I got up even before farmer's hours that morning, since while my business in Ponyville was done, there was still one more equine I wanted to visit before returning to Canterlot.
From what I had been able to gather, Zecora was still at the stage where she was visiting Ponyville once a month, and all the Ponyvillians still feared and misunderstood her. I didn't remember exactly when the episode introducing her had been broadcast compared to the others; or even if the broadcast order was the order that events would unfold in. And I definitely didn't know what would happen if I deliberately tried to use my knowledge of events from the show, rather than merely of characters from it. But before they'd erased their memories about it, the Princesses had agreed that it would be worth the risk to at least fiddle around the edges; not to try to change events, but to try to gain some useful leverage, so as to better build up our knowledge and resources when we eventually faced the mysterious power(s) who had dropped me here.
And so I had brought a couple of copies of a particular tome from Canterlot. One was now discreetly tucked into the shelves at Twilight's library - and the other copy was tucked into my saddlebag.
I wasn't sure how dangerous the walk to Zecora's was going to be. The zebra herself seemed to thrive quite well, well into the show; but it was still in the Everfree Forest, and I couldn't assume that I had any sort of plot immunity. So I took what precautions I could think of - I made sure several cows and ponies knew my intended route and estimated timetable, and assumed that the trip would be at least as dangerous as walking downtown at three in the morning.
By the time I made it to the patch of poison joke, I had managed to relax some. I really wanted to get some samples of the blue flowers to experiment with - but with magic involved, it wasn't safe to assume that simply avoiding direct physical contact would avoid their curse. I was planning on bringing up the topic with Zecora, if things went well.
Other than scaring myself silly a few times at what turned out to be entirely innocuous noises, I arrived at Zecora's hut in good order. During the latter part of the walk there, I tried to think about her perspective - why she did what she did, what she might be hoping to gain, and what I might be able to do to help her gain it. I also tried to reason my way through what I thought I knew about her, but from the perspective of her being a living, breathing person instead of just a cartoon character. For example, my thoughts on her rhyming went something along the lines of: As a cartoon, it's an amusing verbal tic. But if it's something she really does... people don't do things without what they consider good reason. Speaking in rhymes likely takes a lot of time and practice, and so the subjective reward would have to be worth all that effort. But people - especially pony-type people - also like to think of themselves as good, who do good things for others; so maybe she does it because she thinks she's doing us good by doing so. I can't really think of any actual demonstrable benefit others get from hearing rhymes, so maybe... it's a subjective benefit? Is she trying to make us feel good by doing so, by, I don't know, it being some sort of demonstration of respect? Say, that words are important, and so putting extra effort into making words rhyme shows that you are willing to make your words count?
Therefore, upon entering the clearing, I called out,
in as clearly enunciated a phrase I could shout,
"Hello the house, and hail the home!
Is someone here, or have you gone to roam?"
From within the small domicile, soon, by and by,
came her response, a shouted reply:
"Welcome. Welcome! To my humble abode.
What brings you this far, down this lonely road?"
"I seek knowledge, and wisdom, and all that good stuff;
and having heard of your appearance, I got off my duff."
There was a brief pause, some clanking and sound
I couldn't guess at, like nothing in town.
then the famous zebra opened her door and stepped outside.
She was smiling - and at that, so did I.
"Then greetings to you, my honored guest,
won't you come in and take a brief rest?"
"Thank you, good mare, and I humbly accept.
I've been walking here steadily, since I last slept."
She led back within, giving me sidelong glances
as the two of us settled into comfortable stances.
"I admit to surprise, to receive such a visitor.
Ponies' reactions to me have made me quite insecure."
If she was willing to use that as a rhyme, I wouldn't complain
This was, after all, her culture, her home and domain.
"I have reason to believe that response will not last;
and that their respect for your skills shall be unsurpassed."
"I wish I could believe that you speak the truth,
that I need not return to the land of my youth."
That would be a bad thing - if Zecora left now,
it would throw the entire timeline out of whack with the show.
"Please do not worry, my hostess, good mare;
I don't want your tail to droop on your cute derriere."
She gave me a sharp look, but I plowed on, oblivious,
that my words might be interpreted as a come-on lascivious.
"I bring you a gift, to help cheer you up,
I hope you agree, when you examine it close-up."
I nudged my saddlebag open with my mouth and my nose,
and gently pulled out the tome I'd picked to disclose.
"Are you sure you wish to part with such a fine-looking book?
And not use it yourself, these recipes to cook?"
"I must sadly admit my reading skills suck.
More good would come if you into its pages do tuck."
"Then thank you, my dear, this is a well-chosen present -
your thoughtfulness gives me a feeling most pleasant."
"Before you believe me to be too altruistic,
I also come here for reasons opportunistic."
"You did mention a search for wisdom and knowledge;
I can teach certain things, but am not a college."
"'Tis not just a student to be, I've a notion,
but I have some problems I hope can be improved with a potion."
