I write short romance and adventure stories. I post update blogs. I've been a Brony ever since July 2014.
I was having a nice day until a portal appeared in my living room, then it sucked me in, and now I'm in this world of talking ponies, with no way back home.
My first story. It might suck.
Sequel coming soon.
1/2/16- Edited some things that need to be fixed.
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I'll give it a look over. The title could use some punching up.
If Spike tried that stuff with me, I'd punt his scaly ass across the room. Assert my human dominance!!!
not too bad for a first story
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6780632
Thank you.
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This is my first story, so I can accept that, I'll be working harder on the stories, and thanks for the advice.
That's the same name you have. What a coincidence!
Why is this important? Were the protagonists' favorite artists/songs that essential to the plot?
Heh heh, plot.
Being dragged into an interdimensional vortex is really, really boring.
Methinks Twilight is a bit too accepting of this strange alien who just appeared out of nowhere. For all she knows, he's a parasitic lifeform whose only goal in life is to wrap them unsuspecting creatures in cocoons and lay eggs in their stomachs.
"It didn't matter that this was an unfamiliar bed, or that I was trapped in a land of technicolor horses, or that I might never see my friends and family again. I just closed my eyes and before you know it, I was sawing logs."
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I'm going to making a sequel to this in the future. But for now, let's just say that everything seems fine, but then I come to realization on how bad it is.
I decided to put my name into this because this from my point of view what "might" happened if I got sucked into equestria.
The music mentioning part was something i'm planning on reconsidering at this point, I might just delete that part out.
Me yelling "crap" 3 times was I idea I had if I was fighting back, but I'm failing terribly.
With Twilight being calm about a random creature appearing in Equestria, well I was thinking she would be calm. Not killing me, screaming at me, launching me a thousand mile's, using the Elements of harmony against me, and not caring that i'm here or will help me out
That cutoff where spike was talking to me, I forgot to space it out and add more to it.
And thanks for letting me know about the things you noticed in the story. It's my first story so I hope I improve in the future.
it should be ''Is he serious Twilight''. She says while looking at Twilight.
this is pretty good for a first story, all though you should have had them freak out a little more :P
Good for a first try and worth practicing more but definitely needs a lot of work.
Don't give up, don't settle, Develope it!
Very... generic HiE/self-insert story, but that is not necessarily bad. Cliché and generic things are such because they work quite well and/or are used often. Cliché things are things used to the point they feel overused. Generic things were used to the point of blandness, but they aren't actually bad, just need a little spicing up. What could spice this up is a good sequel.
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Remember, a good sequel.
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You know, in one sense, any fanfiction can be considered a self-insert, since you, the author, are playing the role of every single character in the story. Adding a new character, whether from Elsweyr, Metro City, Foo, SR-388, or your mind is a way to give the author an avatar to use to interact with the others you fantasize about. One with a good imagination and strong knowledge of the characters can 'render' such grand tales that others would love to read, like Pen Stroke and his Past Sins (it became an actual physical book). The self-inserts that people remember hating are usually ones where said self-insert is 'awesome', easily makes friends with the main 6, then somehow becomes vital to the world he/she wasn't from in the first place. That formula isn't bad, just simple, and used too often for many readers. And so, diamonds are hidden in the rough.
Make sure this story becomes a diamond, author.
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I will be releasing a sequel in the future. I'll try to make the story better.
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Thanks. It's good to see that there are still people out there who can accept criticism.
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I can accept criticism to comments on stories.
You need to stretch out the story and the expressions of the characters. Speaking about expressions, the Mane six don't act like them in the show. They seem boring and dull. I dunno, just try to focus more and elaborate more on each character. Good story though...