My nice day has been ruined.
First story, might suck. There are going to be more stories after this.
There will possibly be a sequel to this.
I am Dalton and I'm enjoying a day to myself. Basically I'm just sitting at home doing nothing but watch tv,YouTube videos, and talking on the phone with my friends.Today I'm doing my usual routine when I have the day to myself. I'm sitting in the living room, I get up to go get a drink, after I went back into the living room. I turned the tv on and changed it to Family Feud. When suddenly, I hear a strange noise, that sounds like it's coming from outside. It made me jump from hearing it So I look out all the windows upstairs to see what sound was, I saw nothing around outside that caused a loud noise. I took one last look in the windows, still nothing. So I went back into the living room and continued to watch Family Feud. Then the loud noise returned, I got up and I was about to look out one of the window's in the house when a noised caused me to turned around and I saw something forming in my living room. Out of curiosity I walked towards it to see what it is.
"What are you", I asked it.
It then started to suck me into it. I tried to fight it, but it kept on pulling me in.
Then within seconds it pulled me all the way in, then it caused me to black out.
I finally wake up, look around, and then I realized I'm not at home anymore.
"Whether I'm at, I'm going to find out", I said to myself.
For my luck I was already near a town, so walked into town. Before I went into town, there was sign that had the name of the town on it. It said:
Welcome to Ponyville.
"Wait this place sounds familiar", I thought to myself.
I then realized,"wait am I in the tv show of My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic", I thought to myself.
"This ain't good", I said to myself.
Then I got an Idea.
I should go to the princess that live's in this town, Twilight Sparkle.
I started to walk through Ponyville just thinking to myself, "this can't be real".
I thought no one was in town but I was wrong, there were ponies everywhere, I got strange looks from the ponies in the town. Some ponies slowly started to back away from me while I was walking.
I finally get to my destination: Twilight's Castle, I knocked on the door to see if she is home.
It took some time before somebody came to the door, to my surprise it was the princess herself who answered the door.
She was about to say something but stop when she saw me.
I broke the silence by saying, "uh.....hi".
She said, "Hi, I don't mean to be rude but are you and how did you get here".
I start explaining to her what I am, "I am a human from the planet Earth and I got by a portal appearing my living room and sucked me in and now I'm here".
She started to think of an idea, then she came to a decision and says,"until we find a way to take you home, you might as well get comfortable. How about I show you to my friends, so can have some friends while your here, oh and my name is Twilight Sparkle: The Princess of Friendship".
"Cool, just call me Dalton", I said.
"Well it's nice to meet you Dalton", she said. She stuck her hoof out, I hesitated for a second then I slowly put my hand around her hoof and I shook it, slowly. "Alright let's go show you to my friends, follow me", she says. So I followed her to our first destination.
At this point I was thinking this wasn't a dream anymore, I still went with the flow, so I won't lose my mind.
Our first destination was a apple farm.
We entered and we saw the pony Applejack bucking apple tree's.
"Hi Applejack, "Twilight said.
"Hi there Twil-," she said but stopped once she saw me.
There was another long pause, before Applejack finally speaked up.
"Uh...Twilight who is that", Applejack said to Twilight.
"Applejack, this is Dalton, he's a human from the planet called Earth, he suddenly appeared here by a portal taking him away from his world, and since he doesn't have any friends here , I decided to show him to my friends".She explains.
"Well it's nice to meet you sugarcube", she said and put her hoof out for me to shake it. I put my hand around her hoof and shook it.
"Well it's nice to meet you too Applejack, is it Applejack". I said but making sure. She nodded in approval, "okay just wanted to make sure, it's nice to meet you".
After a bit of chating, me and Twilight were on our way to our next destination.
Our second destination was a building that look like a gingerbread house.
For fun, I asked Twilight," is that building edible".
Twilight looked at me then giggled, "no it's not and if it was it wouldn't be here, because everypony would eat it from the walls down".
We both started laughing and then entered the building to realize that's it's a bakery.
"Oh this is a bakery, I thought this was a house". I said.
"It looks bigger inside than it is outside, but there are bedrooms upstairs for the ponies who work here, and the ponies who work here are Mr and Mrs Cake and there two foals". She said.
"Oh okay, thank you for the info Twilight". I said.
"Hey Pinkie Pie". Twilight called out.
"Yes Twilight". She said but pop up out from the ceiling, scaring me and Twilight both. "Ooooo what is this". She said pointing at me.
"Pinkie Pie, this is Dalton he's a human from the planet Earth, since he probably won't be going home for awhile, I decided that he should have some friends while he's here". Twilight said.
"It's nice to meet you Pinkie Pie". I said to her.
I stretched my arm out and formed my hand into a circle shape, so she can put her hoof in it, and grip it. She put her hoof in, I grip on to it, and I shook her hoof.
"Ooooo what's this". Pinkie said while looking at my hand.
"That is my hand pinkie, I don't have hooves like you". I explained to her.
