Troy is, or was, a ordinary 13 year old, aside from the fact that his family abused him, which, having a mum, dad, two older brothers and an older sister, is more hassle than a 13-year-old should have to put up with, so when he ends up in Ponyville, surrounded by six pastel coloured ponies, he honestly couldn't ask for a better present.
Rated t for violent scene's | Chapter with swearing will be marked with an asterisk*
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Chapters (11)
Not a bad start, although I will tell you that you might need a better short description to grab your readers. (Not the one on the story's main page, but the other one.)
that description sounds like Rarity except the "indigo coat" thing.
Pretty good so far. Just one small correction indigo is blue not white. (Unless Rarity died her coat.....I wouldn't really put it past her)
Good story, just a few grammar problems.
should be:
should be:
I'll keep an eye on this.
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7215042 that's me constantly thinking of her mane, I just had a thought when I was writing about how curly my hair was and how i get told at least once a day that I should get it cut haha
7215069 Thanks, i do re-read my works but comma's and capitals still end up being my biggest downfall
This story interest me...I've got my eye on this one...
Nice one, you got my like and fave!
7775534 Thank you, and I will!
Well. For one of the stereotypical "human goes to Canterlot and ponies (probably nobles) the audience likely doesn't like are racist for no reason so they can be safely humiliated" things, this was rather tame.
I hope it stays like that. That's often done in a really cheap and lazy way.
Oh caught them having some "fun"? That scarres him for some. About the Device, destroy the damn thing before it causes more damage!
(Cleares throat) good work
More please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, that "system" needs to go down
T-bone, hackers, System? Once I read that, It reminded me of Watch Dogs and Watch Dogs 2, but also of the System in Metal Gear 4
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I'll confirm it, this was a massive reference to Watch_dogs 2, I just completed yesterday and lost an entire 24 hours to it at one point so it's quite prominent in my memory plus this got me out of a situation later on
7829760 I completed the story a few days ago, A good game but the final mission is disapointing compared to the final mission from the first game
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I wouldn't know, I couldn't get into the story of the original game. Also, something I forgot in my last comment: Putting a guy called T-bone in was a complete accident, I just went with the first gang-type name I could think of and it was that.
7829876 But still a good idea
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Quick straw poll: Should I have a schedule?
http://www.strawpoll.me/12016476
NOTE: If I have to adhere to a schedule, this story will not be updated until all its chapters are finished. it will take about 2-3 months minimum, at max, It'll be a Christmas gift for this year.
EDIT: Schedule decided upon, (though not by the poll as it evened out!) Every Sunday, a new chapter will come out.
7838419 Hmmm.
I find that my ideas tend to fall into place in their own time, but that's just my thought about it. You are, of course, free to set or not set a schedule.
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That's why there's a warning about it stopping until December. I feel evil going at one point here's two chapters 3 days apart then 3 months till it continues. Plus it may ultimately be better in the long run cause all (well, most of) my free time goes into this story. Couple that with getting ready to (properly) finalise my patreon page and that I'm sticking with my FiMFiction stories as the entire selling point of said page and then a schedule, while maybe not necessary, could be handy for keeping ahead of posts there.
Everything hinges on whether or not readers care, and I thought it should signify that with a straw poll.
Thank you for taking a few minutes to vote, though!
7838506 Oh, oops. Sorry, missed the link
7838579 Oh, it's fine, I simply thought you had voted as there was one vote in and you had put up your comment about keeping the erratic schedule which was the same as the vote.
7838675 I did.
I voted chicken
Of course Blueblood thinks Troy is a danger and has to ruin the day
Sometims I wonder how such a idiot can even be in the Royal Family
*Looks left then right and whispers.
First
And holy shit that law is xenophobic as hell.
The death sentance in equestria?
no way? Impossible!
7870006 Xenophobia? in equestria?
What gives you that notion...
is he getting adopted?, while I don't exactly enjoy the idea of him being sorrounded by the main six again, I still like it even if I would enjoy some unusual Backgroundponys for a change.
7906491 you've seen this idea before? could you please tell me where as I couldn't find any stories like this when I checked.
You mean adopted by one of the Mane 6 look for A New Home or the word Toby you should find it soon enough it's a flutter adopt there's also a Luna adopt as well
7906802 thank you for informing me, I will have to check it out.