"And what sort of draught do you come here to seek?
Do you wish to lose weight, or enhance your mystique?"
"Nothing so ordinary is what makes me shudder.
Instead, I wish to have control over my udder."
"Ah, I see; your kind's milk does indeed
control most parts of the life of your breed."
"It's not as great a problem as once I did fear,
but still an annoyance I'd like disappear."
"Is it simply to dry up your flow that you wish?
Or is there still more to your kettle of fish?"
"To stop, and to start, and if you can help with
any feminine problems I can't even name forthwith."
"Perhaps in the name of being clear what you mean,
'tis time, from the rhyme, yourself you should wean."
"Are you sure? I assure that if you prefer
I'll demur and will concur for these rhymes to occur."
"Please,
cease."
I took a breath, and when I let it out in a small laugh,
glad I no longer had to worry about gaffes.
Zecora joined in, and with the ice broken,
we took the time to make all our thoughts spoken.
She considered, and consulted, and checked her herb guide,
and told me tomorrow to return where she did reside.
I said that in that time I could send for a package
to be sent from Canterlot, amongst the train's baggage.
If there was something she wanted from the pony's own capital,
such as rare plants, or references typographical.
We parted with smiles, and I returned on the trail
I'd gone on that morning, and relief I did exhale.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But the tail of a lizard, and statues of deer.
My heart, into my throat it did leap,
as I shouted for help, and tried not to weep
as my hindhooves took on a solid gray shade
and as my legs turned to stone, I trembled, afraid
that my quest now would end, my death now arrived.
My flanks, then my ribs, all the way up my neck,
there was nought I could do the progression to check.
I had no escape from this petrifying trap,
And the last thing I thought was, simply, "Cr-!"
I hear a lot of people dislike using Zecora for her rhymes. You've used her, and made every line besides hers rhyme as well. That's impressive.
What's also impressive is you've managed to avoid the battles and 'loading...' jokes which have been used perhaps a bit excessively in the many stories in the series.
795973
What can I say? Once I started going, I was just having too much fun to do it any other way.
796002 Excellent. Best way to write, probably.
affordablehousinginstitute.org/blogs/us/wp-content/uploads/brilliant_681.jpg
Sadly, I must admit to having only skimmed the chapter once the rhyming began, It was just too irritating to read.
Okay, I've been thinking about this premise, and I realized that actually, this kind of rationality Missy's been using doesn't necessarily apply, because it can legitimately be said that there's an extra-natural force at work here influencing Equestria. Namely, you as the author. It's kind of a conundrum.
797870
That's fair enough. I hope that you can at least manage getting the gist of the final paragraph before I post the next chapter, otherwise it'll be fairly confusing.
798326
Actually, that very problem is fairly old hat for rationality, though it's usually described in somewhat different terms.
798819
I'm familiar with that argument, although I don't see how it applies here. Is it just an argument against the supernatural in general?
807778
Not quite; it's against using the term 'supernatural' as a curiosity-stopper. If Missy exists in a reality in which beings from outside her standard three-dimensional space can affect her, then even if somebody calls those extra-dimensional beings 'supernatural', that doesn't mean that Missy can't gather evidence about those beings' actions, analyze that evidence, and make predictions about what future experiences she can expect.
807801
Well, I'm not trying to use it like that, it's more about the specific nature of this particular supernatural relationship. I contend that it's possible to arrange things so that Missy cannot, in fact, gather evidence about your actions.
807858
We may be using somewhat different definitions here - which is just one reason among many to get a good grounding on, say, Bayesian Probability. It is said that a butterfly flapping its wings can cause a storm; when you see the storm, how far back can you trace the causality, and how widely? You may never discover that one particular butterfly - but you can still calculate that, based on the evidence currently available to you, there's an 82% chance of 32 millimeters of rain next Tuesday.
807858
807870
"Any sufficiently analyzed magic is indistinguishable from science." Basically, magic follows laws, those laws usually do not exist in the same world-view that human scientists use to justify things, but the fact that they exist in itself proves that something can be explained. If something can be explained, than it is technically science. What most people generally refer to as "magic" (in the sense that it cannot be rationalized due to its nature) is in fact a "miracle" which is something else entirely.
As the good Doctor once said: "Sometimes things in the universe just happen, with no reason or explanation or cause and we call those things 'miracles'. I haven't seen one yet, but this might just be the first!"
Moving on, that rhyming was AWESOME!!!
816209
So, Pinkie Pie is a miracle?
825876 By my own logic? Yes.
795973 HEY! The Loading joke is a staple of the Chessverse!
Thena gain, Missy seems too keen-minded to have those moments where her brain emulates DoS
I have found within me a never ending well of enthusiasm for this story and respect for the author. I was referred here by way of the Methods of Rationality website, and in every way this tale has failed to disappoint me.
Udder of god that was amazing.
2525551 This is udder madness!
Pinkie Pie your the Best 👌 while Zecora thank you for the knowledge 😀