• Published 23rd Aug 2016
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The Pony Dreadfuls - No one is home



A series of stories about ponies. Dreadful in both subject and quality. Enjoy :)

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Chapter 6 - Second Date

“I hate to ask this… I really do…” Picture Perfect made every effort at avoiding eye contact. “Which pony is you, the slightly goofy magazine intern, or the hard boiled detective”

“I don’t know, both?” Orange Pip replied, “They’re hardly mutually exclusive.”

“You’ve been telling everyone at the office for months that you live in your aunt’s basement and run errands for your family!” The mare glared as she made her accusation.

“I do. We slept there last night,” Pip’s voice was tinged with confusion. “I actually took you on one of the errands.”

“You didn’t say that your aunt owned the biggest lunar bar in Canterlot!” Pic countered crossly, “And this is what you refer to as an ‘errand’?”

“No, this is what my family refers to as an errand. Most aren’t this interesting, but Tarot threw me a bone.” Pip corrected the unicorn mare.

“And he thought I'd enjoy this sort of thing?” Pic raised a critical eyebrow.

“He wasn’t wrong,” Pip shrugged with a smile, “After all, you didn’t run off, and we’re going to a wake for a Minotaur neither of us ever met.”

“It’s an interesting second date, I’ll give you that,” Picture smiled dryly.

“Uh, we’ve had more than two dates,” Pip pointed out in confusion.

“Well, it’s the second since I found out about your little hobby,” Pic teased.

“Technically, The Dreadful is the hobby, I get paid for my family errands,” Pip pointed out.

“Focus Pip,” Pic rolled her eyes, “We’ve got to socialize with the friends and family of a murdered minotaur… speaking of which, does the lack of minotaurs seem odd to you?”

“Well, it’s well known that Rock Solid was a single father with a taste for quadrupeds.” Pip walked casually through the room. “It’s possible that his family objects to his pony loving ways. But one would think the circumstances would mitigate any bad feelings.”

“Hello, I don’t think we’ve met, Solid was a great guy, He’s going to be missed.” A massive cloaked pony loomed over the pair. Beneath its hood there was a strange movement of it’s lower jaw, accompanied by an audible clicking. “Please excuse my asking, but how do you know the deceased? I hate to ask, but we’ve had problems keeping out the press.”

“We are the private investigators hired by the lunar guard Mister Pastel.” Pip bowed slightly before the massive, robed figure, as Pic’s eyes nearly bulged from her head. “I am Orange Pip, and this lovely lady is my marefriend and business associate, Picture Perfect.”

“I see, well, it hardly seems an appropriate time, but if it helps catch whoever did this…” The giant trailed off, looking down at the floor for a long time before continuing. “If there’s anything I can do to help, send word via the changeling guard.”

“If I could bother you with one question, sir,” Pip asked with an awkward smile, “I can’t help but notice a distinct lack of minotaurs, what with this being the wake for a well known member of the race. Did Mister Solid not have any family at all beyond his son?”

“I suppose it’s a fair question, given how he died, follow me.” The giant walked away without bothering to look to see if the two ponies followed.

“Pip, do you know who that is?” Pic whispered frantically.

“I wouldn’t be much of a detective if I didn’t,” Orange Pip whispered back. “The cloak isn’t really much of a disguise. Most likely to spoil any pictures the press might try to take on the sly. His size alone is enough to identify him. And besides, I addressed him by name. Obviously I either recognized him, or I’m as simple as a foal.”

“That’s the Unspoken Prince, Pip,” Pic hissed through clenched teeth, “You can’t just address him like some grocer in the Decanter Market!”

“Actually, Miss, I prefer to be addressed by my married name when formality demands a title.” The pony turned his massive head to face the comparatively diminutive mare. “I never asked for the title of Prince. I am a simple baker’s husband, a human who fell into the games of Immortals and became this thing that I am. Discord demanded that I be afforded the title of royalty when the Princesses up on The Hill decided to put a crown on the human they turned into an alicorn. To be honest, I find the whole affair embarrassing.”

They entered a well, but modestly furnished sitting room. The creature that was almost a pony gestured to two chairs while he himself settled his haunches on the floor. “There are no Minotaurs attending the wake because Rock Solid had no family in Equestria other than his son. Like myself, he was a former human. Like all humans in Equestria, he was brought here by a mysterious entity that always appears as written words.”

“Yes, the text, I've heard the stories…” Pip mused, “And if they are correct he was given a choice of what he wished to bring with him, and I assume he chose to bring his infant son.”

“Very astute, Mr. Pip.” The beast nodded solemnly, then explained. “Rock Solid was a widower back on his human world, yes, before either of you ask, there is more than one. He asked to be sent to a good place to raise his son. He arrived in Decanter about 14 years ago, he never said but I assume it was Celestia who transformed them both. She seemed to have a soft spot for poor Solid.”

“Hmmm, if he’s been here that long it’s unlikely that he’s been targeted by enemies from his home world, then.” Pip looked thoughtful, before pulling an ornate pipe from his saddle bags. “Do you mind if I partake, I find it clears my thought processes quite nicely, and you’ve given me quite a bit to think about.”

“Just keep it in this room, and if your smoking anything good, I could use a couple of puffs myself.” Mr. Pastel let out a heavy sigh and an agitated clicking drifted from beneath his hood. “My daughter and Solid’s son are close friends. He’s been staying with us since his father disappeared. The tabloids have been all over us.”

Author's Note:

And Train Wreck makes an appearance, because this IS a spin off of Awkward conversations. :pinkiecrazy: I'm back. I'm sleeping on a friends couch, and all my worldly possessions now fit in four carry -on bags, but I'm back baby! Yeah! :pinkiehappy:

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