"Ooooo cool". Pinkie said.
"Alright Pinkie, i'm going to show him to the others, i'll talk to you later". Twilight said.
"Okay, see you later". She said.
We walk out the bakery and I ask Twilight a question. "Twilight, where does Pinkie live". I said to her. "She live's with the cakes". Twilight said."Oh okay, upstairs I hope". I said. Twilight nodded her head for confirmation. "Okay". I said and finished.
Our third destination was another business from the looks of the building.
I asked Twilight. "I'm just curious, is this another business"? Twilight nodded.
"Yes, this is a boutique". She says.
"Cool". I say back.
We then enter the building and I hear a lady like voice in another room yelling out, "who is it"?
"It's me Rarity". Twilight called out.
"I'll be down there in a minute darling". The voice called out.
A few minutes later a pony comes from another room and says, "yes Twilight". It was exact same voice from a few minutes ago.
Twilight was about to explain before she jump and started screaming saying, "WHAT IS THAT".
Twilight explained again, "this is Dalton, he's a human from the planet earth, the reason I'm showing him to you is because he probably won't be going home anytime soon, and he needs some friends while he's here".
"Is he friendly". She asked.
"I wouldn't hurt anyone here. I'm just confused and nervous, and what is your name"? I told the mare.
"The name's Rarity and there's no reason to be scared of us. Because we won't hurt you either, unless your an evil thing then it's up to Princesses and The Elements of Harmony to take care of it". She explains.
"Cool and what is the Elements of Harmony"? I said
"I'll tell you about it on a different day". Twilight said to me
"Ok, oh I almost forgot, it's nice to meet you Rarity". I said and stretched my arm out for her.
She hesitated for a second, then she slowly started to move her hoof, and hesitated again and said, "what is that".
"Rarity that's my hand, I don't have hooves like you". I explained to her.
"It looks strange dear". She says and looks at it confused.
"Just put your hoof in there and we can shake, I promise I won't hurt you". I reassured her.
She slowly put her hoof in my hand, I form it into the shape of her hoof, and I slowly shook it. "Oh my, this doesn't feel bad at all." She says.
"See I told it wouldn't hurt". I said reassuring her.
"Ok Rarity i'm going to go show him to the rest, i'll talk to you later okay". Twilight says
"Alright i'll see you later Twilight, oh and goodbye Dalton". She said to Twilight then me.
Me and Twilight wave back to Rarity then left.
Next up is our fourth destination.
From the looks of the place it was just a house, not another business like the last two.
We enter the house and from the looks of it, it looks like a petting zoo for little animals.
"Hey Fluttershy". Twilight called out.
"I'll be down there in a minute Twilight". A voice called out.
I decided to look around the house and admiring all the details. Then a pony emerged from upstairs and says. "What do you need me for Twilight".
"Fluttershy, this is Dalton, he's a Human from the Planet Earth, since he'll won't have any friends here, I decided to show him to my friends". Twilight explained.
Will he um hurt anypony or......me". She said.
"I might look like something that can do harm, but i'm telling you now, I will not hurt anypony here, unless there evil and they cause harm to me that evil thing will get hurt". I proclaimed.
"Okay, thank you". She said back. "Oh, I almost forgot, i'm Fluttershy".
"Well it nice to meet you Fluttershy". I said while holding out my arm, so she put her hoof in my hand. She slowly put her hoof in and I form around her hoof and then I shook her hoof, slowly.
"Well um it's nice to meet you too um Dalton". She said back.
"Were you doing something Fluttershy". Twilight said.
"Oh no Twilight I wasn't doing anything, I just went upstairs to go get something". Fluttershy said.
"Okay well i'm going to show him to the others, talk to you later Fluttershy". Twilight said and we both started to leaving the house waving back at Fluttershy.
"Ok, bye Twilight". Fluttershy said and waved back.
I think we're about to go to are final destination.
"Were does this pony live". I asked Twilight.
"I think she is probably laying on a cloud somewhere, let's keep looking". She says back.
After Fifteen minutes of searching, Twilight found her. "Hey Rainbow Dash". She says to a cloud with a rainbow tail.
Then a pony emerges from the side of the cloud, flying, and says, "yes Twilight".
"Rainbow, this is Dalton, he's from the planet Earth, since he doesn't have any friends here, I decided to show him to my friends". Twilight explained.
"Cool...", then there was a long pause between the three of us and she lands and says. "Is he something evil". She said.
"No i'm not evil, I won't harm anypony, unless it's a evil creature".I proclaimed.
"Is he serious Twilight". She says while looking at Twilight.
"Yes, I promise, he's good, he bonded with the others, so I was thinking you should too".She promised.
"Well, if he is good, then it's nice to meet you, what's the name again". She said.
"My name is Dalton". I said.
"It's nice to meet you Dalton". She said and flew up to my line of sight and stretched her hoof out to shake it. I did so and I shook her hoof.
She look at my hand and said. "Is that a hoof". She says.
