• Member Since 5th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 10th, 2023

Prince_Morningstar


T

This story is a sequel to Krampus comes to ponyville


Celestia has noticed the dark cloud that hangs over head on her kingdom and also on the faces of her subjects. It is up to her to come face to face with the monster that started it all last heartswarming day however instead of waiting for him to come again on this heartswarming eve she shall wait for him on Krampus night to finally settle the score.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 4 )

Alright. So I see that you have more words, and less chapters. Let's see how this ride goes this time.

6817286 servay says crap, i've really put my all into this and i tried to be a bit more descriptive.

Editing is fun.


"Marry hearts warming to all an dark night."

So, first words.

"Merry Hearts Warming" Okay, Marry =/= Merry. Be sure to keep this known.
"To all an dark night" Improper sentence is improper. I'm not even sure what you were going for this.


Celestia will soon be forced to deliver an tribute or risk an riot. She will offer up an tribute but it will not be what Krampus excepts,no she will look right into the eyes of the Holiday devil and set things right. Hopefully then Ponyville will go back to the way before Krampus came and changed everything for everypony.

Since I'm not as evil as I seem. I'll rewrite this sentence for you.

Celestia will soon to deliver a tribute, or risk a riot. She will offer up a tribute, but it will not be what Krampus expects. No, she will look right into the eyes of the holiday devil and set things right. Hopefully then Ponyville will go back to the way it was, before Krampus came and ruined it all for everypony

I like how your grammar has improved, but you shouldn't use 'an'. It sounds improper when you read it out loud. "Celestia will soon deliver AN tribute." Doesn't sound right, neither does "or risk an riot".

Also, excepts =/= expects. Could be just a typo though ;)


I've gotta stop here, but I'm only scratching the surface. Be sure to proof read, my friend!

6817301

As long as you continue to put your all into it, you can get better.

Survey*. And be sure to capitalize your i's

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