• Published 23rd Aug 2016
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The Pony Dreadfuls - No one is home

A series of stories about ponies. Dreadful in both subject and quality. Enjoy :)

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Chapter 44 - Murderous Villains and Conquering Heroes

“Um, your highness?” Sketch asked nervously.

“Just call me Diane.” The young changeling grinned. “We’re family now.”

“O-okay… Diane… why are we going to the castle?” Sketch finished her question. “I thought you said we didn’t care about what Chrysalis did in Upper Canterlot.”

“We don’t. Let their royalty fix that.” Diane shrugged. “But the rest of Noone’s ‘nobles’ are hiding in the day court. I guess they think I care about witnesses.”


Mandible was enjoying his job. How could he not? It didn’t really matter what he did, ponies loved it. He wondered why they didn’t just enlist the whole hive to faking Celestia appearances around Equestria. Of course he’d have to give up most of the harvested love when he got back to the hive, but it wouldn’t hurt if he enjoyed just a little for himself, right.

“Uh mandible…” one of his fellow drones whispered in his ear. “It’s the local queen, she’s at the gate…”

“Fast Change?” The changeling impersonating Celestia scowled. “She’s holed up in her hive. They are too love-starved to put up any resistance!”

“No… the OTHER queen…” The guard whispered nervously.

The court crier looked uncertainly at the scroll he had been given, but he knew his duty, and his duty was to announce whoever was on that scroll. “Here ye, the Princess Diane Contessa Bobessa Banana Fanna Fo Fessa Fe Fi Fo Fessa Pastel will now grace the court of the sun.”

The castle itself shook as the door to the court splintered in a magical explosion.

“I can too make doors explode, you owe me a milkshake, Sketch.” The evil queen sauntered into the room, her hips swaying and her scorpion tail swishing like a cats.

“What is the meaning of this outrage!” Mandible tried to sound regal as ponies descended into panic.

“Oh relax ‘princess’.” Diane grinned, showing off her shark-like maw. “I come with joyous tiding for all the ponies and changelings who were not in league with the nopony! None of you are going to die! But that gal right there…”

Diane’s tail wrapped around the unicorn mares throat and pulled her beside her, before turning Sketch and smiling. “Sketch, can I get a picture? I want to remember that look on her stupid face.”

“Please!” The changeling quickly dropped her disguise, eliciting gasps of shock from the assembled ponies. “You making a mistake! I was just part of the invasion. I’m one of Chrysalis’!”

Mandible’s heart froze in his chest. That idiot had just given away the whole show. Ponies were starting to panic in earnest, with murmurs of invasion spreading through the court. Mandible was just about to make a show of rounding up the “evil changelings” when the mutant brat leaned in to kiss the loud mouth changeling… and sucked every ounce of love out of her, leaving her emaciated husk to fall to floor. To the changelings of Chrysalis' hive who lived in constant hunger it was hard to imagine a more horrible death.

“You’re not a changeling, and you’re not a changeling.” Diane moved through the panicking nobility like an affectionate cat. “And you… wait…” She stopped to run her tongue along a nervous unicorn’s face. “Okay, you’re with Queen Stupid, so you get to live.”

The outed changeling’s ‘wife’ looked at him in shock when Sketch spoke up. “That one… Gold Brick. My uncle. He was working for the Nopony before this started. And... no…”

The changeling shuffled nervously, and the well dressed mare beside him looked at the approaching duo in terror. “Ph-photo Plate?”

“That hasn’t been my name for a long time, Gold Digger.” The yellow mare’s voice echoed with hate.

“I-I can explain!” The mare began to break down. “When the Unspoken Prince broke your father’s power… I… I mean…”

“Oh, at least face this with dignity.” The changeling beside her snapped as he dropped his disguise. “You didn’t even care that I was a changeling, or which side you ended up on. The love was sweet, the sex was fun, and we almost got away with it.”

“Most of my father's minions begged for their lives.” Diane smiled at her victim. “What’s your name?”

“Sting.” The changeling grinned. “I was your mother’s best assassin.”

