• Member Since 29th May, 2012
  • offline last seen May 26th

NameGoesHere


One of these days, I'll fix that off-center text in my avatar.

E
Source

He's planned this for months. At last, his takeover will begin. Unfortunately for him, his plan is kind of terrible, and he's launching his campaign right at the home base of Equestria's newest, and arguably most dangerous, princess. Or perhaps the word ought to be "fortunately," instead.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 6 )

This was good :pinkiehappy: The only problem is that seafood pic you have is making me hungry.

7036841
Well, I hope you find something delicious to sate your hunger.
And thanks, I'm glad you liked it. :twilightsmile:

7036881 Welcome. I'm gonna eat popcorn shrimp.

Is that a paella?
It looks pretty good except for the mussles.

This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors

Name of the story: Ponyville's latest "threat"

Grammar score out of 10: 8 (I noticed a few errors, but it was generally great.)

Pros:

Surprisingly interesting story. I'm interested in seeing how it ends.

Very funny.

Well paced... However...

Cons:

That said, pacing in chapter 2 felt rather rushed.

I feel you went overboard with the motor mouth moments.

The short length of the chapters left me really wanting more.

Notes Section:

Okay, I'll admit, I'm new to reviewing stories. I'm more used to giving reviews on movies. So if this review is a bit lacking, sorry!

For starters, the pacing in chapter 2 I feel suffered from the overuse of the motor mouth moments. Once was fun, but the other two times felt unnecessary. Especially with Seafood Dinner explaining his back story (reading it was made rather annoying). However, that's just me.

As for the chapters length... I feel that's 50-50. On one hand, I do enjoy that they're brisk and don't overstay their welcome. On the downside, I'm left feeling like there's missed potential to give Seafood Dinner more development. Perhaps even some emotional moments.

On the upside however, I laughed quite a bit. The initial interaction between Seafood and Twilight was great and I do want to see how this story ends.

Overall: I'd say most of my complaints come from the second chapter. If this review isn't what you'd hoped for, it's the first time I've taken the time to review a fanfic. So, again, sorry. That said, good job. A little rough around the edges though.

7050271
Hey, don't worry about it. This is actually more or less exactly what I was hoping for, so thanks a bunch. I really appreciate the feedback.

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