysalis cares little for individual drones. All she would have to look forward to is more tunnelling or perhaps a promotion to infiltrator. At least with these humans she is granted some dignity and the chance to learn new things.
And the story keeps being pretty enjoyable. Also a good idea with the phone.
Now to hope nobody actually looks at the screen and sees than the phone app isn't running and in call
Alternately, to make it even safer, download a picture of how a call looks on that phone and display it. It would look like an ongoing call!
So, more backstory provided, and explanation time! That will be fun.
As for the dog form... yeah, more mass constricted into a smaller form must be uncomfortable. Maybe Blue can adjust the size for later?
Then again, have fun explaining the size difference to anyone who has already seen blue.
Fun!
7633880
We'll you still write awesome stories and this one takes the cake (pinke would be proud )
But you (and other writers here) should not be afraid to use tools to help you with writing. Grammarly is an awesome free checker that you can just copy paste your chapter in, and do the final fixups. (It will have lots of false positives but some are good suggestions).
Here are some examples from the last chapter:
Gramatically correct word but not fitting the context:
s13.postimg.org/jujfd62sl/o9_Ar_ROM.png
A typo:
s13.postimg.org/5zl4up8dh/3v5_FQXa.png
and the rest https://imgur.com/a/EPUhp
Keep up the awesome work and I can't wait to see what happens next!
7634367
Images from Imgur don't work on FIMFiction, WHY FO PEOPLE STILL NOT UNDERSTAND THIS!?
7633204
Judging by how the 'lings are treated, I severely doubt there'll be a recovery team.
7633880
I'm just going to say outright I don't like the change to the description.
"Noling" made sense, as the description was in a faux-first person.
"Not a single changeling" makes it faux third person.
It causes a change in the description where the starting line is the latter and the subsequent lines are the former.
It doesn't sound right anymore.
It's like changing "Nobody expected it," to "Not a single person expected it". The former is first or second person, the latter is third person.
7634392
Because this is the first time I posted something with an image and it was a honest mistake.
Could you recommend any other site that works here?
PS: I also found no info about this on the FAQ page for comments.
7634406
Any Image URL should work do long as it starts with http and is not from Imgur.
So no imgur Images and definitely no data:image url's.
7634395 Well, I guess for the quest of the ever-changing description, it is now 'Nobuggy'.
I'll just see how long it is until another person complains about a single word over the entirety of my story
7634493 It's this one
7634854
Nah; it's good now.
Loving this so far, so yet another Changeling story on my favourites list!
I always forget to leave a comment please continue leaving a reminder in the author notes so I can be reminded to leave a comment.
Good to see that the changeling might still have some instinct for Guile despite its lack of training.
I read this with the TF2 Demoman's voice and it worked perfectly.
Voice line here for reference.
Also, this story is coming along nicely, keep it up!
7634973 GameGuy888. Great gamer on YouTube. Definitely check out his channel.
7632350 Yeah, we'll see!
7635687 It could also be the Sniper!
I'm really enjoying this so far. I'm looking forward to more, but don't burn yourself out!
7637290
That definetly didn't enter my mind the second I wrote it.
Nope, not one bit.
I'm diggin' man. keep it up!
I don't think telling about the invasion will have a positive effect on the progress that blue has made.
7633101 You're right, of course, about it being cheaper and more nourishing to cook basic foods for yourself--but the skills to do so, and the ambition to attempt to learn those skills, are not as common as we who cook might think.
<It exploded. Twice. Was that supposed to happen?)
It's still good.
I could be nitpicky, but I won't.
However, the one thing I will nitpick is that many fics I've read tend to revert to the word 'affection'.
In my opinion overusing it makes the story become a bit bland, because the idea of a changeling is precise emotions, and overusing 'affection' generalises the storyline in my opinion.
I could have worded that better but hopefully you know what I mean.
ANYWAY, keep it up!
haven't
You requested a comment! Here is one.
I have no complaints worth noting. It is an extremely enjoyable read. Some of the technical aspects of your writing are not perfect, but that's okay and I would only point them out if I felt like being nitpicky... and let's be honest here. We're reading fanfictions about ponies, I think we can settle for being entertaining without absolute technical precision.
Thus far, A+ in my opinion.
Um, okay? Hi. I started reading your story today and am really enjoying it. Hope you're well.
Here is a comment.
:P
Umm....
I'm enjoying this so far, but I think I still prefer the Necromancy fic.