The mission was supposed to be simple. Get in, get information, survive. Above all, do not break cover. She didn't realize how hard the last part would be.
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- Member Since 30th Nov, 2011
- offline last seen March 12th
Cloudhammer
I never make mistakes. I thought I'd made one once, but I was wrong.
Cloudhammer
Joined 30th Nov, 2011 ·
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Humans in a story with no human tag?
~Leonzilla
7401172 I was operating with the impression that unless human characters were directly involved, the human tag wasn't required. Added.
yowch
EDIT: Let me expand a little. That was creepy as all hell. The POV character knowing she couldn't do anything was probably the worst part. She's as effectively part of the hive as Stardust, when you think about it.
That was creepy...
~Skeeter The Lurker
7401195
Kind of pointless to say there are humans since they serve no bigger purpose to this little story.
7401195 I wasn't sure about that either, hence why I added the question mark.
I found the story to be very straight forward. The main focus of it seemed to be the loss of one's identity.
It could definitely be expanded.
Or shortened if you wish to better draw attention to the main idea as there were a couple things in there that didn't seem to support it much.
What I do suggest is to put the flashbacks in italics. Because at first I thought that the two scenes presented were happening simultaneously without that.
Also,
I can not imagine a way one would end up not surviving, but still managed to keep one's cover in this situation.
But in the end no pony technically died unless you consider losing ones identity the equivalent of death so I guess I can see that in one way it makes sense that survival would be seen as easier than remaining in cover..
~Leonzilla
Wow... Luna's plan failed spectacularly... that's at least two lost to the hive, with the hint that all of them will be...
Very nicely done. The warm up only made you think the cover was just that good, until you realize the implications of not only Chrysalis' words, but also the recurring words...