• Published 23rd Aug 2016
  • 597 Views, 371 Comments

The Pony Dreadfuls - No one is home



A series of stories about ponies. Dreadful in both subject and quality. Enjoy :)

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Chapter 2 - A Quiet Evening

“You actually live here?” Picture Perfect looked at Orange Pip incredulously.

“What? Caramel Apple is my Aunt,” Orange Pip shrugged, “Apples and Oranges are two branches of the same family. When I got my internship with The Dreadfuls my dad wired Caramel and got me a real paying job at the Belfry. Pay’s not great, but it comes with a place to crash. And I can eat free, so long as I don’t mind a combination of lunar diet and carny food.”

“So you live at the most notorious night-spot in Canterlot, and intern for the most disreputable publication in Equestria? Nice.” Picture smirked at the young stallion.

“Say’s the mare who draws smut for the most the most disreputable publication in Equestria,” Pip countered, “We should go in through the side door, since they’re not open yet.

-=-=-=-=-

“Hiya, Pip!” A young, burgundy lunar pegasus mare bounced up to the couple as they quietly entered through the side door and made their way past the back stage. “Is this that artist friend you keep going on about?” The mare turned her attention to Picture Perfect. “I’m Candy Apple, bar maid and magician’s assistant extraordinaire.”

“I’m a Soothsayer, Candy, not a magician,” an irritable goat grumbled, before turning his unfocused gaze on Picture, “We receive precious few visits from nobility here, Miss Perfect. I do hope you find the accommodations to your liking.”

“I think you must be mistaken, sir!” the mare objected vigorously, “I’m no noble! I live in an Apartment in South Decanter! I’m just an illustrator for Pony Dreadful.”

“Of course,” the goat smiles coyly, “Perhaps I didn’t see things clearly. Pip, you are of course welcome to bring the lady upstairs for the show later.”

“Okay, Pip, what just happened?” Picture confronted the stallion the minute they had left earshot.

“That was just my cousin's Candy Apple and Tarot. They do shows every friday for the goth ponies, and Tarot reads the cards for customers sometimes.” Pip explained casually as the couple descended downstairs into the family living quarters.

“Yeah, he’s the blind goat.” Picture deadpanned in irritation. “I’ve been living in Canterlot my whole life, I know who he is and what he does. But he just totally called me out!”

“Yeah, he does that.” Pip laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his head. “The good news is that means he likes you.”

“So you’re not gonna say anything about it?” Picture demanded as they stopped outside the door to Pip’s room. “You’re cousin just drops a bombshell like that, and you’re just gonna act like it never happened?”

“Well, obviously it’s not something you want to talk about.” Pip shrugged as he opened the door to a modestly furnished, windowless bedroom. “I figure we’ve been dating a while now, if that was something you wanted me to know, you would have told me. Sorry about Tarot though. He kinda knows everypony’s secrets already and sometimes he doesn’t seem to get that the rest of us even have secrets.”

“Well, it’s out now, I guess.” Picture flopped on the bed with a heavy sigh. “I guess that’s what I get for insisting we go back to your place this time. Look, it doesn’t matter anyway. I should have told you a long time ago. My parents are nobles. It doesn’t matter which house. It doesn’t matter because they disowned me a long time ago.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Pip laid a foreleg across her withers.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Picture huffed, then sighed again, and finally smiled. “I’ll tell you later, promise. Right now, we’ve had a good evening. We’re alone. Let’s just enjoy some ‘us’ time for a couple of hours.”

-=-=-=-=-

“Whatdoya mean cease and desist?” Type Set glared angrily at the imposing royal guard standing in front of his desk.

“The story, ‘The Astonishing Voyages of Silver Stars’ has been deemed unfit for public consumption and contrary to Equestrian morality.” The guard read over the notice in a dull, slightly embarrassed monotone. “In the interest of keeping pornographic materials out of the hooves of impressionable minors, Princess Celestia has hereby ordered that the publication of said story be halted immediately, and shall not be resumed at any future time.”

-=-=-=-=-

“Wow, how does he even do that with the cards?” Picture Perfect watched in amazement as the goat casually flipped a deck of cards from one cloven hoof to the other with a ease and grace that would shame the most practiced unicorn.

“They cards can tell you many things.” The goats words hung heavy over the audience. “The cards can deliver many gifts… and the cards demand their price! Who among you tonight is willing to… willing to?”

The goat paused, his head cocked to one side for a moment. At first the audience seemed to assume it was part of the show, but as the pause dragged on, quiet whispering began when finally Tarot Solitaire’s voice cut through the crowd, “Lights! Bring up the lights!”

There was only a moment of surprised and angry exclamations before the doors burst open. Six lunar guards entered lead by their stern captain. The guards took up positions at the door as the captain walked calmly up to the stage. Hushed murmurs passed among the audience as the Captain of the Night Guard exchanged hushed words with the goat. After a moment the goat nodded and addressed the audience.

“Ladies and Gentlecolts, please do not be alarmed, but there is a matter of dire importance and her Majesty Princess Luna’s guard have asked for my assistance. If you will keep your ticket stubs, we will be holding a special repeat performance tomorrow night. Captain Moon Phase has asked me to advise all ponies present to please exercise all due caution when returning to your homes tonight. If possible remain in groups of two or more, and be sure to keep your doors firmly locked and bolted.”

Gasps of alarm rang out, but the taciturn goat had nothing else to say to the crowd, instead walking directly to the Pip and Picture’s table and addressing his cousin in hushed tones, “Pip, I believe you may be of more assistance than myself in this instance, and by all means, bring the lady. Her talents would be sorely missed in her absence.”

Tarotius William Solitaire walked out the front door without a word, or even a glance behind him.

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