"Well it's call an arm, but the end, where i'm holding your hoof , is my hand". I explained to her.
"Oh, I forgot, your not a pony, but it looks cool though". She says.
"Well thank you, what is your name". I said to her, curious.
"My name is Rainbow Dash". She says.
"Well thank you Rainbow Dash". I said to her.
"Well Rainbow i'll talk to you later, I need to show him where he'll be living for now". Twilight says to Rainbow.
"Okay Twilight, i'll see you later". She says while waving at us, we waved back and we were headed to my (temporary) home.
Me and Twilight walked back to the castle and entered. "Now you are going to be living in one of the spare bedrooms for a little while, oh I forgot to show you to Spike".She says.
She ran into a different room then she had a baby dragon in her hooves and Twilight said. "This is Spike". Before I could say anything, Twilight started to explain to spike, who, what I am , and my name is, Spike knew everything about me and why i'm here within seconds. Spike has hands, but I think there suppose to be claws, so there's something new, and we've bonded very fast, just like the others.
But Spike warned me, "If you try to replace me, I will hurt you. You may seem harmless Dalton, but I will make you more harmless".
I reassured him, "I'm not here to replace you, so don't even think that, besides I would never do that". After awhile it was time to get ready for bed. I went into my bedroom, got inside the covers, and within a few seconds I was sound asleep.
My bedroom door opened a little bit and Twilight peeked inside to notice i'm sound asleep, and then she says, "sleep tight Dalton". She then closed the door and she went to bed herself, along with Spike.
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I'll give it a look over. The title could use some punching up.
If Spike tried that stuff with me, I'd punt his scaly ass across the room. Assert my human dominance!!!
not too bad for a first story
6780499
If you want to reply to someone's comment, click on the ">>" icon.
6780632
Thank you.
6780298
This is my first story, so I can accept that, I'll be working harder on the stories, and thanks for the advice.
That's the same name you have. What a coincidence!
Why is this important? Were the protagonists' favorite artists/songs that essential to the plot?
Heh heh, plot.
Being dragged into an interdimensional vortex is really, really boring.
Methinks Twilight is a bit too accepting of this strange alien who just appeared out of nowhere. For all she knows, he's a parasitic lifeform whose only goal in life is to wrap them unsuspecting creatures in cocoons and lay eggs in their stomachs.
"It didn't matter that this was an unfamiliar bed, or that I was trapped in a land of technicolor horses, or that I might never see my friends and family again. I just closed my eyes and before you know it, I was sawing logs."
6780700
I'm going to making a sequel to this in the future. But for now, let's just say that everything seems fine, but then I come to realization on how bad it is.
I decided to put my name into this because this from my point of view what "might" happened if I got sucked into equestria.
The music mentioning part was something i'm planning on reconsidering at this point, I might just delete that part out.
Me yelling "crap" 3 times was I idea I had if I was fighting back, but I'm failing terribly.
With Twilight being calm about a random creature appearing in Equestria, well I was thinking she would be calm. Not killing me, screaming at me, launching me a thousand mile's, using the Elements of harmony against me, and not caring that i'm here or will help me out
That cutoff where spike was talking to me, I forgot to space it out and add more to it.
And thanks for letting me know about the things you noticed in the story. It's my first story so I hope I improve in the future.
it should be ''Is he serious Twilight''. She says while looking at Twilight.
this is pretty good for a first story, all though you should have had them freak out a little more :P
Good for a first try and worth practicing more but definitely needs a lot of work.
Don't give up, don't settle, Develope it!
Very... generic HiE/self-insert story, but that is not necessarily bad. Cliché and generic things are such because they work quite well and/or are used often. Cliché things are things used to the point they feel overused. Generic things were used to the point of blandness, but they aren't actually bad, just need a little spicing up. What could spice this up is a good sequel.
6781878
Remember, a good sequel.
6781610
You know, in one sense, any fanfiction can be considered a self-insert, since you, the author, are playing the role of every single character in the story. Adding a new character, whether from Elsweyr, Metro City, Foo, SR-388, or your mind is a way to give the author an avatar to use to interact with the others you fantasize about. One with a good imagination and strong knowledge of the characters can 'render' such grand tales that others would love to read, like Pen Stroke and his Past Sins (it became an actual physical book). The self-inserts that people remember hating are usually ones where said self-insert is 'awesome', easily makes friends with the main 6, then somehow becomes vital to the world he/she wasn't from in the first place. That formula isn't bad, just simple, and used too often for many readers. And so, diamonds are hidden in the rough.
Make sure this story becomes a diamond, author.
6781918
I will be releasing a sequel in the future. I'll try to make the story better.
6780739
Thanks. It's good to see that there are still people out there who can accept criticism.
6783816
I can accept criticism to comments on stories.
You need to stretch out the story and the expressions of the characters. Speaking about expressions, the Mane six don't act like them in the show. They seem boring and dull. I dunno, just try to focus more and elaborate more on each character. Good story though...