Shining Armor has many problems. First he's a Reaper for the council of Nox Eterna, the governing body over this world of night. It's a job he hates. Second, he suffers from headaches that can make him practically useless for long periods of time. Third, he has no memory of his past other than what he's been told.
He's had enough and is ready to pack it all in and head into the Everfree himself until a new foalnapping case crosses his desk. It's something he cannot allow. The one last detail that he needs to attend to before he enters the Everfree.
Can Shining Armor save this young foal and make it to the Everfree or is he doomed to a life and death in the shadows?
Volume 1Ponyville: An Act of Kindness
Volume 2 Ponyville: Two For My Baby
inspired by Sin City.
great fanfic
7036608 Well, thank you for the nice compliment! I hope that when it's totally completed it continues to meet with your expectations!
I like the hook at the end that draws us in and points toward what might come next. I also like the overall mood you establish! Cadance seems to be portrayed as "young and innocent" for the most part, but she hints that she's not necessarily completely either, which is interesting.
There's some heavy telliness in the middle section, though; especially in the part where Shining and BB first meet up at the office, and again in Shining's confrontation. Basically the whole relationship between Shining and the villain is established through a series of asides which disrupt the flow of the narrative, and which IMO don't quite make it clear how the relationship works. (He's evil but also Shining's boss? I can see how you're trying to hint at that possibility by the part at the very beginning, but I don't know if that's presented clearly enough right now to get the point across.)
I think some minor editing could probably help clarify all that. But overall I think this is building to something interesting and I'd like to see more.
hope to see more
7106549 Oh I'll finish it. I've just had that combination of being lazy and distracted with non-writing stuff that has kept me from finishing it. I'm glad you've enjoyed it thus far though!
A very cool, moody chapter! Digging the mistress of the dark here (I'm partial to the concept of course
), though I have to wonder why she seems so restrained when it's clear that she wants to go for the throat.
The only questionable thing I noticed in here were some oddities with comma usage. In some cases, they seemed either missing or misused.
7455077 Ah comma splice my old friend... there's an ancient Equestrian saying about punctuation being being the flavor of the soul... well there is no soul in this place.
In all seriousness though I'm miserable about comma splices and I'll probably have to dig out whatever book I have on proper comma usage at some point if I still have it.
As far as why she doesn't go after him well ... there are reasons for it. At one point I'd intended to do like 5 of these stories and ultimately it'd be explained.