• Published 23rd Aug 2016
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The Pony Dreadfuls - No one is home



A series of stories about ponies. Dreadful in both subject and quality. Enjoy :)

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Chapter 33 - A Lost Hope

“Dammit! Carrot! Now they’re moving towards us.” Train Wreck ducked his head. “And the plague was dormant in me until Discord ignited it in the course of transforming me, and that neutralized it, so I was never really contagious.”

“Well, you still should have told me!” Carrot stamped her hoof.

“Yeah, and somepony should have told me that Z was basically the same age as Diane! I mean… seriously, did you know about that?” Train Wreck deftly changed the subject.

“Z said not to tell you, because it would just make things more awkward. Besides that thing with you and Z happened before we even met!” Carrot blushed fiercely.

“Look can we be done with that before those ponies outside find us here?” Train Wreck rolled his eyes.

“Little late for that, mister.” A blue unicorn with a badge for a cutie mark rounded the corner floating a 9mm pistol in her magic. “And if I heard right, you're in an awful lot of trouble. Infecting a human without their consent is a serious offense.”

“Good news Carrot, there are still laws.” The giant arched an eyebrow. “Look officer there’s been a misunderstanding. I haven’t infected anybody.”

“Really?” The unicorn replied dryly. “Because she’s clearly a pony.”

“I-I’ve always been a pony officer.” Carrot supplied helpfully.

“If you WERE born a pony, than your boyfriend here would be in even more trouble than he already IS miss. But seeing as you’re not a baby, maybe you would like to explain why you would tell me a bald-faced lie.” The officer turned her stern eye on Carrot Plate.”

“Well you see…” Train Wreck tried to intervene, only to be cut off.

“I wasn’t asking you, I was asking her.” The no-nonsense unicorn said brusquely. “Ma’am, you wouldn’t be the first nice girl some slick talking pony told he was ‘cleansed’ when he was still as hot as Tokyo at Ground Zero. And you wouldn’t be the first girl who I’ve seen defend the slimeball or decide she’s ‘okay with it’ because she thinks she’s in love. Do you know what happens? The infection burns out and you realize you’ve been having crazy horse sex with a mutant for months, but it’s too late because you’ve already waived you right to file charges.”

“You don’t understand ma’am.” Carrot did her best to explain. “On my world most people are ponies. We were…”

“Ixnay on the alienay, Carrot.” Train Wreck whispered.

“Everything okay in there, Mary Beth?” A male voice shouted from outside.

“Just a mutant and a unicorn sneaking in the old ‘haunted nuthouse’ for some fun, looks like.” The female officer shouted back. “You gotta see the big guy though! We may have to make a new category of mutant!”

“Dammit, Mary Beth, you can’t just go calling us mutants!” A red tazzl pony rounded the corner carrying a sawed-off shotgun in his tentacles. “That’s just as bad as calling a changeling a bu..oh holy Baby Jesus on a stick!”

“I told you so! Anyway, normally I’d say ‘just let ‘em off with a warning’. But this young lady, in a ridiculous attempt to make excuses for her boyfriend giving her the Pink Step, claims she’s from the pony world.”

“Shit! I don’t want to have to make a trip to the CDC today.

“Train Wreck, what’s a See-Dee-See?” Carrot asked nervously.

“So you’re gonna play this game huh? Okay you two. James, call it in. Come on you two, and don’t get any ideas big guy, we’ve got three more ponies outside packing heat. You giants aren’t bullet proof.” The police-mare glowered at the giant. “What the hell are you anyway?”

“Tazzlcorn.” Train Wreck sighed. “It rhymes with alicorn for a reason, and you don’t want to take us to CDC right now.”

“You know what James, do we really have to trot all the way uptown. I mean we both know she’s full of shit.” Mary Beth began to justify when Carrot’s nervous voice broke in.

“Train Wreck, there’s a glowing red dot that just appeared on the back of your head.”

“Listen to your girlfriend and cut it out, royal.” A new male voice fairly sneered. “Your jedi mind tricks aren’t gonna work on me, princess. I’m proudly uninfected AND vaccinated. 100% human and staying that way. My grand-kids might be technicolor centaur babies. But I’m gonna stay 100% original recipe just so we can keep a leash on mind controlling scum like you.”

Mary Beth shook her head before pulling out her radio. “We have a rogue royal at the site of the ‘Pink Ghost Anomaly’ with a pony claiming to be from Equestria. We are requesting back-up. Repeat we are requesting immediate backup.”

“Okay,” Train wreck said without a hint of psychic push. “I think we’ve had a bit of a misunderstanding.”

“You think I ain’t seen this kinda shit before, Princess?” The human snarled. “One of you boss-ponies stays off the grid for a while gets some little cult together.”

"That would be my guess, Dan, but she is NOT infected.” A brown unicorn trotted into the room and announced.

“Okay, obviously she’s infected, she’s a fucking pony.” James, the tazzl pony broke in. “I mean look at her!”

That’s what I’m telling you, I scaned her twice while you kept them talking, and she’s an uninfected pony.” The brown unicorn insisted. “And he’s clearly… some kind of alicorn. One of the teams has re-established contact with Equestria!”

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