We have seen Luna as a sarcastic misfit among ponies, at times corrupted by evil......
But does anyone know the true story?
Is Luna really so different from every other pony?
Luna fights long and heartbreaking battles....... But most of them- are with herself.
Fighting the power of Nightmare Moon, waging war with her sister, falling in love, and most importantly simply trying to find her place in Equestria.
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You tend to have a problem with run-on sentences.
E.g.
I enjoyed walking through the Hall of the Elements, with the beautiful gems and stained glass windows, I was slightly upset upon finding my sister and I no longer connected with the Elements, but we had six very brave ponies that did.
should be:
I enjoyed walking through the Hall of the Elements, with the beautiful gems and stained glass windows.
I was slightly upset upon finding my sister and I no longer connected with the Elements, but we had six very brave ponies that did.
Yeah that was just an oops, typo, etc. Accidently hitting "," instead of ".".
But thanks for the tip! I'll try to pay better attention when I edit.
You know, that was a VERY enjoyable read. I thought this was a delightful, but serious change from the norm.
You, my good pony, have made me a happy reader, and have helped to re-influence my writing! For that, I'd like to thank you! *Bows deeply*
Now for my amateur review of this story! *Clears throat* Ahem!
You've got a nice concept here, and you've done a great job working it. I can feel the emotions as I read, and the thought that Celestia is a bitch is quite enjoyable. It's true, the ones that act perfect on the outside are usually the ones with the biggest of secrets!
I like how you worked Nightmare Moon as a separate persona inside Luna, and how you showed her trying past through a fit of rage.
Speaking of, I didn't quite understand that part at first. I'd like to suggest making it plain right as she begins that so us readers that don't catch on as fast understand, that is... if you want. I'd also like to suggest making a difference between Nightmare Moon's thoughts, and Luna's. I understood them, but still, maybe you could italicize Luna's and underline Nightmare's?
Overall, this is an AMAZING read for me! While Luna isn't best pony for me, she is number three on my list!
You've done an excellent job, and I will continue to come back for more! Please keep doing this, and making us readers happy! Now for my grade! *Drum roll...*
Lol thanks.
Yeah I could probably do a little more visual differences between Luna and Nightmare's inner dialogue.
I'm really glad you like it.
Woo! I helped!
Great work, keep the story rolling smooth and strong!
Woo! Very first fanart!!!! It looks so great, and gives you the exact right idea we were thinking for the NLR Armor.
(New avatar, go to my profile!)
Thanks everyone for liking the story I think it's coming along great.
Okay so, I've got the perfect song to go with this story! Hit up youtube and look up I Am No Hero (Luna's Theme) by mandoPony. It... Is... PERFECT!!!
I like your story very much! I can see Tory's influence in chapter 4. Hats off my fellow brony. Feel free to read and rate my story. And if you would like any advice I am here for support. I give you a B with room for improovement but this was definitely a pleasant read.
Thanks Gmoney24 I'm glad it's getting good feedback.
:D Story going well so far waiting on more :D Well done
very nice!
hate to admit it because I liked your OC's so much but
it's better than your first one
the plot thickens
Awesome chapter Clover. can I ask where you got your avatar from? did you make it?
yes it is going well I like it a lot
1084287
that's my face book profile picture.....your avatar I mean
1099931 Same here :D
No my friend Silver made it for me. I love it. :D
1106498
just curious
And there it is! To say I enjoyed this chapter would be an understatement! You've got such a great story, and you work it PERFECTLY!!! I don't think I could find a flaw in this story, even if I tried to! You're an amazing writer I'd say, and this is such a delightful read, that I find myself crazing the next chapter with an intense hunger that can only be compared to the strength of a sonic rainboom when Rainbow Dash would be jacked up on roids, Mountain Dew, and a couple cans of Red Bull, just to balance it out some. The equivalent of this is a chipmunk on crack, except the damage is about 100x worse... So think maybe a bomb going off in Philadelphia? Yeah, that sounds about right. But I digress! I need more, and I await the next chapter eagerly!
Oh, seems interesting. Only the first chapter, but I'll have to read more.
I am late in say this but newest chapter quite well done wish it was llonger though! :)
is this based of this song?
No, but I do love that.
Sorry It's taking so long guys! I've been really really busy with school getting settled in my dorm and such and there's no internet in the dorm. I'm at a friends' with internet and I'll try my hardest to get the update done and up.
Please, I must have MOAR!!!!!
I am loving this! Poor Luna she is going to be crushed
I have a feeling this is going to be what finally pushes her over the edge.
Celestia... spend a 1000 years in the sun and see how you like it
Great chapter bro, can't wait for more! Here something to sum up Celestia and Nightmare Moon (Not Luna)
images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/25800000/Trollestia-and-Trolluna-random-25874853-720-718.jpg
this story reminds me of this song Breath Into Me
YAY! Update!
very nice. I am very surprised that it is not more popular. maybe because it deals with war, they aren't all that popular for some bizarre reason. anyway, thanks for putting me in it
Took me a while but I got around to reading this chapter. Good going man. I'm liking it! Keep up the good work, and as for time... shoot, work at a pace that fits you best. Slow down some if it's all jumbling up together. It might take a while to post more, but at least you won't be stressing out as much. Seriously, ease up some and it could do wonders for you.
2404817
Jumbling up? Hmmmmm.....
I didn't think it was jumbling up.... But I'm starting to have issues with my attention so I might just be scrambling things a bit.....
I just had to retype "scrambling" since I accidently typed "scarmbleng" so..... LOL
Not trying to make excuses, if the chapter sucks it sucks and that's my fault, but jeez......
Working on the next chapter, kinda worrying I might be.... I don't know, just screwing it up somehow....
Oi.......
Oh well, thanks for the feedback guys! It's nice to have positive or constructive feedback.
Oh, btw I made a pic of how i think Shadow Haze looks! Link here: http://cloverspirits.deviantart.com/#/art/Shadow-Haze-364818265?q=gallery%3Acloverspirits&qo=0&_sid=52a3a361
Enjoy!
-Clover
I need MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great story by the way. Loving it