Many times. But i must say that was a brave act for a Boy of his age. And I can imagine that he would be a good member of the cmc
7906758 Maybe I have still a few in my favourites.
Do you ask more for adoption stories with one of the main six and a Human child, or are you just asking for a Human being in Equestria and close friends with the main six?
I don't know how many I have in my folders, but I search for some if you tell me what you want to see.
I have a few adoption stories since they are one of my favourite topics here, but I'm not sure how many Human adoption stories happened that where good enough for me to put them into my favourites.
As long as they still have muh to speak in order to really getting to know the other one, then I don't mind the 3 days timeskip. To me it is only important that there is no timeskip in order to skip the actually bonding that is supposed to happen between a few characters.
Otherwise I can't say much about it till now. You haven't overdone it with the bad parent stuff till now, there is nothing bad as far as I can tell and well I guess it is a solid first chapter.
please tell him he is going to be crazy. I hope it is Discord, because I hate it if they get a voice in their head. Most of the times the story is somehow messed up in the end.
I can't say I wouldn't somehow show my resprect, but somehow the bowing always happens to fast or to me it looks like they take it to serius.
I just think I only would act with respect and without to bow down.
Honestly I don't believe they always have to do that there. I was a bit suprised how they already knew about him and maybe a bit annoyed that it happens already.
I guess it is Celestias and Lunas or Lunas good cop, bad cop moment.
7777284 well I agree with that.
Wasn't he supposed to be there alone? I knew at least one would have to be there to actually do the test, but now both of them are there with him?
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I agree, that sounded and probably was more painfull than Celestia was ready to admit there.
While an attack maybe was a litte bit to much, I hate it that they make it look like Luna is the only or the major bad guy again. Twilight should have tested it or look about what maybe happens.
Not sure if it is because he is still a kid or because they are not my favourite characters, but I didn't needed that image in my head.
Well I just didn't expected it in this story, not that it would be a problem beside them not being my favourite shipping either (canon or not).
Maybe the way I image it in my head is at fault, but sometimes such actions look rather weird if I think he maye waited that long till he suddenly walked to a walk and screamed once.
It probably really only is the way I image it, if I think about it a bit longer than I can at least actually image it happening.
Nice story, but even if I can't explain it, a weird creature like your Nightmare guy there, can always end up good, but pretty bad too.
Now it's hard to take a side, maybe he just knows how it is to feel bad, but I can understand Rarity and wouldn't even believe that she means something like that without knowing how they well work together?....(not sure if "work" was the right word for what I meant there).
I'm only talking about him looking at Rarity like she was the worst again.
okay the timeskip of doom, has taken away most of the bonding moments, or scenes that well only work out the first times they met.
I'm talking about scenes that would work like a first episode in an anime. I guess you coulld even say it is weird to start with the 5. episode.
oookaaayy that is pretty much what I was talking about earlier.
could she sense his magic or whatever power he has?
In my eyes your story has many moments that are even actually pretty funny, but then it is doing something like this. While that is not bad, I somehow always have a ....huh?.....moment, more about why are they suddenly acting like that.
the only thing that is left to say, not sure if I understood that she was walking into the forest, I honestly thought she was running into her room. Maybe I missed something I don't know.
7908944 perhaps there are some things I could establish better, however, there is one thing I wish to clear up. a few of your criticisms came from the notion that this was going to be a completely happy story. it won't be. as for bonding and time skips...well you'll see why in a chapter or two.
7909068 Not sure if I described everything good enough, since I know I can talk...and talk...and talk, but I guess your not so wrong about me not noticing that it would be a not so....err happy story?, however I think I mostly ignored the "drama" part, or didn't noticed it.
That maybe wouldn't have been if I would have remembered that tag.
I'm just curious why you said that in exactly that of my comments. I mean at least here :
I mean at least here, i wasn't exactly asking for it to be happy, but more talking about how I see the situation. I just want to be sure, because I know that not everyone always understands right aways what I mean. (I think it is because I sometimes don't get the gramar right or just talk to much, instead of waiting for questions and answering after that.)
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Oh, I forgot that one. I could explain this one better in the story I suppose. I didn't mean he thinks rarity is the worst, just that her actions could be better controlled. I meant for it to be a look of mild disdain, not anger.
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mother? if you reply put everything in spoilers
7924573 oh sorry wrong story i m reading like 20 stories a the same time and i m becoming confused between all of them