A burst of magic erupted catching Diane off guard. It was only for a moment, but in that moment the assassin was on her. For all her strength and power, the older changeling had experience that Diane just couldn’t match, and for all her flailing, she just couldn’t seem to land a telling blow, all the while she herself was taking a brutal pummelling.

“You're worse than father ever was!” Sketch spat on her mother. “At least he had the dignity to accept defeat. You’re like a virus! You just move from one pony to the next, sowing misery and reaping wealth.”

“It’s called winning the game dear!” The older unicorn sneered. “If you hadn’t been such an ungrateful little slut you could have been living in luxury yourself!”

The marble bust slammed into the back of Gold Digger’s head, twisting it to a sickeningly wrong angle as it shattered. Sketch could barely see past the tears in her own eyes. She could barely even comprehend what she had just done. “You didn’t even mention Carrot Plate. You… didn’t even care…”

“I won’t fall so easy to your wrath, little queen!” Sting had managed to restrain Diane in multiple magical tethers. “Did you think I was just going to…”

The changeling collapsed, multiple little silver darts sticking out of his back. Diane pushed unconscious changeling and moved to her feet, searching the crowd until she had spotted her savior.

“You should leave before the others arrive.” Samantha smiled at her young friend.

“Come on Sketch.” Diane nodded, taking a moment to bring her hoof down on the skull of the assassin with finality. “We’re done here.”

As they quickly made their exit amid the panicking throngs of fleeing ponies, Diane could hear Samantha cheerfully interrogating ‘Celestia’. "Go on, let's see the real you. Are you larger than normal, or changing to be this size? It must be very tiring."

“I- I killed her.” Sketch sobbed as they ducked into an alley.

“We killed a lot today.” Diane stretched. “Also a spot of arson, and we’re currently usurping the power from the Princess of Changelings, which I’m pretty sure is treason. Welcome to the darkside. We have cookies. They're my mom’s recipe… Surprise I mean, not Madame Butterfly but that’s probably pretty obvious.”

“We just killed three ponies in front of the entire court.” Sketch began to panic openly.

“Well, at least half of the witnesses were invading changelings. And it was such a panic, I don’t think anypony even noticed when you bashed mommy dearest’s skull in with a bust of Celestia.” Diane draped a hoof over the older mare’s withers. “I didn’t even know you had that in you! Relax, there was an impending pitched battle, those always scatter evidence.”

“I’m a murderer.” Sketch sobbed.

“Actually you're more like an accessory to murder.” The young queen noted. “You know, kind of like murder’s turquoise pendant. Oh come on that was funny. Relax, at the time it all went down I was the only member of Royalty who wasn’t either captured by changelings or in hiding. I’m pretty sure I was the reigning monarch at the time, so it wasn’t really even murder. Well, we’re here…”

Diane stopped suddenly as they rounded the corner. “Get behind me Sketch…”

A gathering of ponies, griffons, and even a few changeling drones armed with a variety of makeshift weapons milled around the abandoned warehouse that served as the Shadow Hive’s base of operation.”There she is!”

“Well, I always knew it was end in a lynch mob sooner or later.” Diane’s voice was grim. “I’ll buy you some time, Sketch, just run.”

“No, I’m not going to run out on a another little sister!” Sketch braced herself for the onslaught.

“All hail Princess Diane!” Moth moved to the front of the mob, which abruptly broke into raucous cheering. “All hail the savior of Decanter!”

“Hey, sis!” Thirteen’s cheshire smile bobbed along in the air. “We conquered Decanter! Oh, and I met this really cute minotaur, and we made out and I think we’re going steady now. That’s kinda a joke because his name is Steady. He said he was a friend of yours but that you weren’t going out or anything and he didn’t think you' be mad.”

“You conquered decanter?” Diane repeated tonelessly.

“And I’m dating a really cute minotaur. Geez, weren’t you listening.” Thirteen giggled. “Hey Sketch! Did you and sis have as much fun as we did?”

Author's Note:

:pinkiegasp: The Shadow Hive is triumphant.

:fluttercry: But poor Sketch is scarred by what she's done, and she knows that sooner or later there will be consequences.

And lets not forget Fast Change. She's not going to be too happy about any of this, I can't imagine...

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