• Published 23rd Aug 2016
  • 590 Views, 371 Comments

The Pony Dreadfuls - No one is home



A series of stories about ponies. Dreadful in both subject and quality. Enjoy :)

  • ...
8
 371
 590

PreviousChapters Next
Chapter 3- The Morning After

“Hiya Ink,” Orange Pip greeted his co-worker as he entered the office behind Picture.

“Sweet Celestia’s great white flank, you two look rough!” Ink Well laughed at the couple jovially. “If I can read ponis like I know I can read ponies you two got up to steamy shenanigans last night.”

“Suffice to say if we want to get any sleep we’re going back to my apartment from now on,” Picture Perfect said flatly.

“Oooh, gonna tell me all about it? You’ve actually seen Our little Orange Pips swinging bachelor pad?” Ink Well grinned triumphantly.

“I live in my Aunt Caramel Apple’s basement,” Pip replied flatly.

“Yeah,” Picture Perfect nodded, “We watched a magic show and hung out with his cousins all night.”

“Wow, really Pip?” Ink Well couldn’t hide his look of disappointment. “Really know how to show a mare a good time huh? Look Pic, if you ever need some excitement in your life…”

The stallion was cut off by a nasty glare from Picture Perfect, who turned and whispered to her coltfriend, “Seriously, we ARE going to talk about what happened last night.”

“Seriously team,” Type Set strode into the office with a scowl on his face, “We are going to talk about what happened last night! We got a visit from the royal guard and a cease and desist order on the ‘Fantastic Voyages of Silver Stars’. Apparently it offends the royal family’s impeccable moral fiber.”

“What?” Pip thumped his head against his desk. “I already had that laid out and ready the photo. I have important family business tonight!”

“Well then you can just stay double late tomorrow.” Type scowled at the intern. “It’ll be tomorrow before we’ve got material to fill the space, but if those negatives aren’t at the printshop by midnight your flank turns into a pumpkin, got it?”

“Yes sir,” the orange earth pony said with a sigh.

“Ink, you gotta sift through the old submissions and find us something to replace it with,” Type nodded to his second in command.

“Aye, aye, sir! Porn filtering it is then!” The unflappable stallion grinned widely.

“Picture, you’re not off the hook,” Type Set turned his gaze to the unicorn illustrator. “I know we didn’t have an illustration planned for that story this week, but we’re gonna need one now. I need an ink piece of Celestia looking stern and disapproving. Not unflattering mind you, but maybe looking a bit stuffy and prudish. We’re gonna run it opposite of our politely worded apology to our readers explaining that by order of Celestia their favorite story has been deemed unfit for public consumption. Oh and Pip, I need you to write a nice letter of condolence to Miss Sunny Days, and include a check for payment for that last chapter. We were going to run it. I’m sure she’s gonna feel bad enough without having to scramble for bits.”

“Can you believe it, with all the hijinks that go on up at the castle, Celestia is playing morality police over some lonely old mare’s fantasy fic?” Ink Well’s normally cheerful demeanour cracked for a moment.

“Hey, at least your not the one who has to give her the bad news.” Pip took quill in mouth and began to pen the letter.

-=-=-=-=-

Dear Miss Sunny Days,

Let me begin by saying how pleased we here at The Pony Dreadful have been with the quality and Popularity of your story “The Astonishing Voyages of Prince Silver Stars”. I probably don’t have to tell you that your story has been one of, if not the most popular story we have ever published. In fact your next chapter, “Mutiny of Lust” was scheduled to run as our featured story in next week's addition. Unfortunately my use of the past tense is not accidental.

We have received a cease and desist order from the office of Princess Celestia ordering that we immediately stop publication of this story. We have included a check for payment for the latest chapter. Though it will not be published, we want you to understand that this is no fault in yourself, nor any statement on our opinion of your work (which we consider to be of the highest quality).

Moving forward we would be happy to accept any future stories you may submit, although if I may make a suggestion, please try to avoid any resemblance between your characters and any member of the Canterlot Royal family it may well avoid any unfortunate incidents like his in the future. We look forward to further correspondence and submission.

Sincerely,
The Pony Dreadful Editorial Staff

-=-=-=-=-

“So what are we gonna run in place of ‘Silver Stars’, Ink?” Type Set paced the floor impatiently.

“Well boss, I dug out this one ‘True Confession’ piece from a Miss Lyra Heartstrings.” Ink Well grinned broadly. “You might remember I turned it down flat last month, because quite frankly it was just too far fetched.”

“Is that the one about the two filly foolers who met a pony author and his imaginary human-friend at bi-ped con?” Pip raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“Yeah I remember that one,” Picture rolled her eyes. “They tried to form a herd, but the unicorn botched a transformation spell and immediately turned the human into some kind of pony-hybrid, or something, right?”

“Right on, sister,” Ink well replied with a laugh, “And then Princess Luna appears and fixes everything all Deus ex Machina. It’s cornball, but there’s nothing too steamy for the Royals to get their knickers in a bunch over.”

“Wait a minute,” Type Set raised a hoof as he read over the copy. “The human’s name is David Silver. Too close to certain members of the royal family. I’m pretty sure that’s what set ‘em off last time.”

“Not a problem, we’ll just change it to...Copperfield?” Ink suggested, looking around for support.

“Okay Lyra Heartstrings and David Copperfield, we’ll run with it,” Type Set nodded, “I see no reason why the royals would object to that.”

Author's Note:

Yeah, nothing in that story the royals could possibly object to. :pinkiecrazy: What's the big deal, anyway, it's just fictional fantasy stories? Royalty! :trollestia:

PreviousChapters Next