• Published 23rd Aug 2016
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The Pony Dreadfuls - No one is home

A series of stories about ponies. Dreadful in both subject and quality. Enjoy :)

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Chapter 58- Seven Impossible Things Pt. 1

Scarlet Hearts carefully fitted the ivory tiara upon her brow, as she concentrated on the task set before her. Celestia's School for special foals was located well away from the shadow of Canterlot. This was ostensibly to placate the noble population. Even the slums of Decanter were considered far too close for the comfort of the well tended ponies of Upper Canterlot. Though they were only colts and fillies, it was well known that the ponies who made up the "student body" of the school were dangerous. They were criminals, ponies who would likely be outright imprisoned if not for their age. It was one of Equestria's darker, dirty, little secrets. And so it was kept in an out of the way place. The nearest town of Ponyvale and it's surrounding farming villages paid the vast manor little to no mind. Most simply did not talk about the dire school. If asked they would simply insist that no good pony would ever go there. And no good pony knew anything about what went on in that place.

At present, when the grounds were patrolled by frantic winged primates, one might think it impossible that such a place could be so easily ignored. And one would not, in fact, be wrong in thinking that, for it was indeed the case. The "Somepony Else's Problem" spell was a simple obfuscation. It was not a spell of invisibility but rather one of "unnoticeaibility". It was meant to make ponies ignore small inconsistencies in a very small level. Hiding the bizarre goings on of a large estate from a small town and surrounding villages was quite beyond the scope and intention of the spell. To utilize such a simple spell in this way was patently impossible. Scarlet Hearts grimaced at the growling and associated cramps from her stomach. She would have to break her fast soon... but not yet. There was too much at stake.


// Where do you want to go?

“Can you send me to my ex-wife?” The human man asked suspiciously.

// It can be arranged. What do you want to take with you?

“My 12-gaugeguage shotgun! I’m gonna show that bitch better than to think she can take my kids just because some judge said so!” The man spit into the void.

// You’ve chosen to bring a deadly weapon with violent intent. You’re penalty will be…

The text suddenly altered from a type written font to a flowing feminine script.

// Celestia’s School for Special Foals.

“What the...argh!!!” The angry man had no sooner appeared from the void before he was gripped by an impossibly strong glowing, bright red aura. His form twisted and bones popped as he shrank and changed. Finally a small unicorn filly stood before the Headmistress, her ivory crown glowing faintly. “What have you done to me you bitch?!”

“Twizzler Sparks, you’ve suffered a psychotic breakdown.” The unicorn mare said with a matronly smile. “No doubt from your terrible experience. Don’t worry, we’ll help you remember that you were always a pony. A pretty little filly.”

“A pretty little…” The little pony took a glance towards it’s nether quarters, and screamed sceamed anew. “You… you neutered me! You took my manhood, you sick bitch!”

“Orderlies!” At Scarlet Heart’s command a pair of burly unicorns burst in and seized siezed the young filly. “This unfortunate… gender misaligned… filly has become a danger to herself and the staff. Have her sedated and placed in solitary confinement until she is ready to accept our help.”

“A human cannon?” Scarlet rolled her eyes as soon as the orderlies were gone, examining her prize. “To think I wasted a task on this.”

She only staggered slightly as she removed the heavy crown from her brow.


Princess Celestia,

I’m sorry to report that there has been a setback with the treatment of Diane Pastel. She has become set against her treatment and has become a disruption to the treatment of the other patients. In addition, she has seized control of the drone she refers to as her “sister” and has begun sowing seeds of sedition among the other students. As a result we have had to place them both under sedation in solitary confinement.

Please rest assured that they are both being well cared for and they will not be denied therapy or education. However, it’s my unfortunate duty to inform you that their visiting privileges have been temporarily suspended. Please convey my apologies to Princess Stand In and my condolences to the Pastel family. I hope we can resolve this issue as quickly as possible.

Your Loyal Subject,
Headmistress Scarlet Hearts
Celestia’s School for Special Foals

It was almost a waste, but deceiving the millennia old Reigning Princess of Equestria was no small task. She staggered as her stomach growled noisily. It was a necessary sacrifice, and one she stoically accepted.

The spell to hide her student’s dreams from Princess Luna was an especially impossible task, but infinitely vital. Indeed, with the return of the Princess of the Night, the headmistress’ duties had become both more difficult and infinitely more perilous. Princess Luna had taken an unusual (the headmistress would argue unhealthy) interest in humans. Only a few short years prior both the Night Princess and humans had been formally and decisively relegated to myth. Now… it was enough to say that the Princess of the Night was well familiar with the dreaming patterns of the hominids that were previously the stuff of pure mythology.

A single loose nightmare could bring the newly crowned human prince to investigate. That alone would be enough to expose her ambitions. The scandal alone would be enough to end her. And that was before she had been placed in charge of that damned changeling brat. Her ties to pony royalty were tenuous at best, but she was considered to be of special interest to the former Changeling Princess, which meant she was of at least passing interest to Silver Watch. And that in itself was enough to draw Princess Luna’s attention. It would be hard enough to simply close off the students’ dreams, but that in and of itself might draw suspicion. What the headmistress needed was an impossible spell. A spell that would make her students’ dreams seem entirely uninteresting. Like the spell that hid the strangeness on the outer grounds, but far more complicated. It was on the very edge of the crown’s capabilities. It was truly impossible.

Scarlet’s body protested as she walked down the hall. She needed food. She needed sustenance. But the crown had it limits. And the Crown of the White Queen named it’s price...

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