There had once been a time where Nightmare Moon was a wandering spirit, twisted and corrupted from what she once was by loneliness and despair. As she descended into madness, she came across someone else facing the same depression, Princess Luna of Equestria. Bound together in their smothering darkness, they set out to force a world to change to what they thought would be their salvation, where they would be loved and adored. In the end they failed and those that they saught to force to love them banished them to the darkness they tried to impose upon the world for 1,000 years. And when that banishment ended, the physical being was given salvation, with the one that had pushed her away long ago now showering her in love and forgiveness for what she'd done. However, that spirit that had been bound to her, the only friend that she'd known for over a thousand years, was ripped from her and obliterated by the very force that had cured her madness.
At least, as far as Luna knew.
Unknown to Luna, that which had saved her from her loneliness, had also given Nightmare Moon a chance at a new life, her own life. It took some time for her new life to begin, and she was held under the care under a being that she could neither see nor touch, but her heart could feel and remember from ages far past. That being now gives forth their love for Nightmare Moon to reawaken her, and set her on the path that the Elements of Harmony opened up for her. And this time, though she might not know it yet, she wont be alone. This is her journey on that new path, where she goes, what happens, is all unknown. But, the darkness that once consumed her, the light of the Moon, and even that of the Sun, are all there to guide her and help her grow. Along with the flame of love now left in her heart.
LOVE IT!!! cant wait for more!
Too bad it won't let me rate this.
6243147 Not sure why it wouldn't o.o.
It's a really interesting story I find! You don't rush it and take your time with the details, progressing little by little and that's great! (Wish I could be like you and learn how not to rush my stories ^^)
Overall : Great!
Wow... it took me way too long to get around to this story. Anyway, on to the first chapter.
The start was a little difficult to get immersed into for some reason, but that was just me. You've already established Nightmare as an independent individual who happened to share the same feelings Luna did. That's pretty neat. That she was a spirit with a 'father' is also interesting. It's a bit of interest sparking backstory, even if you don't delve too much into it.
So it sounds like Lightning Dust is attempting to pull off her own sonic [descriptor]boom? If it is, it helps set a timeline for when Nightmare was revived... Or at least a potential time.
I think I figured it out, what bugged me the first time. You tend to slip into purple prose, particularly about the setting, and there are times when it pulls me from the story itself. I did like your depiction of the field of grass in the first chapter though. There are times it works against you though. For instance, I'm not sure if you were just waxing poetic about her emotional state, of if she has some changeling like traits to her...
Ha! Was totally wrong in my guess as to who the pony was XD
Nothing wrong with that though. Spitfire, eh? Didn't expect that at all. To be fair, I didn't have any expectations either, so there's that. I liked your description of the crash. Not full out gore, but not dancing around it either. And the bit of world building slipped in. I'm surprised she waited until after she reset the bones before she put the numbing spell in place.
There was some tense confusion, in the first few paragraphs mainly, when you kinda wavered between present and past tense.
Spitfire's been having some trouble, it seems. Shame we still don't know what's been going on in her life, but it seems like it's been serious enough to get her majorly down. I like the personality you gave her.
Griffon saving her to put her in their debt
Griffons are con artists. Opportunistic con artists. But now I see that NMM came back full-sized. For some reason I had the impression that she came back smaller than she had been. Spitfire's freak-out was fun though.
So... the Elements of Harmony are her father?
A few more grammatical errors in this chapter than the others, 'I's not capitalized, a few misspelled words, but not that many.
This story is off to a good start but it's pretty much dead. I would love to read more but it doesn't look like it will happen.
I'd love to see this story continue, but it seems to be dead. That nothing more will happen. 😔